The Hateful Eight That’s Heard
When you speak, this is what we actually hear. We hear the words but the effect differs. You say the words in bold but beneath is what we really hear you say to us.
- I Love you
I admire you. I adore you. You are a god. You are a prince among men. Nobody does it better. You are a king, an emperor, a champion. You are everything that I have ever wanted. I would wither and die were it not for you. I want to be with you forever. I want to worship beneath you and give thanks minute by minute that someone so scintillating, so special and so brilliant as you would choose me to be by your side. I will give you sweet, potent and invigorating fuel now and forever. I am bound to you now, do as you will.
- Please leave me alone
Stay and punish me. I am disloyal and a traitor. I have wronged you on so many occasions and I deserve everything that I get. I am weak, pathetic and disgusting and I am amazed at your generosity in remaining with me. I have failed you and I am so unworthy I wish to crawl into a hole and die there but I ought to face you and accept my punishment because my treacherous behaviour deserves nothing less. Continue to berate and denigrate me and reinforce why you are so much better than me.
- Why are you doing this to me?
I am challenging your right to treat me like this because I am suggesting that you are not entitled to do this. I am making it plain that you are not superior to me and you have no basis for behaving like this. I am trying to make you feel small and weak because I am disloyal and I am always looking for ways to stop you getting fuel. I am a traitor, a fifth columnist who is seeking to bring you down and topple this empire that you have created. I am criticising your entitlement. Do you hear that word you hate so much? Criticise. You need to carry on and punish me.
- What would you like for dinner?
I am trying to irritate you by suggesting that I do not already know. I am doing this because I am suggesting that I do not think ahead, plan and second guess to cater for your every need. Do you know why I am suggesting that? Do you know why I am pretending that I do not already know? It is because I want to strip you of your special and superior status. Yes, this is another of my seditious acts which is designed to make you think and feel that you are losing your power over me. It’s working isn’t it? You are feeling weakened and you are wondering what other treacherous acts I will engage in. Why don’t you lose your temper and throw something about? That will show me.
5. I think the blue shirt looks better on you
I am telling you that your choice of the red shirt is a bad one. Do you know why that it is? It is because you know nothing about clothes and fashion. In fact I am going further than that because I am actually telling you that you know nothing at all and I know better than you. Yes, can you believe it? Little old stupid me knows more than this supposed god that stands before me. How does that make you feel now eh? I love doing this. I love to challenge your choices and make you appear stupid next to me, a person who is apparently useless. Does this hurt? I thought so. That is why I do it because I am trying to destroy you with comments like this. I think you should storm out of the room and leave the house for a couple of days so I know who is in charge.
6.There’s something wrong with you
I am on to you. I know what you are. I know there is something rotten in the state of you. You are warped, evil and not the person you make out to be. I am not fooled any longer by your showmanship and I am going to tell everyone about you. I know the truth of what you are. Oh I know, how can I know when I am the one who has the problem. I know that I’m really the crazy one and I do nothing but make your life hell, but I am trying to brush that under the carpet by suggesting that you are the oddball, the maniac, the fruit loop, the kerazy wild-eyed freak. How dare I do so when I am the one that is obviously ill and needs help. I know I do but I like to play this game with you but it’s okay, you should go and tell everyone else what I am doing again and why not arrange for me to see a doctor too to give it a real ring of authenticity?
7. Please don’t leave me
I am weak and pathetic and useless. I should have known better than to fail you. I will do anything, anything at all to make you stay with me. You can treat me even worse now. Do what you will to me, I am nothing compared to you. I should be punished for my transgressions because I am so pathetic compared to your greatness. I am nothing without you. You have given me everything and like a spoilt child I have been so ungrateful but I need you. There I have said it. I need you so, so much because you are fantastic and you do so much for me and I am just a horrible person. You can treat me like dirt because that is what I deserve but why not ensure I get the message by walking out and staying away for several weeks without ever getting in touch. That should show who is boss shouldn’t it?
8. It is over.
Well I have said that but that is not what I meant. I meant I am an idiot and I say things which I do not mean because let’s be honest, there must be something wrong with me if I want to be apart from someone like you, someone so special, kind and wonderful who has only ever tried to do the right thing and someone who has only ever had my best interests at heart. I don’t mean it really. I am just doing it for attention, but I need you to tell me why I should stay and it would be great if you cried a bit too, just to make it look like you are really upset by me telling you it is over. Go on, squeeze a couple out to show me you really are human and can be hurt by my horrible threat. Oh and don’t be concerned, I know you finished it first.
14 thoughts on “The Hateful Eight That’s Heard”
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Your blog is invaluable to me. Absolutely fascinating. Thank you.
Thank you Reversed, I am pleased to read that and thank you for letting me know.
Damn, next time I will skip the brevity and just tell you what you hear instead. Thanks…btw, the white shirt makes you appear dashing. Just thought you might want to know.
This is a good post to ponder on. A couple of these are actually more or less in line with my own thinking, or were more or less what I was thinking at the time. Just exaggerated, maybe.
Number 4….hahahahahhah…I recall a fight over asking #4. Thought I was being thoughtful. So, this is how that went down:
I ask him #4 and he said “you never know what you want”. We go looking for restaurants and we determine a general food selection: no Italian (his request) and no Mexican that night (my request). He then decided to give me two choices and I was fine with it as I was not terribly hungry. So I choose….he drives by the restaurant I chose and goes to the other one (An Italian at that !?!). Not that I gave a rat’s tushy, but really?
This is quite comical and it does resonate.
I did get the impression that the narc thought I ought to be incredibly grateful that he allowed me into his ‘inner circle’, that he deigned to allow me into his life. It felt like he thought he was doing me a favour.
When I was the one to walk away and say actually it was best I kept my distance, he was absolutely furious, then turned it all around onto me saying I was harassing him!
Is it completely true that the narcissist has to be the one to ‘end’ things, as in control the timing and the means of the ending? (I’ve read that it’s not actually an ending as we might understand it, more like being put on ice for later).
It is being put on ice and in our minds we are always the one who decides, after all, you are an appliance that is switched on then put on stand by. We usually try and dismantle the off switch.
This has a delightfully cheeky element to it, which I adore!
This is so spot on, in terms of what we hear. You think you`re saying something innocent and that it`s really no big deal. But now you know. Now you know exactly what we hear when your words fall on our ever so perceptive ears.
I felt, thought and even said aloud “what you really heard” …he did enjoy it so, my self hatred, my admittance to being a wreck, to not deserving him, I mastered at taking blame. Oh sure there were times when I would call him out, he knew though, it would be a few hours and I would fall apart, “No baby, it’s me, I’m the one that messes everything up, if I hadn’t done this, or if I didn’t think like that, oh hell I wish I didn’t think at all, I wish I could be more like you!” He would smile, so sweetly hug me and tell me “don’t be so hard on yourself, it’s okay, or he would look at me with pain, and tell me “You make me feel like a monster, is your life that bad, that you feel so miserable? All I do is work, and I hate my job, and I do it for you and the kids, and for you to be so depressed is a slap in my face.” I knew he appreciated the self hate even as he said this, I could almost hear him…good girl…good girl, I am good you are bad and to blame, yes you know your place…fall apart all you want, but make sure the house, kids, and I am clean, save that self torture for the night hours and hide it, hide it well my pet. And I would crawl into his arms and thank him, where would I be without him? I am so lucky for him to put up with me, I’d praise him, adore him and so we danced some more…
Omg these are exactly spot on & its as if my narcassit were the one writing what I just read! I can’t thank you enough for this blog! I look forward to seeing these blogs about 3 times a day & they are so very very helpful! Its crazy how each day the readings deal with my own personal situation! Thank you for your words they help me cope and stay focused on my no contact no fuel! Because as we all know when you’re in the discard pile and have become just another used appliance and the narcassit has announced its over…its NEVER really over!
You are welcome Dennia.
Oh I can’t wait to tell him I prefer his red shirt next time I see him !!
Scoundrel.
😃