Fuel Me Once
Fuel is the very thing that I must have. It is through fuel that I function and exist. I regard all emotional energy as sustenance. A lack of emotion causes me considerable concern and this will ultimately result in my detachment and me seeking the same from an alternative and more reliable source. There are those that suggest that I derive fuel from certain inanimate objects, for instance, status symbols. I drive an expensive car, wear the tailor-made suit and live in a large house and all of that apparently provides me with fuel. It is true that we covet these things as they accord with our sense of entitlement. They also enable us to demonstrate to the wider world our success and achievement. We crave such materialistic representations of success. However, my kind and I do not desire the Rolex watch, Ipad or diamond encrusted mobile telephone in themselves. We want those items because of the responses that they create in other people.
Those who see us drive by in a Bentley convertible invariably stand and stare open-mouthed. That reaction to our prestige provides us with the fuel we need. The admiring glances that we draw when we walk through the department at work in one of our excellent suits, provide us with fuel. The compliments we receive for the style of shoes, the holiday cottage we own and the extravagant party that he have laid on are all sources of fuel to us. Inanimate objects are the platforms for the provision of our fuel. Whilst some people will marvel at our choice of motor vehicle, there are others who will express jealousy and envy. Those reactions are most welcome as well. The cutting comments that accompany a green-eyed stare are lost on us. The words evaporate because it is the emotion that is bundled up inside those words and the baleful stare that we want.
Our fascination and reliance on the inanimate object and the part it plays in the provision of fuel does not end however with what you may regard as traditional inanimate objects. The most effective inanimate object which provides us with fuel is you. How can we regard a person as an inanimate object? In the same way that the words in a scathing comment dissipate as we seize on the emotion, the identity of those providing us with fuel, slips to one side as we savour the fuel that we can extract. Those of you who we seduce and draw into our world where we can draw deep on your fuel stand to be regarded as nothing more than an appliance. We see no person. We recognise no identity. We see a machine that has one purpose and one purpose alone. The provision of fuel for us.
236 thoughts on “Fuel Me Once”
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Hey HG,
Looong question —
Do some of your kind (probably Greaters with the better self control?) deliberately hold off or avoid an immediate replacement of the primary fuel source and coast for a bit on secondary and tertiary sources?
How long could you go without a primary fuel supply?
Or, do you just keep her well hidden — in a longer secret seduction phase but to you it’s a given it’s your primary source and doesn’t that bother her that the new bursting love is not officially outed? I was thrilled when the (as yet unknown) narc went public with me because it turned the dizzying fantasy into reality — or so I thought lol …
No one is appearing publicly with my ex yet and he’s posting lots of solo-only activities online … All the pics of us are still on his social media too, weird, and we have been split as a couple for more than a year …we are smooching in one and in a beautiful romantic pose in another (but yup, he removed MY fav photo of us promptly after we split for good, back when I cared)
I’m wondering if he is trying to hold off showing off the new supply in order to appear more normal post our breakup since we are middle aged and the number of ‘crazy’ exes he’s had is really starting to add up lol.
I gave him a bit of a scare after I discovered NPD as I told a friend of his he had a personality disorder and she believed me — but her partner was what you call a lieutenant lol and the lieutenant shut that down quickly, colluded with him and they immediately turned the personality disorder in my direction haha no surprise, right? Silly me (I could care less but do wish I’d learned not to share the NPD thing as a moral public service lol — I read your books too late for that advice to keep my discovery to myself)
(Yes I got punished with a brutal discard after that even though we had only been ‘just friends’ at that point)
But I keep waiting for the new ‘primary’ target to emerge to see if she is an old friend or a net new supply.
Due to his work he has dozens of secondary sources of prominent / popular people who fawn all over him AND he also was involved in a huge smear campaign against a co-worker at the end of our relationship so is that enough fuel to coast for a bit? He didn’t win that smear campaign but I would only call it round 1 lol — he’s very determined / hasn’t let up on this person but he didn’t try to get back with me after he lost that smear campaign so there must have been some fuel around somewhere …
Fast forward six months later …
He definitely seemed to be trying for a relationship with one of his clients but when I tipped her off because I felt worried for her safety (I discovered she’s actually quite narcissistic so was a bit fooled again / surprised — maybe a strong secondary source as she is famous?) Anyway she insists ‘no way’ was she or would she ever be with him romantically) but I have proof of a strong attempt on his part and her giving him her extended time … so an affair at most but not looking like a primary source as time goes by… I like to think I dissuaded her somehow — me and my fantasies right? Haha …
This baffles me…
Everything else fits like a narc / NPD glove with him but no visible replacement after a year post breakup and three months post no contact from me ….
He is still very good looking and really charming etc etc but While with me, he physically let himself go — he gained a lot of weight and could make his face look really old and tired and wrinkly — I now believe he did this on purpose to gain sympathy if he blamed ‘horrible’ me for this decline in his appearance because …. post breakup he has TRANSFORMED in just a few months — had laser eye surgery, lost the weight (it was a lot) coloured his hair from grey to brown and is once again heavily immersed in sport — a stunning turnabout frankly — So you’d think that would all be for the new target, ya? Yet no one is appearing on the scene …
Is he getting fuel from the accolades to his sudden self improvement?
Is his target someone much younger? The target before me was in her twenties and then me in my 40s and I remember how he told me he hadn’t been ‘serious’ with anyone for two years before me because he wanted to be ready for a real commitment lol but in fact his relationships prior to meeting me was similarly an on and off arrangement with her then me as a primary source and whomever else he mixed in to that … He and this ex before me became close friends post their breakup (yup, huge triangulation after on me) but she never discovered his hardcore NPD…
Post breakup with me and before I learned about NPD I was trying to be friends too but he still did the sweet mean thing on me and that drove me bonkers do the friendship never took root (and he blamed me for us not getting along)
So I figured that after his ‘final’ big discard of me this past summer, he would further the blow with the appearance of the new primary source.
Nope!
Any ideas what the heck he is doing and could it be a long distance relationship? Can a primary source be someone physically far away?
I’m just so fascinated by your kind — now that the utter heartbreak and abuse has subsided lol — it’s just good ol codependent truth-seeking lol.
This is even making me break no contact with him to see how willing he is to engage with me and he is — the activities he is agreeing to and proposing (not sexual) are overnight trips etc and a new girlfriend would never agree to that — so prior to my contacting him, where the heck is the new intimate partner and how the heck is he getting enough fuel ??
HG what’s the longest you’ve gone without lol and why, if ever, would you wait?
Thanks for your insight and for those amazing books — keep writing and I’ll keep reading!
FuelforLove
Hello Fuel For Love,
1. We would not deliberately hold off on securing a replacement unless there was some reason to do so. A primary source is very important to us. The Greater of our kind can rely on secondary and tertiary sources of fuel for longer.
2. How long could I go without a primary source for? Several weeks.
3. Somebody can be the primary source without the world being told, if the situation requires it.
4. With your ex he will have a primary source, but she is being kept hidden from view for the time being. The retention of the pictures will be for the purposes of triangulation with her to make her try harder and also to provide a staging post for hovering you -(“I kept the pictures of you because that’s how much you mean to me”) it is also done because he knows you will keep looking on his socialmedia and those pictures maintain a presence in your mind about him.
5. His hiding of her may well be for the purposes of the façade.
6. Why are you interested in who the new primary supply might be? It is irrelevant to your progress.
7. He clearly has plenty of secondary sources so that a new primary would not have been needed immediately but this would not last for a year. He might be promoting one of these secondary sources to a primary for a few weeks so he gets the fuel but is not interested in parading her, then he switches to another promoted secondary source for a short while and keeps moving around them in that way.
8. The appearance change is both as a need to gain a new primary source and also because he has that primary source and wishes to retain her.
9. Yes, he will gain fuel from the accolades.
10. His target’s age is relatively meaningless, it is the fuel which matters.
11. As mentioned, I think he is bouncing back and forth between promoted secondary sources(who you see as friends of his but behind the scenes they are more) you are expecting to see him with a new person, a new girlfriend and seeing her paraded and this expectation is probably causing you to miss what is going on right in front of you.
12. A new girlfriend may not agree to the overnight trips (although you do not know for sure) but a longstanding friend who has been promoted to a primary may well do.
13. There is a primary source, you just have not been able to spot her.
Thank you for your kind comments, there is plenty more to come.
Thank you HG. Xxx
Hi HG , I don’t really care whether your 35 or 95 . What would interest me is whether the good doctors have mentioned any age in terms of this all starting , disacosiation ? Or what age are you stuck at ?
Hi Lisa, an excellent question. Yes this something that has been ongoing with the good doctors but it appears that there is some complexity. They have explained it appertains to an unrelenting environment which has impacted on my development which is turn has been hugely exacerbated by three key events. This is still very much a live issue and will be covered in due course but a highly pertinent point you’ve made.
Have you learned of any of the key events yet HG? Don’t want to know what they are! Just if you have learned of any. Xxx
Yes.
HG,
“Will be covered in do course” Are you really going to reveal that? Are you going to talk about the 3 key events and publicize? If you are, I’m totally gobsmacked. Being the defenses you’ve held so long, the only way to reveal is to let creature out and examine him. Sounds like you let him out, he’s dead and you’re dissecting him. If that’s the case, you’re my hero. If not your still my hero. I do have a question. If they have explained it, do you believe it? If yes, then won’t you have to choose to remain Narcissist? You will understand how it came about and where they failed you. Total mind blower. I knew you were coming along, you could see it in your writing, but I didn’t imagine you were this far. You are Brave my friend.
It is an ongoing process and will be the subject of further blog articles and in particular certain books. Thank you for your kind words Persephone.
We have learned that although Narcs project their superiority, we all know now what lies beneath is dualing emotions of envy and jealousy driven by insecurity and shame. This was instilled in childhood with extreme feelings of rejection that lead to future fear of abandonment issues with new, close, intimate relationships.
What I found both heartbreaking and compelling in something I recently read, is that what distinguishes the difference in spectrum between a NPD and one of MN, is the MN experienced being debased, brutalized and humiliated as a child.
Between MatriNarc, Uncle Peter and your meek, passive father turning a blind eye for his own self-preservation, I cannot begin to fathom what you endured…because whatever it was, The Creature was born from it and probably harnesses all those experiences and acts along with the grief of your loss of a childhood never fully realized or dealt with.
If the philosophies of Carl Jung ring true, you will only keep recreating scenarios that your subconscious needs to release like a skipping record.
I so strongly wish for the essence and spirit of Little HG to find his voice and be released. To be validated, celebrated and earn some well-deserved protection a long time coming, with no chance now of you feeling rejected for it.
Thank you for your sentiments Clarece, you will learn all about what happened to me in my childhood in the forthcoming works.
And I will read all of those. Like I said once before, I don’t want you to be a bad man doing a good job. I want you to be able to proudly say you’re a good man doing a great job.
I’m obliged Clarece.
I’m curious to know more about this childhood….
Was the physical abuse?? Emotional?? Psychological?? Sexual??
What sort of things were you subjected to as a child to make you apparently feel this way HG??
If you won’t answer the 2nd question, can you possibly still answer the first??
You will find out CJ in forthcoming works.
If you want a flavour for what I have experienced, read “Love is a Taught Construct” which if memory serves was posted at the end of June just before you burst onto the blog!
Haha…. ok.. I will make sure to go have a look!!!
Cheers HG!!
No problem.
HG,
Would these 3 events cause you to get a tattoo with 3 bands as a reminder?
No
Hmmmm….Okay, I believe everything you say chief.
He won’t bc identifying marks.
Correct.
Happens sometimes. Mind if I ask a question and a follow up on the speak up post? It won’t be pretty.
You already did ask a question, but feel free to ask as many as you like.
I know. Where u been girlfriend?
Vaca. It actually stresses me to go on vaca. I’m gonna start callin you HG’s muse. 😉 lol. I also see he has turned quite Jungish in the personality type arena. Have you done the 16 type query?
Are you asking me or Perspehone,1 jaded?
Yes back in 2008. Read the books please understand me one and two. I’d have to go back and look to see what it was. Have you ever done the Gary smalley test. I scored evenly across all four. The one I tend to pull out the most?….it will be obvious.
Don’t stress too much we want you back refreshed and ready for action.
Hi Lisa,
I’m not sure about HG…. but i was personally first diagnosed at the age of 15…. starting displaying behaviours etc though around 12/13 as far as i know??!
The ADHD however was diagnosed at age 10 but had been showing my whole life.
Don’t know if this helps you at all… fingers crossed!!
Cheers!! (Oh and getting to your comment with video link u left on mine over the weekend!! Have been quite unwell im sorry!!! Hope this finds you well!!)
– CJ
I visualize him as being tall, at least 6’2″, with dark rich brown or hazel eyes as so when he let’s the demon out they turn a dark black so you can’t see where the pupil and iris begins or ends. This is easier to have happen with darker eyes.
He also should have a full head of wavy dark brown hair, with skin like porcelain. Seems to go with the rich, deep velvety voice he has.
This is my visual, my story and I am sticking to it. Oh! and of course, ageless. Yes, the fangs, they are there too.
Curious as to how my fellow victims see him.
After reading this feed, I will venture a bet I am the oldest on here. But I am ageless. But I can be whatever age that is called for when need be.
I will venture that HG is ageless too.
Good call.
I’m guessing 30-35. Going on hints i had read in your books. Wasn’t that the homework assignment from confessions? To draw a mental picture of you and send it to you? So here’s mine: 6′. Light brown hair. Blue eyes.
Yes I forget that you have differences because US and Britain have a “special” relationship. It’s almost like your American. I will go research b4 responding….I’m learning right?
Oh we are just airstrip one these days.
I’m going with 38 bc it’s an amazing age😎
Isn’t it just? I am looking forward to it.
No way. If that is you holding the notebook, nope.
me too…in a month
Now I know that you are coming, I will (order a minion to) bake a cake.
So thoughtful, HG…so thoughtful!
Chop me in half and you will see Thoughtful Fellow through my core.
Or inside your wall. Just finished Fuel…it exhausted my mind! Now I know why DN kept me around so long…I was wracking up his fuel #s every day to the max. I’ve said this before but I think my affair allowed him to score so much negative fuel off me over and over again that he absolutely loved it….or should I say “fueled” off of it. Still have a ton of questions but we have some time.
Ask away Alex.
When, in your next life!!!
Some people will believe anything or write any thing they are told too lol…obviously the testier he gets on age, is closer to the exact age….anything under 47 is wrong. women get accused of having issue telling their age, Narcissists are worse, it seems.
1jaded1″ where did you come in with that specific age and timeline? My CN turned 47 this year….that would be interesting, indeed.
Hi PM. I made fatal errors with respect to his year number age. Like with the date switch thing that he does, I forgot that UK school is different. He could have been 15 in his penultimate year of a certain film release. The film release date is also off between US and UK. So, I can be two years off or ish if HG was really born in a year to see the first release of the film. Idk if he saw a later release of the film. If so, he could be under 40. I remember seeing it at the theater in the first release, so projection.
With respect to 11 months and change, HG alludes to Sept. 1909 can be Sep 19. It can be 01 09. Maybe Sep is the month he was born or maybe he just wishes he was born in that month. Maybe he was born in a year that he lived his teen years in the 80s and not just wishing it. I’m done guessing. 🙂
He is timeless.
Which film were you talking about, yes, I commented on the film Alien, once he said he was too young to have seen, but anyone can watch it on DVDs or movie channel etc. I didn’t mean when it was released at cinema..yes, so that is true regarding film timelines.
I see your point 1jaded1″ HG did say he was born in September on this blog and it might every well be 1969….as you said who knows…HG only. Yes, timeless, like my soul. Yes, excellent point, he maybe be citing his age based in when he became what he is, which occurred in his teens…so I that case he may well only be early 30’s. Excellent deducing 1jaded1.
Hope holiday is going well, enjoy xx
Lol @ Alien. Yes, HG would have been too young at first release but still alive if he were mid 40s today. Funny story, I remember going to the drive through when I was maybe 8. My mom, sis and I went with choke boy (when we were still friends) and his family plus a couple more families. The adults wanted to see Moonraker (yawn) but Alien was playing on the screen behind. The boys got to sit on the roof of the car and watch Alien but my mom wouldn’t let my sis or me watch. I was not happy but did get to sneak in some glances. My laughter gave me away.
The movie I was talking about was Platoon. It was released in 1987 over there.
Platoon. I watched that recently. I wasn’t born when it was released. A young Johnny Depp was in it. Can’t beat some adagio on strings to add some dramatic edge.
JD is a douche…
Don’t leave it hanging 1jaded, let’s see the expansion on this point.
Opinion. You have them too, no?
I just have facts 1jaded, you know that.
Well…if I heard your voice again….then maybe..??? And why’s it laughable? CR12 said it too. My guess was if u GRADUATED college in late 80s. Now if you STARTED in late 80s you would be 45-48. Wanna circle back around?
Your definition of college is different to ours and therein lies your inaccuracy.
HG, isn’t it correct that you have to stay in school there until your 18? If you graduate before that then you would attend college until your 18? After that you would go to University. I’m sure that is how my family explained it to me, but I know you would know for sure!!! Xxx
It is 16 Fool Me.
Unless we are sent down the pit in which case one can leave at 10.
But you took someone to see platoon in your penultimate year of what…grade school? And you wrote letters to her in crayola crayons…Deer you…I love you…do you love me too? C u next yeer deer.
Re run. Nam week.
I like the crayons though. I liked the large set you got with the metallic ones in them. I like shiny things you see.
Indy,
I remembered when no Internet, corded phone, pong, no remote TV control….and I’m younger than 50. College in the late 80s soooo…graduate from college then? Mmmmm must be 50-55. Remember he will see himself as forever 21. Could be uncle Peter for all we know…lol
So far out it’s laughable
Dear G. Whatever You age ..the older than me the better! 👑🏆You know me 😉
Indeed I do and thank you.
Hahaha, yes I’m under 50 and remember all those too and I had college started in late 80s. That’s why I guessed 45. The only thing that really makes me think older is that amazing voice. However, I think you’ve been on this blog longer than me so I trust you have far more notes.and girl if you are FBI, I know you know how to get the good s***wink***
Indy,
I was with FBI, under DEA. I’m retired.
HG do you ever sleep? I’m sure you said you skeep very well . When? Or was that a lie?
Yes I do sleep. At some point between 1am and 6 am.
Then you are slumbering now. I was asking Persephone about the types. I asked you and you said you were EVIL and didn’t give an answer. I still don’t think you are evil, so there. You may or may not have deleted the post where I asked. I think it is cute that you are explaining the types to those who query you. Yes, cute.
I’m a bit lost here so help me out. You were asking about types of what? I said I was Evil but didn’t answer? I couldn’t have deleted the post if I answered by saying evil, so that’s confusing me. Thanks for the vote of faith though. Cute? I don’t often get called that!
I asked in a post if you ever did the 16 personalities. You said you didn’t…I told you i was ISTJ in past but now am changing. You said you were evil but didn’t say which of the 16 types you are. So non answer. You are telling people what their types mean now. Which of the 16 types are you?
Thanks 1jaded, that’s cleared it up, I understand now. I’m wasn’t telling people what their types mean but rather pointing out how like many things this test can be interpreted in different ways so you can have good and bad interpretations of the same constituent traits therefore one may see narcissism in numerous of the categories under this test. The evil response was also a play on using the four letters. I haven’t undertaken the test myself.
Nice and thank you. Are you afraid to take the test? I dont have the big block crayons. No. I don’t even think I have a pencil. Why so enthralled with the 80s…
Am I afraid? No, just never done it. I will get you some crayons, the smell of them together is memorable. The enthralment will become clearer in due course owing to a particular influence.
Ahhhh HG… i believe you and I something in common……
Now it’s time for me to be confused. Crayons smell like crayons…and wax…but at least they don’t smell like vomit or poo….you were not quite accurate btw. N2 didn’t hoover me and i am doing a happy dance. Yafnyay…
Definitely think you’re older than me so I’m going 50 – 55 which is a shame because I prefer a toy boy 🙂
Your stated desire is closer than your guesswork.
Hahaha!! He is all about the FUEL. Where do I find your files Persephone ?
I got them locked down. Lieutenants may show up at my do!
I heard him say on the internet interview that he remembers when social media wasn’t around. I guess he is age 39.
Someone showing some nous at last.
When social media wasn’t around? Shoot, I bet he recalls when 8 tracks were special, pre microwave, when TV wasn’t 24/7 and VCRs were nifty. I feel ya, HG.
Sorry what was that? I was just polishing my medals.
From the Boer War.
That’s cool. They invented metals then….so shorty after the invention of the steel plow too. Impressive! I was a little busy over here after the civil war, you know CNN kinda sucked then.
Jesus.
I don`t think HG is 40 yet. That`s my guess.
On the plus side, I`m a baby compared to the rest of you.
At last some sense.
Ahh im pretty sure i said 35-40 like 2 days ago??!! Lmfao
HG,
As I have mentioned, I have purchased and read many of your books and love your blog. Both have been invaluable to me and I am 18 years removed from that marriage – over 6 years No Contact at all as my boys are adults. The clarity your writings have provided for me even at this point in my life I am so grateful for. It’s amazing how much baggage one is able to release when their eyes have been totally opened – guilt I felt for leaving because I felt I let my kids down being the biggie. Now knowing 100% I had not a snowball’s chance in hell (as we say here in Texas!) is disturbingly comforting. You responded to an inquiry I had about my two boys and the triangulation created by their Dad. After reading the article above, I need to clarify for myself…I know you do not personally have children but do you think this is how others see their main source of supply (i.e. spouse/lover)….or does this description above (mainly the last paragraph) extend to every person in their life they interact with…including their own kids? They have no empathy or feeling at all for their own children? They do not see them? I understand all who interact are sources of fuel in some manner…but their offspring….even as adults….nothing in the way of love/empathy/feelings/compassion/concern for well being?…..Anything other than an appliance? I fear I know the answer but guess I need to hear it – extremely difficult to digest.
Hello Carla, thank you for reading and your kind comments. Yes, once you gain understanding then freedom certainly follows. The last paragraph applies to everybody but it especially pertinent to the intimate partner because that person is the primary source. A narcissist’s own children are irritating distractions that absorb fuel which should be the preserve of the narcissist’s but they are also regarded as appliance which have been attached to the narcissist to enable the extraction of fuel. The only person that matters to our kind is ourselves. Any apparent concern for their offspring is engendered to enable the narcissist to achieve fuel from the children, the intimate partner or other observers ” x is such a good dad”, “y looks out for her children”, maintain the façade and use them for the narcissist’s own needs.
There in there. He makes you do the work, God forbid he’d waste energy on telling us. He’s all about the fuel, the fuel, no trouble.
Ha ha!!…love it. Oh yes ! Where do I find them ? I’m very intrigued now indeed! 🤔
Rrrr But I have heard his voice . that kind of gives me an idea . Im sticking to 49ish… He’s older than me! I have only been on here an reading his books for a few weeks . I will find clues in time! And i shall expose him ha ha
Ha ha there are plenty of clues but your guess is wide of the mark.
Kerri,
If you need to look at my files….I got it pretty much. Just waiting for him to become famous so I can sell info to TMZ and get some Bank!
I also have only been on here for a couple of weeks and my guess is around 45. That’s my age and I also like the Beastie Boys. Lol! I loved the article .
I think our group is all around the same age. Must have been a hippie Narcfest love in and 9 months later….the world was filled!
Class of 2000 here. I do believe my dad was a hippie. Or a hell’s angel. I can’t remember.
CJ…started reading your blogs…I’m intrigued!!!
Will do Alexangriles!! Lol!!
I’m struggling a little at the moment honest due to being unwell. I’m on a medication currently that unfortunately is making me quite sick and it’s taking a very long time to get off the poison!! But im spose to be stopping it hopefully start Nov-ish?!! So just trying to get thru a day at a time at the moment and yer… the last week or so has been particularly bad so hoping im back on the up tho and yea… hoping to get another entry done over the weekend…. fingers crossed!!!!
Thank you tho for your comment here!! Certainly did give me a smile to read it!!
Hope you hear from me soon!!! Lol
– CJ
Ha…the ol age question sparks lots of convo no matter what. You know you’re hot no matter how old you are HG😘
CJ, I agree with your comment on the narcs being broken appliances. They broke long ago and continue to look for the perfect appliance but we all know that no appliance is perfect or last forever…just
dont make them like they used to😋
HG…this is a little off topic to this blog but once the fuel source knows exactly what the narc is and tells them they know (even if the narc hasn’t figured it out or doesn’t want to admit to it) wouldn’t that make the narc want to stop using that fuel…fuel wouldn’t be potent at all?
Indeed I am but thank you for the confirmation AZ!
If you stop giving fuel and also behave in a manner which creates criticism you become an unattractive prospect for the narc. They are then less likely to try and draw fuel because of the diminished prospects of successfully gaining fuel and the increased risk of being wounded. Some may still try because they are fuelled and can cope with the wounding in the hope of eventually drawing excellent fuel from you by pushing and pushing, whereas other narcs would just back off and avoid.
PM
Could you let me see your notes on what the O in Dr. O’s name stands for? I lied to the master and told him I knew because he scares me…hurry, here he comes..😘
Don’t tell anyone else, slides notebook across table…..Obsessive…..shhh.
57-a very schintillating 57
All I can say is you are far better with words than you are numbers Bethany.
Hahaha, I come back and see that I was being kind guessing 45. Based on music references alone. HOWEVER, ANYONE that uses whippersnapper in casual conversation gets another 10 years!!!!
Or the word crockery….lol
Philistine!
I like playful HG…..your Fuel Tank must be full. Feel sorry for victims though.
HG is always playful. It is my playground.
If he is 22, I say we (his wise elders—har har) gang up on him and give him a whooping!
You big bully Indy!
You continue to amaze me with your perceptiveness in both big and small ways. It is true my verbal IQ have always outperformed my mathematical skills.
I might dare say you are even older. Which makes you even better, of course. Your intellectual wisdom and breadth of knowledge and experience in a myriad of matters is a giveaway. Your tone and inflection exudes maturity.
Or are my Daddy issues driving the bus today?
Would you like me to tuck you in and read you a story? Once upon a time there was a very hungry narcissistic sociopath……
And she lived happily ever after…(after lots of therapy, self discovery and staying anchored to her truth)
Wise words Bethany.
Narc rage. Yikes! Nice Post HG. I like to be armed with info on dealing with this. Sometimes I give it right back to him (by narc bf). I use his own stuff against him. Shuts him up for a while. Sometimes he’ll even give away his Narc secrets to me when I’m up against people who I’m having problems with. One thing though, I think I may have been a tiny bit narcissistic before I met him. I didn’t know it until I saw some things he did, in me. That made me call up an old bf and apologize for being such a jerk. On another note- what’s your opinion on the connection between certain MBTI types and Narcissism? Is there one? My guy is an ENTJ. I’m finding out that unhealthy ENTJ’s are most likely narcissist. I on the other hand, am an ENFP. Yeah, it’s an explosion every other day. Wish I could find a nice INTJ. That would be nice. What’s your MBTI? Oh, this is not that kind of a blog. Love your site by the way. You help a lot of people. That’s always a good thing.
Cheers!
Thank you Veronica.
Everybody has some narcissistic traits, but given the fact you recognised them and were moved to apologise for your behaviour to an old behaviour speaks volumes.
There is likely to be certain MBTI types which have a greater propensity towards narcissism but I do not know if this has been factored into the process. It is interesting to see that you make a distinction between healthy and unhealthy ENTJ types, which is presumably your own distinction. I do think that with these tests though, as with many things, they are open to interpretation. For example, you are not a narcissist and you have explained that your type is ENFP.
Thus this constitutes Extroverted (which can easily be read that someone extroverted has narcissistic traits), Intuitive (we have intuition for sniffing out our victims and reading situations to our advantage) Feeling (which I understand denotes prioritising people – but that could be read two ways, it might mean putting the needs of others before your own, or it might mean prioritising people for your own uses, eg fuel) and Perceiving (preferring freedom and flexibility) My kind prefer freedom, we are entitled to do as we pleased.
Accordingly, whilst you are not a narcissist the traits you describe as this particular personality type could be interpreted in a narcissistic way and also a none narcissistic way.
It might be that a certain personality type indicates narcissism and nothing else, is there such a classification? Or perhaps more likely, certain classes could be interpreted as narcissistic.
You refer to your narcissist as ENTJ. Thus:-
Extroverted – see above
Intuitive – see above
Thinking – prioritises thinking over emotion – which is something our kind certainly does
Judging – prefers order – this might be indicative of the need for control.
Thus I can see how EITJ could readily be seen as narcissistic but let’s play devil’s advocate.
Extroverted – you are energised by time with others. You are a people person who takes interest in other people and gain a sense of worth from being with others and helping them
Intuitive – you see patterns and possibilities – there is no rigid conformity to a certain way of behaving
Thinking – one can be logical and use it to good effect, I often write about how the victim needs to adopt logic rather than emotion to overcome the emotional sea
Judging – prefer structure and order – therefore you do not revel in the chaos and drama that our kind creates.
I suppose ultimately therefore that once can take a type and regard it as being applicable in an empathic way or a narcissistic way, as demonstrated above. There isn’t of course a personality type (unless I have missed something) which says “narcissist” or “empath”. He is a Commander. You can have a good commander or a bad commander. You are the Champion, you might champion others or you might just champion yourself. It is interesting nevertheless.
Thank you for your kind comments.
I read a very interesting analogy recently with regard to the spectrum of healthy narcissism in an individual, through to psychopathy.
The example uses Russian Nesting Dolls, which is a collection with a series of wooden figures that can be dismantled to reveal a series of several dolls (all similar, yet different in size) all fitting snugly encased into the largest doll. For the purpose of understanding the full spectrum of narcissism, imagine four dolls, with each doll representing a different level of narcissism, and its own particular, recognisable, overlapping pathology.
For example, the smallest doll represents healthy narcissism; the second slightly larger doll represents narcissistic personality disorder, and the third slightly larger doll represents the malignant narcissist. The largest doll combined with the other dolls represents the psychopath, thus covering the whole spectrum of psychopathy within one Russian doll system—all encased into one complete “whole”. The Russian doll system demonstrates nicely how each of these three unhealthy structures are in themselves complete, yet each fulcrum (level) of pathology distinguishes one from the other, depending on the trauma caused to each fulcrum, and how it twisted and distorted the individuals’ growth as they went from childhood to adulthood. As the narcissistic individual moves from one level of narcissism into the next level of narcissism (i.e., from NPD to malignant narcissism), each level includes its predecessor, integrating it into the new and more pathological structure of self.
I found this interesting and easy to understand.
That is an interesting analogy and makes sense. The distinction between each level is evident but it demonstrates how say somebody with NPD has both healthy narcissism and NPD. I wonder though if after the second “doll” whether there would be a split. I can see how healthy fits into NPD fits into malign (sociopathy) but I then would not expect sociopathy to fit into psychopathy. I would think after two you would either branch towards sociopathy or to psychopathy. I suppose it depends on whether you equate the malign “doll” with sociopathy (which I do).
I think for the sake of the example, sociopathy would be on the higher spectrum included with the MN doll. Sociopathy may or may not be the result of brain damage. And, although manipulative and pathological liars, they have a skewed moral compass. Not completely missing one all together causing the lack of ability to judge the morality of a situation. Psychopaths are violent with a predatory instinct and no remorse whatsoever for any action. Majority of the time, the part of their brain responsible for fear and judgment is lesioned or damaged.
I’m not brain damaged. I would, here, accept my moral compass is skewed, but outside of this arena it functions fine, it is everybody else who has a problem with their compass. It must be the effect of my magnetism I suppose.
Your moral compass is functioning, yes. But is it really at a prime, optimal level, when you can’t feel joy, empathy or compassion? I venture to say it needs a tune-up. (Lol)
Do I need those emotions to have a moral compass that works for me. Not at all.
(insert Clarece sigh)
No, HG, I reckon you don’t need one for you, but maybe those around you would stick around longer if you could experience those emotions. Ya know, instead of tossing up word salads endlessly. Gaslighting. Projecting blame.
HG have you ever considered one of your exes could stumble across this blog looking for help ? Would you recognise them ? Would they recognise you ? 🤔
There’s no wifi connection in the asylum for them Lisa. If they happened on the blog I would be able to take appropriate steps.
You really are hilarious !!!!
Where was the joke Lisa?
No access to wifi in the asylum
But just most of the time you are hilarious
I’ve been known to tickle the odd rib.
With a knife.
Yes! This is super interesting to me. My exN was also very into this stuff and classified himself as INFJ/INTJ as it can fluctuate. He also would reveal some of his manipulative tactics to me to use on others. The first one was ESTJ, complete opposite of me. I have wondered if things like this, the personality types and zodiac signs and other things could be used to create quasi plausibility for their behavior and make us doubt if something is actually wrong. He said he was very much a Virgo.
Very much the case Lilly, everything us up for grabs.
As someone once said, you can never get enough of what you don’t really want. Excellent article.
Thank you RM. Too much is never enough for me.
50+
Oh I do love a comedian.
I left it a bit open ended there….
Be careful of poking the beast too often.
Will the Beast poke back?
By the time you realise it will be too late.
Are you threatening me, in particular, or everyone? I didn’t start the topic. Did I? I just wagered a guess. Seeing I do not know your age. I am sure you must be younger then me.
No I am joshing with you.
Your sense of humour….I thought so. Josh away….mind you that term alone…nevr mind……zips own lips.
PM,
I think you are on to something….I’ll take the beat down for us. He’s between the ages of 40 – 85. Hey he qualifies for life insurance in the U.S.
We can share the beat down, only fair. Hope I don’t get the short end of the stick. As it seems I always have the wrong end lol
HG , just a theory but all this fuel and energy and malfunctioning kettles being replaced and shiny new toys , could this quite simply be
N’s are serial cheaters
N’s way of avoiding any real intimacy and attachment , with their imagined malfunctioning appliances
N’s fear of not being good enough deep down , so therefore reject before their imagined rejection should the appliance see the creature behind the facade
When your being nice we are being nice when you become a monster you see in us that our view of you is changing therefore you fear that we will leave
Your behaviour changes how we start to view you , we do not malfunction
You are led by fear and it manifests in all of these games of fuel , objects , malfunctions
I don’t believe you objectify us , you force yourself to see it that way because the alternative is that you would become attached
Since you supposedly never let go and can Hoover for years
That broken kettle must have had some impact on you . That broken kettle should never have any impact on you what so ever . No matter what spheres are entered . It’s a kettle not a person 😬
It’s all an exhausting game
I’d be interested as well to hear what you have to say about this (unless you’ve already replied in the like, hours I’ve taken writing this).
But yeah, it does all seem to me too like a hugely elaborate, intricate, and fragile, defense mechanism. Maybe described/visualized differently by different Ns, if it’s visualized at all. There’s a major fear of intimacy and a rejection of real human connection because those involve vulnerability. They risk further mental and emotional injury to their actual, already severely traumatized self and that’s just not acceptable (and it isn’t, no one deserves further trauma here). The ability to truly feel empathy withers in the face of such things. That all clicked for me when I hit my own emotional killswitch after my last N experience. My walls went fully up and I disengaged from everyone. They deal with it in a way that hurts others and continues the cycle though. There was a guy on youtube, I can’t remember his name, but he said we could take some sort of twisted solace in the fact that if we were discarded as an intimate partner, it likely meant that we started getting too close emotionally. At least on some level, we started to mean something. We started becoming more than an appliance and so we became a threat. To the construct and to their core self.
The reaction to that is one of horror because we might hurt them, like actually hurt them. So everything gets filtered through this defense mechanism, the facade and manipulative behaviors, emotions get distilled to their basest levels, and the N is able to place themselves above it all and orchestrate the downfall of the relationship on their terms. Or at least in their reality they do and that’s what matters. It’s self fulfilling in a way because we wind up rejecting/criticizing, which still hurts them even if it’s reduced by all this armor. We’re also obviously hurt so we’re punished (and by extension so is the person/s who originally traumatized the N in their past), thus proving the machinations work effectively, and so the construct, the defense mechanism, is reinforced. The real self gets further repressed. They can put us in the toy box/used appliance heap until they sufficiently forget about us, depersonalize and objectify us once more. Then we’re primed for that extra sweet hoover fuel.
The tragic part is that there are those of us who would see them, see all of this and see their sad, angry, dark hearts, a cold black abyss where the ember of light and radiance is all but snuffed out, and still love them. Those are the ones they apparently want to hurt the most. We would seek out that tiny light of truth and love and want to fuel it, not all this other stuff. That makes us the biggest threat of all, perhaps, as such a thing would essentially kill them as they know themselves to be.
HG did you answer this and lily said she was interested in the response to this as well. Sorry if I missed the reply . Not like you not to reply ?
Also Clarece he likes being a bad man 😉
It is certainly a theory. I don’t see it as getting rid of you because there is a fear of intimacy or the fear that you will leave us. Yes there is a concern that you will depart and cause a cessation in the fuel, but the devaluation is born out of your fuel altering. Fuel is what always matters. If the right fuel continued to be provided then there would be no need to devalue. Now, as I have mentioned many times there are different perspectives at work. It may be from your perspective you do not believe that there has been any change in the manner in which you are behaving towards us and that may be the case, but from our perspective we see it differently. It may be that you love us just as much but you do not manifest it in the way we want. It might be that because we are so used to it that it feels stale to us. It may actually be the case that you are not as loving as you once were and you would acknowledge that as well. There are several potential factors which alter the fuel provision and this is what triggers the devaluation. Perhaps on a subconscious level there is a concern about being intimate but bear in mind we are able to feign intimacy during the seduction (we may not like it but we can endure it for the sake of the fuel) it is only when devaluation begins that there is a move away from intimacy since we no longer deem it necessary.
Hi HG thank you for that explaination, so if the fuel was positive all the time from your prospective you would never devalue . But you have said negative is also always needed ?
Yes because you fail in the provision of the positive, hence the negative is needed.
49?? Maybe a bit older? It’s a woman’s age you should never ask… Not a mans? C’mom!!
Are you scoundrels trying to ignite my fury? 49?!!
Age is only a number. You are wise beyond your fifty years, I say.
Don’t you start PM! Jesus, a narc could get a complex.
35 – 40 people….. im betting on this age bracket!!
49 and still fine! Oh wait that was my mantra when I turned 39. You’re basically at 1/2 a century at 49…yikes!
Way out.
46 years, 11 months and change. Final answer.
Final answer? Oh dear, you’re going home with nothing.
Going home with nothing is good. I travel light and going home with something would weigh me down. I wish I said it was my penultimate answer though. Oh well. I admit to fatal errors that make my answer wrong.
Kerri I think you hit out out of the ballpark .
Nope – steeeerrrrriiikkkkeee !!!
Btw, HG could such an innocent question really ignite your fury? I highly doubt that.
If I wanted it to, it could.
Try, not wanting it to.
Thanks for making me laugh haha…Hilarious!! Please choose another pump 😂😂
HG,
May I ask how old you really are? I thought you said you were 22 but there is no way that can be true. I’m sure you might lie to me but I guess we will have to see.
I am old enough to know and young enough to do. There are plenty of clues dotted around form time to time so you can get a ballpark idea.
45….not that you would tell…hahahah!
Ooh you rascal.
HG , subject of fuel I understand it takes many forms . But talking purely about fuel from a girl/woman in the girlfriend role .
Couple of questions
First – because I felt so insecure with him due to his inconsistent behaviour , I was looking for reassurance from him that it was worth continuing as I felt used and certainly not a priority of any kind . This had nothing to do with devaluation etc . Even when he was very keen , he still only ever did what suited him . So I was not giving him fuel , I was guarded as I did not trust him or his intentions . This is what kept causing the on and off . Would this be seen as me not providing fuel or my insecurity of wanting reassurance and questioning his commitment is that fuel ?
Second – you say we are just objects and not of any interest in terms of our own accomplishments or lives etc . But I felt sometimes my N had an issue that I had a better job than him and earned more money than him and I felt sometimes that he resented the fact that I was not more dumb (although I was very dumb to even be with him ) . I felt that he half liked the way I was and that’s why I was paraded around his family and friends . But didn’t really like it and tried to make me feel bad about anything that could have been viewed as a success or even having half a brain .
Do they want primary source women that make them look good or do they prefer ones that they feel more superior to . He’s mid range
Hi Lisa,
Your uncertainty, apprehension and trepidation will have provided him with fuel but since this was happening during seduction he was expecting stronger positive fuel and this will have influenced his behaviour concerning other fuel supplies and also in terms of his treatment of you.
You are correct that he will have liked to parade you around in front of family and friends because that would make him look good to have someone as “good” as you on his arm, thus he gets fuel from those members of his coterie.
He will however have also hated the fact you had a better job than him, that you earned more money and you were at least of equal intelligence. That will have felt like criticism to him and during moments when fuel was running low, he will have been reminded of these deficiencies and he would then lash out in some way because of them. As ever this underlines our contradictory behaviour in the way that we will use those attributes for our benefit then fling them in your face at a later stage.
“There are two ways to be fooled. One is to believe what isn’t true; the other is to refuse to believe what is true.”
I feel this quote applies to those ensnared in narcissistic relationships.
When we believe the illusion/ facade they present to us as real. When we believe their deceptions, as truths. When we see the red flags waving and ignore them for hope we are wrong or they will change.
They fool us initially, then we continue to fool ourselves. Until, we break free of the love and devotion spell. Until we realize we cannot change or fix or heal, another. That our essence, being, emotions are their fuel, but also part of us, that we hand away freely in the name of love, compassion and devotion.
Fuel is their rule and they reap ours. Until we realize, we matter, we are worth someone who loves us as we are and as we love them and that we do not deserve abusive behaviour, infidelity, deceptions, et cetera.
To break free from the designation of object in life. Some wish to remain objects, to serve another to relinquish their free will and thinking. While others. Refuse to be another’s service and pumping station.
Attention all fuel consumers, pump 3 has been closed due to its inability to provide appropriately pumping fuel. Please see an attendant for further direction to the most efficient pumping station. They have all been graded accordingly for the fuel consumers needs. Pumps six and nine, have no shut valve and are spilling consistently please be advised to take precautions when fueling, as the grade of fuel is constantly changing. If your fuel reserves are low, please chose another pump. There are many available for your fuel needs. Pumps added every minute, no waiting.
Fuel no more. Stop pumping into their needs. As there will be many to fuel and fool, elsewhere. Praise is a courteous gesture to denote thankfulness. For example to tell HG, he wrote a wonderful article, that he helped you understand the situation with a narcissist In your life. That his writing finally helped heal you from Narcissistic abuse. All genuine expressions of gratitude, of which HG deservedly derives fuel from. It is through other means that they garner greater fuel. The fuel that comes from forfeiting a part of oneself to appease another. To be less In yourself, to prove loyalty to another, as their object/ appliance that is when fuel is a loss ( In the sense of forfeiting who we are) for us and a gain ( by allowing them to subsume us) for them.
This is a wonderful forum where lessons can be taught and learned. HG, as The head MASTER. I always take excellent notes, to stay on lesson.
When we learn, hopefully we learn not to be fooled twice or thrice…
Thank you HG for your valuable lessons and teaching and enlightenments.
Good post. Thank you for your kind comments.
Thank you, yours was too. You are welcome, HG.
Very well said once more PM… gave me quite the laugh indeed!!!
Yes…. this pump is out of action!! Lmfao!!! 👌
Excuse me, sir, please remove your hand from the nozzle lol…yes, out of action for the fuel consumers. Plenty of love, attention, affection, admiration and love for the ones who take in and give back.
Yes…. plenty indeed!!! I will worship at the feet of those who are worthy of it and in return can fill me with ĺove, attention, affection and adoration…. im not even asking for another to be consumed by what they feel the way i am!!! Just put a wee bit of effort on is all!!! Its not much to expel on said other persons part after all…. not when I’ll keep them overflowing (maybe even sufforcating… depends how you look at it lmfao!!) with love, affection, attention and adoration in return Lmfao!!!
Not too much indeed, especially when you are willing to give it back in spades. That person is out there CJ. Keep focusing on you for now.
Shall do PM!!… they will likely pop up when I least expect it lol!!
Let’s hope not like a mirage Narc.
Ahahahaha…. oh you are funny PM!! Lmfao
Very well put, PM. *Hangs an out of order sign around my neck*
Thank you 1jaded1, indeed let us all remain out of order.
I have long regarded this to be the case.
Can you explain this comment Hg, as Jade thinks it is regarding her. Much thanks.
Does she? I must have missed that, can you direct me to the comment, I must have overlooked the remark.
I’ve done and gone and pissed HG off..it showed up in reader attached to my comment regarding being out of order..
PM,
Is there going to be a final exam? Crap…I’m going to have to cheat….I’m good at that, I think, I’ve never cheated before…ugh!
Yeah right.
I beg your pardon sir. I have not cheated in 15 years. Now prior to marriage I can count it all on one hand…..Let’s see……5 -10 -15 -20…
I saw you look up the crossword answers when you had only part completed it.
Some people do not have to do the test Persephone….I would study anyways, just to be safe.
Do those who don’t bribe the teacher? I have asked what he wants but he won’t tell me, guess I’ll settle on poison red delicious.
Sounds to die for.
I’ve done and gone and pissed HG off.
No you haven’t.
I doubt that 1jaded1, he was referring to me, not you. He regards me as being out of order, and that is indeed factual and complimentary to me.
I wasn’t referring to you individually. I was referring to the view of our kind that everyone else is out of order in two senses. The first that you are out of line in the way you treat us. The second in the sense of malfunctioning by not giving us what we want.
Well, I do appreciate that clarification, I thought the same as jaded tbh, in regards to myself. I am sorry HG, for my mistake and for treating you poorly. I just express myself in a honest manner and it can comes across wrongly at times. My intention is never to make you feel slighted. I thought I was giving him what he wanted, except, I actually didn’t know what he wanted from me.
1jaded1 don’t worry..it is all fuel to him, even when we don’t intend it to be.
These fire pictures look very painful and not reflective of a content happy life but addiction to fuel. However, you say that you indeed are content with how you are (or how you were created) and see no need for therapy because of this fact. I am confused, HG. Trying to see how you put these things together (pictures of pain and torment along with the idea that you are happy with your life). Can you help me with this?
Bear in mind that often when I write, I am writing from an overall narcissistic perspective not just my own. I am skilled at what I do. I gain the fuel, I am reasonably content. Others of my kind are not, hence the pained fiery pictures. Plus if my fuel levels dropped dangerously low then that is how I would feel, frenzied, desperate and paranoid.
When your fuel supplies are low you feel you are being consumed in a lake of fire, sounds like Hell.
Could that manifest itself as depression as well?
HG, could you inform us when you write the collective N perspective as opposed to your own perspective?I think many readers do assume when you write, these are ways in which you react and deeds you have committed in the chase for fuel.
Good point. Indy.
The reduction of fuel to such a low point coupled with the wounding effects of criticism will indeed manifest as depression as described in the response of both Lessers and Mid Rangers to the consequence of the instigation of No Conact as described in the scenarios in How Does No Contact Feel – Parts One and Two.
I tend to use “we” rather than “I” in order to make the distinction but there will be times when I am in “the zone” hammering out the words that the distinction may become blurred between what I do and what other members of my brethren do. Largely we behave in similar ways, although there are some distinctions – e.g. I do not punch or kick my victims for reasons I have explained on previous occasions, whereas some of our kind do.
Yes, you do you we quite a bit, that provides plenty of explanation that you will be referring to others of your kind. I was asking about depression, as D feigned such to explain away his silent treatments. I would imagine this would nevr be the case for you as you have so many real life and cyber fuel lines. That would always be a means of topping up fuel if you ever managed to
feel remotely close to depletion.
Thank you so much for your reply HG.
You are welcome.
Thank you for your reply, makes sense. Paranoid? Wondering, from a more broad perspective, is this a common symptom of low fuel across all narcicists? I know it exists in many different mood, personality and anxiety disorders to a certain degree as well as in thought disorders. I know this is not the speak up section, but I just had another question. Never mind I will post it over there 🙂 thank you again
If fuel runs low the paranoia increases, after all, the world is jealous of our kind and wants to topple us.
If fuel runs that low with paranoia setting in, you have to be in a vulnerable state experiencing a critical wound to your fragile ego. Others are not trying to topple you. You are projecting your envy for those with virtue, emotions, and a moral compass. That is why you mirror those qualities when you’re seducing someone because you desire those qualities.
The fact that they wound me and fail to provide me with fuel is the action of seeking to topple me. You may tell me otherwise but that is all part of the deceit and a further attempt to deny me fuel.
How torturous to have that just at bay these feelings you speak of.
HG, if you could make the feelings of frenzied, desperate, paranoia stop and not need fuel, if you really had a choice (which I know you do not have choice, you can only manage it) would you?
Interesting question. I enjoy the sense of power which comes from fuel and in turn that is what keeps the desperation and the dread at bay. It is a two fold process. I would prefer not to ever experience the downside, but if that was the deal and I did not need fuel any longer, I would also miss the power that comes with it. On balance, since I am expert at obtaining fuel and therefore I experience the power way more than the dread, I would stick the arrangement.
HG, Please do not change the way you write!! The passion and energy you put into your posts I’m afraid would be lost if you had to explain every time you were writing about your self or narcs in general! You usually explain in the beginning of a post what it is going to be about and if not and someone is confused at that time they can ask you. Xxx
Fair point FM,thank you.
Fm
love the title and the true energy of origin behind it HG ;)…and thank-you
Thank you Elaine.
“We see no person. We recognise no identity. We see a machine that has one purpose and one purpose alone. The provision of fuel for us”………….
This is what I personally found spoke volumes.
The rest had no real impact but this said everything in one fell swoop…. really let me know where I stand.
Cheers
You are welcome.
Whaddyamean the rest had no impact?! Tssk, honestly!
It is all about ownership and objects….isn’t it CJ? they view our sole purpose to provide them as they dictate. Failure to do so, deems one unfunctionable and to the pile thee go. They never think, if they performed better, our fuel would flow more effectively. It is in their inability to perform effectively that we slow in our fuel giving dynamics. But, when they can get fuel from anywhere or anyone, why should they bother to perform, they just switch fuel sources. Easy peasy. Move On without a thought. Fuel if you think its over….cause it’s not.
Well said PM!! Thats exactly right!! I would near happily provide and fuel they wish…. even the oh so potent fuel that comes from the negative emotions i feel…. IF they simply thought to perhaps attempt to so easily meet some of my needs in return. Mutually beneficial gains and all that!!
However, yes… as you also said, why bother perform when they so easily move on to the next fuel source?!!
What seems to go unnoticed, is the fact that ultimately…. less energy (or fuel) would be expended on the N’s part in attempts to meet my needs… to garner more of my fuel…. that what’s going to be expended in the pursuit of another victim!!!
But hey… thats ok… have it their way. I move on. No harm, no foul, ultimately. I will find another to give my heart to when I feel like opening up once again… but in the meantime, I just keep doing what im doing now anyhow, and thats giving to me!!
Cheers PM…. i do like what you have written!!!
What seems to go unnoticed, is the fact that ultimately…. less energy (or fuel) would be expended on the N’s part in attempts to meet my needs… to garner more of my fuel…. that what’s going to be expended in the pursuit of another victim!!! – an understandable and pertinent point CJ but remember you are considering that to be the case from our perspective. When you malfunction (in our eyes) then the allure of the shiny new fuel source and its exciting potent fuel means that it is well worth the effort and may, from our perspective appear like less effort than trying to squeeze more from a malfunctioning appliance.
Thank you for that view HG. I Did not think of it this way but I can see how this would be the case.
The more time spent thinking on this actually makes me realise i understand all to well in some ways. When my Borderline needs continually go unmet, I will engage in somewhat similar behaviour i suppose…. in an effort to yes… get my needs met èlsewhere in a much more effective manner rather than continue to wage a lost war. I guess much can be said to this though…. i did put up with L on and off for over 15 plus years now… which would go to show she was capable of meeting a certain level of my needs… enough to keep me around anyhow for a certain duration of time. But… it was also me that ended all 3 times together… this last one for good. (Yes… i can see ppl may well think…. yea, ok CJ… you went back to her before… you will change your tune soon enough!!! But the difference this time is that I have finally learnt that even when I am at my worst…. i am still 1000 times the person she will ever be!!! I will never allow myself to drop to those standards again!!… i would not be able to live with myself if I did!!). But yes… each time ended because I gave her what she needed… which I now know to be her fuel!! But she didn’t meet my needs in return!! So yes… be gone with the demon wench i say!! Lmfao 😉
Guess I’m defective… oh, sorry, a “malfunctioning” appliance!!… but thats completely okay with me!! I can live with this fact!! I can live an extremely happy life, malfunctioning away in my little Part of the world as such…. at least I’ll do it knowing that im soooo much better for being dysfunctional…. her however… well… she will live the remainder of her days knowing she can never access the sorts of fuel i can rain down on her, ever again!! No one will be able to give her fuel in troves like i could. I find this quite satisfying to know…. when i care to give her a slight moment of my time anyhow to think about her…. which well let’s face it… is not often at all these days!!
Her treatment of me ultimately lead to my powerful uprise in the world…. and her pitiful demise!! Knowing this fact…..hmm …. YES, I CAN MOST CERTAINLY live with being defective or dysfunctional or malfunctioning… down right “broken” if she wants to think it lmfao. Doesn’t hurt me or affect me in the slightest anymore what she does think or say about me. I simply don’t care lol.
But yes HG… thank you for pointing this out!!
Thanks CJ….let us all join the happy malfunctioning applianc club…I am sure someone who can handle us properly will see we work just fine and no ownership required.
Touchè PM…. come along all you other malfunctioning appliances too…. lets all malfunction in happiness and celebrate our defectiveness together rather than abuse them and make them feel insignificant and at fault for been seen as malfunctioning in the 1st place!!!!
Hey….. perhaps it’s not us that is but a malfunctioning appliance??? But it’s actually the “host” himself/herself that are defective?? Maybe the fact that they have become such ridiculous fuel guzzlers is down to their defective genetic makeup?? I mean really…. at the end of the day when you think about it… N is but another mental illness… a deviation from the “norm”…. thus suggestion they, not the empaths, are defective instead?? I certainly still welcome my malfunctions!!! Lmfao
Yes, the host, unlike us will nevr admit defect, instead project it upon us. Who willingly can admit defect. Just not to the extend that they claim. More defect in boundaries, self esteem. And other areas of self that allows the parasite to attach to us…to quote one of Hgs other articles. Exactly CJ, be proud of who you are, understand yourself and be proud your life is not spend in he pursuit of harm to others. Where you recognize and acknowledge your BPD, The Narcissist winot admit to a disorder, let alone seek treatment for self betterment. Recall Hg is not I treatment by choice or to heal, but to further his bank account. The one things is does have over many, is his willingness to admit his disorder and share his awareness. I say nevr allow another to create a shame within you. Do no harm, something more need to follow.
And to see off scurrilous accusations.
My apologies, I forgot that bit as well. The day is soon upon you.
CJ , what’s happening with your blog ???? Don’t give up on it ❤️
Hey Lisa…. no, I won’t!! thankyou 😃 i am still trying to get to your comment… hopefully today after Dr M!! I’ve just had a few quieter days (haven’t been too well sadly… on a particular med that makes me quite unwell and has been wreaking more havoc than usual lol). plus a day of tattooing in their too!! But yes… i will get to your comment AND another post up too today or in the next 2 or 3 days!!!