You Are To Blame
Why does he always blame you?
UK https://www.amazon.co.uk/Your-Fault-Blame-Narcissist-Tudor-ebook/dp/B01EXBD9Q8
US https://www.amazon.com/Your-Fault-Blame-Narcissist-Tudor-ebook/dp/B01EXBD9Q8
12 thoughts on “You Are To Blame”
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indy… good luck ..
Hi PM, Yes, if only we would forgive and forget on their timeframe and allow them complete absolution of culpability. Mine just left me a message the other day (he is attempting to hoover hard this past two days) saying I gave you two months to forgive me, we are engaged, call me I want closure…..no one tells me WHEN to forgive!!!! Further I broke up with him face to face, what is there to understand????? Over 140 calls past 2 days…..and I’m being heartless by not calling him. Wth
Of course in his eyes you are being heartless and unfair. Any reason why you’ve not blocked his calls? He is indeed hoovering hard.
Hi HG, thank you for replying. Im in a space where I’m scared. I’m not home, on vacation when he started this. I want to know his threats so I can prepare. Because I didn’t block, I knew through one of his numberous texts and messages he was planning on going to my work to confront me face to face (so I warned security at work)…then he threatened to get in my appartment to get my cat that he pawned off on me one year ago because he couldn’t care for it but now has ownership papers (had my family check on my appartment and hide my car while I’m away)….I’m also recording the number of calls for police to file harassment charges next…..however, HG, it is really hitting me hard emotionally. My phone is ringing nonstop. Do you see my dilemma? I want to know but it scares me both ways….please advise
You are doing the correct thing in logging it all for the purposes of harassment and I’d suggest you have decent evidence now. I should imagine each time the phone rings it is making you anxious and he will know this as well, part of threats on he is doing it. You have been made aware of his intentions, you have your evidence, report it and now block him so you maintain NC, cut off thought fuel, frustrate him and you can concentrate on your holiday.
Thank you HG. You are right! I do have enough for harassment. 140 calls, 40 texts, and 10voicemails should do it. I’m scared of the unknown. And you are right, cut him off on thought fuel is the next step.
Is it normal to be scared to block bc of the unknown? He made tons of threats but didn’t act on any of them yet as far as I know. He used every trick in his messages too. Call me, it’s an emergency. Call me, I have news. Call me, I’m talking the cat (and didn’t) Call me, I need closure. Call me, I’m going to your work now to speak with you (and didn’t). He got his father to message me. Over and over all day and night. He even sent a linkdin invite. Rolls eyes. I didn’t look at his profile as he would know. He does not know if I read his texts as I blocked receipt.
Will he know I blocked versus not? How does he get thought fuel if he doesn’t know I blocked him.
The unknown scares most people. He will know he is blocked. He will only get thought fuel if he knows messages etc have reached you.
Ok, so I need to block then to stop him from fuel. The risk is he may up the strength, and my peace and sanity are at stake. Thank you HG. I really appreciate you!!! I didn’t think he would come back. You were right in your articles on this, they do. I’m not sure why now, but I’m guessing something in the 6th sphere reminded him….or items I left….but why after 2 months. …..fuel.
You answered your own question Indy. 2 months is not a long time.
Yes, Indy. We do forgive, while they will forever blame us for reacting to their negative behaviour….with statements, like, it is our fault, we ruined it, we spoilt it, we destroyed things. Because it is easy for them to hurl blame and fault at us, so that they never need look at themselves and their atrocious abuse and neglect of us.
Forgive and forget are two separate entities, indeed. We should never forget, so such abuse is not hurled join us again.
Indy, that is beyond hoovering, it is outright harassment. If it was reversed, he would claim he didn’t neat your messages, but fact is he would. As he would be garnering massive fuel from them and for the name he would put o hour for sending them. I would block his calls and if you can. Please, contact authorities if this continues, charge him with greets and harassment. If you feel fearful, trust that Intuition. Sounds to me like he is trying to weaken and break you down, so you give I and talk to him. Even text him. Please do not give him any satisfaction or fuel. I am glad you informed your work security. Pease be aware and careful. Perhaps you can ask HG, at what point this person will stop, realize he could be charged and back away, at what point even if you still refuse to communicate with him?
I am so sorry for all this stress to you, they are beyond selfish in their needs and yet again proving that ours needs and rights are in consequential to them. Xx
Apologies Indy. predictable text made a mess of that reply. Hope you can read it.
Of course we are. We ruin everything. If only I just allowed MCN To lie and cheat and carry on like I knew nothing, we, I mean, he would have been so happy with me. There is no change for him. He moved on, there is always those who are willing to take our place and volunteer their fuel.
I am sure he is as happy as a Narcissist can be. It is good I know the truth. But I am not happy.