Be Mine
I have a fascination for inanimate objects. Show me a beautiful watch with its intricate mechanism on display and I shall sit transfixed for a long time admiring the craftsmanship in this creation. I like to touch one of my favourite suits relishing the sensation of the cloth. I will hold it up pleased with the way it hangs and then of course admire how I wear it in the mirror. A sculpture, a painting, a car or a piece of jewellery. They all invite my admiration. They are items of beauty and superiority and as such firmly belong in my world. Moreover, they do exactly what I want. I love my dishwasher. It always works. I press the buttons and it obeys my commands, quietly churning away as it removes the residue from the expensive crockery. The glassware comes out shining, without streaks or marks. Each and every time. Objects are reliable. They perform as I require them to perform. I love nothing more than an appliance. It complies, it obeys and it delivers. I love possessions.
I love to possess you and make you an inanimate object. That is how I see you. You are an appliance which I expect to do as I demand.You are but an extension of me, placed here to carry out my demands and whims. I like to attach brand names to my ex-girlfriends. Becky was Zanussi – she was good at science, thus she was the appliance of science. Sarah was Nike since I had to tell her to Just Do It.(she called me Burger King – have it your way, I quite liked her).Another was Energizer as she kept going and going and going (but that’s another tale). I like to think I am Tag Heuer (Success. It’s a Mind Game).I objectify everybody and assess how they can be a good appliance to me. Once that is done I have to acquire the appliance. I have possession of you and you must act as I dictate. All my other possessions do, so why should you be any different?
74 thoughts on “Be Mine”
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Poetic, I actually have a poem on my Blog, entitled: “PaperDoll Man, Narcissist!” It is a short poem in regard to the happenings of our “relationship”. I also have many other poems pertaining to how the Narc abused me, and then ditched me; also, poems about his troop of Flying Monkeys and his B.S. embedded underneath their nails. Your WordPress name, Poetic_Me looks familiar. I think I have actually enjoyed your blog when I have gotten the free time to do some reading. <3 <3 <3
Hugs,
Tamara
Thank you Tamara, I did have a blog where I shared my poetry and thoughts on how we all express words. I deactivated it awhile, back though. When I was going through the struggle with my ex, after he hoovered me.
I will check out your blog Tamara and will enjoy reading your poems,
Poetic, I was replying to you and I lost my message. Anyway, I wanted to tell you that it seems like we are talking about One and the Same PaperDoll Man (Narcissist)! I am sorry for what you have gone through. I am thankful to hear your experiences, though. They help me very much <3 <3 <3
Tamara
It is amazing Tamara, how may similarities there are between each of the narcissists In so many readers lives…so many seem cut from the same cloth, In the the things they say and do. It is both frightening and comforting.
Thank you Tamara, it does help when we can all support each other through our experiences, to help us understand and move forward more quickly.
I liked the term you you used, paper doll man. The visual it gives is perfect, indeed.
My emotions are very intense. The Victim Narcissist could not handle me, I do not think. He could handle my admiration of him, but he could not handle it when I called him out on his abuse. I am very extreme in my feelings. I showered him with adoration, but when I got tired of his head-games and lying, I would not allow him to “push it under the carpet” with even more lies and manipulation. I could only repress my feelings for so long, and then…Yet, as long as he was honest with me (never), I’d write him Love Poems, adore him, eat, sleep, and drink him- so to speak. But, I did not like his Jekyll/Hyde switches on me. And, he did not appreciate being told so. In fact, he told me I was “going to go to Hell”. (He only wishes so that he can continue to torment me there, too).
Tamara
They do not like it when we assert our right to defend or speak up against there abuse. I was forever apologizing to him for what he felt was a criticism or slight and even then he continued to rage at me, silence me them return apologizing and telling me how much he loved me , but my lack of trust, over his lies, did his head in. I have always defended myself again his abuse and others in my field of work.
He nevr treated other the way he treated me, he said I was the only one who could anger him, which was evident I how he responded to me. I suppose we could just take their abuse, but why should we. It is wrong on both ends, that way. I always made sure he knew I loved him, but love was not enough. Plus, they do not love us back.
They will always blame us Tamara, sadly. No mater how much we try to show the truth. Their way is always the only way. It makes me quite sad still.
Wow I’m wondering whos the narcissist here…lol
Do you enjoy seeing someone attacked for the wrong use of a word, Maddie…so HG can derive fuel form me by distressing me for asking a questions other also asked? Do you find it funny Maddie?
No I do not at all. But who has been attacked here please do let me know so I can defend the person…
It is difficult to see through ones own blinding addictions. We are here to heal from. Abuse perpetuated upon us. I asked you quite some time ago Maddie, if you too were in an abusive situation with a narcissist ,but you never replied to me. If you in fact view such relationships, as abusive, that is? As some willing enter into such relationships for their own needs. I am not that type of co dependent.
PM I am using mobile to view and reply in here and I do apologise if I haven’t replied other times as it hard to keep track on this so busy blog. Yes My whole life since I was born was fullfilled with narcissist as a parent intimate partners and friends. I won’t go into detail who I am now but in shortcut I am a co-dependant … close to the person with Stockholms syndrome… I cannot describe yet why do I need the finest narcissist to survive nor I cannot say I am suffering or being euphoric. I am still analysing myself and I try to make usefull my weaknesses if that makes any sense. What’s in my head is very complicated and until I find my answers I cannot say anything more. Have a good day.
I know, right? It’s hotter than a Labor Day BBQ pit up in here today!!
Sure is!! Who wants to toast some marshmallows??? Lol
That should be apparent, the one you always bow down to,
Is this a comment to me?if yes then: I’ll bow to HG because I have my reasons…
🙂
There is nothing wrong with praising. Respecting and honouring another person. But always maintain your own self respect and self worth Inthe process, to know who you matters. Just as much as who they are, not more. I hope as you heal and unchain your co dependency, which is possible. You will hear your own voice and heal. There is always hope for us all. Narcissists. empaths and co dependents. None of us need be lost.
Checks my vital signs…yep I’m alive. Move along.
N1 had the best of everything..on his dad’s dime (or dollar or thousands of them) whilst he was in his 30s.
I wonder what he regarded me as…
MCN! Always called me angel, Princess, pixie Queen..I am sure those were the facade of what he really thought… Maybe, internally he called me Challenger, as he thought my questions and line of thinking were out of this world.
I didn’t know you played the trumpet.
Ha ha….actually I play clarinet, saxophone and piano.
I could have sworn I heard a trumpet.
LOL
But HG you never completely own us we are only on loan.
Think my ex does the 3 yr trade in deal.
Hi Freedom
It is wonderful to read you back here again. Hoping things are well with you ? X
Hi POETIC_ME
I had been doing well… However, I have heard my ex narc has been back to the UK with his Indian Wife, I wanted to confront them but I was only informed once they returned to India. I’ve also discovered they have got themselves a dog. I’m still looking after the dog we had together bathe one he promised to support. 😡😡😡
So had a little slip back 😓
What did you intend to do when you wanted to confront them Freedom? It is no surprise that they have a dog. This is clearly a signature move and in the same way he was able to discard you and seek out a new appliance, he has done exactly the same with the dog. Who told you about their return? Was it someone you trust or might it have been a proxy hoover? I would be interested to know. Understandable that you have had a bit of a slip back but you can reassert yourself and your defences. It might actually not have been a bad thing that you did not see them both.
It was a trusted source HG of that I’m sure. He knows when I usually go on my hols and it seems it was around the same time.
I wanted to get everything off my chest at them, I know it would have filled him with fuel but a price I was willing to pay so I can move forward.
I see. It is understandable that you would want to do that but as you identify , it would have only given him fuel and she is brainwashed by him so ultimately it would have had no effect to him or her. What about writing a letter to him, reading it aloud and then burning it. You’ve composed your thoughts, said what you want to say, you get it off your chest, you avoid giving him fuel, avoid her pouring scorn on her, sounds like a win to me?
Hi HG
Yes a few of my friends have suggested that. However not sure if it’s a narcissistic quality I’ve developed but I need to their faces when j say what I have to say. Like I say will give him fuel, maybe a little trouble in paradise as she she’s a few discrepancies in his stories. Then I don’t care if they carry on in their paradise. It’s just something I need to do a letter just wouldn’t cut it.
But what I’m certain of is once my venom had been delivered I’d be free from the anxiety and frustration that lurks inside me. Probably like your hidden beast you need to keep hidden. Also following that he’d get not one more ounce of fuel from be the pipeline would be fractured beyond repair. If his plans were to hoover me later when he thought the fuel reservoir had refilled then he’s gone the wrong way about it.
Indeed Freedom you understand your own needs better than anybody and of course you have had time to evaluate and to process the emotion given the time period over which this has elapsed. You know and understand the potential downsides (whereas usually those who seek to confront do not) and therefore you can make your decision in a much more logical fashion, as opposed to an emotional one, which is something, as you know, I always advocate.
As am sure he would like an emotional response.
I do still have a lot of angry, find it difficult to even be pleasant to Indian women who remind me of her. It’s so not like me but I can’t help it.
I’m certain there would be emotion involved mostly anger, but I’d like to think his wife considering her education and professional status would mean she had some common sense and would at least question what I had to say. At the most like I say it may make his fuel supply a little fractured from her for awhile and possible drive him to a secondary supply thus allowing a window of opportunity for her to catch him.
If you know what I’m trying to get at 😊
I really would not rely on her listening to you. You have been smeared and she will be brainwashed. Irrespective of her education and professional status, you are the enemy. You would need to be very sure what you had to put to her would be listened to and evaluated and if it is just your words you have an uphill struggle. That is the fact of the matter.
You are honest to admit you would act in an emotional manner and as you know this would just provide fuel, so anything you say to him will not wound him. He may feign offence in order to draw sympathy from his wife.
The fact that you find it hard to be pleasant to other INdian women who remind you of her strikes me as an indicator that your emotions perhaps remain running high and there is a risk that any such confrontation may backfire.
Yes you are correct my emotions are still very high. I think that I know she won’t listen but I’ve said what I need to say, I’ll never see them again and one day I’m sure she’ll discord I was telling the truth. It’s all about my ability to move on that I care about right now, regardless of what he or she does, I think it must be part of my process of purging him from my system.
I am sorry Freedom, was that the holiday he was due to take to UK you mentioned back in the Spring. Thank goodness he nevr contacted you….did you find out from his family you still have contact with. Yes, I understand setback. Xx
No POETIC _ME it wasn’t his family who told me. He was seen by a close friend.
Yes the trip to the UK was the trip I mentioned in the spring.
My hear is broken again. 😔
I am so sorry Freedom. That is the awfulness of this all, that they resurface and often so close to us in proximity. Or we hear about them or read about them and that triggers all those emotions back for us. He will employ his same ways with her as he had with you. She is under the same illusion and spell he cast your way. The magic will not last. The pain they dole out to us, however seems enduring. I hope you will be around here more, if possible. You have much advice and wisdom to offer others as well. Just as you helped me when I was here back in February.
My wishes for the brokenness to heal and this man to fade from your thoughts.
Hi Poetic_me
I hope to catch up with the blogs I have got behind on. Just been so busy with looking after my mum. I’ve also had a temp job promotion so that’s taking up a lot of my time to.
I will endeavour to sort myself out again and get back on track, think I’ve just lost my way a little. This last weekend especially with the wound being reopened 😓
We all have great wisdom and help to offer, each and everyone of us. We need to help each other to rebuild after our dances with Narcs.
Thank you for your kind words, hope you’ve had a good day x
Freedom I’m really sorry tk hear about your situation with the ex N.
Are you sure you’ve thought about how you would feel after ? Gone through all possible outcomes in your head and how it would make you feel.
I totally understand the anger you’re feeling. I imagined allsorts of scenarios and things I wanted to say to mine shortly after.
It takes a while for that to subside, but it will and I’m so glad I didn’t ever say anything. It won’t make any difference at all to him or his life. He may even welcome it ?
Of course you need to do what’s right for you and we’re all here for you whatever you decide. X
I think another reason that’s set me off is that the dog he left with is ill at the min and is being referred to a specialist. I think seeing he has replaced her to with another dog made me see red.
It’s just taking so long to rid myself of this pain. I feel I’m doing ok even possible happy then bang straight back downs I just feel rid myself of my burden telling her regardless of what she believes I will feel like I’ve done my job. Her problem now.
Thanks for the support Alexis, hope you’re doing ok xx
All the best for you and your doggy Freedom. 💝
Thanks Nikitalondon xx
I understand. My husbands approach is the same as yours if someone wrongs him, it works for him.
I guess I’ve always had the mindset of ‘don’t let anyone see you’re bothered’. And post learning about MN, I’ve taken that to a whole new level.
Sending warm love your way freedom. Xxx
I can’t help it Alexis like your husband it’s just how we are. My mums like you wish I could just let go and not be so hot headed.
sounds like 500% narcissist profile..
sounds like all my exes
one has a corvette
the other one designer dishes and the other one also various possesions and his are the best of best
Nothing in common with me.. I have my possesions in wonderful trips and many activities during trips 💝💝
I wonder what code names you have for your blog appliances?
Why do you wonder Alex?
Because I always wonder about things HG. It is who I am. One of the 12, I guess.
I am interested in this too HG. But worried they would be mean as you consider everyone to be beneath you.
I can only imagine what names he has… This made me laugh Alex. I think the names for his “appliances” would not be overly unkind. I am curious too HG…
Well you know what curiosity did.
So I have heard…..none the less…we all know you have names written down or stored in your thoughts. You should tell those who ask, no one can be offended , as they asked, right?
You do not know. Nor am I obliged to do anything. Certain people find offence most readily, even where none is intended.
Who stated you are obliged? Yes true on that point HG. Carry on and keep calm 😊
You did. “You should tell those who ask”. Carry on and admit.
I did not, two other readers previously asked you to tell them, I replied why not if asked, you replied no. Word salad , much?
Ah here is the deflection and denial. Let’s have this correct. Here is your post.
“So I have heard…..none the less…we all know you have names written down or stored in your thoughts. You should tell those who ask, no one can be offended , as they asked, right?”
You did not reply “why not if asked”.
You wrote “you should.” That is the imposition of obligation. I stated I have no such obligation.
The reference by you to other readers is irrelevant, for two reasons.
1. They asked.
2. You wrote “you should”. I was referring to you.
Nice try with the word salad reference but also incorrect.
I would like to address the Prosecutot on his remark, if it pleases the court? Semantics. Yes, the use of should and could need to be abolished…my mistake for using such in my question. I see you are in yet another argumentative mood…so I will end it for you. I was not telling you, I was asking. You inferred wrongly.
Not argumentative. I was pointing out that I am not beholden to your imposition of obligation. I am entitled to state as such.
There was on inference at all. Your words were clear. You did not write “please would you tell us” – that is asking, you wrote “you should” – that is imposing an obligation.
Rather than you keep wriggling, let ME end it for you.
Why not write,
“I wrote should. Yes you are correct. I tried to avoid acceptance of my error through various methods, but they were also wrong. It is my mistake.”
“I wrote should. Yes you are correct. I tried to avoid acceptance of my error through various methods, but they were also wrong. It is my mistake.”
Must be the Angels heralding his return…
The trumpet was being played rather closer to home.
Maybe I am nearer then you might think. Perhaps, you were not imagining it after all.
Lilewise
In revenge – you refer to daffodils -symbolism of
Narcissus — ultimate revenge HG —
Indeed Christine.
Very interesting
HG = BMW – The Ultimate Driving Machine.
B&T = M&Ms – Melts in your mouth, not in your hands.
I love this post. It resonates hard with me.
So you do love? Just materialisticly is that correct? So you do have the emotion of love for your appliances even the human ones?
Stating that one loves an inanimate object is entirely different when stating that one loves a person from your perspective. My “love” for an object (which includes people of course) is satisfaction.
Thank you for clarifying that.
You are most welcome.
Ohhh I can imagine the fun you had with Sarah!! Lol