Dark Dead Eyes
The author Hilary Mantel once described the Duchess of Cambridge, Kate Middleton, as being “a plastic princess with dead eyes”. Now, the duchess is not one of us (we infiltrated the royal family by marrying in over 30 years ago) but we were drawn to the comment about dead eyes. We get that a lot. There is a fascination about our eyes and if memory serves, they draw the most comments about us physically that I can recall. I have variously had mine described as “Cold and dead, like a shark’s”, “like pieces of coal”, “green and envious”, “possessing that cold, chilling stare” and “lifeless”. An ex-girlfriend, Kate, would tell me that she loved my eyes. This was when I was seducing her. She explained that whenever she looked into them she saw herself reflected back and she loved this because she knew that she was very much “in my eye”. Interestingly enough, eight months later she referred to this reflection as “I look into your eyes and see nothing there, just my reflection looking back at me.” I always disliked her contradictory behaviour and failure to make her mind up.
These comments set me thinking as I am a reflective kind of fellow. As I explained in ‘Falling into Place’ I have learned how to create a mask of feigned emotion but it would appear that the one part of my face which was letting down the façade was my eyes. For some reason, no matter how hard I studied the emotions and reactions of others, this just did not happen with my eyes. As you know, I like to know the answers to everything and I did some reading around and observed that repeated people refer to the eyes as windows into the soul. There lay the answer to my conundrum; the soul and the eyes are inextricably linked. The absence of soul was being reflected in the deadening of my eyes. This required immediate attention and rectification. I now wear sunglasses a lot, even indoors.
56 thoughts on “Dark Dead Eyes”
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Funny. The advise I always read about dealing with narcissists and psychopaths (I have had clashes with both) is “get out, stay out”. Which I do. I am far too afraid to be exposted to the terror they have caused in my life to have any contact with them.
So I am glad, HG, you are in a different country and far away. I know how charming narcissists and psychopaths can be. And how dangerous when too close for comfort.
But I am very grateful you share your knowledge about yourself and the way you act, how, and the hidden agenda behind every move you make.
About the dead eyes. I did study those in “my” narcissists and psychopaths” (my family and terrific neigbours), And yes, it is indeed a red alert when I see those eyes. They never sparkle. Never show any emotion. Although in my view the eyes are not always death, Sometimes they look like the eyes of a predator looking for or at its next pray.
You are welcome.
The deadening of the eyes was one of the first things I noticed when . I couldn’t understand where that light that I thought I once saw went.
Interesting about the eyes and i do think theyre the windows to the soul. When people lie the first thing they do is look away bc they know that is where the truth can be seen and vulnerability.
Most psychopaths you can see that deadness behind their eyes bc a part of their soul has died. My brothers eyes are black and dead they also look scary. I sense things about him that he is a psychopath. What i cant understand is when it happened bc all thru our youth he wasnt that way its like once he reached his late teens a switch went off. He never grew up around abuse and was only put up on a pedestal. Id never seen my mother be mean or abusive to him. Thats where i do wonder if theres a genetic component and maybe neurological. My dad has a sadistic streak and i see it in my brother.
My narc wears sunglasses a lot and i can see an emptiness in his eyes they lack that youthful “hope” that many of us empaths have. That hope was extinguished in his youth at some point but hes never talked about it in depth just snippets here and there of what hes chosen to share.
Kate middleton my narc has tried triangulating me with in the past which i look back at now and laugh. Why was i jealous or insecure of someone i dont know nor will ever meet so silly! I dont think shes a narc. She strikes me as a loving mother and wife. Ive never seen her eyes as dead or lifeless.
Wow I wasn’t aware of this article until now! I have been having the same observations regarding the eyes of what I think are narcissists and even psychopaths. So far I have noticed several kinds of eyes. The cold dead eyes like that of Jodi Arias, and then the smug but still cold eyes of Obama which was similar to the guy that I dated when I was young who might be an UMR or a MG, and the energetic almost wild eyes of some Lessers like Trump and Mel Gibson. My mom’s vacillated between the Jodi Arias and the Mel Gibson eyes. I don’t see a one single uniform eyes on narcissists but all of them seem to lack the warmth of an empath’s eyes like Hugh Jackman’s for example, I believe that he’s an empath. Thank you for writing this article, I have often wondered if you also have cold eyes.
Everyone has a soul, HG. It might be locked away , repressed and denied but it’s still very much there and remains after you die. Unfortunately we cannot prove/ disprove this so it remains a matter of opinion for now.
Question what is a soul in your opinion and how does one come to have one?
What is a soul? A meal.
Hmm ….. interesante. Is that what it is to a narcissist? The soul of the victim is something to be devoured? That surely would be the height of evil and who would deliberately want to be so evil. Also you devour it but you’re still left empty so why not try something different? But I digress, how do we come to even have a soul HG? My world view is different from yours I suspect
so I’m very interested in your perspective.
1. That is a perception, yes.
2. You may view it as such, agreed.
3. Because there is no substitute.
4. It is a construct devised by my kind for the purposes of control.
Thank you for explaining. I would like to think there’s always an alternative, however it may be too unpalatable to contemplate.
After 9 years knowing my Narc, I was finally able to lock eyes with him- it happened accidentally and he’d always avoided it before. I do this with men sometimes, lock a stare into their eyes while we’re talking, it’s like I can see inside them and get a sense of who they are- if they’re good or bad. The Narc knows I know what he is, he’s also aware of what he is because he is a greater. 9 years ago my quest with him was to figure out if he was really just shallow or if there was a treasure box hidden deep inside him. Of course now all these years later, I had already learned about narcissism and knew he was as shallow as a street puddle. As soon as our eye-lock stare was released, he just chuckled, shrugged his shoulders and shook his head as if to say ‘I don’t get what that was all about, I didn’t get anything from it’. What I got from it is that he was empty inside, there was nothing there, no sense of goodness or honestly of anything.
Kel2day
Who broke first?
NA,
Lol, It’s my voodoo spell, I released him from it.. Bwahahahahaha -but only because he played along and let me!
Adding to the discussion about sunglasses – I wear them because they are recommended to protect against glaucoma! Another good reason is this quote, “How can you see clearly when you are looking into the sun?”
HG,
I wanted to ask you about Duchess Kate Middleton (again, sorry if that is improperly addressing her) because you made a short comment about her in the beginning of this article. People think highly of her, don’t they? I recall an article that I read (not recently) (possibly “People” magazine) about her. She apparently had posters of Prince William in her bedroom as a teenager and somehow found herself living in the same college dorm as Prince William shortly thereafter (was it public knowledge where he would be attending?). I remember reading that she and/or her friends organized a lingerie show and made sure that Prince William was seated in the front row (she had already become a part of his circle of friends), and then paraded herself in underwear or lingerie right in front of his eyes. Do you know if these things are true?
Thank you!
I do not know if these matters are true.
I noticed before I left my ex, his eyes looked dark, almost black, evil. His normal color is hazel. It sent chills thru me everytime I looked at him.
“The absence of soul was being reflected in the deadening of my eyes. This required immediate attention and rectification. I now wear sunglasses a lot, even indoors.” You know, I really like how you describe your conflict…putting the sunglasses over your eyes to represent glaring through lens of darkness on the outside that shows how you feel on the inside. Totally insightful! You are a talented writer.
Thank you Sarah, I appreciate you letting me know.
Oh the eyes! Covered in a grey blue contact to block out unwanted light. But to also hide behind the skill of reflection.
Every devalue begins with closing that reflection. Dehumanizing me to the appliance to which has stop behaving as he pleases. Once the cold words starts belittling and condescending- I leave immediately until I feel the switch come back on. It is very specific and obvious and the scariest moment of my life. I honestly have no idea how bad it can possibly get. And I do t want to see. Is it possible to keep one in check – until the calmness that comes after the storm- or is it just slotted for an future escalation?
His eyes were not dark, but they were dead looking. I wish I could show you all, but I don’t want to get into trouble legally…
Her eyes would glisten at times. Especially during the love bombing phase. At the time I interpreted it as confirmation that she was really into me.
I understand now that her eyes glistened when I was saying or doing something that checked off one of her requirements – being polite and non-assertive, giving up a useful piece of personal information, agreeing to something she had covertly manipulated me into doing.
I swear I saw her eyes turn black when I challenged her.
And in looking back, her eyes look absolutely crazeballs in photographs.
No, Mr. Tudor, it’s not so bad.
Tamara
I wish you were single and not a Narcissist.
Well one out of two isn’t bad is it?
I think I saw a pic of a blond-headed man with sunglasses..it was only a glance, though, as I could not listen to the interview just then, but have it bookmarked to do so at a later time.
You saw almost correctly Tamara. It is a lady with short-hair but you might mistake her for a man with a quick glance owing to the short hair and sunglasses. It isn’t me though.
(Laughing out loud).
I noticed in your pic on the YouTube interview, you are wearing sunglasses. I do love your voice!
That isn’t me Tamara but the lady who interviewed me. Thank you for your compliment about my voice.
Imagine the ” Look” if you can .
Head forward, but the eyes slanted & the lids nearly closed while he looked at me .
I always knew this was a sign that I was in his ” bad books” even when I knew I’d done absolutely nothing wrong .
So I filled the fuel tank . .
Made him feel good about himself ..
Then when he’d filled himself with enough alcohol .. …..
IMO we see dead eyes because our perception towards life is different. For them it’s all about hunt so why expect them to have eyes of those that are hunted.
Always a disappointment when one expects things to be as they believe and not as it truly is.
“Twilight ” :”I don’t like the way he looks at you…” it’s like he wants to eat you…vampires…emotional vampires. Good day to You G
It funny HG that you mention eyes as cold and dark as a shark. My N had that look in his eyes when we would be having sex. The Sig one would be standing there yelling and throw out such disgusting phrases. Didn’t bother him a bit. Dead eyes…. No life no love
HG,
All of your blogs intrigue me but there are some that send shivers down my spine and bring back such memories (good and bad). First of all DN has green eyes that often times change colors but they are usually different shades of green. Sometimes they are a beautiful deep green but other times they are almost yellow. He has always had a weird obsession with my eyes and made it seem like he truly could see into my soul by looking through my eyes. He used to comment on how big, blue and beautiful they were. He said he could always tell when I was hurting or upset through my eyes. He even told me one time that my eyes were ten times more beautiful after a hard cry (often ones that he initiated). Maybe that is why he made me cry so much…lol
This last (and final time) that he sucked me in, he was all about the eyes. He would look very DEEP into my eyes and I would look into his. I mistook this look in his eyes for love, passion, intensity, him seeing for the first time just how much I loved him. He even said to me, “I can look in your eyes and see how much you love me and how much you have changed for me.” He would say “M(the (ex)wife..now wife again) never looks at me the way you do. When I look into her eyes she looks away. She can’t even look at me, she does not know how to love.”
The last time I saw him, I once again looked into his eyes when I was telling him how much I hated him and what an awful person his true self was (this was before I knew). I looked deep into those eyes and it was very strange because I truly saw NOTHING there. It was like I was looking at emptiness. For the very first time, I was seeing into his soul through his eyes. I will NEVER see those cold yellow eyes the same way again!
Thank you for sharing that Alex. Yes, the eyes are determinative of so many things. They are such a useful device for manipulation since so many people put such great stock in the eyes communicating such feelings and of course being a gateway to the soul. It appeals to your sense of love devotion and romance to be told such wonderful things about your eyes. Of course, most of the time when you think you see desire, love et al gazing at you, you are merely looking into a mirror. Eventually the mirror is removed and as you identified in your last paragraph you saw yourself staring into the abyss which lies behind the mirror. Thank for your observations.
to imagine this mirror… its difficult to grasp but yes im the eyes you cam see alot and I have seen anger and even darkness in some eyes.
😢😢
Fm
Theres alot written about sanpaku eyes and the psychopath. My N had sanpaku eyes yet i still ignored this fact and carried on with him 🙄
I googled. That sht is scary.
I read about that too! And “funny” enough it seems to be true 🙁
Mine had the eyes of Charles Manson, and even when he shed those fake tears I could see thru it, he wears sunglasses a lot, I hope people can one day see thru the bullshit, the fake happy smile, the little man with the giant truck, hiding behind big guns and hiding himself from every potential victim… He’s sick, I wish him the best, it must be hard to be so alone, to be no one, except a thousand different clowns, day in and day out… Don’t forget you’re sunglasses
My Ex had hazel eyes so they tended to be grayer than mine. Mine are green and get greener when I am emotional or in sunlight. I really could not tell that his eyes ever changed much. I spent a lot of time looking into them trying to make sense of his thoughts and actions. He was extremely manipulative and cruel after the first year together (Golden Period). Then it was on and off for six months – basically like having your heart broke every other week with lots of triangulation, lying, and guilt trips. I was fortunate to have a pyschologist recommend No Contact and moved 4 hours away. I was only 19 when I met him and left the relationship after 18 months. I did not fully understand the exact nature of his problem until almost three decades later when a friend divorced a Narcissist and I began reading. I think he was just beginning to understand his own illness when we were together. One time he told me he felt like a vampire. When I ask what he was talking about, he said I would not understand. I do now.
Corey and dearest. seems to be an issue with my rrrrrrrrrrrrrr’s
People say that I have dead eyes too. Oh well. That be that.
I wear my sunglasses at night
So I can so I can
Watch you weave then breathe your story lines
And I wear my sunglasses at night
So I can so I can
Keep track of the visions in my eyes
While she’s deceiving me
It cuts my security (has)
She got control of me
I turn to her and say
Don’t switch the blade on the guy in shades, oh no
Don’t masquerade with the guy in shades, oh no
I can’t believe it
‘Cause you got it made with the guy in shades, oh no
And I wear my sunglasses at night
So I can so I can
Forget my name while you collect your claim
And I wear my sunglasses at night
So I can so I can
See the light that’s right before my eyes
While she’s deceiving me
She cuts my security
She got control of me
I turn to her and say
Coery Hart
(the lyrics fit you as you know how we all decieve you and therefor let you down.)
Punish us so deaest beautiful dark creature. Consume our souls since you have not one of your own.
I have no soul. I lost mine. That song brings back memories.
This post Hg struck me. Dead eyes is the exact expression I would use to my ex while with him, no feeling, no soul, like a robot operating, dead eyes. It also clarified his behaviour, not contradicted it. It was one(of the thousands) of the most difficult displays of him as it was there in front of me, all the denial from him in the world couldn’t cover it. I couldn’t delude myself either. A cold robotic machine with dead eyes. Sometimes those eyes would be alive but not for long. The emptiness of his soul would soon arise and remind me of what I was with no matter how much I tried to pretend that those alive eyes proved different.
I called him a robot frequently to his face, an actor and a person with dead eyes and there was nothing there.
His eyes are alive again now. I am not with him. His eyes are alive. He fakes a soul. His eyes have tears, his eyes are full of emotion, his eyes have love and do you know what? It’s only when I’m not with him that his eyes light up and his soul ignites to win me back to become dead again.
xx
You have summed up rather neatly the reality of our kind and the fabrication that is engaged in, in order to get what we want. Thanks for your post Starmaker.
Well we both were sunglasses now all the time. Lol.. I am hiding behind them because I don’t want to make eye contact with anyone and because I never know when the tears will start flowing. Never wore them before…. I frequently commented about her eyes. There was dead there too. She always said she had no soul. I saw hatred, rage, fury and pain. I used to close them with my fingers and I would tell her to open them when I could see some happiness. That didn’t happen very often. But they were beautiful at times like I’m sure yours are HG.
Snow white tears were the reason I used to wear sunglasses too…I totally get You here..
I started wearing sunglasses too. To save myself from making eye contact with her. I know she wears them because the eyes give it away for some people and I’m sure it’s difficult for her to be “on” all the time.
My ex always wore sunglasses, yet I remember his eyes held nothing, he once told me his ex wife always became fearful when he stared at her, I laughed when he tried it with me.
I never say a word yet that is what tells me who I am dealing with now the eyes.
A man once told me he felt like I was “looking right through” him, I was focused on him so intently. At the time, I was trying to look like I was listening to him talk, but it was flattering to hear him say he felt I had seen through him.
Are you wearing a pair in this moment HG?
When you asked the questioned, no. When I answered it, yes.
I see.