One is Never Enough
One is never enough for us. Two or more are required. When we commence our seduction of you and launch those missiles towards you bearing love, passion and desire, we repeatedly tell you that you are the one. You are the only one that we want. All of our life we have waited for this moment to be with the one, you. This singularity of number meets singularity of purpose. One is all that we want. We tell you this, we text you this and we do some repeatedly in order to put you on that pedestal. The world may as well just be populated by you and me. Nobody else matters. All that we want is you and you alone. The effect of such words makes you feel extremely special, revered and worshipped and it feels wonderful doesn’t it? Being the sole recipient of our attention, such wonderful, dedicated and loving attention is uplifting, joyful and magnificent.
Recently a commenter posted a quote from Robert A Heinlein which revolved around kissing. Essentially, this quote referred to the fact that when most people kiss they are not putting their all into it, they have other things on their mind, they might be worrying about work, they know they have to put the rubbish out, they are wondering what is for dinner and as a consequence that person’s kiss is nowhere near as it should be because that person has distractions. The person they are kissing does not have their total attention. There is considerable merit in such a proposition. What we manage to do however is make you think that nobody else matters, that you are the only person we are kissing, have ever kissed and will ever kiss. We make you the centre of our universe and you believe it. Yet the reality is that whilst we exhibit this singularity of attention on you, we have so many other people in mind. Understand that when you are with one of our kind there is never, there is never a time when it is just you and me. There is always you, me and her or him or them. Your dynamic with us is not exclusive. It never is. It is not your sole preserve. You are shared throughout the entirety of your relationship with us, from the beginning until, well forever. I do not necessarily mean that we are engaged in s sexual relationship with someone else when we are with you but the fact is that when you think it is just you and I, there is far more going on that you will realise.
At the outset when I am seducing you, I make you feel like the only girl in the world, however there will be at least two other dynamics ongoing. The first is that I will be embarking on a cruel campaign against your predecessor. I will be considering how next to provoke them and punish them so I am able to draw negative fuel from them. I will undoubtedly tell you about them as I explain how horrible and abusive that person was to me. What you are less likely to know is that I am sending them abusive messages, stalking them and organising various methods of manipulation to keep punishing them.
The second dynamic at the outset is the fact that I may also be working on another prospect as well as you. In the extremely unlikely event that you ever had access to my mobile ‘phone and you looked in the messages you would see something like this.
“Message to You 19:48 – I cannot stop thinking about you. What have you done to me? I love it though. I cannot wait to see you tomorrow even though it is too long to wait for my aching heart.”
“Message to Her 19:50 – I cannot stop thinking about you. What have you done to me? I love it though. I cannot wait to see you tomorrow even though it is too long to wait for my aching heart.”
There may even be,
“Message to Her 2 19:52 – I cannot stop thinking about you. What have you done to me? I love it though. I cannot wait to see you tomorrow even though it is too long to wait for my aching heart.”
Notoriously greedy for fuel and wary of the effects of not having a supply of the same, we will ensure that we have other targeted prospects in hand. You may become the chosen one as my primary source of fuel but the others will not necessarily be discarded. They will be retained as “friends” who rank as high producing secondary appliances, continuing to supply me with fuel. You think you have me to yourself. Of course that is the impression that I will create but you are sharing me with the others who will be kept ready to replace you should you start to fail in your production of fuel.
During the golden period it may seem that there is just you and me but I will be keeping other prospects warm and extracting negative fuel from one or more predecessors in the meanwhile. Then, without warning you find yourself being devalued. You have your suspicions that we are playing away. Indeed, we are as we use these secondary sources that we have kept “warm”. There will be others as we find additional people to draw into our network as we play them off against you. You will find you will be compared to these people, to friends and family and always found to be wanting as we press the devaluation against you. After this horrendous time, we will cast you to one side with a callous discard and somebody else has replaced you. How did that happen so quickly? How were we able to move with unseemly haste and find someone else who we now declare our love for? Easily. They were waiting in the wings all along.
Now discarded you will find you are still involved in the dynamic as we play you against your replacement. We will keep trying to draw negative fuel from you and then suddenly hoover you back and make you the apple of our eye again, as your short-lived replacement is cast aside. A period of vacillation may follow as we lift you up and crash you down. You are sat on one end of a see saw, as you go up, she goes down and vice versa. We stand in the centre, straddling this see saw and gobbling up all the fuel that is pouring from you both.
As our primary source you will always find that there is somebody else involved in the dynamic of our relationship. It does not end there though with the person who is our primary source of fuel. This addition of an extra player in the game happens throughout all our fuel gathering activities. We set family member against family member, our brothers against our sisters, or one parent against another. We treat one child as golden and the other as a pariah as we have them compete for our blessing and affection. We pit one colleague against another as they vie for that promotion which lies in our gift. We have friend fighting against friend in order to spend time with us at the expense of the other. We enter the online realm and have people backbiting, clashing and competing all through a few keystrokes on the keyboard. We can never be satisfied with it being just you and me, we always have to involve others and that involvement cannot be harmonious. There must be competition in order for the fuel to flow. Never think that we are dedicated to just you, our need for fuel does not allow it. There is always someone else despite what we may tell you. If you were ever able to ascertain the full extent of our machinations, schemes and plans you would see so many lines radiating away from us, connecting us to you, to her and to many others, with lines running between the unknowing and knowing until it looks like an extremely complex organogram on the wall of an incident room in a police station.
It can never just be you and me. There always has to be another.
33 thoughts on “One is Never Enough”
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100% right!!! This is the one thing that I could not get out of my head and made really think about how my future would be with my ex. There were always others that she would purposely tell me about. And I just read in Manipulated about the Imangined Competitor. I can’t even believe there is such a thing. She used these. She would meet them at bars, at her workplace, and on social media. I knew they were all lies but I let her get away with everyone she told me about. She exaggerated a story about someone she had met at work and started talking to. She seemed nice and normal to me. I had no worries but she had to keep lying and it progressed one night to her going to her house because she needed to talk to someone. She said she ended up in her bed and kissed her. I knew she was lying because she had just left my house and the timing never added up. What I knew in my head didn’t matter because she still manipulated me into thinking it happened. She then wanted to know if that meant we were breaking up. Of course I said no because I was stupid. In reality I believe that woman was going through all of her ‘tests’ and didn’t ‘pass’ them so she found another use for her anyway. We fought about that til the end. I couldn’t understand if someone loved you that much how they could purposely hurt you. That wasn’t love. There would have always been others.
Oh HG!!! Smh!!
One at a time is enough, but one is never enough.
Sad reminder. The kiss that the one who loved me and whom I loved…it was filled with passion. It was also our goodbye kiss. Neither people who had NPD received that kiss. No one else will either.
painful 😢😢
I found this piece to be very validating HG.! Thank you. My N was very good. But once or twice, he slipped up and sent me the same text twice during a 15 minute window. Since I had already texted him back, I would reply with a “??”. Of course, he told me his phone was on the fritz and he didn’t know why it was sending my message over again.
But of course he was sending the same message to another woman. He just accidentally resent it to me. Smh… Thank you for clearing the fog 🙂
You are welcome Chirose and that is exactly the case what will have happened. If you were ever (amazingly) granted access to his phone you would see that you and at least one other would receive the exact same messages, often within seconds of one another.
Jhm guarded his phone ferociously . This post made me cry . Never was a photo of me on his social media , but I have been told the new source is all the time – he must have changed ?
No he has not changed. Only the method of manipulation alters.
Of…excuse the typo.
Hmmmm interesting! Not that you care, but do you think that (because you’ve broken so many hearts) you have a lot if enemies?
My inherent superiority would deem them jealous and envious rather than enemies. I have little doubt that there are those who have been entangled with me hate me, but that does not bother me, it is fuel. I would not consider them enemies however as of those who were primary sources, some would want me back, others would not wish to harm me and the remainder would not dare. Of those who are secondary sources, fewer find themselves with reason to hate me. The very few that might know better than to try or have just decided I am some kind of arsehole and therefore they are better off not dealing with me. Their choice. of course I consider it their loss. As for those who are tertiary, they are not sufficiently motivated to be an enemy. They may face a one off rebuke and then have nothing more to do with me, hence there is not the material to create an enemy.
LOL, indeed. The Victim Narcissist triangulated me constantly! BTW, I have been reading your book, “Sitting Target”, and I am amazed by how accurate of a description you displayed of the last Narcissist I was entangled with! Yes, a Victim Narcissist to a “T”! Low energy; constant victim mentality; disinterested in things; no-where job; wants to be mothered (even in his mid-forties); and the list goes on.. He saw me as someone shy, vulnerable, and able to give him all the sympathy his deep-void could handle UNTIL he began triangulating and playing all his head-games. I then went from being the submissive, agreeable supply, to being a ready-to-fire bullet at his inability to be accountable, and to shift all of his blame onto me.
Might I have surprised him in my “change” upon “his very own change” from his LoveBombing Stage to his Devaluation Stage of me? He said a couple of times that he had thought he had “known me better”. And, then his Enabler or Flying Monkey (whichever) told me she thought I was “better than that”- (in terms of my “speaking out against the things he did”). I do surprise people because I am very quiet and agreeable- until they cross me as badly as he did, and then …well… I have a temper. People don’t usually ever see it coming. (BPD traits)..
It is not unsurprising that he did not evaluate you as his target fully. He was most likely a Lesser Victim and as you will have read in the article “Prey”, he gathers more or less what is in front of him without too much consideration as to overall suitability. He will have homed in on your empathic traits instinctively but not been aware of your inner steel.
I wish I could copy and paste this reply, in which you wrote, to my blog because I like it. But, it will not let me do so. I want to remember this reply of yours.
Just copy it out Tamara, go old school!
No, I found a way to copy and paste it after all 🙂 YAY!
Tamara
I posted this into my blog at: http://www.yancoskytamarablog.wordpress.com & http://www.miracayblog.wordpress.com
Thank you for your informative and healing words,
Tamara
H.G : How is having to keep up with so many people and so many lies not overwhelming?
When necessity demands it, it is not overwhelming. Plus, remember that we are never accountable so even if someone detects our lies we will not admit it, we just deflect, deny, project, blame-shift rather than accept we are wrong, even when the obvious is pointed out to us. That way we deny accountability and draw further fuel from the reaction of the recipient. Keeping up with lots of people is not difficult when you are well-practised in doing so, admittedly some of our kind may struggle but then they attach to fewer appliances to begin with.
Who me? He is just a friend. It is you I want HG.
Oh you say all the right things Leilani.
Ain’t that the truth…. This is all too familiar. Even in the golden state he still had communication with Sig one. I though they were talking divorce proceedings ha ha know better now
What’s my replacement G? 😉
No replacement needed.
I’m not sure whether to be happy or sad… ?
Of course you’re the only one. I’m not talking to any other guys (that you know of). I wasn’t with someone else last night, I swear, I just went for a coffee with the girls (and happened to meet someone at the cafe).
You will tell me anything Cara.
Yup
“Oh! What a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive”
–Sir Walter Scott
*Wired in* w/ narcs, from a young age…NOT practiced. Their M.O., their “joy.” Cut & run now!
The emotional devastation on which they roll is just plain SICK –no fix, no cure, unless they find the backbone to step out & become self-aware. Rare!
Many: Narcissistic Depressive.
YOU go & heal w/ emotionally healthy people…grab back your self-esteem NOW. life’s waay too short for these loser-vampires! 😉
You know not sure what is worse actually knowing or just knowing. Both produce heighten emotions and being an empath I have always known on some level, it was a matter of if I wanted to swallow that pill of truth or continue with the illusion. Choices we are made to chose between. The comfort of the lie or the pain of truth.
On that another magnificent article HG always look forward to reading them.
Thank you RMG
Cold, hard truth.