How Long Can You Resist?
Can you hear me knocking? Open the door and let me in? I know you want to. It is only me. You know me. You know me better than anybody else. Come on, I know you are thinking about me. That is what happens. I am on your mind and in your thoughts. I am whirling around in that messed-up mind of yours. It is messed up. I didn’t do it. I didn’t do anything wrong. I never do. It was a real state before I even appeared. I just took advantage. But look, that is in the past and we don’t need to talk about the past (expect I suppose when it suits me). I know you want to hear my voice again don’t you? You miss hearing me. You miss those long conversations on the telephone that we used to have, two hours or more where there was never a lull. I know you remember them. I know you keep looking at your ‘phone hoping that it will ring and that it will be me. I know you feel a phantom buzz when you have stashed your phone on your person and you keep pulling it from your pocket and checking. You tell your friends that your mother needs to speak to you, just so they won’t groan or roll their eyes at you for wanting it to be me. I know you are itching to call me. Go on, why don’t you? You can speak to me again and it will be just like before, all of the wonderful stuff. I will reinstate it in an instant because look, I have had a lot on, I have been tired, I have been worried and so on and so forth blah blah blah. I will trot anything out because once you see me smiling at you, you won’t be listening any more.
No, you will be thinking back to that kiss as we stood in that park with the sound of the breeze through the autumnal trees. That first kiss after the days of flirting through text and call. That magical, marvellous, mesmeric kiss. The first of a million. One in a million. I know you close your eyes and stand in that park and allow yourself to be taken back to that time a year ago. That day when we both drove there and met beneath the towering trees, the September sunshine still warm and I stood there, my magnetic smile on display as you half-ran towards me and I took you in my arms and then we kissed. Imagine doing that again? Oh you have of course. A thousand times.
Send me a text. You may as well. I will answer you and I will put a kiss on the end, just to tempt you. I know your heart will surge when you see that and all thoughts of staying away from me will begin to evaporate on seeing that. Text me. Just one text. It is easy enough. I know you haven’t deleted my number despite the promises you have made to do so. You just could not bring yourself to do it.
Call me. Ring me up and tell me what a bastard I am. Go on. Unleash that anger. Let it out. How many times have you sobbed to your friends about what I did to you? What a cruel and heartless bastard I am. I do not deserve you do I? No, but I deserve being told what I have done to you. You need to get it off your chest don’t you? You should. Go on, just press that button and I will answer you and you can let rip at me. Hey, even better, why not suggest we meet up and then you can have that show down that you have always envisaged. I know you have thought through all the things you have wanted to say to me but feel that I prevented you from saying when I just disappeared and then ignored your frantic attempts to get in touch with me. Tell me how broken I left you. Tell me how your friends hate me too. Tell me how your brother is going to batter me. Go on, I know that anger is still raging through you and you need to let it out. Surely after everything you have put up with you are entitled to one last hurrah?
Make that call late at night. I know you are lying in the dark thinking about me, hands entwined around the shirt I left which still smells of my scent. You know you ought to throw it away or burn it but you just cannot do it can you? You still want that connection. You still want to be able to inhale my fragrance and somehow relish the agonised joy as your mind is flooded with my memory. It is a lonely place now that bed isn’t it? Why not send me a text and we can exchange some saucy messages? Rekindle that fire again. It will make you feel better. I might even be tempted to come and see you and take you in your bed once again and let you experience the magic that I possess. The sex was brilliant wasn’t it? I know you cannot lie about that. I have heard what you have said to people about how you hate me but the sex was off the charts. Let’s do it again. Why not? It will make you feel so much better. Just text me, ring me, message me. You just have to reach out because I know you are dying to.
You may as well flick through those pictures again and smile with regret and longing as they evoke all those momentous times from when we were happy together. So many pictures, so many smiles. Have a look at my Facebook profile again. I did not block you. I would not do that. I want you to see how I am doing. Those messages are for you by the way. I am sure that the cryptic comments that I have posted with those pictures will have been picked up on by you and considered and reflected on. Those were for you. I wanted you to know how much I am missing you and you need your daily fix of stalking my social media. Yes, there was somebody else and I know you will have seen and been distraught to know that she was now receiving my love, my perfect love. How that must have burned inside of you as you realised that somebody else was now the recipient. I knew you would but don’t worry, she isn’t a patch on you so why don’t you come and see me and we can start it all again. I know you want to.
Come and see me. Help me. You are the only one who truly knows me. You know more about me than anybody else. The others, huh, they meant nothing to me. They were aberrations but you, you are the real deal. I love you still. I always have. Just come and see me and I will prove it to you. I will make the changes you want me to do and I know you believe in me. You see the good in me don’t you, you are the one who can let it out and help me. Please help me. I just need to be fixed and you are the one with the tools to do it. There is only you. Please don’t let me down. I need you. I will change. I will be better. I promise. Just come and see me and give me the chance to show you. That is only fair isn’t it? You are a fair person, I know you are, that is why I love you so much.
Come on, just get in touch with me and all this pain can go away. There is no need for it. You just need to press those buttons, dial that number or best of all just turn up. Imagine how romantic it will be. You turning up unexpectedly (but not really) in the rain and I sweep you into my arms again and everything will be good and golden and great once again. Do it. Do it. Give me the dressing down. Come to bed with me. Kiss me again. Tell me how you feel. Offer me forgiveness. Let me know what has happened to you. Tell me. Tell me. Tell me. Do it. Do it. Get in touch. Reach out. Stop the pain. End the hurt. Bring back the joy. Resurrect us. Ignite the passion. Let love reign. Do it. You can do it. I believe in you. End this agony. Let it go. Berate me. Love me. Chastise me. Fuck me. Hate me. Contact me. Contact me. Contact me.
I can hear my ‘phone ringing.
125 thoughts on “How Long Can You Resist?”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.
More hang up calls from unknown/spam numbers …one of which I could swear someone was making fart noises into the phone…if this is a hoover, thats pretty damn sad 😢
Like when you don’t care at all with no feelings in other words the biggest empty hearted ever in the history of worried exlovers . I hope the government doesn’t arrest him for being nuts and puts him in rehab for life or something like that
Is this your best shot at undoing no contact from your partner/victim? Tudor? It just proves how really crazy you are. I feel sorry with no pity and pity at the same time it’s just sorry the case how lame I hope these people get over rehab
No Clary, it is not my best shot, I have far more in my arsenal to de-rail no contact.
NO,H.G.IS NOT CRAZY AT ALL VERY SMART PERSON ,WE ARE LEARNING FROM HIM !🇺🇸🇺🇸 ! THANK YOU VERY MUCH. H.G. SHARON
Yes but nothing direct. No desire to actually communicate with me….at least the others provided fuel, thet at some point that was missed.
Sure, there’s his prostitute of a lieutenant, app imvites, fake facebook requests and messages (with dummy using pictures of dead relatives who look exactly like him lol), hang up calls and text messages from weird numbers. It all amounts to what? Oh yeah shit. lol. I actually tried pinging him back on that app months ago, got nothing. I’d say the most he’s ever wanted is to make sure I was still around for his consumption.
15 months here, and i’ve yet to see a direct attempt (malign or benign). Maybe i’m mistaken he’s a narcissist? It’s the one piece that does not fit. Every narc i’ve ever known has hoovered. If he returns I think i’d drop dead of shock.
Any plans to do an article/book on the “split black for life” thing? This is why I feel no guilt destroying him.
So there have been indirect attempts TT? Those are hoovers too of course. I have it in my list re an article on split black.
Lisa I hope this email finds you well. The biggest mistake I made was to go back to him. I was told he would share his time with me. I was waiting for almost right months for him. He lied over and over again. I have been away from those two for almost two weeks and my stress level is down. I can function but still recovering. You got this you know what he will do… Continue to Fuck you over again. My tipping point was getting assaulted by her and a horrible trip to the coast. RUN
The very fact that he has not contacted me what me wonder if I was wrong about him. Yet I had the lovebombing, the pedestal then the discard only to then see him flaunting his new gf on his profile pic. He’d told me he usually went for younger which she obviously is. I wanted so bad for him to return just to prove me right. 4 mths of nothing. I blocked him so perhaps that has sent him a message..
4 months is early. There is plenty of time for him to hoover you yet. He is busy with his new primary source Lou.
At least you guys have a choice in the matter. Mine has never directly hoovered, only by proxy or in an indirect, malign manner. I am split black, it appears…permanently. I wish I had the choice, to “walk away” and I can’t fault anyone for taking it. Lisa, you do what’s best for you…HG is probably right, but maybe you can use this to finally gain closure. Keep us updated ❤️
Hi Twinkletoes, what does split black mean , I keep hearing this phrase . HG what is it ?
It means where we regard you in a demeaning and negative manner.
Hi HG, so that would be when the narcissist no longer wants to return and they then hate you and forget you completely , but if they seen you for any reason by accident they would just do something nasty
Not necessarily forgets about you, but regards you as a “bad” thing and therefore you will be subjected to malign hoovers.
I’m struggling or was with this till he got arrested. Now I am heartbroken and don’t know why
It is as a consequence of the emotional infection that we apply to you and is entirely natural and understandable. You are reacting as a normal empathic individual but you need to resist the lure of the emotions otherwise you will be sucked in. Read Exorcism on how to counter this feeling.
You sound rather empathic here like you care!!!!😊
I don’t. I am just stating the facts ma’am.
I now see how easy it can be for my kind to project empathic traits on to your kind when you are merely using logic and facts. We want you to be a good guy and look for signs that say it is so.
It can be simplified to an addiction and you are withdrawing.
Always and forever ! I feel absolutely nothing for him otherwise I wouldn’t be able to play games with him the way I do.
But I give him just enough to make him think I will give in one day.
Keeps the hoovers in place and he is completely pliable.
I have no idea how long this will last for ? But whilst I’m getting everything I want……….
Oh and I make sure I sleep with one eye open.
Are you from Ohio? I asked this before but wouldn’t it be a strange coincidence to meet another of his victims on here. If you are the Alexis he was involved with, you and I have spoken on text and on the phone.
Sorry Liberty, not me. In from the UK.
I giggled and squirmed all the way through this. Called you a Fucker too! In the most endearing way of course. Ridiculously accurate.
I will never contact him again. I’ve thought about it many times but most definitely have no desire to experience any new pain as a result of entangling with him. I’ve archived him. For good.
Hes always the one to reach out. I ignore until he annoys me and then I threaten to hurt his feelings and he disappears again. If he tries again I will ignore the hundreds of texts, calls and emails to be rid of his attempts for good. He disgusts me.
This time it’s been over a month but the record was 2 months before he tried again.
Let’s hope he surpasses his record this time, for your sake mallgood.
Nope he made ano appearance via email last night. I upset him sufficiently enough to where he went quiet again. Only took an hour or so lol
Figures doesn’t it, I mentioned on blog months ago, I was going On a ” date” and MCN hoovered me the night before… after not hearing from him 2.5 months. It is uncanny their ability to know when to reappear😞
Oh, good on chasing him away again…sorry it happened again to you.
They out so much effort into acting as if they don’t care but let things slip or act completely obvious because they have no self control.
One time the ex said “I heard you were working out…”. Only way he would know that was via Instagram as I cut off all communication with anyone that knew him.
MCN did that too, I heard comment, which always meant he saw it On social media or he asked someone, instead of talking to me first..then when we call them in it, we are to blame. I blame myself enough, his blame on top of mine was beyond burdensome.
If I told him ten loving positive statements and then ask one question he preceived as a criticism, he would go off on me and then silenced me for days or weeks. Once was 2. 5 months…
I will not reach out. All of my friends state that I am not past the danger point… I think he is done with me. I haven’t changed my number… Dangerous indeed….. He still has wifey to fuck and to call him out on short comings…I am stronger than he is. I can do this this. Eight days and counting
Jessica,
Did he find another supply?
The things we do for love, when that is what we truly believe it is.
Completely on point!
HG. I screwed up NC after 10 weeks. I’m so mad at myself.
Don’t be. Few people succeed first time of asking. You can reinstate it and start again. What happened?
I know it is not going to work. However, spent two days of laughing and fun. Could I send an email about what happened? You have heard it all before I am sure…
By all means.
Email?
Narcissist1909@gmail.com
Omg, Wings are playing in my mind now for that first line. You are the King of ear worms.
I do miss his voice very much…he had the most calming soothing voice.
A kiss On the end, is not special when you get from an English man, they out x at the end of everything …along with calling you love…MCN only ever called me darling. He didn’t take the same route as other men. He really was so very good, if he had of covered his deceptions better and not used so many silent treatments, I might never have left him or figured out what he was. I suppose it was inevitable.
Do it, just do. Do it…NO!!!! No matter how much I want to do it. I will not do it. I will not contact him.
You can have your apple, I choose the serpent.
I don’t put an x at the end of everything, nor do I call everybody “love”. Indeed I know many English men who do neither.
I am referring to all the English men I know. MCN was only one who didn’t call me love. But he did tell me right up until the end of four years, that he was in love with me and that he loved me. Why insist and perpetuate that lie till the bitter end, HG? why didn’t he tell me when he knew I knew what he was, that he did not love me? Any ideas, HG?
You didn’t put that.
To keep drawing fuel from you.
I didn’t put what? Sorry?
Fuel for him, love from me. I still would have loved him the same, even if he told me he didn’t love me. He gauged me by the others. He was mistaken.
Thank you for reply HG.
You wrote
“A kiss On the end, is not special when you get from an English man, they out x at the end of everything …along with calling you love…”
You didn’t put that this was with reference to the English men you knew. As written, it was a statement about all English men.
Okay, you were were confused. I understand. You thought it meant you. Hope all clarified now.
No, I was not confused. It read so you were referring to ALL Englishmen.
You ought to have written “Of all the Englishmen I have known” or “in respect of all the Englishmen I have had any experience of”.
You wrote
“A kiss On the end, is not special when you get from an English man, they out x at the end of everything …along with calling you love…”
I see what you did there……Brilliant.
I’m obliged.
If mine would have used silent treatment or withdrawal a little more wisely, I never would have left him. I would have taken all the bullshit he threw my way forever because I loved (notice past tense) him more than anything. But he just could not control himself and could not handle not being in control of me and everything around him. Sad really…. Lose someone like me because you cannot help but act like a spoiled toddler who didn’t get his way.
Hi libertygal
Yes, I so know what you are saying….they just can’t control their behaviours or their need to punish those who love them. They let us down, not other way around, we were loyal and devoted and asking for so little….not to be silenced or ignored, lied to. Exactly. A spoiled toddler….they just shut us down and walk away and then return when other fuel gets low or stale and expect us to still be waiting, because we always were. Exactly. Past tense. They need to realize that if they tempered their behaviours and tantrums, we might have been able to accept it and tolerate it through our love of them. We just deserve better, libertygal. Thank you for confirming that.
Oh man, so timely! Yep, the hoovers he uses in his texts are very much this. And, at times my mind runs through the lovely memories (although the sex could have been better, haha. What can I say, he’s cerebral). Recent hoovers included messages of wanting to “make amends”, a phrase related to 12step recovery. He knows I know this and tried to fool me. Bull chips! Sure, I feel sad and reminisce a tad, but with minimal ever presence in my home, I’m good. Nope, no call from me. Nope, no text from me. ROAR from the lioness!
NC in person for years. Last and final text to him was October. He tried wow…in June to text. Time passes quickly. It is trigger season again.
I’m better armed thanks to you…but am I any better? Hmm.
No desire to reach out. It has been two weeks since there was any contact. I will never reach out again. He will always have to be the one. I have nothing to say to him.
The apple? What in the hell are you doing with my apple?
Yours truly,
Eve
TEMPTATION🍎🍎🍎
Did u pick that apple on purpose HG? Lol..
The temptation is so strong. Those first few days of NC were the worst. I wanted to die. I picture her saying every one of those things to me. That would give her an enormous amount of FUEL if I gave in.
Stay strong, as you are strong.
Fm
True that! FM1T
Going thru it all . I left him and moved away from him. It’s hurting big time because it’s been 7 years of marriage. But I’m ready to face the fear.. I’m ready to cry all I need and let go. It’s a matter of enough is enough and be prepare mentally to move on…
Nope he gets silence now when he comes around
Not A Friggen Chance In Hell Will I Ever Break “No Contact”, Ever… I Wouldn’t Piss On Him/Them If They Were On Fire, Baby…I’m The One Who Left You Sitting In That Restaurant After You Were 15 Minutes Late, Making Googly Eyes At The Tall Blonde At The Bar As You Intentionally Acted Like You Didn’t See Me Then Sat Down And Talked About Yourself And The Cheap Lame Watch You Were Wearing…..how’s that working out for you still ??? See ??? These Predators All Have The Same M.O. I Appreciate You Enlightening Me…Just A Day Late And 47 Years Late…They Hate Happy People, They Hate Genuine, Honest, Loving, Caring And Truly Kind Individual’s…They Are The Walking Dead, They Just Blend In Until The Veil Slides Off. We Know It’s There, We Get That Sick Feeling Of An Anxiety Attack Coming On Right Before We See Them And That’s Also Your Que To Run And Live By The “NO CONTACT RULE” Till Perpetuity…Thanks for the insight Tudor. What a nightmare you guys and gals are…What do you gain out of destroying people like that ???? Everyone gets a chance in the Karma lane. You either snap out of it or ya don’t… Thanks
Ohhhhh….you sly, cheeky bastard.!! This is so on point.!
Your lips will never touch mine. Ever. Ring ring.
Never…and did I say never? No chance.
Now that looks like the apple that tempted Eve in the garden, great picture
Fuck you and that little birdie.
By the way, my bed will only be lonely as long as I choose it to be. With my exotic eyes and beautiful body, I never had to be lonely…maybe I wasn’t….maybe I won’t be tonight. How does it feel when you have no control? When you don’t have any idea where I am or who I am with or what we might be doing?
Contact you….not a chance.
Sincerely,
The Snake
Wow, I was so close to reaching out to my ex. This is so on target. It convinced me to maintain no contact…at least until the next time his absence tears away at my soul again.
maintain those defences Alexandra.
This is so well written HG. I literally just thought through this entire post yesterday in my mind after speaking with my xN briefly about some belongings. He was kind when I thought he’d be a jerk and I stared at my phone for hours wondering if I should continue contact. Would he become cruel again? I know he’s got new supply, I can tell.
The sex is….better than porn. Does it feel that way for you? Do you know it’s good? Every time it was so good I’d say to myself, “this is how it *should* be.” I put up with a lot just for the incredible sex.
HG, if your’e a true N, how do you have enough empathy to tell Alexandra to maintain her defenses? That is the best thing for us empaths but if we all took your advice, you’d have little supply. 🙂
Thank you Sail Away. My observations are not borne of empathy but rather the appreciation I receive from telling it how it is and providing information which is useful to people. If they choose not to apply it, that is their concern, not mine, but if they do and they are appreciative, then I stand to gain. Yes, if you all took what I explain and applied it then the ultimate outcome would be that I would have my supplies affected, but no matter how much I would revel in the fact that my works are read and applied around the globe there is always going to be those who won’t read or won’t apply it so I have no concerns at all that there will always be a plentiful supply of primary source victims for me and even if that was not the case, there would still be fuel from all the secondary and tertiary sources to draw on. HG won’t go short believe me.
Do I know that the sex is good? Of course I do. It is me after all.
Hi Alexandra, HG and this blog are great at keeping you on track at NC. Just when you think you are going to take the bait another article makes you wake up. Sending you a hug the next time you need to cry❤️
I try not to contact. But it’s so hard. And he knows it. He ‘always’ responds too. Of course, why wouldn’t he? I block and then I unblock. I try to convince myself that he’s really not as bad as I think he is. And then I read your blog HG. All this sounds so familiar, especially those words ‘I haven’t done anything wrong’. Bet I’ve seen those words at least 25 times in text in the past year. So disturbing that you know us this well. 😥
Yes it is but that is why we are so effective, but now you have access to the source to unlock the secrets.
Wow! This is exactly how I always get sucked in…this actually brought me to tears
Not me…… I’m totally lost
Pick up…it’s me
Hi, how’re you doing? Sure I will be round in an hour!
Awww Hi baby. You have even made Ellie Goulding song as my personal ringtone! I’ll take You back anytime…infinity of hoovers You are granted♡♡♡♡♡♡♡ it will take YOU either 4 or 1,5 hour 😉
ha ha, very good.
How I love that laugh of Yours 😉
It would appear HG not very long as I think I’m getting back with him 😩
Care to explain why, Lisa?
Hi HG , he’s been hoovering a lot it started with the birthday message which I ignored then emails then texts , wanting to talk to me . Saying all kinds of stuff . He’s never going on those holidays anymore he’s not moving there bla bla bla. So I met with him and had a talk. I told him “I think you have a personality disorder ” he didn’t disagree . Turns out he read a lot about personality disorders a few years ago. He asked me if I thought he was borderline or histrionic . I said I wasn’t sure because there’s about 10 that could be applied to him . I was tempted to mention the one that you suggested major fuck up personality disorder!! I said I think your a narcissist , he said I don’t think I’m that . But seems to think a narcissist is someone that loves themselves . I mentioned his father and he didn’t disagree with that situation either . He agrees about OCPD and thinks he could be schizoid or avoidant . I said you show signs of narcissism and I explained a bit about it . Anyway he says he’s been talking to his mum and sister about me and they have both said he needs therapy . His sister is a flying monkey but doesn’t know it . He is accepting that things go back to his childhood and that he can’t actually blame it on his exes totally . As I mentioned to him his exes don’t explain his father or his brother. He didn’t argue about it. I really don’t know what to think . But I suppose I’m just getting sucked back in with all the lies . I said everything to him , I held back nothing . He just is basically saying that he wants to sort his life out and that he feels he has got love in him . I guess it’s all bullshit and I’m just allowing myself to get sucked back in again
Thank you Lisa. You know what it is, you recognise it, you can see the hoover for what it is with all the false contrition, promises to change etc etc. You know he is sucking you back in but yes you called it correctly when you stated that you are allowing him to do it.
It is your life. You are an adult and if you wish to return to dealing with his behaviours again knowing what they are and what he is and what will happen that is entirely a matter for you. Is that what you want or would you rather be free of him
HG what do you think to him not denying his problems ? Telling his family that he is very low and loves me . Also I spoke to him a lot about cheating .
We will say anything when it suits us to gain sympathy and pity. He will mention them Lisa because he knows that doing so is they key to getting you to come back.
HG after learning things about narcissim I really don’t even know why he wants me back . I am absolutely useless at giving fuel
You may think that Lisa, he evidently thinks to the contrary.
HG do you think he’s been with someone else for the last 4 months ?
He will have been engaged with someone else as his primary source. they may still be there unaware of his overtures towards you, in fact, I think they will be.
HG am I now being made back into the primary source and they will be disgarded?
You may actually be a secondary source for him to triangulate with the other person but if you go back, he will allocate you the role of primary source and she will be demoted to a secondary position. I am of the view that he is likely to Ping Pong between the two of you.
Lisa, I swear your N is my ex! I guess they all could have N brothers and dads and loving mums and sisters. But this is too much coincidence! I’m dying to know more.
HG make it stop. Usually I could care less and be strong. What am I missing internally to where no matter how strong I get the moment he comes back I FEEL weak even if I act strong and discard or refuse him again? I want to be at the point I was when I left my ex HB and shuddered everytime I had to deal with him. Do I need to continue to act as if until I become? He doesn’t know of my weaknesses is this why he goes away so easily?
I wonder why I ask you when you only see it from his pint ofor view.
The emotional infection remains strong inside of you. You need to continue to allow it to be processed out and eventually you will reach the position where you do not care about him and indeed you may even shudder as you describe. Read Exorcism for how to achieve this.
Hearing that I’m not as far along or as strong as I thought is a hard pill to swallow but I accept it.
He does make me shudder though as I know what he is capable of and any interaction with him only has to do with his intent to harm.
Hi, who knows maybe what’s his I intials of his name ? Where do you live ?
Hi moving on if we have been dating the same man then we should compare notes and arrange for the 3 of us to go out !!!! Lol
Lisa- I’m sure it’s not him. But his initials are MR. We live north of Chicago now.
Just goes to show they all have the same damn play book. Need to get hold of that thing and burn it!
Hi moving on , I’m in England so yes wrong country different narc . That’s a shame we could have compared notes 😀
Things like these make you wanna go back if you don’t feel I difference like I do
Hi Lisa…did he just Hoover you recently? I accepted MCn Hoover and I tried for three months but there was no change and then I had to leave for good and go no contact. I certainly do not judge as I needed answers back then too and a I still loved him. My wish is that if you do return that he can let you In somehow, admit or accept what he is and you can find a way to manage and be together where your needs are met as well.I know you were trying determine to whether he was a narcissist or had a diiffernt disorder, which was good that you fielded all possibilities before even entertaining contact with him. Please use this blog as reference and support. I wish you the best, just do what makes you happiest and make sure you are respected and validated. Please keep posted where, if you can. Be well xx
Hi poetic me , thank you for your message . Yes he has been hoovering . I have met with him and he’s pulling out all the stops , more than he’s ever previously done . I’m just not sure what to think he definately has a personality disorder and I suppose I’m still slightly in denial as to whether it is full NPD. Since they lie so much it’s very hard to tell. I don’t know what will happen , maybe I won’t get back together with him or maybe I will until I get to the point where I’m ready to leave forever . Also I’ve just started running my own business so he will have to be fitted around that as I’m not accommodating his schedule . Neither will I listen to anymore of his jumbled up bullshit , he says he’s going for therapy and he thinks he is avoidant or histrionic personality disorder , but most of these which could fit him , put him in cluster B . I did mention to him he’s probably a physcopath 🤔I really have no idea what will happen .
I would concentrate on your business and jettison him. Your new business will provide you with an excellent distraction and is your creation.
HI Lisa, I am sorry.
The point I wanted to make is this is your life and choice, when I went back to get my closure, sure I nevr received the answers I wanted and he continued to lie and I then decided to leave for good. Knowing I will not go back. I made that final choice because I went back to determine if he could be truthful. I just want you to know I understand. The choices are personal. Maybe you will decide not to return to him, maybe his will and decide to leave permanently as I did, or maybe you will decide not to return at all. But this time, you are aware and informed on disorders and facets of his behaviour. You have gained the upper hand now. He does not have the control.
As long as with or without him, you remain aware, vigilant and see him separate for the illusion he tries to create.
I recommend No contact. But, I needed to try and see as well. What ever you do, I wish you to be happy and healing.
Hi poetic me , I appreciate all your comments I really do. I’m not sure what I’m going to do. Everytime we get back together he gets better ( behaves better I mean ) even though I then ultimately end it because he starts his withdrawal nonsense . But I think having all the understanding I now have about all of these disorders it’s making me look at him differently . So even if I was to get back with him I won’t be the same person so either way there’s very little hope of it working . He’s even text today saying he wanted to see me tonight Well that’s unheard of on a TUESDAY with his OCPD or his cheating . I just said no I’m busy all week which I am. I also am still in denial I think about him being full NPD , I just don’t know . By the way HG one of the ladies that posted on the blog Dee Dee who was she talking about ?
It was evidently the narcissist that she was entangled with, Lisa.
The way it was written I thought it was about you
Well in one way it was because it was levelled at my kind, but it was clearly a rant at whoever she had been entangled with. It is not somebody who knows me in case you wondered.
I just know how important it is to have support …especially when we are questioning to leave or return. I know the anxiety I felt over it all. And the shame I felt for returning because I need to get closure and aim loved him still. Even though I knew form HG, he nevr loved me, ever. So I get the need.
Good for you Lisa. Yes you have gained empowerment And it will change relationship in all ways and for the better for you. If he doesn’t like then he can change or leave or accept it. Well done. You are strong and insightful and intelligent. You will make the best choices for you now.
Hi Lisa,
I’m reading your comments 5 months later and am soooooo curious if you went back. Please give us an update! Best wishes 💜
Hi Love,
Glad to have you back!!!❤️
I wondered that too. I am always interested in where people are in their story and what progress they have made. This blog has made since such an impact in my life.
Saw some unicorn pretzels in the store the other day and thought of you. Lol
Snow you are wonderful! Unicorn pretzels?! Omg! Can’t decide to eat them or collect them! 💙💜💚❤
Love,
They were pretzel rods dipped in white chocolate and drizzled with all pastel colors. Looked like the unicorn’s horn.
They were beautiful.
Snow you had me at chocolate 💜💜💜
Lisa, you’re giving him fuel just by communicating with him. Please don’t give in and allow yourself to go back into the pit of hell with him. That’s all he wants, nothing more. Losing yourself and giving your soul away is not worth giving him another chance. Good luck to you and best wishes!
Hi Lisa, I agree with PM about having support. We need it. Good luck on what you decide. I will be thinking of you. I know how you and PM both feel. I get the shame and anxiety. When I went to say goodbye to my ex, I had support from no one. Everyone thought that was a bad idea, even my therapist. I needed to do it for myself and I wanted to see her in action using all of manipulation skills. I cried and it was miserable. On the otherhand, at the time I didn’t have the knowledge about what she was getting out of it. HG wasn’t in my head yet. Lol…I know I encouraged her but a part of me would have never been at peace without that face to face with her. I know that for me No Contact will always have to be in place. I will from here on out take every bit of HG’s advice even if it’s not want I want to hear.
Snow White , I don’t honestly know how I can now know all of this stuff and still even be considering it. Even if he isn’t NPD so many disorders have aspects of narcissism so it’s all just pointless. But I’m just getting sucked back in again . The best I can say is that my new business will come first and i won’t tolerate much so it will probably be all over in a fortnight
just clones then, ha! Mine’s from England but now over here using his accent to pull loads of poor girls. He learned by practicing on me I’m sure!
WHY would you EVER go back to a Narc?! Has he been with someone else in the pas 4 months? HELL YES!!! He may be bringing you a lovely present also that you cannot get rid of. Don’t be stupid Lisa.
Hi Narcslayer, I’m not sure if he is a narcissist , I never have been sure, but time will tell as I now have all the information that I need . I think him and I have agreed that he has traits and he is reading a lot of this stuff now . So we will see.