Why We Target People Like You
When we set our sights on acquiring our appliances to fuel us, it stands to reason that we dedicate the greatest amount of time to the person who is going to be our primary source of fuel. Of course the amount of time dedicated to this depends on the relevant narcissist but all of our kind are looking for certain traits which are prevalent to empathic individuals. There are certain core traits which exist in empathic individuals. Normal people will have some of these traits, probably not all and they will not have the traits to the extent and degree of an empathic person. Thus, this is why normal people are rarely made our primary sources. There are also traits which are known as class traits. These are the traits which appeal to the relevant cadre of narcissist, be that person a Victim, Somatic, Cerebral or Elite Narcissist. The core traits are hugely important to us. Their existence provides us with the three key elements that we take from our victims. Firstly, these traits means that the fuel provision will be high because of their connection to the emotional output from the victim. Secondly, there are certain residual benefits that come from these traits which we want. Thirdly, by attaching ourselves to somebody who has these traits we can pretend we have them too. We do not have these traits. Therefore we want to take them from you to apply to our construct and pass them off as belonging to us. Since we are experts and copying, we do not have these traits for ourselves and we do not feel the, but we are able to replicate what they look like by studying how you behave, because you have these traits. We then apply this to our own behaviour in order to maintain the façade. This fools other people into thinking that we are honest, decent and loving. It also enables us to mirror your traits and reflect them back at you so that you think we have them also. This makes us all the more appealing to you and ensures that you are bound closer to us. Accordingly, identifying these core traits in our victims is extremely important. The more of these traits that you have, the better. The more of these traits that you have, the greater the likelihood of being ensnared by our kind. A combination of the core traits and the class traits appearing in the way you behave and act draws our kind to you. We sense and see these traits and lock our sights on you as a prospective primary source.
There are ten of these core traits. The ideal is to find a victim who has all ten core traits and exhibits them to a considerable degree. We would then also want them to exhibit the relevant class traits which match with the type of narcissist that we are.
The Lesser Narcissist is unaware of these traits but like a hungry wolf sniffing out food he can sense the existence of these traits and know that the person exhibiting them is somebody he wants with him.
The Mid-Range Narcissists recognises these traits as admirable traits for a person to have. He sees them as plus points in the same way as someone might regard someone who is interested in art, travel and classical music, as a good match to start dating. The Mid-Range knows that he values these traits but he does not know the fundamental reason why he is drawn to them.
The Greater Narcissist knows what these traits are and why they are important. He knows the function that they play, he knows better than anybody else how to detect them and the places where (“the hunting grounds”) people can be found who will have these core traits and also the class traits. The Greater can sniff our the existence of these traits and match the target to them before moving in to ensnare that person.
So, what are these traits? Well, here are five of the ten by way of example. It is highly likely that you will have all five of these traits and you will have them in significant amounts because that is why you were ensnared by a narcissist to begin with.
Love Devotee – we require our targets to be committed to the concept of love. You want to find love, experience love, love and be loved. The idea of love is central to your existence and you truly believe that our purpose on this earth is to love others. Not only does this mean loving those around but above all else you believe in the fulfilment that arises from having that one special person who you are committed to, who you will do anything for and who you will make sacrifices for. The existence of love is a reason, to you to exist and therefore you must find it and once located, obtain it and maintain it. We want love devotees because your dedication to love often blinds you to so much else and accordingly by pretending to give you love we can hook into this trait of yours and it allows us to ensnare you all the more readily.
Compassionate – our target must exhibit compassion. This compassion must be mainly for us although we are content for it to be exhibited for other people and objects such as animals, in order to detect it. If we identify that someone cares more about animals and things and not people however we do not consider that this fulfils our requirement. At an early juncture, if we see evidence of compassion for animals it generally (but not always) follows that this person will be compassionate towards humans as well.
Decent – We look for decent people. People who are well-mannered, polite and understanding. People who have consideration for others, wait their turn in speaking, allowing others to take a slice of cake before anyone else, giving to charity and conducting him or herself in a dignified manner. Decency is an attractive trait because it tells us that you will adhere to certain standards and that you also expect us to do the same. This matters because we know that this is often indicative of the fact that you are therefore unlikely to give up on us when the going gets rough.
Moral Compass – we prefer a person with a strong moral compass, somebody who would hand a wallet to the police with the contents intact if they found such an item in the street or they would alert the shop assistant if they were handed too much change. This person is monogamous and faithful and believes others should conduct themselves by a similar moral code. Again, this tells us that you are far more likely to hang in there once devaluation starts and our behaviour will offend your moral compass so there will be the accompanying emotional reaction and thus copious fuel.
Caring – an individual who will always look after somebody else. Whether it is through working to provide for us, running the home in an excellent manner, looking after us when we are ill and being concerned about our well-being, the caring trait is very important and must be evident in our primary source especially. Not only will this tell us that you will want to look after us but it also signals to us that when we begin the devaluation of you, you will want to fix us and heal us and therefore you will keep plugging away, trying to do the right thing. It also tells us that we can expect considerable residual benefits from you in terms of you looking after us, which accords with our view of how you should be, subservient and obedient.
61 thoughts on “Why We Target People Like You”
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Apex Predator. Psychopaths, Sociopaths and narcissists are like Apex Predators. Vampires in a way. Feeding off of others. Bleeding them dry. Some can control it better than others. Depending on their intelligence level. All of them know it is morally wrong, freedom of choice, and they can say no.
Why do you refer to ten core traits, yet only list five of them?
Nevermind, my question has already been addressed. Apologies.
To whet your appetite to find out what the others are.
A good one for understanding why you are a prime target for a Narc
How true – makes me feel like being myself puts a neon sign above my head.
Is the mid range wrapped in cotton wool?
From my experience I will raise issues with them and they just have edited worries out to the point they took no notice of them. But they were able to tell if someone else was being manipulative when I couldn’t.
The Mid-Ranger wants desperately to be regarded as a good person and thinks that he or she is such, that they are unnecessarily attacked by other people (those people often being labelled narcissists) and they use emotional blackmail, pity plays, sympathy grabs and many passive aggressive methods to achieve their aims. They are cowardly.
Thanks, I think your describing the biggest influencers in my life rather than lessees so I’ll watch the videos.
Cowardly is true. Safe is their motto and they’ll steal facade from TV characters, advertisements etc. and start conversation themes that go for years from characters’ lines. I could never work out when they would laugh and why because it would change. Always there was this presence dancing around us, “out there”, “rejection”, and those were the things to avoid. But never my own fears of losing each other.
What a mind fuck! I thought I had a serious issue because I couldn’t follow and got so bored. They called me insecure. I was in a group of ten girls and all mid save two greater. How does society allow this to happen?
No, let’s not change <3
I hate that some of my best qualities bring out the worst people. Still not enough to make me lose them (the qualities…learning to lose the toxic people…I think)
Great statement Alex, our best qualities bring out worst In others, it is correct. But we should not change that for them.
These are beautiful qualities in people. What this tells me is that narcissists target people with strong emotional capacity and moral strength. I want this in a partner as well. Don’t we all?. What I suspect in addition to these beautiful traits is that they also have boundaries that are less guarded due to possible cracks in the walls made by former abuses. Sitting Target is a great read, by the way!!!!
Good point Indy we do want the same qualities we have, In our partners as well. Why they mirror us so well. I admit my boundaries needed fences.
At least you have a fence, PM😊 The trick is to not to make a mote and not to be an open field. Be like a fine fisherman’s net, not torn by the waves and alive with the current❤️
I like fishing Indy, I have many different hooks, would you like to see them?
High fear tolerance ….remember?
I think that would be under the topic of ice fishing, right? I used to ice fish as a child….let me get my drill.
Have you ever been ice fishing? Do you fish? Wasn’t sure if you really liked fishing or playing (I assumed the later, as you could tell). I actually enjoyed it when my father was alive.
No I haven’t, I’ve done some fishing in my time but I find it too slow for my liking.
Not if you have a whole cow as bait while fishing in a lake of piranhas.
The reputation of piranhas has been skewed owing to a piece of footage which was used when they had been purposely starved so they stripped a cow in mere moments. Ordinarily, they would not do that.
Yes, HG, they can be finicky eaters unless put in such a position as you describe. I was surprised when I watched a programme years ago about piranhas. The ‘skewed’ perception is most likely from films as such ie ‘Jaws’ (gawd, they are so laughable now but good at the time). I’m still a Star Wars fan 🙂
https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.mirror.co.uk/news/world-news/man-eaten-piranhas-after-jumping-25383860.amp
And this is what I call a perfect example of ironic ending.
If you are around my age, which I think you are, you may have watched as a child the traumatic -for me- movie Faces of Death. There’s footage of an anaconda being totally devoured by piranhas. I actually think sharks have a more undeserved bad rep.
That was beautiful Indy, very poetic. Thank you.
So kind of you, thank you!😊
I hit the lottery on that one!! All 5!!
I hate you; don’t leave me!
Have you been talking to some of my past acquaintances? Lol…
I am everywhere Tamara.
Ahh! You are a tease.
I think you will find it is the other way around.
It is a good thing that I have none of these traits…zero, zilch, nada. I barely even know what they are, these traits. I am not good Narc supply…Noooo.
You don’t fool me, you fuel me.
I will make myself that way Tamara, by asserting my rights and self empowerment and self love.
Poetic_Me, You are healing so well. I don’t know why I play with fire, still 🙁
I have a fear of fire…might be why I don’t 😏 I am also too fearful of attracting another N to even consider dating.
Poetic,
Strangely, I am terrified of fire! I have never heard anyone else say that they are, too. I know that fire is dangerous, and everybody- most everybody- fears it, but I won’t even light a BBQ. I only use the oven or stove if I really need to. I don’t want to date another Narcissist, either. That’s why I want to learn as much as I can about them so as to not be ensnared, and to help tell others about it, too.
I won’t light the propane BBQ, either…I will cook on it, someone else lights it for me and turn the propane on and off. I won’t even use a match. I will only use BBQ lighter that is distance away form to light birthday candles or candles in the home or start logs In fireplace…that took a lot for me to be able to use fireplace. I was quite proud of myself. I have fire and safety training, have and can use fire extinguishers. But, yes, fire does scare me…I don’t know why though, I cannot recall any incident that should have caused that fear in me.
Well said. Tamara, to heal yourself, then be able to help others with the knowledge you have learned.
I will light matches finally, but I still won’t mess with the fireplace… I see fire as being “alive” somehow..and, very much out of my control. It burns fast, and takes over everything if not stopped. Even when it’s a controlled-fire, I see it as ready to get “out of control” at anytime. It’s very fierce.
When I bought my house, I had the fireplace replaced with a wood stove insert, the door between me and the fire helps a lot.
I couldn’t use the fireplace as it was, it feared speaks igniting something all the time.
I recall watching the Frankensteins movies, and Frankenstein monosyllabically stating. Fire, bad!!! And me saying, tell me about it ….
Yes! I think I remember the part in the movie where he did say that! BTW, Poetic, I looked for your blog, but remembered that you had deactivated it. I actually had a WordPress blog that I deactivated in the past for the same reason with the Narc and his troops carrying on about it. Months later, I decided to start up another blog because it’s so therapeutic. But, seriously, they are constantly looking for reasons to get me into trouble. So, I know what you mean about Deactivating your Blog. But, if/when you bring it back, I want to read it <3
I know that was weird comment on Frankenstein, it popped into my mind at time…quirky lol
Thank you Tamara…I just couldn’t seem to get into doing my own blog..maybe when I purge him fully my heart and mind and come,with leave all things relating to narcissism behind me I might restart…thank you. I will happily enjoy reading your poems till then. Poetry is serenity inducing , unlike men, especially Narcissists.
And the Award for Misanrdist of the Week goes to…..
What are the other five, HG? My closest friends are all of these except for the first. But they’ve never been involved with a narc. I am the only one who is “guilty” of being a love devotee. I guess the ideal primary will have all of these traits, not just some or most.
The rest are discussed and with further detail on the five above, in Sitting Target.
Hi Cody…it is nice to have you back..I hope you have been doing well?
I am all five of these and when I go read sitting target again, I am sure the other five as well. I truly was a sitting duck and an easy shot for the Narcissist. The only saving grace for me has been, they underestimate my power of reclaiming my worth and esteem and asserting myself to be free and heal. The overlook my determination and ability to thrive.
Thanks, PM! I haven’t commented in a while but I am still here, reading every day. 🙂
Hope you are staying strong and continuing to thrive…
Thank you Cody, yes, still no contact for over two months now. How is everything with you and G? I have missed you on here….sometimes a I think I should just read and not comment too. Or stop reading. Thank you Cody xx
Hi PM. Still hung up on G, unfortunately, for all the reasons HG has described so eloquently.
I understand all too well, I have moved on and away from him, yet I am still stuck within my thoughts of him. Torn being loving, sorrow and freedom. I wonder if the continuous immersion into knowing has trapped me with him, not physically, but emotionally? NO contact still and strong, but that applies to the physical…it is the disconnection of my thoughts that keep me thread like attached. I broke the chains, cut the ties, but that thread attached to my soul and his, there is still a frayed strand, struggling to break. Soon. Cody, do you feel better In the midst of knowing or away from it?
PM, what a beautiful and accurate way to describe the relationship. I feel it. I need to engage in soul cord cutting rituals. Hi Cody, wishing you the best in this tough journey.
~Blessing vibes to us all ~
I did it once last year during the longest silence treatment, I fully visualized the cords connecting between us and with pair of golden scissors I saw myself standing before him and looking into his eyes as I cut each cord. He came back days later. After I made that choice and I happily accepted him back. That strand is weakening, Indy. I will allow it to break away on its own time now. He may return, but I will not take him back. Yes, snip away xxx
You still got it so wrong with me. W.R.O.N.G.
We Relish Our New Goodness.
You are clever but still wrong.
Oh you lift me up. Oh you cast me down.
It’s all about balance…you still haven’t answered my core question. It’s aok if you don’t know.
Remind me of the question please.
How did you get it wrong…lol..”bc I am not perfect even though i think i am and I sometimes get things wrong.”….easy enough?
Wilting Rotting Old Necrotic Ganglion.
Hmphm…guilty as charged :-/ and 🙂