One More Chance
What harm could it do to give us one more chance? Like the gambler placing another bet in the hope of winning big, there is everything to gain and not much more to lose really is there? You are down amongst the dead so what could possibly go wrong? Besides, imagine if you did not do so? Imagine that you pass up this opportunity and somebody else takes it? Somebody else benefits from all of your work and they get it right. They do and say the right things so they enjoy the joy of the golden period but this time it lasts forever. It would be like allowing someone ahead of you in the queue and they buy a winning lottery scratchcard from the selection you had your eye on. So near, yet oh so far. Imagine the crushing dejection of knowing that you had it in your grasp but you failed to fllow through and seize the moment. How could you live with yourself thereafter if you failed to act on this glorious chance?
You don’t want to let anybody else gain the advantage do you? Not after everything you have done to steady the ship, to keep things afloat and to steer a sensible course through hazardous waters. You are owed that chance. You are entitled to that magnificent outcome and here it is being offered to you. All you have to do is take hold of it and give us another chance to make things right. Yes, it has failed in the past but did Robert the Bruce give up in his attempts to defeat the English? No he did not, he kept on going didn’t he and I know, I just know that you are made of similar stuff. You have that indefatigable spirit, that is why I hcose you. I knew you would not give up. Too many people let me down, but not you. You aren’t going to do that are you? You have your eyes on the prize. You could not live with yourself if you knew you had given up the chance for us to return to our golden period once again.
I know some people say that past behaviour is the greatest indicator of future behaviour but they are just bitter because they lacked the capacity and the ability to make a change. They wanted to make a difference but they didn’t have the goods. They didn’t have the gumption, the wherewithal, the necessary to do the job. You have. I can tell. I know these things and if you just believe in me this one time then everything will be different. Just one chance. That is all that I am asking for. It isn’t much, not after everything we have been through.
You aren’t going to throw away everything that we have built up are you? I surely do not think that you will do such a thing. You are not like that. You believe in us and you are the one who holds the key to a magical future. Just place the key in the lock, turn it and open the door to me. I will be there waiting. I have all the time in the world. I am not going to go anywhere soon if I know that you are going to continue to believe in me, but if you are going to give up, even though I don’t think you will, well, there are plenty who will take your place. No, I haven’t got anybody lined up, I am not saying that. I am just pointing out that someone as special as me, well, there are people who would be interested, that is all that I am saying. But let’s not talk about them. That is just something which might happen if you make the wrong decision. Not that you will. You are good at making decisions. I know that. You chose to be with me. Oh I know I made it seem like that I came after you but let’s not delude ourselves here, you are the one who made the decision. After all, you are in control of your own destiny aren’t you? I just offered myself to you, you had to make the decision to make that step towards me and you did and do you know why? Because you know. You know that we belong together. You know how we feel about one another. Yes, I know there are difficult times, but that is just what life throws at us but you and I, well, we are better than that aren’t we? I am not trying to influence you because I have ultimate faith in you to do the right thing. You know your own mind. All I am doing is asking yourself whether it is worth throwing away all that we have, all that we can have, just because you will not give me another chance?
I know you are someone who believes in the power of love. I do too. Love is all that we need and what you and I have, well, nobody else really understands it do they? I know what people say about me and you being together, but it is all jealousy. Are you going to let the outrageous comments of others deny you your happiness? I would not think that for a moment you would conceivable allow that to happen. You are your own person. I have always respected that. I gave you what you needed. I know at times I might be a hard task master but I did it for us because it is only when you are truly and sorely tested that you can tell that it is love. Anybody can love like the books and the films. Anybody can be on top of their game when they have no worries and no concers. A real test of a relationship is when the chips are down, when your backs are against the wall when it is against all odds. It is when somebody else interferes, wants what you have and you have to fight for what you want. You have. I have seen the fire and the determination in your eyes because I know you want me. You want us to be together. We have been tested, repeatedly, but have we not come through it? Have we not come out on the other side and we are better for it? Our love has become stronger because we have been tested and we survived that test. Are you going to let all of that go to waste just because I say some things in the heat of the moment? That is passion for you, you bring it out in me, I cannot help it that you cause these emotions to erupt from me. Would you rather me be a cold and heartless shell? Of course you would not. I am what I am and I am a cauldron which you manage to stir because that is how you and I are. Other people hurl their opinions around, I know they do, I am not stupid, I know what they say, but they do not understand you and me. They do not have what we have and they are misguided at best and jealous at worst.
So, give me another chance. It is easy and we have so, so much to look forward. There is nothing really more you can lose is there by trying again, but if you don’t you will always wonder, “what if?” and it will drive you demented not knowing what might have been if you had trusted your instinct and allowed me back.
Let’s do it. Let’s create our wonderful world again. Just you and me.
Just say yes.
55 thoughts on “One More Chance”
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Hi Indy, My name is Twinkle and i’m addicted to narcs that border on retarded…
Indy,
You can make it through the withdrawls. We all can. My body felt as on fire while my gut and heart wailed at one another going through them. Oxytocin withdrawls coupled with the shattering of the illusion is liken to surgery without anesthesia. Here’s the deal: this is your biggest sign that your entanglement is toxic. To go back in is a guarantee of further abuse and prolonging the inevitable.
Ladies, the only way out is through. Keep moving!
Hi Bethany!! Yes, yes, yes 👍💪🙌 thank you for that reminder and your encouragement!!! We can do this!!!💛💙💜💚 “my name is Indy, and I’m an narc addict” as I introduce myself to the HG 12 step group, narcaholics Anon 😉
Aww Indy you’re welcome! You CAN do it, ONE DAY AT A TIME!
“The only way out is through”….hmm, Tubster says the same thing at all you can eat buffets…
4 inches ladies (4 and 3/4″ erect)…so, literally, no balls
I’m sure it doesn’t bother him since he obviously can’t SEE them!😊
Mine will never make direct contact…he doesn’t have the balls.
Negative.
PS. The term golden will always make me laugh, now.
Not in this life time!!!
Give me another chance. I wouldn’t cheat on you with your brother AGAIN, I swear (I mean, now that I know his cock is smaller than yours, there’s no point).
Ka boom!
Bam!
Oh my. Are you a Narc or just getting even.
It’s all I have heard for a flipping week in hundreds of messages. However, he has taken a break for the past 24 hours. No messages!!!! Worn out? Gone for good? Or more stealthy?
Seeking fuel elsewhere. Enjoy the respite. He will be back.
I believe you. Your ability to predict is unbelievably accurate. Keeping defenses up.
Thank goodness he has ceased Indy…he is no doubt refueling. I wish for you he tires of this hurtful game. Hope you have a quiet evening.
Thank you, PM! Quiet so far 😊 even parked my car closer to my home and had a window open with fresh fall air. I’m a ,I tire of feelings, though I’m relieved they have ceased. For now.
That is relief, indeed. The breath of fresh air, in all senses. I hope he wouldn’t be so foolish to show up or do any harm or damage.
Indy, that’s great to hear. Take advantage of the peace. Lol❤️❤️
Thank you, Snow! I’m both relieved and oddly….I’m feeling withdrawals again. It’s a sick addiction. I feel the sympathy sneak in, the sadness for his and my pain, and wondering if he is confused about my silence, seeing me as cruel for no reason. My my emotion mind and caregiver urge. My logic mind tells me to stop feeling sorry for him and live. I look at the facts–his threats, violations of trust and use of intimidation. I have to remind myself of his bad behavior constantly because it is as if I still have the capacity to forget easily. I thought I was beyond this craving. Not yet. And, I’m still NC from my end. I hope no more calls. It’s time to block for my sanity now as I have enough evidence if I wish to press with the law. Why is it so darn hard? Just block, just block….
Thank you for the support. ❤️🍎
Indy. You are strong. Remember that.
I can’t reply to your last post, Indy. I know how you are feeling. I cut the narc off after one too many silences. He knows how much he hurts me when he does it, but continues to do so. But after 2.5 weeks, the withdrawals are hard and I can’t help but feeling pretty cruel just cutting somebody off. Like I am no better than he is.
It’s so hard to do. I see mine multiple times a day. I gave a smile and a wave this morning, was ignored.
Hi Watermelon! Yes, I have read here that it is an experience that many of us have, especially when pulled into the addictive highs and lows of a push-pull relationship, such as one with a narcicist can be. It’s been 48 hours and no contact from him (yay). I know he can and as HG said he will return for more potential of fuel. I Have found that using distractions, engaging in self care (massages, pedicures, soul lifting activities, exercise, taking yourself out to dinner/movies, seeing good friends) helps a lot. I’m thinking of booking another vacation soon, as this past one was not really one (he hoovered the entire time)…..wondering, is it suddenly stopped at the end of my vacation if it is somehow related….hmmmmmm…. Anyway, back to what you shared, I would have a very hard time if I saw him daily. That is rough and I feel for you. Are you ever able to avoid his physical presence, do you work together or live in the same area? One thing I have done when I worked with difficult people (not an ex tho), was to imagine a force field of white light around you where he cannot penetrate and you are surrounded by loving light and this for exiled doubles as a bug zapper 😉 and it will zap the poo out of him if he invades….it’s funto think about.
Hugs and hang in there and keep coming back here, we got your back and HG has all of our backs. 💜
Indy
I for some reason thought your Narc. Was long gone. I have started a support group at the hospital for victims. It has be very difficult for you. One of the women in my group added very small changes. She has her kindle in a new cover. It’s all colorful and says color my life. To her this is what she does to keep herself going and in the right direction. Color seems to lift the spirts in many women. Put flowers on your table. Baby carnations last forever. You deserve to give yourself flowers! I have learned so much in the support group I run. These are not weak women. They are very strong they find so many good ideas to share to keep them from slipping into the dark depression. Some started with simple color changes others painted the living area of the home to reflect change and strength. I hope you find this down time a chance to regroup and stronger for the future. Narcs never see our strength it’s there weakness
Hi SII,
I feel like he is long gone now 🙂 Much better than when I wrote the post above in Sept. I left him in July and stopped all contact. He hovered like crazy, particularly in August and told him to stop all contact with me again in early September. He made smaller hoover attempts but have had no contact since September.
That is awesome that you have a support group now!! It takes group support to get through this, for sure! We are strong women, indeed!! It takes strength to survive this. I have actually been buying myself fresh flowers pretty regularly. I use various senses in addition to visual, such as scented candles and lovely smells from oils, soft cozy clothing and blankets, feeding myself healthy foods, treating myself to massages, socially making myself go out. It is very much a DBT self soothe skill!!
Best to you and thanks for the encouragement. I hope you are well too!
Indy
Indy, sorry I don’t know why I can’t post directly under your reply. I hope you see this.
I succumbed and emailed 🙁 But at least now the ball is in his court, if he ignores me that’s okay.
We live very close together. Plus he discovers my routines (where I have coffee, exercise) and shows up there. So I then have to change my routine, and eventually he figures it out. Plus the random drive bys like yesterday.
Do any of you just know when you will see them? So many times I’m driving (or exercising) and know he’s about to drive by, and sure enough he does. It’s like a mental connection between us. It’s so weird. I don’t get that with anybody else in my life, just him.
The guy in my life keeps coming back (he doesn’t beg though). I know it’s happening because he starts appearing everywhere I am in the hope it will push me into contacting him, then when I don’t, he finally contacts me and I stupidly talk to him again. After a period of one or two weeks he starts the old talking/not talking (which he knows is my major trigger) cycle again until I get fed up and cut him off. If he doesn’t want to talk to me why not just stay away? Why come back to do it all over again?
An article on why they do this would be awesome.
Hello Watermelon, the reason is that he does it for fuel and this is part of the follow-up hoovers. Have a look at the article Hoover Time – Sphere One which will tell you more about this behaviour.
Thanks HG Tudor, will go look it up.
“Just say yes” Gives me chills, I can hear him saying it. Thanks HG! I’ll never fall for it again! NO!
You are welcome Victory.
Oh I heard all of this before. Mine was there are benefits for all three of us being together…. Like what???? She won’t live forever and she’s getting sicker… Oh brother. She’s your problem now. You chose to get back together and I was the odd person out. Deal with it asshole
I’ve said yes thousand time for that exact reasons… but if I knew those days all what I know now…. Well described ! Thank You G.
Thank you Maddie.
I have heard this so many times. He always drew me back “we could have a great life” or “you’re a quitter” or “you always leave me for dead” or this is a red flag for divorce that you always leave” all of which made me want to stay bc I’m not a quitter. It’s funny bc we tried to go to counseling after we all found out about his double life. I told the counselor I thought he was a psychopath. But the counselor said, “I’ve seen psychopaths and he’s not one”. Now, I sit here and say to myself that he must not have ever met a Narcissist Psychopath. Bc he IS ONE. Every post you write I can say I’ve lived it. I don’t want him back but I sometimes wonder if he’s gonna settle down with the next victim.
He won’t Brandie.
“I thought I lost you” yup, that is a good one. How about you never really had HER asswipe. Not the real HER. The Dark Demonic Raven Hair Woman that SHE is under the fluff. You are too weak. Perhaps you have seen HER for a moment, remember? You asked for another chance and then said SHE is the most beautiful woman you have seen. SHE told you that SHE would rip the tongue from your mouth if you said this to HER again. Remember? Your eyes widen and you stepped away from HER and SHE moved swiftly to inches from your face. SHE saw fear in your eyes. Oh wait, you did see HER again. You did mention you thought SHE would stick you with the knife as SHE stood in the kitchen when you started your tirade and SHE had to control every sinew in her body to stop from springing over the counter and to sink HER teeth into the juggler vein bulging in your neck to bleed you out. Yes, you did realize at this moment that perhaps SHE wasn’t the idea victim.
I live in both worlds of the ME and the HER.
Do you want another chance? Do you want to die? This will be your choice as SHE is gamed. Mother Fucker.
You bring your bat and SHE will bring my canon.
The Power of Love, well this is a song sung by Celine Dion. I have it on MY PLAYLIST. Let’s talk about this POWER. If you dare.
Steevian, quite a colorful comment.. Movie of the week material … That everyone would skip over.. Poor dear.
If half of you narcissists acted on your threats, and behavior, you would be in prison… Or have you already? Now that’s a good payback.. Having other narcissists, and psychopaths abusing you for a change. Putting that aside, revenge is possible.. At least in my case. And I loved every minute of it…
He is mostly doing this blog cuz he has to…not cuz he wants to. He has been caught doing something.
Hey Katie, PISS OFF. I am not the Narc. You clearly have no clue.
Last I checked, I wasn’t going for Movie of the week. SMH.
And yes, what I wrote did happen, want his number to call and get his take on these moments? He most likely will warn you that I am a bit high strung.
Katie, I think you are a real piece of work to make this comment and HG you are just wanting a cat fight to post it as it nothing positive, just an insult to me so you can piss off with Katie.
Bitch better check herself.
BOO.
There will never be a what if?? …Just a THANK FUCK! And a big ….NO CHANCE!! 👊👊
F*ckkkkk no!
No !!
Now let’s talk about revenge v no contact 😀
Would love a piece on the above
Hello NA, could you expand on your thoughts about this please so I can consider an appropriate article.
Hi HG, I would like to hear what the narcassist experiences when he/she is cast aside and then given the no contact treatment?
Does it drive them nuts ? Or is it too easy for them ? are there better ways to give them a taste of their own medicine ?
After years of my narc driving me completely nuts – I would like a bit of old fashioned revenge – spiteful ? Maybe ? But hey ho !
Hello Never Again, if you read the following articles
https://narcsite.wordpress.com/2016/08/24/how-no-contact-feels-part-three/
https://narcsite.wordpress.com/2016/08/22/how-no-contact-feels-part-two/
https://narcsite.wordpress.com/2016/08/20/how-no-contact-feels-part-one/
This will give you the insight to the question you have posed.
Also read this book
https://narcsite.wordpress.com/2016/02/25/no-contact-how-to-beat-the-narcissist/
which will tell you more about what happens to our kind concerning the instigation of no contact.
If you are seeking revenge, then I suggest you have a read of Revenge as well.
Thanks HG great articles !! I’ve also read revenge that was brilliant …
From the information that I have given you in my messages … What sort of narc do you think I’m dealing with ?
I
You are welcome. Before I answer, what type do you think you are dealing with? It is always useful to apply your mind to it.
Hi HG,
Hmm I’m a bit unsure – but think he’s a mid or greater range narc.
Your thoughts ?
I’m thinking Upper Mid at present NA.
No !!
Now let’s talk about revenge v no contact 😀