Pet
“Sexpot”
“Angel”
“Babe”
“Honey”
“Princess”
“Babygirl”
“Penguin”
“Corky”
“Glow worm”
From the obvious and well-used to the corruptions and bastardisation of your first name through to the downright bizarre, pet names are a standard feature of relationships. Parents may have a nickname or pet name for their child, we use nicknames for our friends but most often they are used in the context of an intimate relationship. Their use is to denote endearment and to highlight something special and unique (although using babe is not going to win awards in that category) between that person and their significant other. When used in the context of a non-narcissistic relationship they are relatively harmless, perhaps hinting at something which teases and might be mildly embarrassing (e.g. calling someone glow worm because they go red and become embarrassed easily) but generally they are used as a fond and kind epitaph. That situation becomes corrupted and entirely different in our hands. We regularly use pet names for our primary sources, but our motives for doing so are not about being genuinely endearing but for a host of more nefarious reasons.
- It is done to appear to endearing to you so that you think you are special to us. You merit being given a pet name and therefore you are led to think that we naturally care and love you since we have taken this step. This is done because it is a standard step in many intimate relationships and all we are doing is mimicking that for the purposes of making you think that the relationship between you and us is wonderful, special and marvellous.
- You are our possession. By giving you a label in this manner we are branding you and stamping on you that you belong to us. It enables us to exert control over you.
- We objectify all of our appliances and by giving you a pet name we are reinforcing that. We may call you “angel” but in our minds you are just an angel, one of hundreds no thousands out there. In the way that those who find themselves in a perilous situation might use their name with an aggressor of kidnapper in order to humanise themselves and the other person, we utilise pet names to dehumanise you. It is our stand point that you are an object to us and it is far easier to control and abuse an object.
- We use the same pet names for many of our appliances. There will be differences when for example the pet name plays on your name, so if you are called, Rebecca, we may call you Beccipops, but if it is a pet name which is nothing to do with your actual name or a distinct attribute of yours then you should be aware that several primary sources before you all got the same name and the ones that comes after you will as well.
- By using a pet name and keeping it the same for all our primary sources we minimise the risk of calling you, accidentally, by the wrong name and bringing about questioning and a challenge. Thus, if we call you “Sugarbumps” and we are having an affair, the other person will also be called “Sugarbumps”. If you were ever granted access to a narcissist’s phone, do not be surprised to see Sugarbumps1 and Sugarbumps2 in the directory.
- As with many things narc, what we grant we then take away in order to upset you and exert control over you. Thus if we always referred to you as “Hot stuff” you can expect that come devaluation you would be referred to by your actual name instead of there may even be a corruption of the pet name, for instance calling you “Cold stuff” instead. This is done to make you react and feel hurt by this change in the affectionate pet name.
- In some instances, the pet name may actually seem like a compliment to you but actually has a hidden meaning to our kind and whilst you smile when you hear this name being used, we are actually laughing at you on the inside because you do not realise that you are being insulted. One example might be by jokingly referring to you as the boss. Thus in front of you and our coterie we may say,
“Thanks for asking, I will have to run it by the boss.”
You smile at this affectionate deference to your authority oblivious to the fact that my coterie and I know is means Best Of Seven Sluts, being a reference to how we regard you sexually.
- In some cases, we forget who you actually are (because we regard you as an object) but if we call all objects “Munchkin” then we can fall back on that and refer to you by this name without appearing stupid for forgetting what you are called.
- We may invent new and different pet names which are insulting, disrespectful and unpleasant when we embark on our devaluation of you. We may call you The Rash because you keep appearing everywhere when we do not want to see you. We may call you The Pirate because you have small breasts, e.g. a sunken chest. We may label you as The Thorn because you are a pain in our side or we may just go for It as regular readers will know from my treatment of Lesley.
- We will also insist that you use a pet name for us but we will choose it. Nobody normal chooses their nickname and then tells people to use it. Nicknames and pet names evolve from characteristics witnessed by those around the recipient of the name. The fact that we appear and tell you to call us “Goldenballs” is evidence of our sense of entitlement and grandiosity.
The use of a pet name by our kind is never to be regarded as pleasant and complimentary. It is a device for demeaning you, upsetting you and exerting our control over you, in the same way that one keeps a pet animal, that is how you are regarded as we keep you in one of our gilded cages.
59 thoughts on “Pet”
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he called me by many, many enchanting names. there were the usual generic (and likely recycled) ones such as “Queen”, “Principessa”, “my Muse”, “Beautiful Creature”…and other more personalized ones such as “Smufette”, “Prop Mistress”…but the one that stands out is the first, “Odie”. yes, Garfield’s dog. I, on the other hand, called him “Sir” at 15, and “You” at 45.
” Bitch ” was the term of “endearment” the narcissist i was involved with used.
It was standard across genres of women-everyone from the jobless ageing wrinkled ex-waitress to the exquisite art gallery owner were “bitches”.
The naarc certainly lacked creativity in this department!!!
My friends have an endearing nick-name for me, and my ex-narc picked up on it. He started using it. He then began using it with another woman with the same name as me – while he talked to her online. She knew me, and told me about it, and blocked him. Good for her! Not so good for him! He really wasn’t as intelligent as he wanted me to believe. I discarded him. I am so very happy now. He is still a narcissist, and always will be.
What does sexpot mean, it was really irritating!!!
Someone who is a pot of sex, a receptacle of deliciousness, a bucket of beauty.
Oh, he also called me, “Missy” and “Princess”, when I wasn’t “Dumb Sh*t” or “Slut”…
He referred to him self as my knight….he has a medieval fascination. So, he always called me princess. I preferred Pixie Queen.
A great post by anyone is when I make the neighbor dog bark by laughing at a post. You did it. If someone asked me to call him goldenballs…well ummm…no. It did make me laugh.
The boss nick is mean but clever. Using the same logic, I would call you the God….Generous Outstanding Dude…or something. The inverse is way mean…even by my standards…so I will not say. Trust me, you won’t guess, unless you do.
Another lesson learned. Thank you.
I suspected as much.
Interesting article HG, not all the narcs I’ve come across did this but one decided we should think of pet names before we even met. Even though I hadn’t found your blog back then it rang alarm bells. I called him Squidgy back then when we were friends, he has a different name now.
Funnily enough I’ve recently been thinking up some great pet names for the narcs that have been in my life so in order of appearance we have:
1. Scott the Tosspot
2. Peter the Cheater
3. Rob the Knob
4. Casanova Craig
5. John the Con
6. Mark the Narc
And that’s me being nice about them!!
HG, example number 4, what is the significance to adding pops to the end of the abbreviated form of ones name? MCN called me Janapops. I found it annoying. Told him to stop using it. He of course got stroppy over me not liking something he called me, so I used the opportunity to tell hm all the others ones I disliked…Hunney Bunney, sweetipie, Popsicles, cutester. I preferred my own name or darling. I gave him same opportunity, but I only called him by his name or sweetheart, so he had no where to malign there. So. Silent treatment it was.
It is an acronym for Piece of Putrid Shit. You should respond accordingly.
Therein lies the differnce between MCN and a GEN…perhaps if he called me that when raging. But he said it only being in a child like manner and words, like my sweet precious angel Janapops. You are the bestest girl in the whole world. He called me it when he was happy with me. Never when angry. There was switch In his behaviour when he called me that. It was not hostile in the words you use, yours sound devaluing….his were meant to be cute and adorable. It was too sugary for me…he certainly was not like you…I guess Greaters have more hate In their expressions for appliances. He always went the sweet route. Mind you if he ever called me that during a rage, I would believe you on that meaning YOU use for it. HG if you felt your fuel supplies were putrid pieces of shit, why did you continue to engage them…guess their fuel didn’t stink?
Hello PM, excuse the delay in replying as I have been away. Yes it is evident he used it as a term of endearment, I used it as a method of appearing endearing when I was really laughing into my sleeve and the distinction you draw is correct. It is absolutely the case that the fuel didn’t stink.
Down to the most innocent gesture, and even that is turned into something to snicker and “laugh into your sleeve about.” That’s disappointing.
Two pet names, coconut butter and pumpkin butter. “Why,” I asked, “I don’t know,” he said.
In my fridge, I have both coconut butter and pumpkin butter. When he arrived the first time at my home and I took him to the fridge and opened it and showed him the two jars. It was just a freak coincidence.
We do not know mutual people. We did not talk about what I use on my toast. It was surreal, to say the least.
I am pretty sure I was the first to have them in the fridge but not the first he used them with.
My point is that it is not a normal staple to have in one’s fridge.
Other odd things like this happened between us. Now unless this guy was stalking me from 2000 miles away and looking through my walls, he has to get past the armed guards and gates first.
I refused to call him his nickname, told him it was stupid and I refuse to call him a name his sister and mom used. Seemed odd to call this out in the boudoir.
This really hurt his feelings as he brought it up a few times.
@SA Was just reading your comment, and a red flag was set off. Any chance your N. uploaded a remote backdoor trojan onto your PC or Laptop that allowed him to activate your webcam from afar? He may actually have seen you with the two items. He could do that from 2000 miles away or across the world under the right circumstances. That sounds like a Psychopathic Tell to me.
My office is on the other side of the house, even if he did upload anything.
How creepy is this! He did work for NSA and he had a small company for internet security. But honestly, in the end, I believe he was more afraid of me then not.
If I EVER talk to him again, and I would if HE called, I will ask him how he came up with these names. I will NEVER call him first.
First officer and he was captain !
In between gorgeous Italian princess – and cleopatra
Once I was – darling – definitely he forgot which one I was
Twinkle toes you made me laugh
N1 has and still does call me by my nickname. He in fact lied to his coworkers and told them that was my real name. We were in California so hey, any name is possible. If I were to hear that name today it will always belong to him. Thus 29 years later, the name still works. Except as I am NC I get my triggers from Mr. Tudor now. Thanks HG for the thought fuel you squeezed out of me, my N1 would fist bump you for that.
You are most welcome.
The first one called me: Babydoll, Honey and Ladybug. The second one called me: Honey and Sweety. When the first was one mad at me, he called me, “B*tch” or “Satan’s Spawn”.
Mine would call me by an abbreviated version of my name. Then when I saw on social media the two appliances he hooked up to when I left I knew why even more so, the shortened versions of their names which he also used were similar to mine and rhymed…he rarely used my full name. Even when I asked him too. He claimed he felt more impassioned when using the name he wanted for me. Pet names, were average and normal. I mentioned then previously. When in a heated fury the typical hateful nasty names were spewed. No surprise there.
I told the 2nd one that I did not like being called, “Tam” because he first one called me this. So, Lo and behold, my new name for him became “Tam”, along with “Honey”, and “Sweety” (which I liked, but I did not like “Tam”; besides, it’s not even the correct pronunciation of my name)..(DS he was)
Yes, when I said stop using Jana he used more. They are so antagonizing. I suppose if we said we loved it when they called us such and such, they would have stopped calling us that name. Luckily two different men.
Yes exactly, Poetic!
Oh wait, there were nicknames for me at the end..
slut
whore
fast food queen
piece of s*it
and (my personal favorite while in the hospital, crying) “f*cking baby”
So do I feel bad for referring as “Tubby,” “Tubbs,” “retard” and (my personal favorite) “fat f*ck”. Nope. I hope he dies and sit in full agreement with him he is a “worthless weightie”
TT, that is horrible. You deserve a virtual hug!
Thanks *hugs* to you too. I got blackballed from another “support” site because the mods said I lacked empathy.
Could anyone here feel empathy for Tubby?
TT, the names you have for him are too kind. he deserves a big fat zero.
The first one asked me to call him, “Sarge”. He said he was a Sergeant in the Army before he got demoted for drugs, but then he was asked to be a Sergeant again, because he was so good at it.
Tubby gave himself a pet name, not me…he used to refer to himself as a particular piece of candy. During devaluation/discard he resumed formality, only referring to himself by his full name (and no, it wasn’t “Retardrick” as i’m sure many have assumed).
‘Sweetie’. However, the only time I heard it was when he was frustrated at me. Makes my skin crawl now.
Pet names will forever be the first red flag for me, especially if they’re used immediately by someone who doesn’t even know me. I ran into an old “friend” at a reunion (5 months after being discarded by the ex Narc) two weeks ago and he started calling me princess (small “p” mind you), babe, sweetheart, sweetie … Everything but my name from day one. Immediately, I told him not to use those names with me because he didn’t know me. He also started sending me YouTube songs and telling me I’ve been his fantasy for 38 years and that he never thought anyone would ever get him to the point of reconsidering marriage again like I had because he knows … I’m “The One” he’s been waiting for all his life. I made damn sure he knew right off the bat that I knew what a Narcissist was because I’d been through it before. I went so far as to tell him about this website and he said he read some of the posts and was happy to report that he is not a Narcissist. In the two weeks time since we started talking by phone and texts (525 to be exact) I asked him 4 times to back off and to stop pressuring me. I told him we hadn’t even been on a date and he had no business talking to me the way he had been because we were only friends. I tried giving him the benefit of the doubt to prove my intuition wrong and each time, he’d apologize, but turn right around and put the pressure on again. A couple of days ago I finally told him I was done because clearly my idea of friendship was much different than his. I looked on his FB page that day to unfriend him and noticed a quote he had posted (with the caption, “you know who you are”) and it read as follows: “Well, aren’t you just a sweet little lollipop triple dipped in Psycho”. LMFAO … Takes one to know one!
An excellent example there Sharon, thanks for sharing.
Oh, by far, the thank you goes to you, HG!!! If I had not found your site, I would have been ensnared again. Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for all the good you’re sharing with those of us at the opposite end of the spectrum. After reading your post “The Super Empath”, I now see why I admire and am attracted to your kind. You truly are good people, I just wish you knew where to find it inside of yourselves. Either way though, I think you’re pretty great!
No. 1, to actually give a pet name though, that is in your heightened state of infatuation through seduction right? So you are feeling a connection to that person too? In fact, at that phase haven’t you said, you are always hopeful the new primary will be the one that lasts?
This actually can be an endearing and affectionate thing for both sides (until later on).
No. 6 – If you are using a pet name frequently, and then refer to the person by their real name to emphasize a point during devalue, have you also done that during seduction in a positive way as a way to bind them closer to you? Such as expressing your feelings of “love”, you would use their real name instead of nickname to make it more real & substantial?
No. 9- Funny, my co-worker and I had nicknamed someone “The Rash” too. Stuck to people like fly paper always talking about themselves and no one could get a word in edgewise.
1. Correct but since you are still an appliance it is part of the methodology we always apply.
6. I haven’t but I understand your point and it is valid.
9. There are often rashes everywhere you look these days.
You make perfect sense. The nicknames convey an expectation too when you are an Angel you better be a “good person”. For my favorite N, Baby became the all around favorite when OW blocked her number LOL. He never knew who was calling. Others included:
“nice” names: Angel, Babe, Baby, Honey
devaluation names: Weasel, Bubblehead,
Favorite name for people who had the audacity to say no: Duh-doh, Dummie
Favorite nickname for the big, attractive women he denied sleeping with: Troll ,Porker (he knew a lot of trolls and got all of them to do for him)
It’s like a whole other language once you learn it you understand a lot more.
This just triggered with me, when he sees me in a “good” light, I’m “Tiny”. When he sees me in a “bad” light, I’m “Little Fatty”.
Mean.
very extremely intersting but I have to say that this would not apply in my contry where we all call each other lovely names, specially in my city where even in the stores they call you ” how can I help you ly love ” 😂😂😂😂 my children could not believe their ears 😂😂😂
The psychopath always called me “Princess” until one day I casually mentioned that a close male friend called me that as well. The psychopath had a fit and said to tell that friend to quit. I said no since my male friend had used that pet name for years. The psychopath was angry and never called me by that again.
Such a good article! He always called me Gorgeous, rarely used my name. When he was angry – he’d call me Missy or Woman. When I tried to end things once, he texted me (Initial Grand Hoover) and called me Darling while he promised to treat me better. He’d never called me Darling before in the past 4 years.
At the time, I wondered about that… Guess that’s what he was calling his newest supply.
When I actually DID end things between us last year. The names he called me are too filthy to describe on this public blog. 🙁
When he Hoovered me a few months ago, he was back to calling me Woman again. No use of my name at all.
It all makes sense now!! Another piece of the puzzle solved by HG.
Where do you think the name Snow White came from? Lol.. Nicknames came from the very beginning. “Movie Star” was next. Another thing I thought was odd but to be truthful it did make me feel special. They changed to “Babe” and “Beautiful” later on. You just gave me the answer to why as usual. She used those for her fiance and then she didn’t have to worry about keeping them straight. Thanks again. Who would have thought there was a meaning behind nicknames? Not me 🍎
Hence why I insist people call my name. It is mine, it is beautiful and unique.
I want to cut people who refer to me as babe, baby, sweet cheeks, honey, sugar, etc.
I understand what you mean. Babe!
Leave it to you.
It`s a good thing I`m so far away or you`d be bleeding right now.
I do like it when you bare those fangs for me B&T!
I bare them sharpest for you, Mr. Goldenballs.
Ha ha excellent reply.
Surely you expect nothing less.
and darling ???
Darling is a bit different because it`s definition is: dear, dearest, precious, adored, loved, beloved, cherished, treasured, esteemed, worshiped .
That one`s okay by me, depending on who says it.
Ok Darling 😂😂😂
This one amused me so much! Thank You! Picturenremind me one of my “collar” in my early twenties …it was twice thinner with thorns.. I like it 😉
So what pet name have You chosen for Yourself dear G?
I won’t even dare to ask about mine lol
God of course Maddie.
Yes sir 🙂 xxx better than devil! ❤💓