The Charmer Farmer

 

Farmers are hard workers. They and us share similarities. We plough a singular furrow through life, unwavering and determined. Their lives are full yet they never really have time or opportunity to connect fully with other people because they have so many demands. They till the field and broadcast the seed, tending to the various crops as they watch and wait allowing the barley or corn, the potatoes or beet to grow to the optimum position before moving quickly to harvest them whilst the sun shines and they can garner the very best from their endeavours. Once a particular harvest has been safely gathered in, they once would burn the stubble and what had been built up was now cut down and razed to the ground so that it returned to the earth. Animals need to be fed, mucked out, treated for disease and tended to when they give birth to new offspring. Buildings must be maintained, fences repaired, the weather watched and produce sold. Cows have to be milked, sheep shorn and pigs sold to bring home the bacon. Lambing time is a repeated battle to ensure the lambs are safely delivered with the farmer rising through the night to assist a particular ewe who may be struggling with her birth. Having helped bring forth the lamb, from the ewe being tupped, to giving birth, the lamb is then sent for slaughter. Again, that which he has built must be destroyed. It is a repeated and endless cycle, much like that which we adopt.

It is the tenth day of a silent treatment. I have removed all contact with you and left you concerned, anxious and bewildered. It is the fourth silent treatment in as many months and each one becomes longer than the one before. You have yet to work and understand what this signifies and fortunately for me you are engaged in trying to work out what is wrong and trying still to contact me. Your repeated messages and telephone calls all provide me with the negative fuel as I envisage you sat there, worried and unsettled as you tap in another text message pleading with me to get in contact with you. I picture you lying awake at night, repeatedly glancing at your ‘phone in the hope that it will light up with a response from me. You wonder what I am doing during this absence and because of who you are, your thoughts are based on concern. Have I fallen ill or something worse? Have I suffered some bad news and become depressed? Have I become a recluse? Your enquiries of my friends have proven fruitless but then they would since my coterie and Lieutenants have all been briefed that you have been horrible to me and therefore they should not respond in any helpful fashion. You hit a brick wall of resistance which puzzles you all the more. The rolled-eyes as a lieutenant shakes his head and hurries away from you as you halt your approach with confusion gripping you. You wonder whether I am locked away somewhere, engulfed in grief. In fact, I am busy hoovering your predecessor who I had just subjected to a lengthy silent period. My time away from you is not spent playing video games, watching cable television or sleeping. Not at all. Just like the farmer, I am busy tending to my crops. I am contacting all my various secondary sources of fuel, giving them a blast of golden sunshine so that their attraction to me does not wane. A few drinks with one set of inner circle friends, some flirtatious text messages with some remotes strangers and drinks with an outer circle friend who is a serious candidate for promotion to an intimate partner if I should tire completely of you and your predecessor. I am sowing the seeds, repairing the fences, milking the cows and shearing the sheep. So much to do. I am also applying my endeavours to the hoover on your predecessor and this is occupying my time as I apologise to her for my period of silence. I explain that I needed to be alone, to assess where my life was leading me and I am sorry I disappeared without saying anything but it just descended on me. I realised I had to change but I wanted to make sure that this was a real, deep-seated desire, not some butterfly like passing fancy and that was why I was gone for so long. I have trotted out the speech before and it is invariably successful and I see no reason why it will not be now. This will result in your silent treatment continuing beyond the tenth day as I take your predecessor back into the fold. I will hopefully be spending the night with her tonight as she has already agreed to dinner, although I will be taking her somewhere you will not find us. I do not want you knowing about her, not yet anyway. I need to safely gather this harvest in before I can boast about how many bushels I have collected. Once she has been hoovered back in I will announce our reconciliation. You will probably learn about it when you look again at my Facebook page for signs of activity. I know you are doing this activity every day, that is why I have not blocked you but there is nothing being posted, so the silence continues. It won’t for much longer and you will learn about her and I being together again, which will of course prompt a large dose of negative fuel from you once you learn of this.

Of course at some point it will be necessary to sow the seeds of seduction with you once again. You are on the cusp of having the flame applied to what remains of your relationship as I erase you, just as fire did to those cropped crops in the past. I will too busy showing off my prize animal, grooming it and feeding it, so it grows strong and plump, the envy of all those who are observing. How does he do it? What is his secret? How does he always manage to find such a prize specimen and make it his? The awards and accolades will pile up, testimony to the excellent stock that I have acquired until it is such time to lead her to the slaughter and cast her to one side, just as I have been nurturing the growth of your crop once again, watering you and allowing hot, golden sunshine to play on you once again.

This is how it is. You may think this silence is one where I am just away from you either ill, isolated or in contemplation. I am not. I am busy with your predecessor, just like the farmer who always has something to attend to. The days roll by, the seasons come and go, but both the farmer and I have work to attend to as we grow and harvest. We are so similar. We both have crops and flocks. We both grow, nurture and develop. We both slaughter. We both harvest. We are the constant farmers.

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43 thoughts on “The Charmer Farmer”

  1. I was the one who razed my own crop. I went scorched earth policy on that sh*t. I’m still sad but less often. I know it was for the best. The more posts I read, especially your recent ones about establishing ever presence and consent, he’s sounding more like a greater cerebral, but without the malice.

    Does that happen HG? Or does the months of sheer hell that I’ve been through count for malice? Nightmares from stress, dissonance, beating myself up, confusion and depression and even still lust and awe that he could do all of that to me… All bombarding me until I visualized tearing my own mind in half. And the few times I did reach out, I was ignored or kicked down further. I don’t think anyone BUT a sadistic f*ck would do that to someone they supposedly cared about.

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    1. Hello Lilly, thanks for your post and you advance an interesting point. How is malice to be defined? Is it subjective, viewed from the perspective of the victim or should it ben analysed objectively by looking at the mind set of the abuser? I take the view that whilst you may regard the outcome of the behaviour as malicious, it is the intent of the abuser which is the determinative factor. The outcome of the behaviour by different schools of narc may have the same effect but it is the intention of the abuser which should be regarded as determinative.

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      1. And of course I have no real idea of his intentions. I can only speculate. But my higher self knows that the best answer is to stay away from each other, no matter his intentions or what level he is or even if I’m completely wrong and I’m just being mean to someone who’s also hurting.

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  2. Dear HG,
    We here at the Nursery Rhyme Institute have accepted your challenge to come up with some nursery rhymes to sing to the children of your single parent victims. They are as follows:

    Old McTudor had a farm
    E-I-E-I-O
    and on this farm he had some chick’s
    E-I-E-I-O
    With some fueling here
    and some fueling there
    Here a fuel
    There a fuel
    Everywhere a fuel
    Old McTudor HAD a farm
    Now he’s all alone.

    Or

    Baa, baa, Narc Man
    Have you any love?
    Yes miss, yes miss
    Three mind f*cks.
    One for the Primary
    One for the Dame
    One for the Woman
    Who was the old flame.

    We hope these are to your liking. We suggest that you might want to use the second one with older children.

    Please let us know if you would like a re-draft or if these will suffice.

    Sincerely,
    L. M. Muffet
    Chief Tuffet Sitter
    And aka Easily Frightened

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    1. Ha ha very good. I like the second one better as it is more accurate. Old McTudor (and that is some way off believe me) will never be alone. I have seen to that. I did enjoy reading though, thank you.

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      1. Hahaha, ABB! My favorite nursery rhyme is a kid was actually “sing a song of six pence”…..my dad would bounce me on his knee singing it. Such a serious story behind the rhyme too….

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  3. Same as the farmer, you will become exhausted and weathered. They age rapidly. Farming, it is a hard life even with all the modern machinery.

    Are you engaging in this “tilling” now with an IP? Have you not evolved away from this behaviour? I am not sure if you are writing about yourself in the present.

    I hope you are more advanced in your management of your disorder.

    I would love to share with you what my Therapist had to say. Let me know if you are interested and I will email you privately.

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    1. I am neither exhausted nor weathered (although I do have a lovely tan). I am always tilling, always moving forward. By all means e-mail me with what your therapist had to say.

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  4. I remember the anxiousness and worry. The knotts in my belly. Knives pushing and twisting within me. Pure torture. I could not breathe, eat, sleep. Peace evaded me. I was in hell. I was grateful for the discard, because it finally freed me of this agony and tormet. It seems like the discard is actually an act of benevolence.

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  5. You, however are not feeding mass populations. You are philandering with excessively hurtful behavior under the guise of being noble. Insert Clarece frowny face on this one.

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  6. Interesting, it actually sounds a lot businer being narcissistic than I realised. Maybe the guy I was seeing was telling the truth when he said he is always busy. It sounds quite exhausting.

    I’m getting the ST now. Friday he was fine, talking to me, waving when he saw me. Sunday he completely blanked me, Monday not responding to emails. Around and around and around.

    HG Tudor, what do you suggest people do when they’re on the receiving end of the ST? Ignore or keep trying? I know you have said you receive fuel from the texts/emails etc. But what is the best thing for us to do to hopefully shorten it? Or is that just not possible?

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    1. Hello Watermelon, the most effective way for you to deal with a silent treatment is to go about your own business and use the relative calm as a period to gather your strength before the manipulation alters to something else. If you try to contact us you are just providing us with fuel and encouraging us to maintain not speaking to you. If you do not give us what we want during a silent treatment, it will be concluded and we will move to a different form of manipulation in order to achieve what we want through a different mechanism.

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  7. Speaking of which HG, have you fallen ill. It was highly unusual for you to not even post reader comments on the weekend, to post nothing at all, other then previously scheduled articles that self post. I do hope your well and it is nothing serious, affliction or health wise to keep you from your blog so long.

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    1. He’s on vacation (taking some personal) time off. He travelled last year about this time and the blog was quiet too. He’ll be back in a week. It’s very generous of his time to go through and post the comments he doesn’t need to comment back on during his time away.

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  8. So weird, I comment and then they just seem to vanish. Seems it is a waste of my time if this is the case. I will give it one more shot.

    The farmer grows tired and weary and his face will become weathered. Yours will also.

    Everything I read on your disorder is most likely to get worse as you age. Ugh. What a horrid idea to think about, what a proverbial cross to bear. (and you know how I feel about those)

    Why do you hate the MatriNarc? If you feel she is the reason you are who you are and you like who you are, then you should praise her.
    My 1st ex husband, use to tell me I did him a favor that I left. I would say then why do you hate me so, you should praise me as I created the path for you to find happiness by leaving. I know he was full of crap. He wasn’t happy at all.

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  9. Hi HG,
    “You may think this silence is one where I am just away from you either ill, isolated or in contemplation.” Hoping you are OK, busy, occupied with supply….. I know I am not the only one asking or has noticed. Yeah, yeah, yeah….we care! I guess that is what happens when you start a blog targeted toward those who have a lot of empathetic traits, you get notes from us when we don’t see you as often as typical. That’s what blog friends do 😊

    Miss ya and hope you’re well,
    Indy

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      1. No silent treatment Love, I have no need to do so. Circumstances of my situation meant that I had extremely limited access to the blog. I am back now though.

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      2. Welcome back! Hope you had a great vacation. I actually was introduced to your books and blogs while laying on the white sands in Miami, looking at the Atlantic ocean.

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      3. Thank you Love. Well, that is an excellent introduction. I like Miami a lot, I have had several exciting adventures in my time there. I was not on vacation though. Did you see anything in the sea as you gazed at it?

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      4. Apparently nothing I saw deterred me from jumping back in the water and swimming through the rough waves.

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      5. It was a turbulent sea, and a storm was coming in. Probably not the wisest decision for me to be in the water. But wise decisions and I do not seem to mesh well.

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  10. HG, not on vacation? Hoping you at least enjoyed your time, whatever it consisted of…..my mind makes up many entertaining stories of your “adventures”……everything from running from the law to wooing princesses in Egypt.

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    1. Thank you for your kind wishes and your imaginings did make me smile. It was an interesting and challenging time but the right outcome was achieved. Eventually.

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  11. The Bronc Horse: KheSan only I could be near his wild rage and he stepped, slowly, slowly, him and I only. Not sure he understood- Snorting, tortured to trust picked up from discard to the sales filled with rage against our kind. Why? Girth-near his testes-belt to make him flinch, buck to get it off- electric prods up his rectum, tortured by vicious people…..new life, traumatised, bearing teeth, ears pinned- scary monster 450kgs of defiance. Tentative he came, slowly, snorting, no teeth bared. I lowered my body, show him I am trustworthy. Approached, the agony coming out in his snorts. Large Cremello boy, could trample me, take it out on me. Submitted, to an animal, fierce and courageous, he came. As he approached my face snorting with flared nostrils, he showed the onlookers the softer side of he. Lowered his bold head and breathed upon my lips———-little steps, recovery…face our fears!

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  12. Hello, Mr Tudor

    I’m hoping for a moment of your time if you would so allow me to permit my question

    I was groomed for sex, supply & abuse by a Narcopath. My grooming consisisted of intermittent reinforcement etc plus NLP, my neurochemicals were screwed from the intense focus he placed on grooming me. Basically I was brainwashed. I was a DLS. He wanted me as his sex slave. It was the Subjugation of an attractive woman for Narcissistic Supply. I’m seeing a trauma psychologist bi weekly solely because of the psychological impact of this abuse.
    – My Question is: Due to my severly diminished mental capacity from being groomed & brainwashed by a sexual predator does this constitute as rape?

    I would love to hear your wise, insightful, intelligent response please Mr Tudor. Your words are always so profound and helpful

    Thank You Mr Tudor x

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    1. I am approaching this in accordance with the legal perspective and not an elasticated, moral concept which was recently advocated on the blog.

      1. Did you have penetrative sexual intercourse with this person?
      2. Did you provide consent?
      3. Did you withdraw that consent at any point during penetrative sexual intercourse and if you did, did penetrative sexual intercourse continue?

      I have further questions, but those will do, to begin with.

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      1. Thank You so much for your swift response, Mr Tudor! Your time and patience is thoroughly appreciated and respected.

        Sexual consent was granted by me for penetrive sexual activity to take place on 3 occasions. On one occasion however sexual consent was not granted but still occurred. I have not had sex in 10 years prior. I’m very cerebrally inclined and not remotely interested in any sexual activity.

        Due to the extreme use of NLP being used in conjunction with intense daily grooming and my neurochemicals being altered with intent by the grooming process of said sexual predator. I was basically brainwashed. I have been diagnosed by my trauma psychologist as having a myriad of psychological symtoms due to the trauma/dominance bond, including Stockholm Syndrome.

        The offender in question has admitted to being a diagnosed Pathological Narcissist and of using me for the sole intent and purpose of the subjugation of an attractive woman (me) for his Narcissistic Supply. My psychologist believes his Disorder to be more extreme than just NPD. Most likely a Narcopath. The level of control this person exhibited over me was concerning enough for witnesses to intervene.

        I have one count of definit criminal rape. But are the other occurrences considered rape?

        Thank You Kindly Sir, for reading and replying. I am most privileged to receive your feedback.

        Thank You x

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