Greater Knowledge
I wrote previously about the situation where you tell a lesser member of our kind that you know what they are and how they react to it. What then of the response of those of us who belong to the greater school of narcissism? How do we react when you tell us that you know exactly what we are?
Those of us in the greater school possess three attributes which are relevant to this matter. Awareness, intelligence and malice. We know what we do. We know that this is regarded as wrong by other people (although we are always able to justify our behaviour when considered from our perspective) and we know that our behaviour hurts people but again it is entirely acceptable because we matter and you do not. We are superior and our sense of entitlement allows us to do as we please. We also do not possess the burden of guilt, remorse or compassion and therefore the effects of our behaviour cause us no trouble. There is no moral compass to guide us or hinder us. We may also be aware of exactly what we are, a narcissist. This is not always the case but we do know that we do is considered as abusive. We are intelligent enough to realise that the accusations of abuse fit with what is regarded as abuse, but we are also intelligent enough to know that we must engage in this behaviour because it is necessary to the preservation of our existence. The inherent tension that might exist between choosing to abuse someone and the impact on our existence is one whereby the need to exist will always outweigh the downsides of abusing someone (which are few when looked at through our world view. You would feel “bad” for hurting someone, you would be concerned about how this would affect you relationship or your friendship, you would worry about how others would view you, you would be concerned if it involved the authorities, your employer, your church and so forth. These concerns are much reduced in our world).
You may not realise that we are a narcissist but you do know our behaviour is abusive. Should you label us as an abuser and in support of this contention list the various instances of our behaviour, how do we respond. Our reaction is not subconscious and immediate like those of our lesser kind. We do not respond in a knee jerk reaction. We know that we are abusive and your labelling of us as such initially has two reactions.
The first is that we fear that we are losing control. Control is hugely important to us because we want you doing everything that we want and nothing that we do not want in order to ensure that you provide us with fuel. Our machinations and manipulations are all designed to gain and maintain control. Much of this is achieved by you remaining oblivious to what is happening to you or mitigating its effect by blaming yourselves (which we aim to achieve) or making excuses for us (again, something we aim to bring about). If you do not truly understand what is happening to you, you remain paralysed in this confusion and you will not do anything about it. You will not challenge us, you will not try to escape us, you will not shut off the supply of fuel. Accordingly, we need to keep you bound to us and compliant. This requires control. If we think that our control is being challenged, is slipping or is being eroded then we must establish it and do so quickly. I will return to how this is done in a moment.
The second reaction is that your moment of enlightenment that we are an abuser (or even worse you actually know we are a narcissist) is one of wounding. You have found us out. You have seen through us. You have worked us out. The potential loss of control is troubling, this being found out is terrifying and damaging. You have wounded us because you have criticised us. By telling us that you know what we are, we have failed in maintaining the state of confusion, bewilderment and ignorance. You have pierced the veil. We are mightier than you, superior to you and better than you, how can it be that someone like you has managed to unravel what we are? What else are you capable of? Who might you tell? We have failed. We hate failing. It reminds us of things we have consigned to the darkest recesses of our mind and now you, you hateful, treacherous, disloyal bitch have done this on purpose. You have done this after everything that we have done for you, because you want to hurt us don’t you? This failure to keep you in the dark amounts to a massive criticism of us. This in turn ignites the churning fury that is always there beneath the surface. This ignited fury will mean we either withdraw, unleash cold fury or unleash heated fury.
Our awareness of what we are actually makes us more vulnerable to the accusation of “I know what you are, you are an abuser, a narcissist” than those of our lesser or mid-range brethren. We are far more susceptible to being wounded by this outing. Our awareness equates to a weakness.
All is not lost for us of course. Our intelligence means that whilst we know what we are and we are wounded by your awareness and accusation, we are not without the means of addressing it. Our intelligence allows us to deflect and deny. We will utilise these twins to fight back, applying our considerable minds to deny what you have said. We will challenge your evidence, deny its existence, twist it around, pull it apart, change the subject, focus on something different, blame-shift and project. Powered by our heated fury this onslaught will be brutal and sustained as we fight to regain control. We will batter you into submission so that you become frightened, upset, angry or frustrated and thus you will give us fuel. Our further manipulations will allow us to regain control as you shrink back from our vicious words. Everything will be thrown at you in order to stop the wounding, regain control and gain the required fuel to power this defence mechanism.
If the situation is one where we cannot risk heated fury then we will issue a flat denial and engage cold fury by subjecting you to an icy and prolonged silent treatment, either of the present or absent variety.
If really necessary and this is of the last resort, we will withdraw to escape your wounding and find solace with another who will provide us fuel to repair the gaping wound that you have ripped in us. We will remain away from you for some time as we recover and enjoy the fuel from other sources as we recuperate. We will return of course because there is a score to settle and more fuel to draw from you, but for now that will have to wait.
We will also engage our energies, once we have gained more fuel (either from you if we unleash our heated fury, from you and others if we unleash cold fury and from others if we withdraw) in rolling out a smear campaign against you. Now you know what we are and we know you know, we need to ensure that this pollution does not spread elsewhere. We will up our seduction of other sources so that they like us all the more and ensure we spread poison about you so you are not believed if you try to tell other people that you know what we are.
Finally, the third attribute comes into play. Malice. The mid-range of our kind would withdraw and seek fuel elsewhere and be done with you for some time until a hoover of positive fuel through a Benign Hoover takes place. The mid-range of our kind would unleash heated fury or cold fury to stabilise the position but then would engage a Respite Hoover or a Preventative Hoover aimed at playing down what you know, restoring the golden period for a while so you focus on that and not this new knowledge or to prevent you leaving us armed with this new knowledge. The mid-range narcissist would do all of this to try and diffuse the situation and prevent it being brought up again. This does not apply to those of us who are of the greater variety. You must be punished for your terrible offence against us. Your transgression must be addressed. Your treachery must meet with a consequence. Once we have established control again and recovered from your awful wounding of us then you will be subject to a malign and brutal campaign as punishment for what you have done. This will happen if you remain with us in a relationship. It will happen if you have tried to escape us. We want to rain hell fire down on you in order to punish you for your disgusting behaviour. This is our right. This is our entitlement. This is how we respond.
You may know what we are, but if you are dealing with the greater of our kind, you may reflect on whether you really ought to make it known to us.
41 thoughts on “Greater Knowledge”
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And as a masochist, borderline personality and what you call a Geyser empath, I specifically wounded my narcissist in a deliberate attempt to get him to sadistically punish me….I adored the push/pull and researched his narcissism in a deliberate ploy to know the ins and outs of him so that I could draw in close and bind him to me and make him punish me….. I desired his fury, I craved his sadistic abuse…. I would secretly smile as I cried, begged and pleaded for forgiveness knowing I would poke him again soon to hear his roar. He used to say he hated the drama I created, but his immediate response to engage was proof of his lies…. He lied about everything, and it would make me laugh to hear what he would come up with…. He was an amusement to me…. I relished in finding and calling him out on his lies, as I loved to see him dance scrambling for an answer. Even now after I callously destroyed his marriage (I did have a modicum of remorse) and he discarded me, it is the loss of the perverse sex that I miss the most, but still I love him even as I know who and what he is…(for I know I am equally as sick and twisted) I want him even more so for I want the evil beast within him, it is that creature which I would desperately seek to bring out, and whom I hope will one day be at my doorstep attempting to hoover, hit me, hurt me, use me and I will be happy to play again… I am aching for round two.
JC HG. You really do know how to reward a lady for her patients to be sure. To quote Delores Claiborne “Good gory”. Your books and other articles aside, this one is the one. You know this man extremely well for you are indeed he. I think you may have even cleared my third eye finally with this one. I am forever grateful and humbled even. The destruction of the union is written in the stars as inevitable as we know. Therefore our evolution and awakening must coincide with the discard sometimes for the greater in order for the cous de gras or grand daddy of criticisms to actually take place for them. This is where the worst of the worst blaming and smearing and malign malignant treatment comes from. The pain for both parties having to finally endure these end results is truly overwhelming. Awareness, Intelligence and malice is a great breakdown of what happens to both parties behaviors I would say at this stage. My spouse after separation used to say that he failed me. I thought all along it was just another method of his as you say self effacing behavior to get under my defenses. Several months ago I told him it meant in his mind he failed to kill me first…oh dear…I know…i like to try to get his goat…I now believe he meant he failed to be able to keep me where we both needed me to be forever and knew it was the signal of our demise and that he knew what he was now going to have to do differently with every remaining comfortable aspect of his life. All that lovely object permanence would be gone. He would have to see to and be a witness to his own demise. He would no longer be able to keep the true monster at bay. Like a child afraid of the monster under the bed but is addicted to thinking about it because he gets addicted to the adrenaline when he is frightened. Therefore fear can be as addictive for them as it is to a super em-path. So what do you say to those countless women that story after story state that psychological long term abuse is much worse than physical. Both can kill and or do irreparable damage. Greater types worry about things being traced back to them more. They are not prepared to pay for the crime immediately.
They like to draw out your and their pain slowly. They want to ensure the chase. They want to insure their life and safety always comes first. their methods of survival of the fittest differs from the lesser this way. The lesser acts first thinks later. The greater do not plot their own demise as quickly, but plot their demise they do. They try to kill off in the end whats left of them that the parent was not able to, which is the rest of the real self. In other words the needy child that can not be controlled by the parent and will be found wanting. The one that was / is not able to protect its own survival. We remind them of that, because we become that. They see us become them. They destroyed them, so they must destroy us too for we are them and they do it slowly and surly like they had it done to them. They train us to be their parent by emulating some of the behaviors that ours did that make us try harder but will always be fruitless and in turn we criticize. There are many days after over 51 yrs of this HG that I would have said that holding me down till my trachea bubbled would have been more favorable but alas the lessors always stopped short of killing in my family and as you say my greater only told me what he would have liked to have done. The swift killings are reserved for the men as they would only be competition or get in the way of what is needed. If you were abused by a Matri-Narc, you will enjoy the slower torture of the salami slicing slowly over time as you get to watch every day this torturous form of retribution with your own eyes which you find so much more rewarding. But… it is at the cost of someone else innocent again…not your parent. They are immune. Your and my eventual demise for this lifestyle is a small price to pay for the false self, for it is seeking retribution for the killing off of his boy. He makes the one he cares about the most pay the most. We represent the most sought after love. We represent the unfulfilled role of mother for the what? some of us second third fourth time. Each relationship they go through, a bit more of the true self gets killed off. In your mind it goes on to be an eye for an eye…a soul for a soul. what other reason would I have had to leave him that would not have signaled my evolution or would not tell him I knew at last or at least had greater suspicion about what he really was doing to us both HG. Even after over 4 going on 5 years soon of separation, he is still after all this time like my Father confessor, I can not help but to want to tell him everything. good and bad. I still have an addiction to bringing about my own swift demise hoping for that brutal sweet victory where in my mind I win and he loses. He will never allow that. much more to say but ending here. Oh the conversations we could have together 😉 X’s
Very interesting to read Elaine and do please continue with your observations rather than end there.
I was more wanting to needle mine about being a narcissist. When he made the comment that one thing all alcoholics have in common is they get bored very easily (he being an alcoholic also). I said, “so do narcissists, but that’s like squares and rectangles isn’t it? All alcoholics are narcissists, but all narcissists aren’t alcoholics”. He was so angry he didn’t talk for 5 minutes. It was very amusing. 😊
HG, salami slicing! Really!! Smh! Well you ask for it!! ⚽️ SOCCER!!! 💕
it is salami. it is football. Case closed
Only if I choose to lose it!! And I don’t!! 🏈 Foot ball!! ⚽️ Soccer!! 😜
Bollocks
Ha,ha! Guess you told me!!! Xxx
You talk about Greater, mid and lesser narcissists – how do you know the difference between them? Conversely how can one tell if they are an empath, super empath or a co-dependent? Thank you in advance.
In order to allow you to discern the differences between the various narcissists many of my blog posts touch on the differences and there are specific posts about Lee the Lesser and Malcolm the Mid Ranger, I have yet to write the one about G the Greater. There are books which I am currently writing on each of these three as well. if you wish to know about co-dependency read Chained, for the SUPER EMPATH read the blog article of the same name and to understand if you are an empath read the book SITTING TARGET.
Thanks, I’ll get those books later. I’m finishing Fuel at the moment.
You have “come out” as a highly functioning narcissist. Isn’t it liberating and freeing to declare your true self to others? Obviously that declaration has not caused any loss of admirers/fuel… if anything, you have gained a large fan base. Also, it’s allowed some of us to realize our dependency to your kind. We seek you just as much as you need our fuel. You have been quite honest that you will not alter your ways. You have spent a life-time perfecting your skills. So what is the fear of being discovered?
valid points Love. Given what I do professionally, if my identity was known it would cause me considerable problems which I do not need. it is as simple as that. Should I no longer need to undertake what I do then that position may well alter.
Mine told me straight up that he wasn’t a narcissist…lol and when I asked him why he used that word he freaked out and started cussing me out…lol
Sorry I laughed at the thought of you picking a woman up and dumping her in a pool HG.
Ya never a good thought to “expose” what you know to a greater of what they are and if they believe publically or take it as publically, I believe hell is a nice summer vaction , compared to what waits for you.
I too laughed at being dumped in a pool RMG.. and laughed even louder at ‘hateful, treacherous, disloyal bitch’. It’s small wonder I was discarded, I never reacted the way he intended. I remember once being shoved forcibly away by the shoulders for some slight I’d given, but instead of getting upset, I calmly said “don’t be like that”, gave him a peck on the lips, got up and made a cup of tea. The shocked look on his face was hilarious ha ha. I also agree, hell would be a holiday rather than tell him what I know … that’s if he ever hoovered me. Doubtful 😁
I just said the word narcissist and mine went nuts cussing me out. I didn’t say he was one. He point blank told me he wasn’t a narcissist and I asked him why he used that word….he cussed me out.
HG
If you find a beautiful and truly empathetic girl, and you know bad things have happened to her and she’s still empathetic and not jaded, why would you want to rip out the last pieces she has left? How could any human being do this to another on purpose?
I would not rip out the last pieces as that would mean she would not function in the manner which I would require. It would be a more controlled and salami-slicing approach.
Salami? Is she Italian? Central European? Would that be Genoa or Hard. Thick or thin? >
You make me lose faith in humanity.
Still, another kindly response 🙂
Well HG, you did it again. I understand how she felt that day when I told her she was a narcissist. You were right, she knows what she is and she responded exactly like you described. She felt superior and entitled. She projected all of her behaviors on me, ” how can u look at yourself in the mirror?” “How could you do this to me?” “I trusted u” ” I did everything for u” “everybody now sees you for who you really are” “you are just like my ex” and so on. I knew I only loved her but all she heard was criticism and I know what that does to your kind now. She made me upset, frustrated, and confused. She did frighten me a little but I knew she would never lay a hand on me. Her style was more to put the fear in me by verbal fury, and slamming her fists in walls. And then the smear campaign started. She got the word out to anyone that she could and put my name on her social media. I just found out that my daughter reported her for that and then she took those posts down. ( HG, was that fuel or did that ignite more fury?) She wants me to pay forever for escaping her but now I have the insight that I need to stay away. Thanks for more pieces to the puzzle. I’m realizing it’s a 100 piece puzzle and not a 12 piece.
The act of your daughter reporting her amounted to a criticism because your daughter did not provide any fuel when she did this and thus the act of reporting her made her feel that she could not do as she pleased, offending her sense of entitlement, thus her fury will have been ignited.
You are welcome.
I escaped my greater X Narc of 5 years, after telling him I knew what he was. He hoovered for almost a year until he received lawsuit papers failing to repay me for a house we were renovating. He is/was aware that I am new relationship with a normal guy. The hoover stopped when law-suit papers were received. We went to court and he lost & was given 60 days to make restitution. He took exactly 60 days to repay. During court hearings he was really strange… he could not even look at me in the eye especially since I took the initiative & went over to him and sat down & asked him about his mom & dad & children… He looked all around but never in the eye. He was married a week later. His wife has me blocked from social network but funny he doesn’t. He’s afraid I will tell her he’s a narc, which I wouldn’t . If she is dumb enough to marry a man who dated her all the while he hovered me and has a harem as well its not my burden. The ironic thing about this whole crazy train is I would have never gotten repayment if my own Narc mom didn’t insist I get a written agreement prior to renovations……How ironic is that?
You see coop we are effective, now you can believe it!
I told my 5 year narc I knew what he was, then escaped. He hoovered for almost a year and continued when he knew about my new Bo-friend. He continued to Hoover until served with lawsuit papers as we were rennovating a house together. He n was given 60 days to give restitution in which he married a girl a week later. He did pay me back. She has me blocked from social networking, funny I’m not blocked from his but am from hers. Apparently he’s afraid I’ll tell her which I would never. If she wants to b stupid enuff to marry then she deserves it. I would never marry nor pay for anything without written agreement . hmmmm empath with borders.
You completely, accurately and thoroughly described my life for the last 3 years with my children’s father, who, I might add, might actually be the world’s BIGGEST BEST narcissist, (which Im sure he would love to be the best at…) Your posts are mind blowing, to have my story told so clearly. There’s a sort-of amnesia that almost happens while you’re in the smoke and mirrors of your narcissist, and even when the smoke has cleared it takes quite a while to really see straight again. I look forward to reading your articles as soon as they come out…
Thank you Rebecca, I am pleased you find them useful. As for the title of the biggest and the best, I am afraid that is taken!
I agree.Bigger and best can be only HG 🙂
With the type of abuse you put into others is it purely emotional and mental abuse ? If so why have you not ever physically hurt someone ?
Who is to say I have not?
I generally avoid physical violence because I regard it as beneath me, although if I needed to use it I will. I also am well aware that physical evidence brings with it complications and unwanted attention. I would rather remain in the realm of plausible deniability.
for instance bruises marks and so forth…
If anyone became violent with me, I’d drop them like a bag of dirt.
Martial Arts comes in handy..
I hope Mr Tudor you don’t act out and become violent with the wrong person…
Easy tiger, HG picks his targets with consummate skill and application. I have no need of utilising physical violence in my repertoire against my primary source victims, I have many other manipulations available, but if I need to defend myself I am readily able to do so and effectively.
Do you mean that if someone were to try to slap you, you would hold their wrists and perhaps it could leave an abrasion? You do not hit them back I hope. You know a woman can not hit as hard as a man. We can do damage but not near what a man can do, unless like Kate, you know martial arts.
I do have a move, but I only used it once and not at full force. The heel of the hand to the bottom of the nose, push up as you cnnect. Very dangerous.
I mean that if a man attacked me I would stamp on his trachea until it bubbled. If a woman did I would restrain her or just put her over my shoulder and deposit her in a swimming pool, hedge or somewhere where she wont be able to land ineffectual blows on me. I would only ever hit a woman if I was in a life threatening position, e.g. attacking me with a weapon. If a woman slapped me I would be more likely to laugh as that would draw more fuel.
I like it. The pool is very effective. Actually very arousing the thought of going over ones shoulder. Like in the movies. Ahh I see where you learned this move.
Hedge? Not so cool. Could tear the treads of clothing and leave scratches.
Yes, I would stomp too. But I like my hand heel to nose move. It feels good and it fits so nicely there, right there. (As she looks at her hands.)
I don’t think you would laugh if I slapped you. I can pack some power. Your Lovely MatriNarc would feel it. So I won’t slap you. Unless we are by the pool. Well, maybe I will. At least in my mind and do you know how good it feels. Ahhhh, my hand stings.
You are so wonderful for my aggression.
Awwe, that is so sweet of you, Sir, to treat us (women) so kindly. Thank you… There are Non-Narcs who are very brutal with a women, physically. Your physical treatment almost sounds “kind”.
I know that we matter too because you need us… and me knowing who you are buries my dreams then, doesn’t it?:(