Protection
I am just a baby in your arms. I am fragile, brittle and vulnerable. You see I was broken when I was so, so young. I did not know any different and all I wanted was to be told that I was good. I did everything I could to please them but it was never deemed enough. I don’t know why I could not make them love me but it just did not happen. Perhaps if I had tried harder. I know it is my fault really but I did not know any better. They took something from me, I still do not know what it really is, but I think you do. I think you hold the answer because of who you are. I try to be a good person, I really do but there is just something that stops me from being that decent and compassionate person. I see what you and people like you do and I cannot help but wish I was the same. Sometimes I want it so much it makes me do things I should not do because I cannot control the jealousy that rises and makes me do those Bad Things. Believe me, I fight against it but I have not had the strength to defeat the wickedness but I have you now don’t I? You will shield me and give me the fortitude I require to complete my journey to redemption. Everything that has happened before was borne out of me lacking you. Those things that I have done, well, I am not proud of them but I was weak and knew no better. I did not have you to lead and guide me. The others, you see, those others promised me that they would take care of me but they were just pretenders and charlatans who took from me and left me twisted and beaten in the dust. Sometimes I had to fight back. That was when I struck out at them. I did not want to, truly I did not want to do those things, but sometimes I was given no choice. I know all that has gone now because you are here. You are the person I have waited for for so long. I believe in you and how you can save me. You are my caretaker, my salvation and my rock. I look to you and you give me such hope. You show me that there is a better way, a road that leads to salvation. It is a road that will take me away from the Badlands and the darkness. I understand the road may be long, it may wind through difficult places but ultimately, with you holding my hand, I know that I will reach that place where I need not be afraid any longer. I need not hurt and lash out but instead I can harness the real goodness that is somewhere deep inside me.
You told me that it is there and I believe you. You know about these things. That is the way you have been made. You are the carer, the healer and the peacemaker. You must understand why it is that you are so special to me. You are the only one who truly understands what is to be me and you are the only one who can save me. I will place my heart in your hands and let you care for it. I have been broken, I have been broken for far too long, a shattered and fractured creature who has had to endure living this way without any hope of redemption, until you came along. Please, make me a better person. Please care for me and nurse me and hold my hand when the demons come. I look to you and only you and in those optimistic eyes of yours I find absolution.
All I want is to be loved. It is not too much to ask is it. I am a noble yet broken person and you hold the power to make me what I want to be, what I should be. I am like a baby in your arms. I am vulnerable yet with you there anything becomes possible. I know you will love me, care for me and protect me. You will save me. You are the only one.
You fall for this speech.
Every time.
103 thoughts on “Protection”
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Thanks, this explains a lot of the ones I’ve seen in the world. Only, they don’t accept but passively aggressively reduce the woman’s self esteem. You seem to have a graceful exit.
You are welcome.
HG, out of curiosity, what would you do if you met a woman target who was out of your league? Who knew it and refused to fall in love but was kind to you anyway?
Hello Violet. Out of my league? What heresy is this?! Nobody is out of my league for three reasons:-
1. I am always entitled;
2. I come with many benefits and attractions;
3. I invariably succeed.
However, for the sake of your question, if that person refused to be seduced, I upped the effort and it still did not work, I would accept their kindness as a secondary source and find an alternative target to make my primary source as soon as I could.
HG, this statement, “I am not kind”…
I know it bothers many of us here. Perhaps we empaths, super tankers, codependents, project our need for you to be kind, though I think it isn’t just this. You show what we define as kind behavior here. You show a level of respect and consideration. Perhaps this is part of your “5 rules” of engagement. Still, there is no gun to your head (I don’t think).
There is a part of me that wonders if you enjoy the quality of being seen as “not kind” as it is powerful and shielding….kind of like the epitaph “evil”….
Regardless, your behavior here is being received as generous, which in my book a quality that involves kindness, yes?
Hi Indy, if you wish to label it as kind, I have no objection. I know how I regard it. It is of course, based on perspectives.
Do you like the identity of being seen as not kind, or evil or a dark presence? Sometimes i like my dark side ( I have a morbid sense of humor), however it’s not all of me. I just wonder if you happen to enjoy being seen as dark. And do you feel it is all of you or only a part?
If the situation requires it, then yes, I am more than content for my darkness to engulf someone, just as I am content to allow my brilliant golden light to shine. It is as the fuel requires it to be.
I wrote a thought out comment, then I couldn’t post it until I created an account.. however there was already an account made from a year ago..???This is my first time on here.. how?? And I would’ve never picked Wonderwomanme as my name. Any thoughts??
I’ve read all of your books btw.. thank you for writing them. I don’t know how I would’ve managed without them.. can’t wait for you to publish the workplace one..:)
Hello Wonder Woman, or are you Linda Carter? Thank you for reading all of my works, I do hope you can post reviews. Thank you for you kind comments.There are plenty more on the way including the work one.
Hahahaa!! You’re very welcome.. and no, not Linda.. I’m not that old! 😄
Just wanted to say thank you for your kindness n advice.
You are welcome. I am not kind. I just tell you what you need to know.
I meant “Galaxarena” btw.
Do you ever feel depression?
No I don’t, but if my fuel levels became too low, it would surely visit me.
The more that you write the more I believe it’s foolish to call a narcissist damaged from childhood. I just don’t believe it. I am damaged and am over-empathic as a result. My brother is a narcissist and I’ve never seen him sad. Just perhaps unmotivated. But here, it seems you guys are just not born with the circuitry and that’s that. Of course psychology wouldn’t help and of course you are not burying anything because it is too painful. It was never there.
Women are nurturers? Tell that to my mother, who could have had a full maternity leave from her job BUT CHOSE TO GO BACK TO WORK TWO WEEKS AFTER I CAME OUT OF HER because she was bored at home all day. So she left me with her own parents (elderly retirees) Monday through Friday and became someone I saw at weekends.
Oh that frustrates me so. I couldn’t bear to go back to work after taking the full 12 weeks off for maternity after I went through 5 years of infertility and got my miracle baby, and chose to stay home for my daughter’s first year. She didn’t learn to crawl until she did start daycare around 12 months. I joke that I think it’s because I never put her down long enough to get the hang of it. I was the mom with the baby always on her hip. Later on, one of her dance teachers called us the real life Gilmore Girls.
Cara, if you didn’t hear it growing up, you were a precious gift then and you are today too!!!
If only these were the lies you made truth.
Completely and utterly. But now when someone starts telling me too much too soon…………………
I think great. Here’s someone I can manipulate 💋
Nope.
Not every time.
I
Wow i fell for it but it makes sense
For me, now that I finally understand what he is, the spell has been broken and this little charm holds power over me no longer. I am his most cherished source of supply by far. To him, I am delicious and rare, A European white truffle in a field of cow shit mushrooms, which he has gone to great lengths to acquire, lengths he has never before gone to, in order to maintain any other source. Somehow he has developed a childlike dependency on me, if that is at all possible, seeing me as both nurturing “mommy” and someone open to his sexual “peculiarities”. I now “see” him and am free from any illusion I had of him being capable of love. This knowledge has rendered him powerless against me. He, on the other hand, has an almost desperate need for the mommy/lover fuel he longs to extract from me. I have implemented NC with ease because i am in control this time…..I feel almost drunk with power imagining the possibilities
He very much sounds like a Victim Narcissist.
It wasn’t evident in the beginning of our “relationship” but yes, Dickula does show many victim narc traits, which he has never exhibited with any other appliance This is not based on some misguided delusion that I am somehow “special”, it is a fact which I know to be true because unbeknownst to him…well, let’s just say there was a breach in his well guarded security, which resulted in me being privy to ALL of his emails, texts etc. (🙀 Did this just fill you with horror?) Extreme behavior by me, to be sure. But as Sun Tzu advised “All warfare is based on deception” and I had been engaged. With the others in his harem and with me the majority of time, he seems to be a mid. He lacks the sophisticated calculation embodied by you, H.G, to be a greater and is def not a lesser. I know your kind can be hybrids but is it possible for your kind to show victim traits only when he/she has found their “perfect” appliance?
Dickula, very entertaining Lovie. I agree with your analysis on the information provided. Remember that all of our kind exhibit victim traits – a lot of them points to a Victim Narcissist, a few and intermittent appearance shows they are Pity Plays which are being wheeled out for the purposes of further deception and manipulation.
Lovie,
First I want to give you props on the choice of name you have given your narc and the fact that you broke into his security. My Dark Narc has always played the victim card and still does with the few people who are still buying that he is really a victim. He has always been a poor me pity party type of guy. I believe he is a mid as well. Not quite as smart as HG but definitely knows how to play the game.
Thanks. It was very illuminating. I was privy to every move he made…for months. It was both a way to verify exactly what he was and to protect myself. I’m ashamed to say that it took me 8 long miserable years and my life to fall to shambles in order to realize this.
I just purchased on of your books and according to your descriptions, he is most def NOT a victim narc. He is good looking, very successful, best sex I’ve had and fastidious in his hygiene. Seems as if I have grossly underestimated him.
We have discussed elsewhere Lovie.
Yes, I admit I did fall for that 3 times…. but having the knowledge now this amazing post got different but similar meaning… it’s also one of my favourites 🙂
Myself, I never drank the kool-aid. I hung around, yes, but that’s just the little scientist in me. You seemed to know I was on to you, that’s why you kept me at arms’ length. At first, I thought you didn’t want to get to know me (your objective of dismantling others’ self-esteem worked for an instant). but I soon realized you didn’t want me to know you. Your silence, which initially created an aura of mystery, soon revealed a lack of anything meaningful to say…. Your independent and aloof nature, which I I first thought represented a rugged, secure sense of self, turned out to be merely an escape from the exhausting task of constantly pretending to be someone you were not. The mask ALWAYS slips, but not everyone recognizes it as such.
FYI, people who are worldly and street-smart and double-sharp do not buy into what you’re peddling. At least not for long. To us, watching your machinations in action is like watching a puppet show on acid… We may not identify you as personality-disordered, we may lack the vocabulary or esoteric lingo to describe what’s unfolding before our ears and eyes, but make no mistake, we know we’re not in Kansas anymore. Cue the flying monkeys……
Hi Lisa. I was not born into a simple and sheltered life. I’m from a 3rd world country, and have witnessed the depravity of human nature during war. I’ve seen what people do to survive. I have been fortunate to travel a lot, visiting beautiful luxurious places as well as poverty stricken ghettos. Yet, my experiences haven’t lessened my attraction to people with personality disorders. Believe me, I’ve found them in every walk of life. It doesn’t matter how street smart you are, there will always be one who is smarter. This is their survival. I once read that psychopathy in regards to an evolutionary perspective may be an adaptive strategy. This strategy has been the increase in their survival and reproductive success throughout history.
Yes, we are nurturers, and have and will continue to believe. Just the same as we will be waiting with bated breath when you go on your pilgrimage of isolation. We will be anxious, think of you often, pray for you, and hope you come back. This is the core of us. Regardless of how bad our experiences have been, they cannot alter our true self. It is for this very reason you are drawn to us, and at the same time, repelled by us.
Seriously? You would subject yourself to a psycho path again? I admire you as I am so empty n so feeling violated n have no one to blame but myself. I have never felt hate nor vengeance til I fell for this LOSER. Whats killing me is that I keep thinking he has the ability to feel n he doesn’t. He revels in the fact that he annihilated my heart and obiliterated my life.. I thought Id screw him how he screwed me n I couldn’t because he called the police. I probably sound like a hysterical woman who is hostile…at this point….he has won again
Hello Gooey, it often seems that way doesn’t it and that is why we are often able to draw you back in because you want to try and achieve the “win” but the simple fact is that so long as you interact with us and provide us with fuel, that will never happen. Re-define the win. It is:-
1. No contact;
2. If you have to have contact,it is not providing fuel and not feeling controlled;
3. Seek Revenge in accordance with that book (although this approach is not appropriate for everybody)
Hi Gooey. Your name reminds me of chocolate chip cookies hot out of the oven. I know you’re hurting, but I also know you’re not empty. You probably feel defeated and exhausted, but that too shall pass. We have the gift of resilience. You will heal, brush it off as another experience, and once again be filled with ooey gooey goodness.
Gooey,
As HG stated, it is all about re-defining the win. I can try to add an empathic emotional description as sometimes that helps me if HG thinks it is a good idea and publishes it: but in my experience, the feeling of emptiness comes from fear which is cast out only by agape love (not eros – eros is temporary distraction). It’s hard to explain and I will do my best based on my emotion and HG’s works combined with female descriptions, but the only emotions a Narcissist feels is between his true self (which is objectified as a projector for the construct) and the construct.
Those emotions are actually very sensitive and in almost 9 out of 10 cases, they are reactive (can’t speak for HG per say), but it’s a super sensitive layer that is triggered by either real or imagined fears related towards the demise of the construct. To a Narcissist, the construct is their entire life’s investment – in it all they have…so if anything threatens it, they automatically, attack – it is their form of defense and they need fuel. A threat to them could be as slight as change of tune in voice – they are incredibly perceptive. This is why I believe HG warns us not to get involved with Narcissists from the start as there can never be a real reciprocal relationship.
I always recommend that we not judge other’s feelings. Love wanted to express her viewpoint by which she was communicating her frustration and belief. Look, Narcissist’s are frustrating – I believe HG would confirm that! To Narcissists, we are frustrating objects that do not do what two are supposed to do on demand which triggers the reactive attack as I mentioned above! Bottom line, both are frustrated and both aren’t being accepting of the other’s ones feelings. Now, the Narcissist says straight up: “I don’t care about your feelings” but normal or empathic people do for the most part, but really don’t understand the feelings of the Narcissist or validate it either. I see it time and time again. And I promise you one thing, the Narcissist’s feelings will have to be validated first and foremost before he or she can even think on how to process another’s feelings. It may stop there but you can’t even stand a shot if that doesn’t happen….the Narcissist has lived his whole life never having his feelings understood and I see it time and again where only the actions of the Narcissist are considered but not the feelings that started it – and the Narcissist won’t talk about it because everyone throws stones before he or she gets that far. I am not saying that their logic makes sense, but it who they are and if we are not accepting to it, there is no hope for change or for them treating us any differently forever.
So, you can blame yourself, or the Narc, but blame is not going to make anyone whole – it doesn’t change the past – so focus on the present! It’s a gift! I think people come here to vent their frustrations and get the “win” and HG is strong enough to take it 😉 – but look at it from the point of, don’t do anything more that is going to make yourself feel more down, okay?
Romans 12:19 “Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” – add this to HG’s re-definition of the win with the No Contact and that is the best you can do.
But don’t feel empty. It is a horrible feeling, but remember, it is best to treat others as you want to be treated. What one fears, they find so choose not to fear 🙂
Good post Sarah.
Thank you, HG.
It wouldn’t work on me HG. However as you are an Elite you would have sensed this if you met me and not wasted your breath and beautiful words.
I have come to the realisation that I cannot fix anyone. I love deeply but I know when a relationship cannot work in spite of my feelings. I left my N due to this, and post escape with the help of your writing I can now understand his mindset. He was a married Somatic and I was just after a fling in my grief so I enjoyed the mindblowing sex and got out when he was being weird. It still messed up my head though, so goodness know how people cope when they love them/ marry them/ share children.
I also left a non N alcoholic previous to this. I see him around and we still interact. My heart still flutters when I see him, I love his company and I get a wide-on 😉 I know he will always have a place in my heart/ fantasies but I can never go back to a formal relationship with him. The difference between him and the ex N is that he has never played mind games with me and it is a very straight talking relationship. He always respected me and still loves me for the person I am, proverbial warts n’all. He knows I’m never going back, and never hoovers.
My brother is an alcoholic. As much as I love him I now realise that all I can do is point out the facts of his liver function test and the overspilling recycling bin. I tell him I love him and because of this his behaviour hurts me, especially as he has serious heart condition that is made worse by drinking. Also I have told him it spoils our relationship/ any of his relationships as he turns into a nobhead when drunk. However I realise that all I can do is say what I think. His life choices are his life choices. So are mine. I choose to not speak to him him when he is drunk and unpleasant company. He seems to have this unrealistic belief in ideal love. He believes that if he meets a woman he loves then he will finally wash/ change his clothes/ stop drinking/ get a job. He is 40 years old and is a serial monagamist. He has met “the one for forever” so many times I am so bored with his puppy dog eyes! I say maybe I’m being a cynical witch but how can you fall in love with someone you have just met?
I believe he could say this post you have written HG, genuinely and heartfelt. He is not a narcissist but a very troubled and clingy soul. He would be a juicy easy target for a fuel hungry narc, but he just won’t listen when I explain how they hunt and what they look for.
HG do you have any idea what you would label me from my comments? I believe in true love, but only when both partners are complete in themselves and don’t need anything from the other. It is a choosing to be together to enhance their lives, rather than a need to fix/ fuel/ cease the loneliness/ top up the bank account/ complete the half of the person that they are. Sometimes I am mystery to myself, I am rather resistant to labels but I am always interested in your thoughts. As you know, I am your devoted follower and pupil.
Hello Rainbow, I am always delighted to see affirmation of loyalty.
You are a Super Empath. I read your post and repeatedly thought, “This person knows now how to assert and maintain her boundaries.” There are repeated examples of you doing so throughout your post and it serves as an excellent example to others to my mind.
Thank you for sharing your observations HG. Having re-read your post on the Super Empath, I can recognise myself there. Although you do not experience empathy yourself, you are incredibly perceptive and so very aware of how other people’s minds work. This will make your machinations especially effective and dangerous…
I would be interested to read about your experiences of a Super Empath intimate partner who asserted and maintained her boundaries. I can imagine that you being a Greater would have found a way to break these down, or punish her for not submitting to your will. The likelihood is that she would have not recognised or understood what she was up against.
Whatever label people on here identify with, you are giving us all the unique opportunity to know the inner thoughts of your kind, and therefore you are giving us all the ability to make informed choices. I find it ironic that you will no doubt cause so much hurt and devastation in your personal life, and yet here you help so many people (I know this is not the reason you do this blog).
Thank you Super Narc. You are both hero and villain. I can safely bet you don’t wear Y fronts over tights, but even if you did I can imagine you’d still look sexy 😉 I reckon you’d look especially dashing in a cape …
Thank you Rainbow, you will have to excuse me, I need to run into this telephone booth and change……
As for what you would like to read about, you will see that very instance in the book The Asylum of the Grotesque
Yep…but laugh if you will, but after so many years, I still believe I am what he needs. The more I learn about himself and his kind, the more I understand. He (I can only attest to the man I’m married to, I know nothing of anyone else) has one weak link in his armor and I have the patience to wait him out. I’m pretty invested at this point, got no where to go, and nothing else to really do…
I am so surprised that someone thinks about that similar way. Others say: run! You are an idiot. You are fool! Etc. But by gaining knowledge thanks to this blog and His books I know I CAN COPE LIVE HAPPILY with a narcissist. I know because I’ve practiced this all my life. Ok I wasn’t that good as I was learning by making mistakes but now… I’m peaceful. NOW I CAN.
I am just as surprised to hear that as well. Folks usually tell me I need to get the hell away from that psycho…people think I’m the crazy one for putting up with that kind of behavior.
In the beginning, not understanding, it was pretty volital as I’m strong-willed and have a temper and fed him enough fuel. Knowledge is power, certainly. I look forward to continuing the learning process…glad I’m not alone in choosing to stay put!
I hope you don’t take this as me being rude as I am legitimately wanting to know the answer to the question How in the world could you or anyone be happy in a relationship with someone who views you as a tool ? Again I’m not criticizing, i’ve just been on the receiving end of an emotional vampire’s abuse and it is a miserable existence. And I don’t understand why anyone would sign up for that
Growls more….indeed, I did. Hard. And I’m getting stronger, creating boundaries and giving this to myself and I’m taking responsibility for my self. When I see others do this, including here, I cringe because I do not like this quality in me that I’ve worked hard to get n control and use this urge more appropriately. It is doable.
It s hard, not only as a woman, when we are conditioned by society to be caretakers and it is hard when you learned this role as a kid. It is further compounded by the fact that I do the s as a job too. Boundaries boundaries boundaries….self care and self love first.
Definitely in the blood, yet I don’t fall every time they must have a special quality.
By reading the very last statement, it becomes more clear that it is, we, who are the infants in your hands.
So I’m pretty sure my husbands mother created this in him. He’s the 5th child out of 7. She always put a man first. The oldest daughter raised the kids while mommy dearest was out at the bar or catering to her man. He always felt less than his older brothers. I also feel there may have been inappropriate behavior at some point. I know it happened to one of the sisters but not sure about the boys. It was like having 7 children was a way to shock people. She loves saying for attention. My husband also veers toward older women. So I feel there’s something there too. I don’t know. I just want to help him fix himself. Love him until he doesn’t feel the way he does. But if I do that I’ll die myself (inside at least).
It’s very sad and heartbreaking.
I’m thankful to have found your blog HG but I am also torn between wanting to get out of his clutches and wanting to show him that I’ll never give up on him. That someone did not run. Didn’t deem him unworthy of love. Hard place to be for someone like me.
Indeed it is OCBF but your empathic trait on not giving up on somebody is one of the reasons why you were targeted and also why you find it so hard to escape. You remain in the emotional sea.
My oh my….I can certainly relate to pretty much all of your comment faith.
I wish sometimes I’d come on here and someone would have proved HG wrong (sorry HG 😬) and say their N changed. It’s highly unlikely I know. I’m a very intelligent person. Just need to put it to use in my situation.
Indeed.
Oh yes, you love, cherish, nurture, and trust…and do you enjoy the kick in the ass you get for your trouble?
Really?? Noone cared to look how the story ends after the first sentance or 2? Really? ..
I have no idea why but I literally felt MY HEART SINK when I was reading this post and was thinking, “No no no – I have not gotten to know HG 1.0 fully-you are not allowed to graduate to HG 2.0 yet – I’m working on mastering acceptance and how can you throw this up at a time like this?!” and then thought, “OHMYGOD that is so entirely SELFISH of me?! Wasn’t I just the one who was saying how Narcissists bring out the Narcissist selfish side out in others – wow, what a hypocrite, Sarah – this could be HG’s biggest moment of revelation and way to be supportive!” as I kept reading shaking my head at myself and I got to the end and then realized:
“HOLY CRAP – I FELL FOR IT.”
I SUCK!!!! This was a complete F.
The Sponge has officially failed ON ALL LEVELS.
But I laughed pretty a hard – whew – what a total eclipse of the heart – really, just when I thought I was really getting it a true test comes and I not only DON’T PASS – I FAIL COMPLETELY!!!!
You know, I am going to fix myself a cocktail and actually reflect on my total progress to date! I would buy you one if you were here as this one was my MOST emotional post to date!
I felt that way the first time I read it. In fact, I could not complete reading it all the way through this time. I jumped down to the comments. lol
HG does know people well…that is for sure! With reading HG works, I am still trying to balance what to do when you know the truth. In my situation, my little guy does not see the truth. He told me he would rather believe the lie – thanks to HG, I know now what that means…before it didn’t make sense. Words mean nothing in the form of change. It is actions for a long period of time, as HG’s blog post made me realize for sure yesterday!
HG does know people well…that is for sure! With reading HG works, I am still trying to balance what to do when you know the truth. In my situation, he does not see the truth. He told me he would rather believe the lie – thanks to HG, I know now what that means…before it didn’t make sense. Words mean nothing in the form of change. It is actions for a long period of time, as HG’s blog post made me realize for sure yesterday!
Hun, to me you sound like a blatant empath. The good news: You’re not weak, your abilities are quite powerful.
The Bad News?: What you are means you’re almost born predisposed to fall for this….. because deep down you there is a VERY slight element of truth to it. Just not in the same “victimhood” way the narc would portray.
Always, because it is in our blood to nurture. It is hard to ignore…
Can I ask you HG, why is it if you know so much and understand that you are evil, you can’t change your ways? What can be done to change your type? Surely there must be something
I am designed to behave in a certain way to continue to exist and function. This means that whilst I understand that much of what I do is regarded as wrong and evil (although I also do many good things as well) I have no compulsion to alter my behaviour because it works and is effective. I am unaffected by the consequences of some of my behaviours. This is what is being worked on with the good doctors to ascertain if changes can be made.
They don’t mean any of it do they ? Or do you think part of them actually does believe we can change them ? Or is it all a complete scam from the very first word ?
It depends on the type of narcissist.
A Lesser would not be as eloquent as this but if he is a Victim Narcissist he will want the mothering element without realising there is anything to change.
The Mid-Range senses something is not right and likes the idea of someone remaining to help him or her out, hence it is meant.
The Greater may mean it also but invariably uses it as a device for the purpose of manipulation.
Yep….fell for it again. Hook line and sinker. Let the devaluation begin. I can feel it stirring already.
I know…I know….no contact is the answer. Just don’t know if I can do it again. Keep trying to tell myself…this is not love. It’s a mirage. Never actually a goal he had any intention or ability to accomplish. But oh he made strides in the right direction. Just enough to give me a heart full of hope…by design I am sure. Hope is my drug and he’s got the best stuff for sure.
Well timed and immensely heart breaking HG.
Liberty,
I feel you! This last time I wanted it so bad I blinded myself to all of the same old signs. Even in the golden period my body was telling me to run. Heart pains (ironic) that put me in the hospital one night, this weird tingle twitch in my face, panic/anxiety attacts (never this bad). I justified everything bc he was spoon feeding me every word from this blog…. this time it’s for real, right?
Thanks HG. Yet another blog of perfection and complete accuracy. Not a single flaw in written word describing this relational condition in those like yourself and those like me. Your words a blueprint to healing for both sides of this “magnetic gateway” of relational hell. I just pray that if their eyes have not yet been unveiled to this magnetic draw of damaged hearts in repeated relationships, that they SOON WILL largely in-part due to your brilliant words of TRUTH in these matters! Thank you again for extreme transparency and may many more of us; ON BOTH sides of this perfect magnetic equation, be saved by you, your words and this great community of hurting… and hopefully now healing and emotionally recovering friends. You are all life-savers! Thank you.
Thank you Roger, I appreciate you conveying that.
Hi HG I don’t believe the last 2 sentences
You are entitled to your view Lisa.
HG , you disagree ? It’s either genetic so not your fault or its abuse so not your fault. You are the victim either way. This story that you tell is the truth, the fact that you have no desire to change doesn’t make the story a lie ?
Indeed Lisa.
Just curious, H.G. How is it that you all say the exact same thing???
If a method works, it works and we stick to it. Bear in mind that we are created and therefore we will mimic and repeat the things we have heard said to us and to others by the one which created what we are and thus those sentences, words and methods get passed down.
I agree with HG and so does science.
We are created. By those around us, our environment and our experiences. Often it is a combination of creation and genetics.
We can be created by not being treated well or loved and nurtured enough as children or by being loved and adored too much, to the point where either way, we grow up with a monumental sense of entitlement and understanding almost everyone we meet wants to knock us off our pedestal and cause us suffering for one reason or another.
Our reasons for existing vary but it is all rooted in the fact that the people around us made us who we are and now everyone else has to pay for it.
Every single time. Because we want to believe you. That you can be good. For good. And stop tormenting yourself and others.
😓 I completely fell for it. And she had soo many variations of it. It’s sad because I know some of it is the truth. I can only fix myself now but I wish you the best in fixing yourself HG. I know you will succeed one day. You can do everything else.
I almost got through this day without crying. Lol… Great writing
Is this speech only for your IP’s or everyone?
The primary source IP yes.
Yes we do! Because we love, cherish, and respect you!!! Pathetic aren’t we??
You do not mean that last part FM, I know that about you.
In a way it is pathetic, but in another way, it can’t be helped.
You can’t help it. You can’t help yourself.
I always hold some contempt for those who fall so easily for the things I say and do, but, at the same time, I encourage it because if they didn’t, I’d have no power or control.
It’s a love/hate thing for me. I hate people for the very same reason I love them (noting that I do not mean love in the way many of you experience it).
B&T, this is the only area that I have ever had trouble controlling!! Perhaps because it started at such an early age? On everything I thrive on being in control! Xx
I am unable to say how or why because I am not you.
But if you know or even somewhat understand the reasons, that may help you in the future.
B&T, I woke up this morning and realized that when it comes to relationships I always put them first! It didn’t matter what they did I always felt they were more important then I was!! Wrong!! I would wait for messages or calls, always being told they were just to busy to get in touch with me but would be on fb or whatever with everyone else! I left this happen! Always waiting and understanding just how busy he was!! No more! I’m important too! If he had time for everything else, then obviously I just wasn’t that important to him at all!! I’m telling you this because that is one of the things I have learned about you! You are always number one and would never sit around waiting for them to contact you! It is early and I am not fully awake yet and I’m sure this did not read the way I wanted it to! I am sure though that you understand what I’m trying to say. Thank you! Xxx
You need to make sure you are number one sweetheart. When you put yourself first, everyone else will learn to do the same.
Seize your power. I know you have it in you. I believe in you.
I wait for no one. They wait for me.
Love this, Bloody Element! 💕 This is what nevof the most important lessons we can learn from folks that know how to do this naturally!!!!
Absolutely.
HG Please can you offer insight. I danced for such an African fellow in his company of 5 for three years. At first he seemed very pleased to meet me and being young and attractive, of course he was, however, his wife is 20 years older.
He came to our country via a marriage visa however I saw genuine enjoyment between them and do not believe it was a sham marriage.
We never flirted and I was not attracted to him at all. After three years I had grown bonded to him because his energy was similar to mine (naturally without mirroring him and I know because i watched him before I met him). So we fed off each other and it was really nice and I kept growing stronger in dance. Then the abuse started.
It was getting weirder and weirder but I can not help but remark he was boyish and flirty but very very nervous about it with me. Finally I asked him in a message if he had feelings. He did the old, tell me first – do you? So being quite a frank and reasonable person, I said I didn’t see him as more than a friend but he is an attractive guy. He then writes back “I understand your feelings for me but I’m married.” Next day I have his wife on the phone threatening to kill me and it all explodes. I said wtf has this come to?
I left the company and couldn’t get out of bed, I was so depressed at losing my best friend. He was an asshole afterwards until one day I made amends, then flirting started from him again and I didn’t bite, only attempts at maintaining a friendship.
A year later, I started seeing his brother who is less narcissistic but might be on the spectrum, I really enjoyed it because he is so rational and never explodes at anything. During this time my teacher ignored my existence and only ever made slight communication through his brother. He claimed to not care if I died and did not help me in dance any more.
My question to you is, can he ever have seen me as the best friend I saw him as? Yes I fit all of the “sidekick” criteria as his dance student and made him look good. Now he has turned it into a bit of a competition and won’t answer anything I say, just the occasional “ok.” I’m being a typical empath but I miss him a lot.
Hello Violet. It is straightforward. He saw you as an appliance. A secondary source who he attached to and extracted fuel from, hence the way you have been treated. It is understandable that you miss him a lot. That state of being is engineered through the way we behave. You will process that emotion out through staying away from him, but if you keep interacting with him, he will “re-infect” you.
Thank you HG. In that sentence you just summarised my upbringing and why this guy impacted me. Which I’m sure gives you fuel. And I’m sure for me should give me the wisdom to know my upbringing without having an ego about it. The VIP treatment, emphasis on childish sadness, food, laughter – all just tools. The word “daughter” must not mean much other than appliance. I fought to my end and my. Other would inflict such a pain I actually lost real consciousness for the rest of my life. There is an Australian novel “Galaxerina” which explains perfectly a narcissist’s control. I can imagine what it must be like for you guys. I really can. I have only ever known people like that and life seemed incredibly simple for them. They didn’t care for the “asides” of others’ views, only assumed if it was important, then those people would speak their minds. It’s so much more complicated for us. But the pain of that world and not having a base of empathy makes me return to my steady flock of fun guns.
I’m heartbroken and realise I’ve never been loved by anyone in my 31 years but hey shit could be worse.
I have to reconfigure intention. It has always been to please them. Or correct their words, rebel, create jealousy as a form of power, or pretend I don’t need them. I will always be sad.
A good post Violet.
Ok! I read that and got teary eyed!!! ( such an empath! Lol) Thank you though for the kind words and your strength!! Have a good weekend!! 🍻
I believe in you. It will come in time.
Be well.
It’s not pathetic at all. I’ve always viewed it as very brave to make yourself open and vulnerable to letting someone in to your heart and the whole package that is you. Remember, their driving force is envy, contempt, jealousy. They have to keep coming up with a grander version each time to lure us back because they crave our goodness.
Thanks for the reminder Clarece! Xx