The Pursuit of Revenge
I know you hate me. Your kind are filled with love and then filled with hate. There is no need to deny it. It is a normal reaction for someone like you and one which I entirely endorse and encourage. I know you will try and mask that burning anger that you feel by saying you pity me or that you have nothing but contempt for me but I can see it. Those sensational eyes of yours that once blazed with desire, passion and most of all hope, are now filled with the churning, billowing flames of hatred. Some of you will fight to contain this sensation. You fear that by giving in to this hatred that you will somehow be on a level with me. I can ease your fears in that regard. You are nowhere near my level and nor were you. I placed you far higher than me to begin with. Yes it was artificial and all part of my design but you had no complaint then did you? You did not object or demur when I thrust you skywards and planted you no that pedestal. Of course you did not. Who would? Nobody would and least of all somebody like you. Now you are on your true level, way down below me, cast onto stony ground, broken and shattered. Amazing though isn’t it how you managed to summon such an anger from somewhere. How many times had you said to your confidantes that you felt numb (yes they were reporting back to me). Yet now look at you. A seething, glowering fireball of hatred and it is all directed at me. I adore this.
You want to destroy me. I know you do. You all do. The one before you was exactly the same as the one before was and the one before her. The next one will be just the same,although I do still hold out some hope that she might just be different and somehow avoid the mistakes all those who have gone before have made. I have seen this hatred many times and your desire for revenge is strong. Of course it is. I made it this way. Everything I did as I brought you down low was programmed to cause you to eventually explode into hatred. From elation to despair, through broken to numb. Eventually the switch would be flicked and as puppet master I ignite the fire beneath you which stokes the flames of hatred. Despise me, go on, do it. Send those wicked words towards me. Tell me what a bastard I am. Keep it coming. Pull you hair, wave your fist and stamp your feet. Tell me how you are going to scratch my car. Feels good does it not? Believe me, it feels even better being on the receiving end of your bile and hate. Go on, sit with your friends and plot your revenge, I can feel you all huddled around your cauldron as you try and concoct ways at getting back at me. I feel so powerful knowing you are focussed on seeking retribution. This is what I want. I want to bask in the heat of your anger, I want to be covered in the disgust and distaste that you will spew towards me. I want you scheming, hatching and planning. By hurting you do deeply I plant inside you that overwhelming desire to get even with me. It happens every time and is all part of my master plan to ensure you, my beautiful appliance keep pouring fuel in my direction. I make you seek revenge for in doing so, your planning and ham-fisted execution of the same give me what I want. Fuel. You are blinded with your hatred so that you fail to realise you will not succeed in gaining revenge, not by shouting, spitting and scratching. Oh no, this overload of howling anger is just a banshee of fuel to me. I will twist and shift as I thwart your attempts, laughing at your pathetic efforts to try and get one over on me. This will spur you on as I lead you on yet another merry dance as I continue to take from you exactly what I need. So please, seek your revenge. You will not get it but I will be delighted seeing you try.
44 thoughts on “The Pursuit of Revenge”
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Hate is a strong word. Your blogs are epiphanal and through this revelation of lies and manipulation, it’s GAME OVER for the Narcissist, as knowledge is power and protection.
We get to heal and move on to a person who respects us and is honest which is anathema to the Narcissist and not normal
Indeed ILJ, thank you for your post.
I liked your post…it is the primordial impulse of truth – you are so in-tune with that, it truly is amazing. You do have a brilliant mind.
I have never quite logically understood why when someone has been hurt by someone else their impulse is to immediately hurt the person who hurts them? Do you know or have an opinion as I always value your knowledge and opinion if you have the time to answer 🙂
Like take two small kids at school recess. Kid A randomly pushes Kid B – Kid B’s natural reaction is to get up and push Kid A. But Why? It does not make Kid B’s scrapes heal any faster but it seems to be almost a subconscious reaction in a lot of cases.
Your quote made me think today: ”I know you will try and mask that burning anger that you feel by saying you pity me or that you have nothing but contempt for me but I can see it” made me think going back to my analogy in Kid A&B that possible impulses could be related to:
1) Distraction. Kid B does not think about his pain when he is hurting Kid A.
2) Equality. Kid B feels better when Kid A are both in suffering as perhaps there is some energy transference that goes on that we cannot understand in a way?
3) Understanding. Kid B feels understood in his pain if Kid A understands how it made them feel.
When one become’s conscious of it, distraction is impractical – it delays the inventible. Equality is really more of a personal pride ego than anything and understanding is more of a subjective verses an objective analysis.
But then I thought, could there be another reason that is more deeply buried?
Desire for Closeness maybe? When Kid B and Kid A are brought to the same feelings, an element of closeness arises based on the shared experience. When there is a closeness in a shared experience even in pain, maybe it makes Kid A feel less alone? But for that to be true, then Kid A would have been hurt prior and maybe Kid B was the person who did it. I don’t know, what do you think?
Hi Sarah, there is considerable force in what you write and I like how you have reasoned it out. I have the other answer for you.
4. Kid B feels wounded by this criticism of him by making him appear and feel inferior. The only way to make that go away is to assert superiority. Thus Kid B fights back. This will not be calculated but an instinctive response. That is how it is at the outset.
Thank you HG for responding…let’s say Kid B is a Lesser Narcissists and Kid A is a normal – Kid B sees through the lens of the construct so he sees the picture zoomed in intensified would be seeing something different – So would Kid B be able to tell Kid A what made him upset or why does Kid B just attack?
He would just attack based on instinct and any attempt to get him to explain would infuriate him further.
I have yet to forgive him. I know that revenge will be pointless but fate has a way of fucking people over. Karma is a bitch and he will get exactly what he deserves. Whether it be a disease or dare I say a murder /suicide because she can’t “live” without him and she won’t let him. We shall see what the next months bring. No contact since 8/25 /16. All is good in my world
Ty HG yes my revenge is (No Contact) this way he is totally NOT getting any fuel from me ever. HE IS NOT WORTHY❤️✌️
Indeed, that is a form of revenge, it is not the ultimate revenge, but for many people No Contact is all the revenge that they need.
Hmm and what is the Ultimate Revenge
Read the book and you shall find out Maureen.
Nope never wanted revenge, understanding yes, anger very much so, he was responsible, yet he had no knowledge, so I couldnt really hold him accountable. I do wonder at times if it would have change somethings.
Such is life. Only can control one myself.
I do not hate. It’s not my style.
When my mother died the narcissist didn’t say one word. The silent treatment. Is this the length the narcissist goes to for fuel…
Shouting, spitting or scratching is hardly an act of revenge though, it’s an emotional reaction.
A true act of revenge rips off their carefully manipulated mask to all of those in his immediate circle, such as friends, family, work colleagues and potential new victims.
Such as evidence of drug abuse at work to his team leaders.
Recorded phone conversations of him maligning an ex partner who is the mother of his child and also future victims you know he is grooming.
Videos of him talking about liking the taste of his own semen, admitting he liked things up his bum sexually and pictures of him in make up to all of his extremely butch, alpha male work colleagues.
Proof of him faking a suicide attempt in a last ditch effort to try and get me to agree to see him.
And countless other things are all thing I *might* deploy for revenge.
Shouting, spitting or scratching? Not my style.
Jesus are you on a Chopper bike?
Of course.
The 70’s bicycle though, not a badass American motorbike though.
Jesus has style.
Sir HG, you mentioned in article that all the appliances are the same even though you have hoped for someone different. How would someone be “different” for you, and do you, in your wisdom, believe this is humanly attainable from an any ‘appliance’?
They would contain something different which would ensure that the level of fuel is beyond anything else. I remain hopeful that this can be achieved.
My heart doesn’t like hate. I will never hate her for what she did. I forgive her. Once I learned to see things from her perspective it made a world of difference for me. I am curious to see how I will feel at the one year mark. I have a feeling she will always have a place in my heart. I know that’s a dangerous place for her to be.
I read Revenge and found it to be very interesting to see what we would need to do to knock your pillars over. You said its not for everyone and its not for me.
How many of your victims attempted some type of revenge on you HG.
Several but they all went about it completely the wrong way. They just provided fuel and ended up regretting it. They had no idea what to do that would be effective. I am pleased you found Revenge very interesting.
I’m sure they were punished for trying. Lol…. Did your ex wife try or did she know better? After four years she had to know something.
I will write a review. I will use what you wrote about taking down the pillars when I need ammo for when she surfaces.
Great advice there.
Oh they were. No the ex-wife was sensible enough not to try. Thank you for writing a review, it is appreciated.
Are you and the ones who tried revenge still in each others’ spheres? If so, how do you interact?
Yes they wander into the spheres of influence form time to time 1jaded. The outcome will be malign follow up hoovers.
Indifference = best narc *revenge,* haha
Leave that loser in the dust! 🙂
Not worth your precious time, energy, or beautiful self or anything else —
Knowing I’ll have a great holiday season this year = sweeet…
Knowing the next time he cheats, it won’t be on ME = even sweeeeter!!
(Yah, I feel sorry for her, all the hers, lol, but — *not* my problem anymore, sweet!)
My revenge will be living happy without him. I WILL get to that point. He will see the family he made be taken by another man. I will be victorious. Once our divorce is final I will feel free to do as I want. I will remain faithful until then but he can’t keep me in this holding pattern forever. I know he won’t block the divorce as he hadn’t even hired a lawyer. I retained one immediately and he feels he can represent himself. Which feels against what I’ve read about N’s and divorce with how easily he’s letting me go. But better for me I guess.
Ah yes….I had never experienced that white hot, seething rage before him. I literally felt I might snap or black out. It took everything in me not to physically pounce on him. I had to force myself to take a few steps away because I was not sure I could maintain control of myself. Never in my life had that happened to me. He ignited my fury….you turn us into you.
We feel the rage and fury when we are abused and hurt and we feel it towards he abuser but what I have been trying to figure out is why the narcissist feels it for people who love them and do not abuse them ? Why is their hate there in the first place ? Do they want this hatred inside them ? Do they want to be and feel this way ?
It is because you are not giving us what we want and therefore owing to the splitting we engage in, your failure (from our perspective) aligns you with everybody else who has ever hurt us, refused us, rejected us, turned against us, betrayed us and so on. You end up being the recipient of all of that accumulated hatred for all those treacherous and deceitful sleights against us.
It’s like we as the non lose either way.
No hate. No revenge. No Contact.
No.
No hate or revenge, also No love, forgiveness, or pity. That’s what I have to remember to maintain my own No Contact. Otherwise I know I’ll let N1 or N2 back in. Even if it’s benign, just simply replying to a message, the can of worms is opened.
Lilly, whatever it takes for you to stay the course. 🙂 NC.
I mean, he can still kind of go fuck himself. I did have the urge to tear up a book he gave me and then mail it back to him, saying I was done reading it. Or returning it, or got bored with it… Hadn’t worked that part out. But I decided not to. That’s not me, and it wouldn’t accomplish anything other than potentially opening myself up for more trouble. Or at the very least just staying stuck and not moving on. I just threw the book away without telling him or making any show of it. It’s out of the house, that’s the point.
I know now that my true struggle is internal and has to do with my own wounding. He just zeroed in on that pain and exploited it. As a result I’ve been learning and gaining awareness. That’s what will lead to healing and that’s where my energy deserves to be focused.
HG, when I was discarded and then smeared I thought of nothing but revenge! But now even knowing that a meeting with him would give me back something that belongs to me, I’m still debating in my mind if I really want to meet with him! I feel nothing when I see him! No anger,love,pity,absolutely nothing!! In fact I don’t know that person! He is not what or who I thought he was,he is a complete stranger! Perhaps it would be different if he knew he was a narc and understood why he does the things he does. But to sit there and watch him trying to get fuel from me is something I just do not know if I’m ready for. Thank you for the knowledge you have given me! Now it is time to catch up on some reading! There is this wonderful writer that I just can not get enough of!! 😉
Marvellous, I commend your choice FM!
Thank you kind sir!! I have a wonderful teacher!! Xxx
FM we are so similar in the post feelings and happenings. I also feel nothing amd had those same words.. I dont know this person anymore …
But I think I provide zero fuel with this feelings.. its like a stranger i treat with courtesy .
My ex told me he wanted me to hate him and I refused . I told him I have not an ounce of hate in my heart for him . He then let out a low growl of frustration that scared me . To bad you you do not live near me…. if my ex saw me talking to you in person and laughing and being entertained by you he would grow very jealous and get angry . I’m sure that would give you fuel and I bet getting fuel from another narcissist or sociopath would be a great achievement . I had a male friend I was conversating with in his car the parking lot of our work and my ex witnessed this and lost it . He demanded I get out of the car and told my male friend that I loved him and only him . It’s so weird to me though because if he wasn’t in love with me or truly want me back then why would he have shown so much jealousy and anger ?
Simple. You were not giving him fuel. Fuel comes from people all around us. We do not love anybody (not in the way you regard the concept) but even if we did, that is not a bar to our demand for fuel. I do not love my colleagues, but if one was gaining attention from other people in the team when I was not, this is a criticism of me, it ignites my fury and the jealousy and envy (emotions we know only too well) propel us to act to gather the fuel.
There are people who don’t hate…. my auntie is one and she went through hell and still is with her greater narcissists plus she still shining star with golden heart at age of 65… I don’t hate either. Hates eats You alive from within. If someone will ask me though how I don’t feel proper hate I have no clue. ..I just don’t.