Facebook Predator
What causes the narcissist to use Facebook so much? Firstly, it is the online success story of recent times. Originating in 2004 it has seen off its rivals, such as Bebo and Myspace and has dominated the market. Over a billion people have Facebook profiles. That is a lot of potential targets for us. Secondly, it provides us with an extensive net to cast through whichever device we happen to have to hand. It is accessible and effective. Thirdly, the presentation of information on Facebook in particular tells our kind plenty of things which allow us to ascertain whether there is a viable target in our sights.
I am not referring to this in terms of the class traits that we look for, for instance, a somatic narcissist would seek out those who post plenty of pictures of how physically attractive they are, their ongoing diet and exercise regime, which would of course appeal to the somatic. Instead, I am going to highlight for you a number of instances on Facebook which tell our kind that this is a person who has a higher susceptibility to being seduced. Thus, if we then determine thereafter that this person has the relevant empathic, class and hopefully special traits then we know that a play should be made to ensnare them.
Accordingly, what is it that you might post on Facebook that signal to my kind that you are susceptible to being seduced and drawn into our false reality?
- You include a detailed list of your favourite books, television programmes and films
I do not mean three or four of your favourites but fifteen or more in one or more of the above categories. This signals to us that you have not only time to watch and detail these books and movies, but you are content for people to know that you do. This tells us that you are lonely and therefore apt for some attention.
- You detail your relationship status
It does not matter what the status reads incidentally because even if you stated that you are married, engaged or in a relationship, we do not recognise any such boundary as being a hindrance to our advances. Indeed, we take the view that you are probably short of attention in that relationship. By declaring what your relationship status is, you are wanting to initiate contact and you are providing us with material to do so. If you do not feel the need to tell anybody your relationship status, that signals to us that you have sufficient self-esteem not to need to herald it and therefore you are probably harder to ensnare.
- Ask me, ask me ask me
You know those statuses which read
‘So angry right now’, ‘I am fuming’ or ‘Totally heartbroken’
Such statuses are just a fishing hook for nosey and supposedly supportive friends, who are actually far more interested in showing concern and mock horror through some bad acting, to then as the writer what is ‘up’, what has happened and what is going on? The mysterious injunction will then be issued for the apparently caring friend to ‘inbox me’ or ‘I will inbox you’ as yet another noun suddenly finds that it has become a verb.
These attention seekers are also avoided by our kind. They are unlikely to be of our brethren but they are certainly self-centred and not going to provide us with what we need. Thus they go down as an avoid.
- I miss you
Anybody who posts about missing a relative or partner who has passed away, either directly by stating ‘I miss you Dad, you were my best friend’ or posts memes appertaining to people watching down from above. This lingering grief acts a beacon to us and tells us this person is susceptible to being ensnared far more readily because of their ongoing emotional state and their propensity to become emotional if the matter of the deceased individual is raised.
- Frequent comment about events
You are interested in the world and other people. You are not there to keep showing us what you had to eat for dinner or your latest car. You give attention and do not get much in return. This tells us that you will be highly amenable to receiving our attention.
- More pictures of animals than people
This is not so much about you being an animal-lover, which of course tells us that you have empathic traits, but is more about the fact that once again you are a giver of attention to this lower life form and you tend to get your attention back from the animal rather than people. It might be that you would rather keep the company of animals than people, although this is rarer than someone who likes animals and for once would enjoy the attention of another person, namely us.
- Frequent comments about your achievements and what you have been doing
You may not be one of us but you are certainly exhibiting narcissistic traits and therefore caution will be exercised before we proceed. These may be healthy narcissistic traits and we unearth additional information about you which encourages out targeting of you, but seeing this turns on an amber light.
- Sharing charity appeals
Yet another indicator that you are more about giving time and attention to others as opposed to receiving it. A most encouraging item to see on someone’s wall.
- Pictures of family and friends. Few selfies.
It may be the case that everything in your photo album is animal-based and see the point above. If there are pictures of people as well, we like to ascertain who these people are. If they are family and friends, rather than random people from nights out, this again provides us with a positive indicator. If your photo album is you and nothing else then another amber light will come on.
- You profile picture is a scene, an object but not you
This suggests again that your self-esteem is not what it might be, that you are not keen to be the centre of attention and as a consequence this acts as a beacon to our kind. It may also of course mean that you are unfortunately-faced, although is not always a concern if it is Cerebral or Victim Narcissist scouring your profile.
- Children are the future
A few proud parent pictures actually prove encouraging. The existence of children provides additional fuel sources and evidence that you are a caring and giving person, something which we like to see. If, however your timeline and photo album are plastered with your offspring then this puts us off. You might think that someone who is busy with a child or children would be in need of attention. They are not. They get plenty from their children and more to the point this tells us that your own attention will be on someone else and not us, therefore our efforts are more than likely to be wasted.
- You don’t get many likes or comments
Whatever you happen to post may be interesting, amusing and thoughtful but you rarely get many comments or likes as we scroll through your timeline. There is an attention deficit waiting to be filled.
- Posts about your romantic partner
If you are always talking about your romantic partner, how much you love them, how much you miss them and such like, you are going overboard and this to us is a further indicator of low self-esteem which we can readily exploit. This gets even better if we see no evidence of reciprocation. We can ready the Love Bombers.
- Poetry
If you post poetry, whether your own or somebody else’s, this tell us that you are lonely and therefore you will be most susceptible to our attention.
- Membership of support groups
Naturally this will tell us that you are likely to be empathic and/or have special traits which is most encouraging, but at this early stage we regard the evidence of this on your Facebook wall that you are again providing attention to others which means there is likely to be a deficit which we can exploit with regards to you.
The more of these indicators we see, naturally the more encouraging it is which tells us that you will be susceptible to an approach by us and our charm. Other indicators cause us to exercise caution and may well result in us moving onto a different target if these warning signs are not heavily offset by positive indicators. The friend request and/or message will be readied in anticipation of making a move.
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Mr. Tudor- By virtue of my experience with a certain narcissist, I already knew the content of this article, but it is vindicating to hear a self-aware narcissist cop to it.
The ex certainly uses FB as one of his favourite tools, it offers immediate fuel hits and endless sources for new supply.
I am wondering, although this blog was 2 years ago, if you would address how narcissists themselves post on FB, rather than how they predate. In my own experience with one narcissist, he admits to collecting Facebook “friends” “like postage stamps”. Several are people he has never met, live in different countries and have no shared connections. Some are women he has had sexual conversations with online. It’s been riveting to witness the drama on his FB page between women who “thought” they were more relevant/special to him than they really are. I think he thrives off women fighting publicly on his page. It would stand to reason this is a Narc thing….
Hi HG, how does your kind use unfriending on facebook? I have been discarded b/c I found out he was two-timing me and I confronted him with my information. He couldn’t wiggle out of it. After a brief nasty reply on whatsapp (his main way of corresponding with any of his sources is online, hardly EVER offline not even for sex!), he blocked me on whatsapp and unfriended me on Facebook. Not sure if i’ve been blocked from his phone.
What followed then was a hoover post discard via text with him briefly telling me I have broken his trust (bullshit) and now thatthe trustis broken, there is no way of fixing “us” again. He knows my biggest trigger is being ignored (abandonment issues on my part).
What can I expect to happen next? Refriend? Unblock? Will i stay “discarded”? Oh and BTW: we work together, so I am regularily in his sphere one…
I need to know more detail about the interaction and the individual in order to address this accurately and therefore this is a matter better suited to consultation.
How would your kind react to someone with a private/restricted fb-account? Only one picture that non-friends are able to see, and all updates, likes, groups, pictures, friends are hidden. The profile picture has more than hundred likes, the person with this account will not accept a strangers friend request. Barely a co-worker.
If this is somebody we were targeting this would be a dead end in terms of gaining information and dependent on the quality of the target may lead to the pursuit being broken off or we would look to garner information about the target in an alternative way.
Extremely interesting post <3
What i think, dear defective person, that u r getting the biggest return on ur defectiveness: doing bad things on micro level (yeah ur single life is still micro level hehhe), but doing a BIG thing via increasing awareness about creatures like you, and by doing this to help a huge amount of ppl.
U helped me. Thanks for that. And u r helping to others.
Posting many photos of family and friends could also be seen as the target having a strong social support network.
Would people of your kind rather prefer to ensnare someone with a weak social support, or better, without social support at all, HG?
Lacking it, EB.
Thank you for *all* your answers, HG. Your time and help is very much appreciated. I continue reading as much as I can and I am looking forward to reading your new books (the one about the Creature and especially Defender). I am convinced that one of the reasons why sociopathic neighbours are obsessed with me, although I ignore them and do not provide them with any fuel, is my almost lacking social support.
You are welcome EB. Thank you for reading and I hope you continue to do so, there is plenty more to come.
HG I wonder what your personal page or pages look like. Would we be able to spot your kind before accepting the friend request? I do not accept request from people I do not know. If you’re lucky and we have mutal friends I might accept. My N was one of the lucky ones.
If you read my works you will be able to spot my kind.
Not accepting friend requests from a stranger is a useful part of your defences.
HG this is going to sound strange I know, but I can easily spot out the greater of your kind and always have. I didn’t know there was a name (narcissist) for them at the time, but I was able to sense this rather quickly and discarded them before they could even think of discarding me. It is the lesser and mid-range of your kind that I have a hard time identifying and fall victim to.
Does not necessarily sound strange, you evidently picked up on something which did not seem right to you. You didn’t know the name (often people don’t) but you recognised something and responded accordingly. It is interesting how this appertains to only the Greater of our kind.
HG, I find it interesting as well, that this appertains to only the Greater of your kind. I am searching for answers within myself as well. This part is especially difficult, being that I am the only one who knows and let me tell you there are a lot of layers to search through! What I have come up with so far is the reason why I can sense and reveal the Greater of your kind. I have always been able to recognize and absorb others behaviors and emotions. I will also mirror people around me so I can connect and understand them. I don’t feel that connection with the Greater of your kind. I can also pick up on certain patterns or words and connect them rather quickly. I can’t explain it, I just know and see that they are fake. Funny to look back on things now. I remember unfriending a Greater on facebook, that I had gone out with a couple of times, because I couldn’t stand reading his fake posts any longer. Although we hadn’t talked in quite some time it sure didn’t take him long to notice he was unfriended, maybe a day or two was all. He sent me a message asking why I unfriended him and how it really bothered him because he had been nothing but nice to me… yada, yada, yada. I was short and truthful with him and told him that I felt he wasn’t true to who he claims to be and that I have no need for anything fake. He got offensive and asked why I thought that. When I pointed out a few observations his reply was “Thank you for explaining” and mine was “You’re welcome”. Haven’t heard from him since.
I haven’t quite figured out why I connect with the Lesser or Mid-Range. Maybe it is their darkside and their willingness to show it. Maybe I feel they could understand me. Another thing I can’t explain.
That is interesting B. It seems that you are able to out the Greater of our kind, but not the Mid-Range or the Lesser. Perhaps it is because you just do not accept the grandiose so this automatically triggers an alarm with you, since the Greaters are more prone to grandiosity. As to the dark side, well that can apply to any of our kind, so perhaps that isn’t the factor which causes the connection. Perhaps you are more aligned with a Greater, since your cognitive function is high etc, thus as you say you mirror, so you can spot them more readily, whereas with the others you may actually feel sorry for them and this clouds your capability to identify the Lesser ad Mid-Range of our kind.
Thank you so much HG for sharing your observations on this! All of what you say makes perfect sense to me. You are absolutely correct in saying that I do not accept the grandiouse. It does not impress me in the slightest. Yes my cognitive function is high… a blessing and a curse. I do find myself feeling sorry for the Lesser and Mid-range. I can feel their negative emotions and want to know what is causing them. I want to help them and show them a different way. As far as the Greaters, I can’t say one couldn’t fool me if they knew the right card play, it just hasn’t happened yet. With this being said and with the knowledge I now have maybe the clouds will clear with the Lesser and Mid-Range of your kind. It is too bad that the “normals” bore me to death 🙁
Me and you both B.
I don’t want a narc, now that I know that they are not able to provide me with the number one need. I definitely do not want an empath, they just annoy me (even though I am one). And as we both agree, the norms are just boring. What is one to do? Maybe create my own category? That could be an option 😆.
Flick the switch B, see, it lives! Dr B’s Monster!
That made me laugh! Good one HG 😉
Pleasure.
I am curious to know HG, to what catagory you might search for once you are healed (I know you will be). Maybe the “normals” won’t seem so boring anymore? I know, difficult question to answer, being your mindset is not there yet. I would find it interesting to know what your true type is. I don’t know, just a random thought while cooking dinner.
If that actually happens I have no idea what category I would search for. As I have explained, I look for three matters principally
1. Fuel;
2. Character traits;
3. Residual benefits
If somehow I no longer have a reliance on 1 and 2 and I develop a less self-centred and unempathic approach so that 3 is less important, perhaps I will be looking for new and different traits in people instead. Who knows? I hope you enjoyed your dinner!
I knew that question couldn’t be answered… yet. Just an interesting thought I had. And yes, I did enjoy my dinner. Thank you!
Oh yes, this is how I was ‘re-found’, 30 odd years later, through mutual Facebook friends. That was a long hoover! It did take a further 6 years of messaging and him asking to meet-up before I agreed. I must say, that first ‘meet’ will forever stay etched in my mind!! He knew me well enough anyway. We had been in a relationship for 3 years in our late teens. Oddly, he didn’t show any signs of narcism then. I ended the relationship, so I assume he was out for revenge. I could lay bets who his next victim is (more, I feel she had already been ensnared before my discard). He ‘hearts’ her new profile pictures & comments “wow” as he did on mine. He is so transparent … and so gone (sob).
I heard they like to recycle. Mine isn’t talking to me, and he might not talk to me for a week, a month, 10 years…but there’s always the possibility he will come back.
I was told via a mutual friend that he contacted an ex from school, who rebuffed him and told him she was married and not interested. He was at school in the 1980’s…so it’s been 30+ years between hoovers.
Psycho sent me a fb message yesterday asking “why do you want me back in your life?” Wtf? I don’t. He made the contact.
HG what’s going on? He’s a psychopath I know he feels no guilt
Proxy hoover from Tubby.
Is it his low Iq preventing the slam dunk? Ridiculous
More than likely TT.
Tubby often posted stuff like “Fuck you Pizza Hut…30 minutes to deliver a cold pizza” or posted photos of him and mom on vacation….kinda sad….
Kinda hilarious.
Piss on this, I still will have my FB page and advocate for animals because people are butthead asswipes (except for the sister wives)
“Unfortunately faced”, that made me laugh out loud!!!! Nice post HG. Valuable information for all that use FB.
Another one I would add is the person on FB that has no privacy filter.
Sign of lonely and possibly attention starved…or not computer savvy.
If I may, I offer some additional ways to protect yourself on FB based on my own experience: update privacy to a high privacy setting, use objects for pics (happy with my face, btw lol), and use an alternative name if you wish to avoid being targeted or found by stalkers,
Yes good point Indy and by all means offer your advice.
I remember I put a picture of us happy on his Facebook page and he saw it and lost it. Deactivated his account. Unfriended me. Told me he was a very private person. I was shocked. It was true he didn’t have any pictures posted but I was his girlfriend. Little did I know that I probably messed with his supply!!!
Very much the case Smoke.
That poor poor minion, to be punished, maybe it was intentional you know needing a little punishment ;).
Oh dear I must put that side away before I get into trouble.
HG
That would mean your minion knows your identity. So I sit here pondering. Which is more important you reveal your true identity. I don’t think so. More then likely a made up minion would serve a better purpose, to your error, don’t you think so? 🙂
Entirely correct SII. I cannot be at fault can I, so a made-up minion carries the can instead. Blame shifting achieved, identity preserved.
Brilliant! Now I think like a Narc. I act like a borderline. I am one hot mess. However, the medical field may find there is a whole new personality disorder to add to the cluster group. I might take this to the good doctors, round table. They need something to talk about!
Nothing wrong with thinking like us, indeed, you need to in order to do so to protect yourself, although of course if you start to act on those thoughts, well that is something else.
Yes, keep the good doctors on their toes, I know I do.
3. Oh you made me laugh so much with this one HG.
4. I’m interested by your interpretation of this one though. Do empathetic people really do this ? I would have likened this to the people who do 3. Because they want attention from it and because I thought that perhaps they are unable to truly express their emotions, therefore they have to say it over social media instead.
It’s made me think though. I wonder if some of the one I know of then do this because they’re copying the empaths ?
I am pleased i did, Alexis.
You make a valid point and there is some truth in it, but the distinction which we home in on is that someone who is grieving and expressing a sense of loss wants to fill that hole in some way, even if they are seeking some attention. The “I’m fuming right now” poster just wants attention.
HG, do narcissists randomly search people out on Facebook and just send messages? I’ve heard of reaching out to friends of your friends but then everyone would know because your friends talk. My ex doesn’t post anything on Facebook. Keeps all his friends blocked. He has around 50.
The random approach does happen.
1. This way would connect with remote strangers for fuel. It is low level but comparatively easy and if the narcissist has several connections at once it mounts up.
2. One or more of the connections with the appliances may develop so they are promoted and become a better source of fuel as the relationship is cultivated and it may even result in the parties meeting.
More often it is the case that we will have a prospective target in mind who is in the locality and the souring of the Facebook page and analysing it in this manner would done as part of the gathering of intelligence before progressing. The narcissist may progress the contact through FB or use the material found on FB to confirm to him or her that an in person approach to the victim would be successful. See my book Sitting Target for more on how this is executed.
You have definately made my night for day dreaming, and hard to conentrate here at work tonight.
The narc’s favourite tool. The very first time he came here (as a friend) he saw my FB open and had me search the names of about 3 women who he thought had blocked him. He used FB to hit on me, then after he’d deleted me as a friend (when we were seeing each other), used it to torment me by posting about how he had time to do stuff for people but never me.
I once googled something like ‘amazing iPhone photos’ and came across a photo I’d seen on his profile, ie; he’d passed it off as his. Found an entire page of iPhone images he had claimed to be his but he’d pulled them all off this one page. You see I love photography, so he had to post amazing photos keeping them public of course so I’d see. If I posted a photo of an amazing sunset, so would he, same beach, just not one of his photos.
In the past I have noticed female friends vanishing from his friend’s list. But new ones appear. I deactivated my page so he couldn’t feed off it. No social media at all now. I never check his FB profile, that’s like sticking your hand in a fire.
He doesn’t sound all that appealing when I lay it out like this, why the hold still? Very annoying.
Thanks again HG. I look forward to waking up on a morning and reading your new articles while I drink my coffee 🙂
Thank you Watermelon and thanks for sharing your experience of how your narc used FB.The appropriation of images as you describe is not uncommon. He is entitled to do so, he sees them as his through extension, he gathers them to make him look better and gain fuel, just like taking traits from a source.
HG, you reciting The Raven, a girl just may falter 😉
It has been known.
WOW would have never imagined about facebook like that. I do post about charity.
HG, is it important to you how many likes you get on your Facebook? Or how many contacts you have on your phones? My ex seemed to be interested in that. I think she felt important. Always loved to get contacts.
You have done an excellent job of dissecting all the categories on Facebook.
Absolutely everything means something. I’m curious to know what it means if I don’t have any social media accounts.
Likes do matter yes.
Contacts – it is not so much how many but rather that each one furthers my needs in some way.
If you do not have any social media accounts it means you are rather sensible and you more than likely experience more of real life than many people.
FB etc are tools for me. They make my life easier.
You need all the help and tools you can get your hands on. Lol.. You have a lot to keep track of. I think about your triple track a lot and wish I had it.
Indeed I do SW.
Very illuminating HG.! Thank you.
You are welcome Chirose.
Hey HG – I’m sure that I received an email announcement today about “You vs. She/Her”?? It was really good, but I didn’t have time to comment on it.
But now I can’t find it on your blog? Help.!
That was an error. It was posted then removed. I am pleased you liked it. It will appear again later this month. The minion responsible has been disciplined.
Hahahaha….well I feel bad for the minion. But the post was exceptional HG.!!! So many tactics I always suspected validated for me in that post by you.!
I await with bated breath for it’s return 🙂
Thank you Chirose, it won’t be long, it will be posted on 13th October.
Oh goody.!! 🙂
Good morning 🙂 I thought You have no minions here….
Good morning. I don’t. It was a turn of phrase to demonstrate blame-shifting.
I almost forgot HG thank you for confirming what I suspected. My response was sent.
You are welcome.
HG, forgot to mention my N only has about 50 friends on Facebook, mostly all are current or former employees. He claims to not mix business with pleasure since his ex and him met at work and she took him for everything. Well thats his version at least;) He hasn’t seen his kids in over 5 years and he doesn’t seem to care.
HG, Do N’s do know these people on Facebook? Like they are friends or do they just simply start searching blindly and randomly?
Usually they use FB to gather intelligence in respect of someone they have targeted Smoke and as per the observations in my other answer to you.
Lol posting poetry: ‘this tell us that you are lonely’. Thank goodness I don’t do social media. I am a lover of poetry. It speaks to me at a much deeper level. I feel it with all my senses.
Unfortunately I’ve never been able to connect with any of my narcs at that level. Poor things tried, reciting lines from my favorite poets, but even the most talented ones couldn’t swim below the surface. That level of depth is impenetrable by your kind.
You’ve not heard me recite The Raven, Love!
Lol! Edgar Allan Poe seems to be a favorite amongst your kind.
And amongst your kind as well oddly enough.
Interesting. I did not know that. He is too dark for my taste. But different strokes for different folks.
Indeed Love. I have had several people from your side of the fence express that they enjoy his work.
HG
This should be read by all parents who have teens with a FB acct. We educate them in proper social media usage. I have never educated anyone on how a narc will read your FB. I closed all mine down a year ago and I think all empaths should do the same. It’s the best way to protect yourself. I never posted many pictures of my family for privacy reasons but I have 5 dogs, 6 chickens and a salt water tank. I have those posted. Who would have thought that to be a red flag. Thank You!
You are welcome SII. Indeed and I will follow-up with the class traits one which becomes particularly dangerous to younger people when certain, not all, of our kind are prowling.
Please do that HG. I have 2 kids in there late twenties. They don’t get caught up in the social media stuff but there at a prime age to get tangled and scared for life. I have educated them in every way possible except for the encounter with your kind. I would not even no where to start. It does need educating
Hi SII,
I liked your idea. It’s very hard for them to see the dangers and now there are even more reasons to be aware of what you put out there. Thanks
That and hmmm some know just enough to hack into accounts, makes life very interesting to say the least. Now I just laugh, people believe what they want and I do hear and see such interesting things
The admires or those seeking wisdom? I could go so far as both.
DC I met all of them at one time, now I dont even go by my name. Got tired of all the “new” accounts sending friend request and the fact I remember him saying my account was so safe, ha, safe my fanny!
“as i walk into the office laughing at myself for thinking I was oh so bright”
I welcome both admirers and those seeking wisdom. One invariably leads to the other anyway.
Always HG, maybe you will get a few more admirers 😉 and those seeking wisdom.
That is the desired outcome.
Well this is a perfect explaination, HG would you mind if I printed this out to hang in my employees break room?
With appropriate credit, by all means, thank you for asking.
So why didn’t my exN sign up sooner? He decided he needed one after we broke up, to apparently go through my friends list and then post pictures of me and how he misses me and such. :/
I am glad I meet only half of the requirements….
How do you know he didn’t? He may have had false profiles you did not know about? Or he used different social media. Or you wouldn’t let him use the computer as you troublesome empaths do!
Ha ha ha ha, I never stopped him from doing what he wanted and he is a computer specialist so he has access to all of the computers he needs. He spent a lot of time at work, I suppose he could have had numerous profiles but then again… I was not searching the web for his secret profiles or what not. I gave him my trust… if I had an issue I would try to talk to him about it. That was it.
The problem with obsession is that you obviously have nothing better to do with your time… Sure, when he would be away I would text him a sweet text or if he had a preference for dinner and that was it. I hardly received a response back, I did my own thing…. read, draw, clean, cook, whatever….
Mine had more than one profile. I found it. Thousands of women..Posts that made him sound so soulful and deep…and being a musician he always posted guitars he owned…I actually made friends with a few of these women..found out about how he tried to have fb sex..asked for money..tried to lure women. Even after I exposed him..one still stayed in his harem. I was literally sick. Now I hear he with a much older unattractive woman because she’s low maintenance. Been with her 4 years, during which we were together and I never had a clue he would stoop so low.
Hello Bruisedfroot, as time goes on and you read and understand more, nothing our kind does will surprise you (as much!)