What is Making Him Come Back?


Image result for picture of stalker



Fuel. That is the short answer. The question of why the narcissist keeps coming back to you requires further examination. I have explained that the post discard or post escape hoover is determined by two things. First of all, has there been a hoover trigger? If there is not one, there will be no hoover. If there is a trigger, the next question is; has the hoover execution criteria been met? If it has, the hoover will happen. If it has not, there will be no hoover. Accordingly, the prospect of the fuel to be gained, the activation of the hoover trigger and the fulfilment of the hoover execution criteria drives our repeated attempts to engage with you.

What then if you have heeded my writing and you know that you need to stay out of the first five spheres of influence? What if you have done that and he still keeps hoovering you? This means that you have entered and you keep entering the sixth sphere of influence. You have no control over this sphere. Your appearance in this sphere occurs irrespective of what you do and is related to our memory of you.

Understanding what keeps causing you to appear in the sixth sphere of influence will allow you to appreciate why the hoover keeps happening and therefore you can respond appropriately. As usual, by not knowing why something happens, you are prone to respond in an emotional, rather than a logical fashion. This is the place where we want you. Dumped into the emotional sea once again or at the very least, its icy waters lapping against you, threatening to rise higher and higher.

Furthermore, if you understand what causes your appearance in the sixth sphere then you can remain vigilant ahead of this happening, perhaps taking extra precautions ahead of the possible sixth sphere trigger, so that whilst there is a trigger (you cannot stop that) you at least make yourself a F.R.E.E. and therefore the hoover execution criteria is not met and you suffer no hoover.

This then poses the valuable question; what causes your appearance in the sixth sphere of influence?

  1. Entirely random. In the same way you might suddenly find yourself thinking about a cinnamon bagel or whether you should purchase a new telephone, you can just appear in the sixth sphere for no reason whatsoever. There is absolutely nothing to do be done about this, there is no way of predicting it and this however does explain why some hoovers appear to come right out of the blue. You have entered our consciousness. There is no valid reason for that to happen, but you just have and thus the hoover trigger is met.
  2. Same Name. If we meet someone who has the same name as you, then that is likely to cause a memory of you to form in our mind and you enter the sixth sphere. It could be your first name, a shortened version of it, a nickname, a product which sounds like your name, someone mentioning the name on television or even your surname.
  3. Birthday. The anniversary of your birth is a prime reason for appearing in the sixth sphere. It does not automatically mean it will happen, for instance, a Lesser may struggle with remembering dates and therefore may well have forgotten when your birthday is, but as your own birthday approaches you ought to consider that there is increased potential for a hoover to take place.
  4. Christmas. It might be the approaching season to be jolly or Christmas Day itself, but Christmas presents a further risk that you will appear in the sixth sphere.
  5. Anniversaries. In a similar vein to birthday, the occasion of an anniversary may well result in your entering the sixth sphere of influence. There is also wider scope with this to happen because of the greater number of potential anniversaries. This is again dependent on the nature of your narcissist. The superior intellect and cognitive function of the Greater Narcissist is likely to lend itself to a greater risk of remembrance and a wider range of anniversaries which will be remembered. This may include weddings, divorces, separation, first kiss, first holiday, first time we had sex, somebody’s death, someone else’s birth and such like. If your narcissist exhibited a particular capability for remembering and marking multiple anniversaries you face a higher risk. Similarly, those who rarely remembered will be less likely to find you in the sixth sphere.
  6. Objects. A careful distinction has to be made here. Since we regard your property as our property, the appearance of something which once belonged to you (or still does) will not per se cause an appearance in the sixth sphere of influence. If the item is used by us on a regular basis, for instance if you left a juicer in our kitchen or a television, then we effectively “over-write” its ownership. In such circumstances, we would not think of you every time we looked at the television or used the juicer. It is impersonal and has been assimilated into our controlled environment. If, however we find your scarf down the back of the settee or one of your books tucked away in a book case, this will cause us to think of you and cause you to enter the sixth sphere. All the more reason to ensure that when you have escaped you recover, so far as is practical, all possessions.
  7. By mention. If somebody mentions you to us. This is distinct from you engaging with a member of our coterie or a Lieutenant (this is the third sphere of influence) but somebody we have not seen for a while may make mention of you to us or one of your friends may happen to refer to you, then this will cause you to enter the sixth sphere.
  8. Contact details. If we have retained your contact details such as telephone number, address and/or e-mail address, then this will prompt you to appear in our sixth sphere if we come across these details when scrolling through our contacts on our phone.
  9. A Post or Picture on Social Media. If we see your picture on somebody else’s social media, then you enter the sixth sphere. This may prompt you to either ensure nothing of you is posted by you or anybody else ever, or perhaps more practically, ensuring this is done for a period of time post escape or discard until such time you have gathered sufficient strength to repel the potential hoover.
  10. Old messages. If we find a letter from you, an old text message or e-mail then this will cause entry into the sixth sphere. Ordinarily, when we have discarded you and we are concentrating on the new primary source such remnants from a previous appliance will be deleted as a matter of course, in the same way that we delete you from our minds. There is however the possibility this is not done, or more likely that an old account or piece of correspondence has been forgotten about until that time when we come upon it.
  11. The Bible. If our victim was especially religious, then this may well cause you to enter into our sixth sphere when we come across a copy of the good book. If your narcissist travelled a lot and stayed in hotels and you were especially religious, the obligatory Gideon bible to be found there would cause potential hoovers in that regard.
  12. A recording. If there is a sound or image recording that has escaped deletion, perhaps on an old answer phone where you recorded the greeting message or on a camcorder or ‘phone which has not been used for some time, viewing or listening to this will cause you to enter the sixth sphere.
  13. Scent. This does not happen as a matter of course. Your scent has to be both memorable and rare AND have not been over written in some way. If that is the case and one day we smell those top notes of orange zest, heart notes of magnolia and French daffodil and base notes of vanilla and ambergris then you enter the sixth sphere.
  14. Photograph. If they survived the likely burning that would occur on discard then if we find a photograph of you or perhaps a friend or relative shows us one, you will enter the sphere of influence.
  15. Fuel potency obsession. If you have entered any of the spheres of influence, including the methods above, we may be reminded of how extra potent your fuel was. This does not apply to everybody and only those who gave us the most superlative fuel will find themselves subjected to this. We are reminded of you through entry into one of the six spheres and as part of this we remember just how sweet your fuel was and this stays lodged in our minds and drives us. The memory of this fuel will keep appearing and you keep appearing in the sixth sphere, until such time as something else dislodges you, namely another potent appliance.
  16. Malice obsession. The hatred that we may have for you causes you to keep appearing in our sixth sphere again and again and again. This becomes an obsession and even though nothing else may result in your appearing in any of the spheres, this keeps happening with the result that you potentially face repeated hoovers and they will be of the malign variety. If you find your narcissist keeps on lashing out at you in this way when you cannot understand why this should be, you are probably experiencing the malice obsessions. This will only stop if you succumb to the hoovers and are dragged back into the Formal Relationship or somebody else becomes a target for our malice. The Malice Obsession is rare, but is a risk.

Accordingly, if you keep getting hoovered despite staying out of the five spheres, the above will explain why this is happening. The way to counter this is to be aware of what may cause you to enter the sixth sphere, especially with reference to particular times of events and ensure you are an undesirable target for fuel across several fronts so the hoover execution criteria cannot be met.

113 thoughts on “What is Making Him Come Back?

  1. lickemtomorrow says:

    This is something I’ve been wondering about, so glad I came across it.

    The hoover triggers must have been coming hot and heavy for him lately (his birthday, anniversary of his mother’s death a year ago, a documentary aired on the history channel recently), but the best one is he lives on a street which has my name (first name)! Ha! He must get triggered every single day. Or not. I don’t think I’ve set the criteria bar high enough yet, so I’m assuming he’s well ensconsed with his new IPPS as no hoover has come my way. On the other hand, he was pretty much unmasked by the time we parted company so I could also assume the injury to him will keep him away. He may just have to move house to avoid the trigger!

    And all these things have triggered me, too.

    I just knew he’s probably keeping a box of stuff hidden away somewhere as a keepsake. I gave him a lock of my hair! Ugh. Hair is such a personal thing. It’s not inaminate like so many other things. Although it might be to him.

  2. Leigh says:

    How long does the malice obsession last? Does it ever go away?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      It is directed elsewhere.

      1. Leigh says:

        Have you ever had a malice obsession? How long has it lasted for you? Could a malice obsession and consequent malign hoovers last forever? Especially if you have escaped and gone no contact?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          1. Yes.
          2. Which one?
          3. Yes, but that is unusual.

          1. Caroline R says:

            “Which one?”

          2. Twilight says:


            “Have you ever had a malice obsession? How long has it lasted for you? Could a malice obsession and consequent malign hoovers last forever? Especially if you have escaped and gone no contact?

            1. Yes.
            2. Which one?
            3. Yes, but that is unusual.”

            I was glad to read 3, maybe that means he is over it or will be soon.

            Hope you are well.

          3. Leigh says:

            Which one? Maybe an average. How long was the shortest and how long was the longest?

          4. HG Tudor says:

            These will be addressed in The Asylum of the Grotesque.

  3. Brian says:

    H.G Tudor…I rejected him (I know probably I made him a big injury) and we see each other every day,
    is there any entrie explaining the malign hoover, or when a hoover is not malign? how can I difference one from other clearly?
    Really gooood blog… ;))

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you. Your best bet is to read the book Black Hole it is all in there.

  4. Victoria says:

    Hi H.G.
    Long time no hear-Love your article!
    If NO CONTACT remains in place despite a couple of attempted text messages, will he become bolder(phone call) or just give it up all together? Also, when he moved out of my house he left valuable paintings, furniture, our entire bedroom set, 50″ TV, etc.and has not asked for it back. Is this typical for those of your kind? Also, I think I will need another pvt consultation. .I realize after hanging up that I had so much more to ask, not enough time and a bit nervous.
    Thanks again. Just finished reading: Exorcism-love it. That make 13 books; on to the black hole. Just waiting for your new publications!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      It depends on the impact on the Hoover Execution Criteria and if there has been a Hoover Trigger.
      If he knows you provide good fuel, he has a method of contact (which he has as he can text you) and dependent on what type he is, whether there are other obstacles etc, the fact two hoovers have not worked may not cause him to give up. There are numerous factors in play which move the bar up or down.
      He has probably left them because he was focused elsewhere and of course it provides him with a means and a reason to contact you later.
      Thank you for reading and you know what to do for a pvt consultation.

      1. Victoria says:

        Thank you for your prompt response! I will have Spring Break in 10 days and will schedule it before then. Once again your books are brilliantly written. Each one adds one more piece to the puzzle.
        Thanks again for letting us inside the mind of Narcissists.

  5. superxena says:

    Thanks HG…now it makes even more sense to me😀Very valuable together with your article about Sadistic streaks.

  6. Lisa says:

    Ummm Grandfathered? Please explain? Thanks.

  7. 1jaded1 says:

    HG. The ring comment triggered an uneasy memory. I’ve previously said N2 proposed bc he thought I was going to leave him. Almost immediately after, he acted as if I were property. Sometimes, I didn’t wear the ring bc I didn’t feel engaged. A relative called me out and said N2 knew enough people that not wearing the ring would get back to him.

    Before I escaped, I took Frank Sinatra and Tony Bennett cds (they put me in a mood) and a favorite green sweater. I left my engagement ring. He dropped both the engagement ring AND the wedding half at my mom’s. To his credit, they are beautiful. In a twist, I started wearing both as a deterrent to advances. That turned out to be triggering so I stopped in short order. I put them away in a safe place. They didn’t come to mind until now.

    It’s bizarre. In his mind we are together forever, ring or no. Do you think he thinks about the rings? I realize you aren’t a mindreader. Your thoughts are always appreciated.

    What would you have done?

    Thank you.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      The rings probably do not feature in his mind, although if he were to hoover you, he may well mention the fact that you took the rings (even though he gave them back) as a means of getting at you.

      What would I have done? Kept the rings and used the engagement ring for your replacement. Ensure she flaunted it around town so you knew about it, ensure that my lieutenants spread the word as to the nature of the ring, ensure there were posts on social media so there were bulletins about it so it truly became your suffe-ring. I most likely would not have married the replacement, but that is by the by.

      1. 1jaded1 says:

        Nice. A successful hoover means I break contact. Not happening if I take your advice.

        Since I escaped, seeing someone else wearing the engagement ring might shock the system for a moment. No Facebook so it would have to be word of mouth. As much as it’s fuel, my response might be a picture of me wearing the ring and asking how it feels to be wearing my reject. I’d also sweetly request for HER to think of me while she was wearing it…because it adorned my finger first….oh, I’d also ask if it was sanitized bc Fifi ate it with her dog food and shat it out her ass. I tried to clean it up the best I could. Really, I did.

  8. Renee says:

    What causes the Malice Obsession? I believe that is what the past two years has been. I had to obtain a Protection from Stalking Order against Mr. Wrong recently as the hatred and threats just kept coming. He spent hours each day bombarding my phone with some of the most vile things… all in the name of his love for me and need for my return to him. Scary!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello Renee, it is hatred. Hatred of you, what you have done and how you have failed us in some way, exposed us, challenged us, failed to comply with our demands.

  9. Lisa says:

    Might I have your email address please HG? Leaving comment here right now, doesnt seem to be fitting in with the general conversation. If so, thanks in advance. 🙂

      1. Lisa says:

        Thank you HG. I will write soon. 🙂

  10. B says:

    DC I like your song. I have never heard it. It has a different sound. Very cool.

    1. He he he, I am glad someone listened to it! I actually love that song… even though you catch it in Silence of the Lambs… it is fabulous and so is the group! 😉

  11. Snow White says:

    DC, I can cook you anything you want!!! And I do pick up after myself. Lol… You can dance your heart out and I can listen to almost anything. You can even wear your wench outfit if you choose to. 😉

    1. He he he! <3 SNOW! Well for house cleaning… hmmm, maybe, I do break in my heels while cleaning! You may be on to something there! I do really enjoy cooking, which we can do together! 🙂

      1. AH OH says:

        As long as the Queen Bee likes what is being cooked, my sweet Sugar gatherers. I am sure the King, Lord himself will like anything as long as it is served with Fuel. We can all sit with our Magic Undergarments of lace and/or leather for his amusment at the dinner table. I have no doubt we will look stunning. >

        1. Oooh this sounds fantastic….an all lace bodysuit!

        2. Wait…no… I don’t care what Queen Bee wants to eat…. you are going to eat my delectable healthy foods. And you better enjoy Mediterranean foods. I will cook and eat by myself… I have had to dual cook for years anyhow. LOL

      2. Snow White says:

        DC that’s a DEAL!!! Lol… Sounds like a happy place. 👠😂

  12. 😀 I can’t think of any other way to live… Life is what you make of it, I might be off my hinges sometimes BUT I do know the difference between reality and fantasy. So what if my world is just a bit more fun… and as I always say Snow… the more the merrier! 😉 <3 <3 <3

    1. Snow White says:

      Exactly DC!!! I know HG says it makes us a target living in the clouds. But I think I am wired this way and it’s not going to change. It doesn’t help that I work with preschoolers and have an autistic child. They live me for it. Lol.. I do like myself this way. I’ll embrace it.⛅️

      1. That’s it Snow! I’m not changing either… kids hold something golden in their hearts… we lose that as adults. That is a wonderful feeling to be free and just enjoy a simple moment!

  13. Snow White says:

    DC, that’s why I love you!!! I live in a fantasy world every day too. Now people are going to follow my rules for a change. Lol🍎🍎🍎

  14. B says:

    This is what hurts me. The fact that I never meant anything to him. That he doesn’t think about me or miss me like I do him every single day. I can’t even think about being with another and even though I have no physical evidence of him ever being with another, I must take your word on it HG. I always thought he came back because he cared. Why couldn’t he just be an alcoholic, why does he have to be this. So hard for me to accept.

    The one person I felt a true connection with, who understood me, who filled that empty place inside me… a figment of my imagination.

    The one person who will never let me go….

    1. MLA - Clarece says:

      Agreed! It’s why I’m still here a year later. I tend to do what’s called complimentary projection. Because if I kept reaching out to someone with many stops and starts, it would signify I still care and miss the person. I tend to have a really difficult time applying the notion that it would be different motives for someone with a different mindset. Very saddening.

      1. B says:

        I don’t even know what’s real or not real. I feel like everything I see to be real is not and what is real I do not see. I want what is real for me not what everyone believes to be real. I don’t think a “normal” person will ever understand my wants or needs.

    2. Snow White says:

      Hi B, by heart hurt as I read this. I still have a hard time understanding how I felt such a connection like you describe. I said so many times to her ” I can feel the connection between us” and “I have never felt like this with anyone” and “we were meant for each other”.
      It is unfair that they can move on so easily and we are left with thoughts and reminders of them every minute.
      I’m sorry you feel this way too. ❤️

      1. B says:

        Thank you Snow White. You’re right it’s not fair and it’s not fair that I can’t hate him for it. How could it all be fake? How can you fake something like that. Even when we slept. How could he hold me the entire night not letting go of me once. Not one night did he ever let go of me even when he was mad at me. Now that I think about it, that’s when I loved him the most… when he was asleep.

  15. HG, if you aren’t already a lawyer, you would truly make a great one…I was reading and came to CLAUSE 1 and thought, “Well, that just about covers it” and then read CLAUSE 16 and thought, “Well that just certainly finished it…time to make a deal!”

    Very well written and iron-clad…with law, I have found that the relentless who believe in their tactics never lose…and I for one, would never go up against unbeatable odds…so at this point, all I ask is if I may be grandfathered in? I would hate to see the revised version…only an idiot fucks with HG – and that is a fact.

    So HG, can I join the cool kids and be grandfathered for mutual consideration? Will you at least think about it??

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you Sarah.

      Do you mean by grandfathered for you to be considered as an exception?

      1. AH OH says:

        Grandfathered in for what? >

      2. HG, that would be the most amazing grandfather exception if that was something you would consider that would provide me with such a sense of relief and expressive gratitude I wouldn’t know what to say or do to express my gratitude? [Waiving hands on face to keep from crying]

      3. Sarah says:

        You never said goodbye and I’ve waited all this time for you to come back and u never did and no one will tell me where you went and i am actually crying.

    2. I am confused by you wanting to be “Grandfathered for mutual consideration”. If we are speaking in terms of law, I think you did not do your research, properly, on the term grandfathered nor narcissism.

      1. Dragoncreeper,

        I definitely hadn’t done my research properly on narcissism – that is why I am here and have learned a whole lot more about it from the time of my interaction which I think is a little over a month now, but you hit the nail on the head there. As far as being grandfathered in, I was referring to Clauses 1-16 [emphasis added on 16] – if more Clauses were to be added in time, I wanted to be grandfathered in to these 16 as they were written when I was a member (in my mind of how I was relating to a joke about being grandfathered in). Suppose a year from now, clause 17 is added – if I was grandfathered in, I would not be under the terms of clause 17. If granted an exception to more favorable terms that do not include some of these on this list [emphasis added on 16], I would take that as a wonderful exception if HG granted it.

        1. Sarah my dear, we would all be so lucky in that instance….but it will never be possible with a narcissist. They need their fuel and in their minds, no matter how perfect we try to be, we will always do something wrong that will warrant one or all of the clauses. 🙂

        2. AH OH says:

          Maybe a year from now you can be in his scrapbook. Have you read his books, have you bought any of them. You want to be really be on his good side? Buy his books. Don’t come on here and play these stupid games. I have 11 of his books. Again, I ask does your loving husband know you want to be grandfathered in to HG’s clauses?


          1. AH OH, as always, I appreciate your opinion, but I don’t understand what you mean that I am playing a “stupid game”? No one has told me this is a game. I never consented to play a game; as dragonkeeper pointed out of which I have previously agreed, I didn’t understand narcissism when I joined but is there some game going on that someone can directly explain because I don’t understand it. Grandfather clause is to mitigate damages – not to increase them.

            What you may mean to have said is that you do not agree with a core value I have. As I know you are atheist, my intent is not to offend you, but this is something you must understand about me that may be different or confusing, but I practice the action of love – it is what I believe. I define love as:

            1st Corinthians 13:4-13
            Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. 13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

            I don’t view life and interactions with others as games because they become too goal outcome oriented of win and lose – in that respect, I believe how one plays is what matters and hope for the best. It is what I believe. What I believe I put into action or they are just words.

            I have repeatedly asked HG if my presence was welcomed here and he has said it was – that does not mean it is now, but he will have to tell me. If he was to say it was not, I would depart without question as I am aware my views are different and I do not say them to challenge yours or HG’s, but what I do and how I act defines who I am – and it is a choice. I never put myself in a stereotype role, but this is a core value that will never change.

            I knew when I joined here that I struggled with communication with my stepson. I can work to change so long as it does not hit a core value, but if it does, I am not going to change who I am to belong unless I find the change to be beneficial for personal growth — with that said, I follow logic and factual instances. But how I practice the action of love is what is important to me as a person…and I screw up all the time, but I try the best I can…but I believe HG will tell me if I offend him, or he wants me to leave. To date, I have not heard that, but I understand that I may at any time. I too study from his actions.

            I am not used to indirect communication but if I let my mind go into reading between every word, I miss the beauty of the whole picture. I have read a large amount of HG’s works and need to write a book review now that you remind me of it – but that is something I think we should all do for HG, don’t you? I REALLY like his paid consultation idea and excited about that because I don’t like to take without giving back and have gathered that “love fuel” is not HG’s drink of choice – but he may learn from me hopefully – I certainly learn from him.

            So, I have given you a longer explanation than you probably wanted – that is part of my nature, forgive me. However, I will not engage in the insanity cycle of an argument once I have provided you with my view point. Your points are duly noted and I appreciate you bringing them to my attention but at this time, we would both be wasting energy on it. I would much rather talk about your day or how you came to be an atheist or something enjoyable to you or, if you prefer, speak about nothing at all. And yes, my husband knows about the grandfathered clause because after you and dragonkeeper didn’t get it, I called him and asked if he got what I was trying to say – if it makes everyone feel better, he didn’t get it either but it made sense in my mind and hope I clarified it accordingly!

          2. First off, my name is DRAGONCREEPER…. not keeper.

            Sarah, you clearly contradict yourself…

            And I got the grandfathered thing… you obviously didn’t get what I was saying in regards to narcissism.

            Here is a verse for you:

            Proverbs 26:23
            Smooth words may hide a wicked heart, just as a pretty glaze covers a clay pot.

            *mic drop*

  16. Maddie says:

    So Your memory of a person works similar to ours. … another proof we aren’t only appliances to You after all… Good morning dear G.

  17. 1jaded1 says:

    It’s trigger season, HG. I will make it through with your guidance.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Yes you will 1jaded.

  18. MLA - Clarece says:

    Um, No. 13? Quite the concoction of a specific scent. Someone special get hoovered from you this past weekend? Haha
    I was somewhat sad, this past weekend marked the 4 year anniversary when we met, and a mutual friend shared one of those annoying FB memory photos that had both of us in it at the University event it happened it. I look so blissfully unaware and innocent. I guess I’ll be in the clear now until the holidays, if he hoovers again.

  19. Unfortunately most of these go both ways…too many memories to erase. Despite knowing these memories trigger a Narc different still makes me question why they have them at all?

  20. alexis2015s says:

    Okay so I think I’ve done something which will make him step into 16 !!

    It was unintentional on my part. Well it was intentional on my part but………I had no idea the degree to which this would affect him.

    So I can play the game for a little longer and he will continue with the grand hoover. But this is time limited and I’m talking a couple of weeks !

    hmmmmmmmm Bugar !!

  21. Snow White says:

    Now you have me thinking about all the things that I can’t control. I know I can’t sit and worry about it but it’s frustrating . You always have control.
    Objects. There was a lot of stuff that she kept at her house. At the time when she returned my stuff I didn’t take an accurate count because I was so emotional. Wonder what’s there?

    Christmas. Now I’m anxious about this.

    By mention. I think this happens more than I think. There were many many people at the gym and at various locations who would and probably still bring my name up.
    Contact detail and old messages. She can easily look this up on her computer and I can’t imagine her erasing things. I think, like you HG she is keeping things for other uses.
    You have listed so many in the sixth sphere for us to think about.

  22. Darkness Falls Again says:

    10 tails? Curiousity has peaked around the corner.

    Marvelous HG, now I know thanks!

    1. Wait are you asking about the 10 tails whip or harem?

  23. Jules says:

    Iv read alot of ur books and blogs and clearly remember u saying that even after discard the narc still believes u to be his property. This is why he is always stalking us either by social media or physically. That they keep everything u have ever given them as they love to have a collection of u stashed somewhere. Yet u say after discard they delete u from their minds like we dont exist. I find it hard to believe that i do not enter his head several times a day after discard since hes been in my life for over a decade. What of the times they display their new PS on social media purely to piss us off. They have to be thinking of us to do that. How is it possible that he wud only think of me if he stumbles across someone with the same name or an item of mine. Since he is constantly in my head (even tho i hate him )i find it hard to believe that he will only think of me if i enter the 6th influence and yet u say he still believes he owns me.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello Jules, thank you for reading my work. Yes you are correct in what you have recalled. The stash is preserved and put to one side (it is not there as a daily reminder) but rather to be utilised for the purposes of a hoover at the appropriate time, that is why it is kept. When you are discarded though, that stash is in a cupboard somewhere, not thought about as you are effectively deleted from our minds. It is only when you pop into ours minds, through you entering a sphere of influence, that we think of you and dig out the collection to use against you. He may well be thinking of you several times a day because you just keep popping into his mind or he is seeing reminders which cause this to happen. You can only appear in the sixth sphere but do so several times, just because that is what happens. You will no doubt have also take note of the Malice and Fuel Obsessions which can cause you to remain stuck in the sphere.

      1. Lisa says:

        Hi all. My ex has DEMANDED my wedding/engagement rings back. Until he gets them, he considers we are still married. He actually asked me, via letter in mail, (one of many) to show ‘some compasion’, and give them back! Hell no, I say! He wants them for his trophies! I know that because he did it to his last wife. Had her wedding ring on a candle stick holder on the mantle piece. Sent it back to her when they got divorced. (10 years later!!). Apparently he wants to ‘smash’ them so he can start his life over, without thought of me. Pfft!!! He truly does think Im stupid. Oh hang on….I was….once.

        1. B says:

          You should pawn pawn them, take a picture of them sitting on the shop’s counter, and send him the picture stating if he wants them back then by all means go get them. You will have extra money in your pocket with no reminders of him and will have to pay to get them back if he is lucky enough to find them on the fun scavenger hunt you provided. After all they do like to play games!

          1. Lisa says:

            B. Good idea however If like to leave them for my daughter so she can have them remodeled to her own liking one day. Lots of diamonds to work with there. I think Ill just ‘put the word out’ that I sold them for holiday cash. That sould really piss him off I reckon. Since I didnt see him for 12 months he wouldnt know what I did in that time. “Holiday? Ohhh it was FABULOUS darling!” Lol

          2. B says:

            There ya go! Sounds like a fabulous plan! Best of luck to you!

          3. Lisa says:

            Thanks B. Sounds like a plan to me. Ohh to be a fly on the wall when he first hears the news…..

          4. B says:

            I agree Lisa, it would be most entertaining to see his reaction, lol. Yes I know that two wrongs don’t make a right and it might be somewhat twisted, but they are the one’s who created this monster! My heart might be a little bitter at the moment.

  24. I. Can'tGoBackwards says:

    Only thru my pro kiteboard instructor is there *any* possible link, and he knows well to protect me — so we kite a different beach.

    Plus I have a great new life now, a big hot guy who’s super-smart and very protective, instinctively. ♡

    &…an attentive lover!!

    180° different from the sociopath, TG…nutjobb↓b pales in comparison; frankly, I’d not be interested, anyway.

    The cold, hard, unemotional truth.

    It’s good to be

    ☆ #F.R.E.E. ☆

  25. survivednarc says:

    I dont know HG, I am with you on all of this, but my ex narc is so damn unpredictable and predictable at the same time.. meaning, I know he always has other supply sources. Always. But he just can NOT stay away from me. Ever. I will shut up for a month, or 2 months even. Suddenly out of the blue, there will be a hoover from him about how much he regrets everything… sigh.
    I really want to put an end to all this but I fail to see how I can do so without a restraining order…. I am looking forward to your post about restraining orders. Hope you have it named something that will clue me into that that is the post. I am not so active in Blogland anymore so I dont read many posts at all. But that, I would love to read. I hope you are well. A suggestion/ request; how about you so an update post on “How is HG doing right now”. I think that would be of enormous interest to us, your readers. You know, we do not only care about narcissism, we care about YOU! 🙂 (I am very surprised at saying this to a narcissist but you have been so very nice and lovely to me and all others here so I thought you should know this).
    Take care. Hugs/SN

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello SN, no doubt you saw the post about restraining orders. There will be updates on where I am getting in the fullness of time. There is more to tell before I divulge that.
      Thank you for your kind sentiments.

      1. survivednarc says:

        Ah, thanks for informing me about that, I read it straight away! 🙂
        And you are welcome. Be well. ⚘

  26. Ave Maria says:

    I am not judging you by the EVIL banner you put on your blogs

    As I have said my fuel are my prayers

    God Bless you HG Tudor The Lord has not given up on you yet

    1. AH OH says:

      Not all of us on here have a make believe friend. >

      1. Damn, that imaginary friend can be quite fun at night…when you are all alone! 😛

        1. AH OH says:

          I do visualize being on my knees. The way I pray has a whole different meaning. >

          1. Oh AH OH… yes! I think after this post and the other one with Anna Belle, I am going to need Frenchie to paddle me.. or maybe we can find that “10” tails (HG speaks of) laying around here somewhere…
            I need serious help.

          2. AH OH says:

            My dear DC, I know I need some serious help. Perhaps a “Come to Jesus” meeting is in store. Or come to Michael, Brad, Mark, Robert, Wilson or whatever his name could be. >

          3. I have nothing to say other than I agree… AH OH… 😉

          4. I wouldn’t have thought any differently… after all we are the original 10! 😛

          5. AH OH says:

            Yes Lovey, we are now. I am so happy you have great skills. >

        2. Fang Freakin Tastic!

      2. Ah Oh says:

        Yes DC, and I do have an imagination.

      3. 1jaded1 says:

        I’m agnostic but the way you wrote this made me laugh.

        1. AH OH says:

          kisses 1j1

    2. Ah Oh says:

      He is Lord, when are you going to get this through your head!
      Damn, if there were a GOD, he would not have created a broken person who is tortured inside.
      I am over the goddamn pray BS. Do something like feed the homeless.

      I hope you post this HG. As this is the way I pray too. I pray that they stop praying.

      1. 1jaded1 says:

        No shit. My tongue can’t keep the words in…oh my dear child…I’m going to afflict you with a mental disorder that will torture you every day.. Don’t worry though bc I love you. Fk that sht. Point in the disbelief side.

  27. nikitalondon says:

    Excellent.. but seems to be a never ending horror story.

  28. Hate, love, obsession, no contact but you are everywhere…

    It dies out and restarts again and again… very clever, I am reminded why I was intrigued but shown why never to go back!

    1. Indy says:

      Has your hoovers slowed up/stopped? Hope you are doing better! It is a scary and annoying experience.

      Mine hasn’t contacted me since his last crazy hoover fest about a month ago (lasted a week of nonstop calls and texts, insanity). HG, do you think he will try again? I have this gut feeling that he won’t, that maybe I wounded him well enough to leave me alone.

      1. HG Tudor says:

        If your wounding has affected your proposition as an attractive fuel source, the Hoover Execution Criteria is less likely to be met,Indy and you will be left alone for longer.

      2. Hey Indy… no…

        I heard nothing this weekend… I thought he was done. I received a letter to my work email on Monday… and I caught him driving by my apartment at about 6:15am while I was walking my dog. Of course he confronted me and I limited saying much and ended up walking off because some nice person drove up and he had no choice but to move. 🙂

        I am not scared for me, I am annoyed. I gave him too many chances… he didn’t like my rules after the fact. If you screw up and want me back you will abide by my rules… I can be just as cold and callus. Inside I might struggle emotionally but I know how to hide those emotions (mostly). I warned him from the begging of all of this… I even told him to go hang out with my ex-husband… he will learn how well I cut people off. I will give my all to whom ever I love…but do me wrong and I won’t have anything to do with you. Yes, I have been forgiving in the past but only a select few get that honor. He had it more times than I would have ever given anyone and each time he abused it.

    2. HG, DC , Ah Oh, FTW
      I could only reply here for some reason…….

      ABB in the place to be. Check 1 check 2 check 1 2 3.
      I’m a bible thumpin sinner yo, take you on like a winner tho,
      ride that dick bike on slow mo.

      HG Tudor got the harem see , rocks the blog with the 10 ladies,
      get that cat o 10, rat a tat tat, bend over now and get a booty slap,
      want to enter in 6th sphere of influence, jus so ya know we ain’t named prudence.
      Ah Oh take it take on back, get on them knees and worship like that. P*ssy so wet don’t need lip gloss, HG Tudors words is the cause,

      Hes got words to make you thrilled, not sure if it’ll get us killed. Fear his game cuz he’s the master, you can’t f*ck with him cuz it’d be a disaster.

      I don’t care cuz i like it tho, tie a bitch up put her on the floor. Place that mirror in front of me, watch my eyes full of lust u see,

      he’ll make ya beg for your transgression, after this rhyme I better go to confession. Won’t help tho cuz he’ll always come back, you all know why? Cuz we’s great in the sack.

      After we done we’ll brag we’ll boast, what u think Frenchie should we eat some toast? HG what kinda syrup ya got? Hope it’s the kind that will make us hot, aw skip breakfast let’s go back to bed, didn’t someone say they was good at head?
      your harems growing it’s up to ten, guess you’ll be late for work again.
      *black out*

      1. OMG, I love you Anna Belle, you naughty girl! <3

        1. Vanity Six – Nasty Girl……are we the Empath Ten?

          1. AH OH says:

            1J1 is in the bunch too. I do not think any more can fit as we have our egos that need to come with us. So the club is closed now and the founding members are ABB, Ah Oh (I do not do anything but look good and keep my knees in good shape), DC, FTW, 1J1, B&T. I hope he is thinking of a good entrance when we get to meet the MatriNarc. Such fun. I have my dress already made, it is a bit short, shows my ankles. 😉


          2. That is true… my ego is a little fluffed… I guess I can thank my last narcs for that…
            This sounds fabulous… I have a sample dress that I absolutely love… it is very long and actually covers my feet (yes it was made for my height :)) BUT it does show my back and it is a little small on my breast area… but it is beautiful and black!

          3. Every day I am living in a fantasy… my own little nasty world!! <3 HELL YES!

            I think we need our own show, the Empath Ten… we can have one of us tell a joke at the end of the show… maybe we can all cry because we are laughing so hard…the empathic way! HA HA HA
            I think there is a misconception about empaths… we need our own super show. Yes we love, yes we have the need to help others but we also have our own minds and our own desires… "feed me Seymore" "er whatever your name is"! AND of course the naughty trouble we cause! 😉

          4. There’s something about you DC, it happens everytime,
            Whenever I’m around you DC, I get a dirty mind. Doesn’t matter where we are, doesn’t matter who’s around…..hah obviously We are in public for God’s sake! I would change princes dirty mind lyrics above to HG instead of DC and add:
            HG might be my kind of man, he may might be my style, but all I want to do is love HG for a little while..

          5. 😈 I have that effect on people…. I don’t try but my mind is always in the gutter. I like it there. I definitely appreciate a woman and her body but I’m all about the 8!CK…so I guess you can see where I am VERY comfortable with my sensuality and sexuality! <3

            I am sure HG would love the love for a little while from each of us! <3

      2. Snow White says:

        Hi ABB, I just got home and read this and cracked up. 😂😂😂 it was great. I have lots of practice for your harem. Lol

        1. AH OH says:

          HG’s Harem. It comes with stipulations. I put it together in a suggestion to become LDS Fundamentalist so we can drive Matrinarc crazy. I do not cook, clean or do windows. But being SW, I think you are good at this? >

          1. Snow White says:

            Hello AH OH, I am an excellent cook and a baker. I’m working on my cookie business. My cleaning skills are average. Lol.. Would rather be in the kitchen or at the gym. I could go with you. Lol.. I don’t mind laundry or sweeping.

          2. I will clean! I love to clean… I need things to be clean! But I will throw a fit if y’all do not at least pick up after yourselves!
            And you will have to listen to my music while I clean, sing and dance…

            I expect everyone to enjoy this one! 😉

            I enjoy cooking but you are all eating pretty healthy…

        2. Come on over, come on over Snow white. Practice makes perfect. Now if we could just get tudor to break a rule or two.

          1. HG Tudor says:

            Not going to happen.

          2. Boo! Don’t you want us HG, don’t you want us oh oh?

          3. HG Tudor says:

            I do but the rules remain.

          4. Awww you like us, you really like us ! Yay us! I say rules smules.

          5. AH OH says:

            Yes he does. He has his hands full with us.

            Sent from my iPhone


      3. Indy says:


        Fanning self, it’s hot in here!! I can hear this flow from over here. <3

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