30 Shards of Ice
Words are our weapons. Easy to use, low in energy expenditure but with such potential. The capacity to charm, to flatter, to instil joy, to create desire, love and passion, to engender affection and much more besides. Words can be used to soothe, to convince, to persuade and to calm. Those words can also hurt, upset, annoy and frustrate. Cutting comments, acidic accusations and pernicious put-downs. The greater of our kind show particular ingenuity in assembling those savage sentences which cause despair and generate misery for the recipient. We adopt a considered approach in respect of the uttering of these barbed comments.
- They will be reserved most often for strangers and minions in order to reinforce our superiority and to show off in front of you, our primary source. We have no façade to maintain with the newspaper vendor, the waitress or the driver of another car. They will suffer the caustic words to allow the provision of fuel to us by their shocked and upset reaction and also from you by reason of your admiration at our masterful handling of the incompetent person serving us.
- Those who form the façade rarely receive the lash of our tongue unless they deceive us and become treacherous. For the most part those people will only ever experience the pouring of honey in their ears and the sugar-coated pleasantries which are designed to keep the loyal to us and to maintain the façade to our benefit.
- The worst of these comments is directed at you as our primary source of fuel. The issuing of nasty, malevolent and hurtful comments will be saved for you during devaluation for the purposes of causing the maximum provision of fuel and the assertion of our control. Slurs about your life, your appearance, your family, your interests, your job and your friends will be routinely hurled at you. This will happen repeatedly, like a machine gun firing our bilious bullets towards you. We also like to wield a show stopper of a comment, a particularly chilling comment which is designed to drive a shard of ice through your heart. The type of comment which leaves you in a stunned silence at the malice it contains. The nature of the comment leaves you horrified that somebody would say that to you, somebody who is meant to love and cherish you, somebody who once said the most wonderful things to you (and will do so again in about a week as the rollercoaster ride gets into its stride). These comments are designed to deliver maximum hurt, total upset and have that negative fuel pouring from you. They may leave you stunned, sickened, frightened and anxious, they will chill you to the core but our kind will always deliver them because words are our weapons. Here are thirty icy shards which are driven through your hearts.
- I will always be in your head and your heart. You will never ever escape me.
- I will not stop. Ever.
- You know, I thought about your funeral before and it troubled me. It troubled me because I would no longer be able to punish you.
- Nobody likes you, that is why your dad left you, you know. Nobody else will say it but I will.
- I hope it takes years of therapy to sort you out.
- You think this is bad? This is nothing. I am just getting started.
- I always know where you are.
- You are my puppet and I will never cut the strings.
- I know everything about you. Remember that.
- It’s strange what can happen when you are asleep.
- No matter how far you go I will always find you, because I own you.
- I only chose you because I felt sorry for you.
- You have no idea what is going through my mind right now have you? But I know exactly what you are thinking.
- Go on scream, nobody is listening.
- You are not a person to me.
- I’ve caressed you. Now I am going to crush you.
- Just think, you have already had the happiest moment in your life.
- You have told me all your secrets. Remember that.
- I’m diseased and I’ve infected every part of you.
- Nobody will ever believe what you say.
- I’m the permanent reminder of all the things you want to forget.
- I will teach our children to hate you.
- I’m going to show you what loneliness really is.
- This is happening because you are a bad person.
- I need to cleanse you and I will not stop until it is done.
- When you close your eyes you will only ever see my face.
- I will never let you go.
- I will never put you out of your misery.
- I hate her because she reminds me too much of you.
- This is what will happen for the rest of your life.
There are many more, but what have you been told which has stopped you in your tracks and sent a chill through you?
67 thoughts on “30 Shards of Ice”
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Words spoken coldy without emotion hurts the Narcissist –
Your really are unattractive your hair is nice but your face is strangly ugly
Your are no feather in any womans cap you actually do not have a pot to pee in or a window to throw it out of.
I was never in love with you, you remind me of my ex or deceased husband whose shoes you could never fill.
You bore me
You think far to highly of your self
Consider waxing too much body hair has an unpleasant odour
They are sort of human they can be insulted like every one else .
Made me shiver there, thankfully we do not know one another.
Absolutely true. Some things I offered mine: If your teeth were whiter your smile would absolutely dazzle. You work so hard to keep yourself in shape, its too bad all that unsightly hair prevents it from being appreciated. I appreciate your ability to please me orally when you are unable to get erect. All said in an indifferent tone. But the one that got the most reaction? I left several of his texts unanswered and when he finally realized i was available but not answering he spewed venom saying he knew i was not speaking and that he had had plans for a sexy encounter. I responded simply: yawn. He lost his mind. 2 days later he texted: what the hell happened? I responded: you were acting out. Its unattractive and didnt want to make me engage. You say you cannot help what you are but you can control it. He replied: youre right. My apologies. Then i got a silent treatment. Yawn.
Good for you narc angel
“I am getting a strong sense of spiritual death coming from your direction. I felt it in your touch.”
I stand corrected HG. Have at it. I, for one, do not want to be in any circle.
Okay the inner dot then.
Oh, the bull’s eye? Huh? What? I am the entire circle Mother Fucker. The inner, outer and everything in between! Need references?
But I hate failing. So to avoid failing, I will avoid being your DOT.
I always disliked that name. Dot. I suppose it is short for Dorthy.
Now can we please get back on the see-saw. I am in the mood for jumping off.
Then I will be your Huckleberry.
My oldest son was born with Down syndrome.
I can hear the narcs words as if he spoke them yesterday. “If we had known he had Down syndrome before he was born, I would have convinced you to have and abortion.”
Ah Ho . Sorry I couldn’t reply to your comment directly .
I completely understand that HG gets a tiny amount of fuel from his blog but in the grand ” scheme ” of things I’m happy to post my thoughts & feelings because its cathartic to share & read other peoples experiences
Importantly I’ve learned more from his posts than I have from any MH professional or councillors . A recent conversation with head of MH services in my area proved it .
I wanted answers & found them here after months of searching .
Yes he can be blunt & sometime brutal with his posts but isn’t that the harsh reality of dealing with a narc ?
So Sad x
So Sad, I agree. There is much to be schooled in, here and in his books.
I was just amused of the adoration.
That is horrible… my exN always talked about wanting to have a child with me (that wasn’t going to happen on my behalf). We had actually discussed it at one point and he had said that if the child came out positive for DS that he would want it aborted as well. I think that clearly shows how they still only desire perfection in everything they do… if your child doesn’t live up to their standards they are really aren’t worth their time.
“It wouldn’t have happened if you’d done I asked ” after he left cigarettes burning in my bed & on my escape route.
” I wouldn’t have slashed the breaks on your car if you hadn’t tied to escape “..
” If you really loved me you would ” After asking me to have sex with strangers while he watched .
The lists endless …
“Who do you think you are? I am going to make your life a living hell, you bitch. I don’t need you, anyways. Who needs a whore like that?”, said the man who claimed to adore me more than his life and whom I worshiped.
WOW, that is beyond narcissism… looks like you had a deep dark psychopath in your midst.
Thank you DC. I’m just getting over what Narcs are capable of .
Next stop Psychopaths x
Nooo, run from a psychopath!!! 😉
You made me smile DC 🙂 TY
I meant to say my understanding x
Lol…well stay away from psychopaths too! 😛
” It wasn’t enough to do you any harm ” after he tried to poison me .
SS was it a psychopath then???
Lol . I don’t know TBH forgotten .
If he is then not a very clever one because he woke me up with a glass of water laced with liquid nicotine and asked me to drink it .. If he’d been smarter he wouldn’t have woken me & just slipped it into the glass of water I had by the bed. .. The intention was there though . ..
That truly is soo sad, So Sad. I wish you peace. 🌼
Thank you Lisa . One day I hope . 🙂
You too x
dear G. is plain narcissist able to murder someone?
Everybody is capable of murder.
I am not….I’d rather kill myself if forced than hurt someone …
Forgotten,
If you were placed into a situation where it was you or them, you would make the choice…
I have been there and had he made the wrong move I would not have hesitated one bit. At that moment I believe he looked into my eyes and saw my demon, it over powered his.
dragoncreeper trust me… I’ve been in situations where it was me or him… 14 y ago…. I got hurt n hospitalised but I did not lay my single finger on him …
This made me sick reading. I love how you are freeing yourself. I hope your ex N receives a subliminal message regarding his dck…he can sck his own or chop it off.
Ohh you made me laugh with that comment . Thank you Jaded x
In the dead still of night, in the blackness, I heard him say quite calmly, “I could quite happily wring your neck while you sleep”. It sends fear right through me just thinking about it!
Mine used to say…it would be so much easier if you were dead. Or, that he dreamt of killing me. He seemed to hate he had feelings for me..good or bad. Why? Why would you say such a thing? I’d ask…he’d say because then I’d know where you were. Always. Why HG?
He would do it to provoke a reaction in you so that you provided him with fuel Jezzabelle. He also hated the fact that he was chained to you because of the need for fuel.
Thank you HG. Silly little empath that I am, I would take that and twist it in another way so it sounded romantic. Oh, he loves me so much he can’t stand the thought of me with others. His feelings for me are so strong he’d go to such lengths!
Now there’s something I didn’t know HG . Chained for to us for fuel.
Must catch up !! ty
Words are but remnants of moments, too late in their efforts to rescue them. The moment occurs before words fall from lips, as minds come together in truth. Actions speak.
” You remind me of the love I feel for my Mother” which of course can be taken 2ways and is especially effective in front of others. But we know……
Words are very powerful.
Oh Mr. Tudor,
I will not throw you a match, wood or gasoline. If I told you what pierced my heart you will use it on your next victim. *lips pursed, head turned, arms crossed*
very wise ftw 😉
French, HG is so badass he only takes volunteers now – women just throw themselves at him…don’t hate the playa – hate the game! It’s remarkable actually…
Sarah,
I ain’t hatin’. He’s got more holes than a golf course. So what. Plenty of men do. Why do you find it remarkable?
French, I don’t see people as flawed – it’s not my job to judge them – I learn the most from people the most different from me because it’s another viewpoint – that doesn’t make my viewpoint right or wrong so I don’t refer to someone has having “holes” because those holes are part of who they are.
HG is remarkable because he has mastered an art where his sensory perception is so vast it may even be superior to emotions – entering into this arena, I would not have thought it was possible at all, but I was wrong.
Lack of sensory perception because of my emotional perceptions renders many holes, but I don’t want to change how I see things and after looking it at from a different spectrum, don’t see why I should. I can change how I respond and communicate to learn, but not on how I view the world. It probably wouldn’t hurt if I could bulken on some sensory perception, but it’s hard to change when you are wired an opposite way.
I am not saying how you view it is wrong – or that a hole is negative connotation (I see it as that way) – I merely view it as who are who we are if that makes any sense.
In short, my comment to remarkable was based on the fact of HG’s supreme knowledge of people and not meant to be negative but will work on clarifying as I don’t want to be taken the wrong way either and see how that perhaps caused confusion.
Without feeling emotions, HG mastered a way to understand for knowledge. Sensory perception and emotional intuition seem to but-heads in the weirdest of ways, but that is what I am still trying to sort out for myself 🙂
You completely have read waaaaayyy to much into my comment.
The “holes” that I spoke of was a rough way of saying he has a lot of women. In da hood it would be he got more holes than “insert popular road” or a golf course by name.
As far as remarkable I would disagree. Plenty of people posess the ability to read people. You have to be observant. When i encounter people in a crowd i immediately look for what does not belong. I enter a building and know where all the exits are. I sit in a position so i can see the entrance. I can read people very well. It doesn’t take emotion to do so. It takes skills. HG has been very observant in order to know which mask to put on. As a side benefit he is able to read what is required. He has this skill also from having to read his family members. If you are never sure what is going to be required you must learn very fast to assess the mood and potential actions of an abuser. This is why empaths walk eggshells, the moods change so quickly they can’t keep up. But if you are narcissist or sociopathic you adapt quickly. No emotions necessary, just logic.
I will agree that he is remarkable but in my mind for other reasons.
French, thanks for taking the time to explain. I would expect HG to have a plethora of girlfriends – that always seemed to be very evident about him from day one 🙂
Out of curiosity, why would one know where the entrance and exits are? I am really trying to understand, but I don’t think my skill level is even close to anyone’s skill level on here 🙁 I keep a journal with theories of outcomes and usually am pretty good at feeling that – but maybe I am just going about this all wrong 🙁
I never had to read people because I can just feel their moods – I know today that my frustration with my stepson was based on that I could not get an emotional read and was frustrated beyond belief but it was more related towards me relying on my way of doing things for so long that things like reading people became way underdeveloped – naturally, I can read people if they are acting in a certain way – I would agree it takes skills to read people – a skill that I am vastly underhanded at and any pointers would be super appreciated.
Do you think that emotions make people more logical maybe? I admire HG’s ability to break down things like that. What is your favorite HG remarkable trait?
Sarah,
To enter and exit. What is it you are trying to understand? Narcissism? Why would your skill level be inferior here? Journaling about theories and the outcomes of what? Going about what all wrong? As far as feeling their mood, do you mean your gut feeling about them? As far as emotions and logic, I think if you can experience a full range of emotion it is heathy. If you can be objective when posessing those emotions then that is logic. Its knowing which emotion matches the feeling. Its knowing depending on the situation which emotions need to be sidelined and which facts are pertinent. So emotions and logic intertwine at times. What motivates a person to make a decision emotion or logic? Depends on the person.
I dont know HG so I can’t pick a favorite. However he demonstrates remarkable endurance on many levels. That is clearly recognizable in this forum and in his books.
Hi FTW,
You described something that is one of my favorite topics in DBT called “wise mind” and had to jump in and say “yay!” because I am a DBT lover and teacher.
What you described here “emotions and logic intertwine at times” is DBT “wise mind”…the perfect balanced blend of emotional awareness (feeling it without blocking or getting stuck in it) mixed with access to reasoning. This is the goal of therapy in DBT, to have access and fully feel the intuitive, creative, passionate hot process of emotions mixed with the cool process of logic, analytics and fact based thinking… This balance is developed through the process of practicing mindfulness.
Sorry if I disturbed, sometimes I blurt out in class 😉
Indy,
Pretty kewl. I will have to read about dbt, what do you suggest to start with? And which type of person would be benefitted most from this type of therapy? I am always interested in reading. In fact i am reading right now the federalist papers, as i am going to see Hamilton. And I am reading HGs works in chronological order of course and I am reading the throne of glass series for fun. Diverse. I look forward to your reply.
Here you go FTW:
“Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is a cognitive behavioral treatment that was originally developed to treat chronically suicidal individuals diagnosed with borderline personality disorder (BPD) and it is now recognized as the gold standard psychological treatment for this population. In addition, research has shown that it is effective in treating a wide range of other disorders such as substance dependence, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and eating disorders.” (Linehan)
A good place to start is exploring the website http://behavioraltech.org/resources/
Personally, I love DBT, breath and teach it and it is one of my theoretical orientations in the work I do. You learn 4 key things, how to practice mindfulness, how to regulate emotions, how to practice distress tolerance and increase interpersonal communication and relationship skills (i.e. how to say “no”, how to negotiate, etc).
I live by it, practice in my personal life to deal with depression (my beast), anxiety and, honestly, sh-t I can’t control. I like control and life has taught me a lot about how this causes suffering and learning to “let go” has increased peace in my life. It has also improved my ability to problem solve without compromising my personal values, such as standing up for myself when needed and letting go when needed.
Yay you! Happy u have found something that makes you happy! I will look at your recommendation.
Let me know how Hamilton is! You be heard the sound track is phenomenal.
French,
Thanks for your explanation. You wrote in your previous post: “When i encounter people in a crowd i immediately look for what does not belong. I enter a building and know where all the exits are. I sit in a position so i can see the entrance.”
I would get lost inside a cardboard box and have a horrible sense of direction, but how can you identify these places so quickly?
I agree that emotions and logic intertwine at times – and I agree that knowing which emotions matches the feeling is crucial. I never had to apply knowledge as I have the problem of just automatically feeling what the other person is feeling – I can block it now as long as I understand the emotional vibration – but it’s kinda of hard to understand and more of a curse than a gift really.
Like, HG has a remarkable ability to take knowledge and associate the feeling. I do the exact opposite: I take the feeling and associate it with knowledge. It’s what I’ve done my whole life – with my stepson, I wasn’t able to do that and realized their was a different spectrum of emotions than what I was used to and I was misreading him and he was misreading me and it was causing us both havoc.
I would agree HG has remarkable endurance – I don’t know how he does it – have you seen all the changes to the site? Books, blog posts – I don’t know how he does it!
Gee, I think I just posted the “hate the game.”
But Ladies, I must say that the most important thing you can learn is HOW to play the game.
You also must remember that HG wants us all for a moment. Fuel Fuel Fuel.
We are very lucky that cyberspace is in between him and us. As we all would have been discarded and forgotten.
Hail to H.is G.reatness
Not so. It is the primary source that is most susceptible to the discard. If I actually met everybody her in real life, yes some would be primary sources and if they failed in their fuel obligations they would be discarded but many would be outer and inner circle friends who are far less prone to discard and remain in a much longer golden period.
AH OH, well said. In the end, fuel is fuel! I wish I could keep up with all comments, but I was meaning to ask you how your dinner went? HG reminded me of it when he said “meme”.
I wish I could find your comment about the game as you have dealt with this longer than I, but Dragoncreeper made a comment that I have been searching for that made me think too because she said after a while, she got 90% of what she wanted accomplished, but it was how she said it (going on memory here) but it was to the tune of her wanting to know when he would be home for dinner but if she just asked that question she would get no response so she would phrase it to the tune of having a hot dinner waiting on him – what time does he want it ready – it seemed to be a lot more about HOW you say something – but being to bridge the objective with the subjective is the key – I had a dream about it but even with stepson the relationship is more pleasant but I suppose practice makes perfect!
HG is a very spectacular individual 🙂
I wasn’t built for inner outter circle friendships. All or nothing. You can hand me my pink slip in advance.
Is All and Nothing an option?
Hi Sarah. For me, its all of the torture or none at all. I’m not secondary or tertiary material. I’ve been pre-programmed to make that person my entire world. I’m consumed by them. Standing on the sidelines will leave me extremely empty and dissatisfied. There will always be someone else that will give me primary position, so I see no point in wasting my time in inner outer circle friendships.
Love, I understand, and an entirely respectable position. I don’t think you should waste your time in such friendships if they do not provide enjoyment to you. I suppose you take people for who they are and do what you do for you 🙂
Sarah, I love your statement “you take people for who they are and do what you do for you”! Very true!
Absolutely – relationships go both ways. But Love, you are talking a little different than usual, and I am feeling anger, borderline hatred, and provocation coming from you to me – that is what your words are hitting me with. Can you tell me what I have done to offend you to make you feel this way so I can know for the future and apologize? I don’t want to make people feel this way on the blog, but I won’t take offense to it and would prefer to know, if you want to talk to me about it. If you don’t that’s fine too, but I definitely wanted to ask you.
Oh my goodness Sarah. I was giving you a compliment. I truly loved your words. I have no anger or negative feelings towards you. If you are referring to my statement about secondary or tertiary friendships, I am referring to relationships with narcs. I mean I cannot be anything but an intimate partner to them. I cannot be their inner or outter friend. I need the all-consuming torturous relationship that can only be derived as the intimate partner of a narc.
Hugs to you dear lady.
Love, thanks for explanation – I have a long way to go with understanding the emotional vibes (sigh) via chat, but if someone is miserable in a relationship, they should get out of the relationship. I will take take your word for it as I am not sure to proffer, but how long were you with your Narcissist or when did you become aware and find HG?
I understand Sarah. Its hard to decipher emotions without facial and verbal expressions. In my opinion, this blog is a safe place and I think the people who post have good intent.
I’ve only been with men with personality disorders, mainly narcissists. Its all I know, perhaps all I seek. I found Mr. Tudor post discard of my last narc relationship. The first book I read of his was Sitting Target while laying on the white sands of South Beach. He was the first author that resonated so much with me. I couldn’t get enough of his work and immediately became a fan/groupie. He referenced his blog in his book, and here I am today 😊
Well at least you are passionate about your hate. I suppose that’s better than being in a catatonic state.