Sins of the Empath : Truth Seeker
Truth seeker. The pursuit of the truth. A noble ideal indeed is it not? It sounds as if you ought to be armed with your sword of justice and your shield of purity as you make your way through the badlands in order to find the truth. In fact, this is what you, as an empathic individual is unwittingly doing when you become engaged with our kind.
You are all truth seekers. The empath, the co-dependent and especially the super empath. You want the truth and you will apply your indefatigable spirit to acquiring it without understanding the toll that this misguided folly will have on you as whole. The need to be told the truth, to find it and to know it is a core empathic trait and as you would expect, it leads you into the trap of being ensnared by our kind and is heavily exploited.
Being a truth seeker is a further sin of the empath. Those who who are empathic tell the truth, but that is because of that other empathic sin, honesty. The empath must always establish the truth of a situation, the truth at the heart of an individual and in so doing the allows them to reconcile their own truths.
The empath must know the truth. He or she must not only need to understand why somebody is as they are, but they have to be satisfied that this is the truth of the matter. This desire for the truth makes an empath extremely vulnerable to us since we trade in lies, deal in deceit and all our currency is counterfeit.
Take, for instance, at the outset of the narcissistic dynamic, when we begin our seduction of the empath. He or she wishes to know that this wonderful person is true in their intentions and whilst the empath might be pleased that others talk about how enamoured the narcissist is about them, or how the narcissist seems utterly smitten, the empath must establish the truth form the narcissist him or herself. This of course opens the empath up to the charm, magnetism and allure of the scintillating narcissist as we are only too happy to tell you what you want to hear, to show you what you want to see and to do what you would have us do.
Oblivious to who you are dealing with (until otherwise educated) the empath will, through his or trusting nature and propensity to deal honestly with others, accept what the narcissist says and does. That amounts to the truth. The narcissist is skilled through his mirroring to reflect back at you your own truths and thus as you seek the truth, you are shown it. What you do not realise is that you are looking at your own truth, but since it is your truth and not ours, it is so utterly convincing. The adoration that you exhibit towards us is mirrored and reflect back at you. You wish to seek the truth of that adoration and what do you see? An adoration that is on the same par as your own – how can that then not appear to be the truth. In seeking the truth but looking for it from one who lies so effectively and defrauds with ease, all you find is your own truth, but you fail to recognise it as such and thus you feel you have found the truth and you are convinced that what you see is genuine love, is genuine passion and is genuine adoration.
You might liken it to a person who carries with him or her one half of a precious gem and seeks the other half. This person encounters a mirror, but does not know that it is a mirror and thinks that they see the other half stood before them since it looks so convincing, yet try to touch or grasp or find any depth or substance to this supposed other half and it will not be there. This is what eventually happens when devaluation occurs as you see the reflection and it dawns on you that all you are looking at is what you already had, being made to appear like something more.
Thus in wanting to find the truth and being shown your truth and not ours, you are utterly convinced as to the legitimacy of our love, passion and desire for you. Your truth seeking has made you vulnerable to our deceitful manipulations from the very beginning.
Yet, the matter worsens. Your pursuit of the truth leaves you vulnerable to perhaps one of the most confusing and bewildering aspects of the narcissistic dynamic, the need to establish the truth during devaluation. Once the array of machinations are wheeled out against you, the gas lighting commences, the lies, the insults, the intimidation and so much more is used against you, your quest for the truth has you stuck in the quagmire of our manipulations for a considerable time.
Firstly, you do not accept that this monster which now prevents you from getting a good night’s sleep, erupts at the slightest criticism, becomes demanding over apparently nothing, is the person who you fell in love with or who loves you. This is not the truth that stands before you. The truth must surely have been the person who first seduced you. You know that to be the case because you sought the truth then during the seduction, you saw it and you established it. It is that magical, wonderful, adoring person who seems to have vanished and in its stead you now see some grotesque version of the person you love. That is not the truth that shouts at you and belittles you, that is not the truth that turns each time you want to go out with your friends into a battle and that is not the truth that turns its back on you every night in bed. You want to find the true us, the one you saw and established during seduction and that need, that desire and that pursuit of this truth means you remain in situ, not escaping and allowing our abuses to rain down on you again and again.
Secondly, you experience the downside of our pathological lies during the devaluation. You were lied to, naturally, during the seduction, but that does not matter. You thought it to be the truth and you established it as so and besides, those lies felt good didn’t they? Yet know, the lies wound and hurt, they scar and mark, as we tell you lies about what we have been doing, where we have been and who with. You are no fool, or so you think, for you have followed us, had others report to you and you know the truth of what has been happening. Now you must establish that truth with us. You must seek the truth from our lips without you realising that we will never do such a thing since to do so would be to cede control to you. You have not yet grasped who you are dealing with and thus you remain unaware that we use lies to achieve so much of our aims. Those lies are used to make you dizzy, make you cry, make you exhausted and we keep on going and will not concede to the truth.
How many times have you heard yourself say:-
“Just tell me the truth, that is all I want you to do.”
“Please, stop lying, just tell the truth.”
“If you would only tell the truth.”
“I want the truth.”
“Give me the truth. Please I am begging you.”
Are those phrases and those of a similar kind echoing about your mind now?
Your desire to get to the truth, to hold the truth in front of us and get us to acknowledge it means you become drawn into the circular arguments, the endless arguments, the denial, the switching and the deflections which leave you shattered, mystified and spent. Why can he not see the truth when I do? The Toxic Logic of course, but you are not privy to such information at that time and so you gird your loins, climb back on your steed and ride out once again in the pursuit of the truth. It is no surprise that you then gallop into the swamp and become bogged down by lies, untruths and mendacity.
Thirdly, during devaluation it is often the case that you will turn to others to seek confirmation that the truth you once witnessed is indeed the truth and you can find it once again. You seek the truth from our coterie, our minions and our lieutenants. You go to them and need to ascertain that we are surely a decent person, who is loving and caring are we not? You walk straight into the facade and its false truth. You hear the answers which you want to hear, we are lauded for our generosity, we are praised for our kindness, we are complimented on our good humour, easy charm and reliability. There it is, you have sought the truth once again and you have found it, yet you fail to recognise it as the false truth and the false hope which it engenders. Instead of trying to escape from this devaluation, you remain in place, taking comfort from that the facade has told you and redoubling your efforts to find the truth with us. Thus, you remain and exhaust yourself tilting against the windmill that is us when you think you are slaying the dragon.
Accordingly, your empathic trait of being a truth seeker makes you vulnerable to our seduction and extremely vulnerable to the effects of our mind games, manipulations and habitual lying. Were this where it ends, but the valiance of your quest for the truth has a further blow to administer to you.
The empathic sin of being a truth seeker heightens your susceptibility to the post escape and post discard hoovers. When we open those shutters and allow the bright, shining light of the golden period to fall upon your face you instantly see that the truth has returned, that false truth which you were shown what feels like such a long time ago. Yet, all is not lost, the truth has returned, it is in your grasp and all you need to do seek it out and embrace it is to return to our fold. By seeking our the truth once again you fall prey to our hoovers and our control over you is increased again.
The desire to seek the truth is noble indeed but seeking it from one who scorns the truth and takes refuge amongst deceit, lies and fraudulent intent can only result in this character trait of yours gaining the epitaph of being a sin of the empath.
52 thoughts on “Sins of the Empath : Truth Seeker”
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I am getting bored with the truth about narcissist but I am glad I know enough to see them coming and move in the opposite direction. I heard a typical story of my ex narc(60) and his son (30 something) the father was dating a 28 yr old. The son stole his fathers young girlfriend and moved in with her for a while. the father became the laughing stock of friends and family much to my satisfaction. Now father and son are back together in harmony and the poor girl is still reeling from being played used abused and discarded by two generations of narcs is still gathers the crumbs of the son desire when dear old dad is off island . There must be a hell for people like the narc and his son.I really hope so.degenerate scum
Wow! That is exactly what I needed to read. Wtf? I’m in shock and awe. I’ve been questioning myself for so long. Am I crazy? Is it just me??? At the place now where he is hoovering and “alas, the ‘truth’ has returned” or so my messed up mind tells me. He is definitely a greater narc and I am definitely a super empath.
HG,
It is a strange feeling reading about myself. This is me. I never knew there was a name or type for what I am. I never knew I fit so well into a category. It was a bit uncomforable at first, but the final conclusion is…….Yay!! More truth to add to the date base.
I have been blessed to not have gotten tangled with one as adept as you. The two I have delt with were painful, but in the end, huge annoyances that I got tired of dealing with. After a while, a person just simply doesn’t have the patience anymore.
”Tis true. Your preditor instinct and your keen observations of human behavior are Impressive . I have much respect for them.
I thought so…
Do you think you have found it?
I know the truth. It is a lie.
Illusion.
HG,
Love your progress. Certainly it takes time to download the concept of freedom with reality. You have written about ‘my kind’, the Supernova Empath well but you have left a essential part out. The part that cannot be predicted.
Is this the truth and nothing but the truth so help me God?
Do you think you have found it?
What do you think the price would be?
Extinction.
Guilty as charged. But this “sin” has actually saved me. Although it would have never occurred to me that a person could fake such divine, deep emotions so impeccably, somehow I had a feeling something was off. There were some cracks in the facade, some inconsistencies in the story. But I was afraid to ask, to challenge his story. My fear had two sides: I was afraid of his reaction and I did not want to hurt his feelings.
Typically empathic responses SEF.
Thank you HG, I take that as a compliment! Seriously, I’ve been thinking whether I should change after this heartbreaking experience. But I can’t and I won’t. I refuse to. The fact that one man managed to fool me and break my heart will not change who I am. I was a fool once, but will be an empath for as long as I shall live.
yes dear HG… I used to blame myself and believe in that it was me who changed him …. that’s what he was saying… but it was me crying all nights n days… thanks to You I have my private G. machine in my head and heart to decipher the talk..actions n reactions…
Forgotten, people rarely change – at least HG comes out and says, “Yea, I have two therapists that want me to change – after careful contemplation, I sat there and told them, “‘Thank you. You’ve both just made more self aware and reinforced that I am more superior to never change and will use all your empathic objectives to further suit my aims.'”
I mean – who does that?!
Our HG. That’s why you gotta love him!
I know. I thought the same thing about the docs. and yes indeed. there is no other way than LOVE HIM 🙂
Agreed.
Totally guilty as charged!!! But very well written as always 😉
My subjective truths from objective reality thus far: 1. HG writes books about his condition; 2. HG dislikes his mother; 3. HG likes to win; 4. HG is in counseling and relates more with Dr. E than Dr.O; 5. HG is relentless; 6. HG needs fuel; 7. HG is very smart in knowledge of people from sensory observations alone; 8. HG feels secure in the control of the emotional response of others.
One question…you write: “Firstly, you do not accept that this monster which now prevents you from getting a good night’s sleep, erupts at the slightest criticism, becomes demanding over apparently nothing, is the person who you fell in love with or who loves you.”
HG, is the love described here more associated with the feeling of loving to hate someone – like a desire to destroy?
As always, very insightful and very very deep – I usually have to read these articles one or two times before I can fully digest them!
Thank you Sarah. The love described is from the perception of the empathic individual. Thus they cannot accept that the monster is the same person they fell in love with. They cannot accept that this is the person who loves the empathic individual, although at that stage the empathic individual has yet to realise they are not loved nor were they ever loved.
HG, thank you for that – as you have discussed this on multiple occasions, it still I think the hardest part to really grasp. But the great thing about your work is that you tell us that and I know for me, the more times I read it, the more it sinks in and appreciate your time in so doing!
Il never look at a bloody mirror the same again! Thanks HG. Great read!
Guilty as charged. Back in the early 90s, when getting Japanese kanji tattoos were a thing, I wanted “truth” on my shoulder blade. it was to represent truth having my back without fully knowing or seeing truth. Glad I passed on the tat, still haven’t gotten one that I would want to live with. Besides, I could have had “lies” or “soup” tattooed on and I wouldn’t have known.
Truth, the more I search for thee, the more time I waste.
I noticed you have chicken satay with egg fried rice, sesame prawn toast and crispy seaweed tattooed down your leg. Is it lunch time yet?
Mmmmm, chicken satay…nom, nom…it’s lunch time here. That darn peanut sauce is addictive!
“I know the truth. It is a lie.” interesting. I actually can go along with this, broadly speaking. Anytime anyone tells me there is an ultimate truth (philosophically and a specific perceptively in life), I feel high suspicion. Truth is based on our biased perspectives, our limited sensory systems and our prior experiences. Even science is biased and this is one of the best ways we as humans try to quantify truth. All is perspective.
Now, with that said, there is this thing called honesty, which is different from truth and I value highly.
All is perspective. Absolutely Cindy, er I mean Indy.
And, because of that perspective I have, it makes me susceptible to certain manipulations and nearly impermeable to other ploys.
Cindy, lol. Been called “Betty”, though I think it has to do with my laugh.
HG…. u should be dubbed an honorary behaviorist in psych. I Know you have reduced empathy, as you have disclosed, and I am frequently just amazed at your ability to understand the concepts of behaviorism without formal training (I assume of course). Would you tell us if you were a psychologist or psychiatrist? You teach behavioral techniques very well in your books, like escape and exorcism. I always thought behaviorism was a cold science. And you definitely excel at it and use it both for you purposes as well as teaching us here. This is why I held off for years learning behaviorism until I needed it in my practice. I felt cold, efficient and mechanically effective. I was softer and more existential, before DBT. Now I’ve learned that I can balance behaviorism with compassion and not be cold, though some behavioral therapists are ice cold and objective on purpose. i wonder, how much of your behavioral understanding and recommendations are innate in you or learned from the therapists. Again simply impressed, as I Had to pay for that knowledge n school and experience. You naturally have it. It also makes me wonder what kind of therapist you could be. The thought both scares me and impresses me. My tummy just knotted…lol
Oddly, I’m not surprised either. The perfect predictor would have this knowledge. Yes, ..here’s some fuel. Well aware. Had to say it though as it’s true in my humble op.
Hi Indy, high praise indeed. I have no formal training but I am clever, I observe and I want and need to be at the top of my game. I of course have also had the input of the good doctors. I am not a psychologist or a psychiatrist, indeed, those who have engaged in the private consultations I am starting to roll out know that the protocol confirms that no warranty is given that what I detail and explain is to be taken as psychological or psychiatric in nature, I do not hold those qualifications. I have others but they are unrelated to this field.
I suspect much of if is inherent in the mechanical side of me and I have clearly absorbed the understanding from the good doctors and of course those of my victims who have been in therapy (my sister being an example).
I do appreciate, given your own expertise, your observations in that regard. Thank you.
HG …some of your writings resonate more than others. This one, was a dark bumpy road I wish to never travel down again. And it’s because of you I will recognize my vulnerability and only seek the truth of my intuition.
Aside from the going to the minions, i instinctively knew better, this super empath is absolutely guilty as charged. Totally. But, I gave that up. Now I just assume everything that comes out of a narc’s mouth is complete bullshit, or their own twisted version of the so-called “truth” sprinkled with just enough real truth to be believable. Great post.
This is my biggest downfall…
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh….. Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhh….. So true 🙁 Guilty as charged.
http://youtu.be/9FnO3igOkOk
True. Not everybody can handle the truth.
The truth from a Narc? Might as go on a quest for the Holy Grail.
“That’s no ordinary rabbit. That’s the most foul, cruel, and bad tempered rodent you ever set eyes on”.
*might as well.
I’ve been having issues since yesterday with this site realoading and showing error messages.
My device is working fine otherwise.
A thought crossed my mind for a few seconds: what if the narc is remotely messing with my phone because he does not want me to read about the truth. Hmmm.
Always a possibility. Has he had access to it at any time?
No, he has not have access to my phone. I really don’t think he cares.
It pains me to say it but I think I’m the one who is projecting now. In my need to persue the truth, the thought of hacking into his device did cross my mind. If it would not have carried possible legal consequences, I probably would have.
Even contemplating such accions is totally out of character for me. It was then I realized that the need to let go and disengage was imperative to maintain my sanity. Deep down, at an intuitive level I know, no need to get enraged by the evidence.
My personal philosophy has always been: if you need to ask, you already know the answer.
Thanks for asking Mr. T. Also thanks for the very helpful interactions.
The site has been acting up. Don’t know if this is my device/area problem or a general site issue.
You are welcome. How has it been acting up? The WP site can be glitchy from time to time.
A banner appears on top. It reads:
A problem occurred with this webpage so it was reloaded.
The screen freezes up until it reloads. After several times of reloading another message appears
A problem repedeadedly occurred on HTTPS:….Narcsite
As I stated before, it’s been doing this since yesterday. No other app, site or general phone issues noted.
I have not seen any issues when I load the page. Perhaps your ‘phone has criticised the blog and is being frozen out?!
May be your answer is The explanation not a question
Maybe I have accused the wrong Narc of electronic interference.
Maybe my phone is operating under standard programing language and the toxic logic software has not yet been downloaded; therefore, making it very difficult for the phone to recognize possible outgoing criticism data and avoid it.
Maybe the Universe is sending disruptive signals for a reason.
Maybe I should shut the fuck up and go on time out.
Brilliant. Scary.
This is extremely deep! It can truly kill you. Being who I am, and not knowing while I was in my relationship, can truly kill you.
I was killing myself trying to do this exact thing. I know the truth, but I still fought and still fight to get him to say it!!
IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN. But there is always that one string of hope. For us to continue to try, and then to continue to fuel!!!
Monsters alright!!!
My saying holds true. While I was with him, Not knowing what he or I was, I said this over and over.
“Angel in a devil’s lair, will he let her souls be spared.”
How true that really turns out to be
Wow! We live in a monstrous Wonderland. That is very deep!
So, is this me kissing you? Or am I learning to love myself? Or am I a narcissist now?
Sin means missed the mark. Does this means you hit your target or mark (in con artist terms) without sin because of no moral conscience and we miss the mark or sin in trying to repeatedly hit the bullseye, which is the core of your behavior?
https://abb625.files.wordpress.com/2016/10/wp-1477503016828.jpg
You are kissing yourself but think it is me.
It means your good traits appear as sins because they actual result in bad things because of us.
Thanks for the clarification. Do you think it possible that an empathic person can still set up an end game through lying?
By the empathic person telling lies?
Yes.
Hypothetically yes. Depends on the end game.