Picture This
I love the first picture that I ever saw of you. It was not one taken by me although there will be hundreds of those in due course. A multiplicity of snapshots which have been taken to show the world how wonderful you and me are together. Each one carefully configured on my part to send a message. See who I am now taking to your favourite restaurant? Look how we went to Rome when you always wanted to go? How about that? I have gone to the theatre when I told you I hated watching plays. See how we get on with my family? Go on, look at how happy she is making me, far more than you ever did. No, those pictures, whilst valuable to me and my machinations do not come close to how I marvel over that first picture of you.
Was it instead a picture you sent me? One of the hundreds I asked for, begged for and demanded? At first I wanted them to show to you how you were always in my mind ( thus ensuring I became a fixture in your mind). I also wanted those racier photographs that I persuaded you to take for me. Initially I used them for titillation although the real motive was to store them away and use them as a method of forceful coercion further down the line. You know me, always thinking of the next move. Later I requested you send me photos under the guise of wanting to look on your beauty when the reality was that I wanted to ensure you were where you said you were (you never really noticed how I asked for you to stand under the sign of the bars you went in or the name of the store you were shopping in or next to the friends you had told me you had gone to visit)
No, the first picture of you, the one I love the most is the one I first came upon when I searched for you online. It might have been your profile picture from an internet dating sight, your twitter banner picture or one you posted on Facebook. It could have been in the local press or a still from a youtube video. Either way, it was not one I had taken and it was not one that I had requested you take for me. I love that picture as I look on your engaging smile, the radiance emanating from it like solar flares from the sun, illuminating and bringing warmth all around you. Your skin is flawless and healthy, blooming with effervescence. Those long tresses of hair swinging to one side, or the bounce of your bob, or the neat rigidity of that fringe, all conveying that message of freedom and having been chosen by you. Your eyes shine, happiness exploding from them, the colour vibrant and elation searing from your gaze. I look on that picture that is burgeoning with potential, laden with possibility and exuding hope. You are a beacon of purity, decency and affection. Your caring nature cascades from that picture. You are that virgin empath, unsullied by my toxicity and untouched by my polluting influence.
Whenever I look on that first picture of you as the surge begins inside me and soars fast and fierce. I must have you. I remember again why I had to have you.
I see fresh prey.
22 thoughts on “Picture This”
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I always wonder if my Ex Narc had looked me up on social media before he ever met me. He had heard about me from his grandparents, whom regarded me as “absolutely lovely”. Next time they came to visit, sure enough, they introduced me to their grandson (the narc) and he was dressed impeccable. A couple of days later I get a text from a random number that ended up being him. He told me his grandpa “insisted” on him having my number *eye roll*. After that the rest was history.. some of the worst and dreadful months of my life after the golden period. I honestly thought I wasn’t going to survive. Do you think he had already searched for me on Facebook or something before meeting me? Do you think he made his grandparents give him my info so he could ensnare me?
I thoroughly enjoy reading your posts, HG. You give me so much insight. I didn’t think it would be possible for me to have a “favorite narcissist”, but I do, and it’s you lol.
Welcome TT and thank you.
That was a vague response on my part – what I meant to say, if ones feelings were not hurt, where would the rage come from?
Read Fury Sarah, that explains where the rage originates from.
I too am VERY protective of HG…hey may refer to it as “misguided loyalty” in his books, but I don’t see it that way. I know HG has it all under control and does not need help so don’t want it to be taken as criticism by him, but it is the truth…if he wasn’t so damn stubborn to let me – ah well, I can’t judge that either – I’m a redhead – I think I was born stubborn but if you EVER need counsel in the States and do not contact me, I will be SERIOUSLY offended!!
It’s still very hard for me to comprehend that they don’t get hurt. I worry people’s words hurt their feelings. I have to keep telling myself that they digest negativity and criticism as either fuel or rage. Its hard for me to grasp that their rage is not the outcome of hurt feelings.
Love, then what would their rage come from?
What is it with you people and pictures?
They are a tool which allows us to further our machinations.
We are food . Realizing I was nothing more than a chicken tender to him is pretty awful. How would you react if your IP went straight to your family about your abusive behavior and told them everything ?
Read there article Exposed which will be along within the hour, Starr.
Hi Starr. This is a very interesting phenomenon. Empathatic family and friends of the narc seem to be quite protective of the narc. I know very well what my narc family member is (I have been the main target of that abuse) but I will never allow disrespect or defamation of them.
I’ve even become protective of Mr. Tudor, despite the fact that this is all virtual and he openly admits to his ways. I don’t like it when a person posts negative things about him. Even though I understand it can’t ‘hurt’ his feelings and he obtains fuel, my instinct is to come to his defense.
And long may you continue to do so Love.
I wonder though if the family members would try and stop the abuse or if they would just let them keep abusing and hurting their wife or significant other while knowing about it .
I shall. You know we are loyal to a fault.
I think the hardest part of all of this is knowing if and when we die before the narcs and sociopaths we love despite their flaws they will not care that we are dead . It is truly tragic .
Starr, I can only speak for myself. If a stranger came to me with negative accusations about my narc family member, then I can guarantee my family member has already smeared them up in advance. So my opinion would already be tainted of this ‘crazy lying person’. My protective instincts would come into play. Blood is ticker than water. I must stand behind my family member, otherwise it is a great sense of betrayal… That’s good ol’ guilt rising its head.
I told Narcness Monsters sister that he temporarily moved his ex wife in while we are engaged and I wanted the family to know, she said listen, you are a great person. He is not. If you can’t put up with him leave. If you can accept his behavior stay and realize what is good for the goose is good for the gander. That’s the challenge all woman face when they marry the weathy.
So, they knew what he was and did not care. Pointless to try and call them out.
HG
How much time do you think your kind would spend searching the internet for new women? Do you think in general as the narc ages this will become there fuel? I am not putting you in this category. You have already planned your future. Another reason we must continue to teach our kids not to share personal photos. I still have a hard time believing a women would do this and not feel some anger you would ask for them. I would guess you would really have to find the right person that would do anything for you.
Hello SII, it depends on the need for fuel. If there is a drastic need for fuel, they would look for sources more proximate. If there is no desperate need, time will be spent to draw fuel from these remote strangers as well as cultivate prospects for further seduction. I think that technology will play an increased role in our machinations and especially for those who cannot rely on mobility and looks any longer to secure their fuel, so they will use the mask of cyberspace to do so. I understand your sentiment, there are many who are readily charmed by our kind into proceeding in the manner suggested.
And I use that picture as my benchmark for where I will return after I rise from the ashes. In fact, I will post a picture shining brighter than the previous one…He didn’t win.
Perfect name, Phoenix. It sounds like you have already risen from the ashes.