The Narcissistic Truths No. 4
36 thoughts on “The Narcissistic Truths No. 4”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
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The silent treatment has a twofold purpose. One to punish you and two to spend time and cultivate his other relationships. While he is spending time with you he is ghosting/giving her the silent treatment.
Mine was angry at me once and uploaded a meme with a zipper over his lip as his new profile pic… : /
Is it any surprise I wondered if you were him at first? 😉
No Hope it was not, hardly a day goes by without somebody messaging me or commenting that they think I am their narcissist. I may bring out a t-shirt range stating “HG Tudor is MY narc!”
But appreciative for you and SA’s advice on that topic for sure – it did receive attention and me opening up to SS as well about how I didn’t think what I was doing was helping but it wasn’t that I didn’t love him as I didn’t want him to think I was mad, but I couldn’t really keep going there and at 12, there is still a good shot here some real progress can be made – I believe it was SA that said that at 15 the chances go down…so right on the edge there!
In the beginning the silent treatment made no sense to me and I broke through every time. I remember at one point he wanted to break up but as I was taking my belongings from his apartment he stopped me… towards the end I cherished every silent treatment… he was the one who broke it and came back hard with love bombing.
Silent treatments are my stepson’s (SS) favorite and my preferred choice now out of all the antics, although, DC, like you, I was very confused when it first started happening over me not saying which color shirt looked better on him and asking him for his opinion. Now, SS always breaks them, but doesn’t use them as much…sometimes, I just don’t know what to say to him so I get more quiet, but he is in therapy now, which is a huge huge relief!
Sarah I am glad he is in therapy. Do not hesitate to ask his therapist for help with techniques that will help him communicate and support him! 🙂
I have contemplated attending personally for that very thing, but one of his main things was that he wanted to talk to someone privately, which I get from a trust factor. He would not tolerate a female therapist and set out very clear parameters. I am not sure if going to another therapist would yield the same results so I am trying to hold off and see how it plays out but don’t want him to shut down and had to explain to him repeatedly the oath of confidentiality that the Doctor is not legally allowed to tell anyone what he has said. We actually had a long talk about it and I spent a good while interviewing therapists based on the parameters of his life situation as I wanted to talk to somebody who was familiar with divorce and some of the backgrounds we were dealing with and then he made the final call of who he felt he could relate with the best. I’m kinda in shock it all happened, but feel much better that he is with a professional. I would prefer to talk to his doctor about the best ways specific for him, but figured maybe after a couple of months, it may be more appropriate. SS wants to see all emails between the therapist and anyone related to him, etc (parameter 2)- he is very controlling, but he said, “Sarah, if your own mother would violate you like that, would you trust people either?” I said, “Probably not.” So just want to be uber uber respectful towards that – but SS was the one who got it handled, ironically…two years of me trying and SS poof get’s it done – but I also stopped “fueling” him and went into a disengaged hybrid of “No Contact” for a month as much as one can without being neglectful as a stepparent based on HG’s work – that seemed to resolve A LOT of the problems and maybe was the problem as his dad had to step in and get it handled as well 😉
That’s great you are respecting his needs but I only meant that maybe his psychologist could give you pointers regarding his needs…. Not tell you what he is saying.
That image stopped me and made me think. My ex used to send me images from Pinterest just like that. There was one with lips sewn shut, lips glued shut, and with the zipper. I thought they were terrible and didn’t know why she seemed fascinated them. I wonder what was going through her mind.
She was provoking you into providing fuel by suggesting you talk too much SW.
Snow that was a really good question – thanks for bringing it up. I would have thought it meant exactly the opposite as in shut up so probably wouldn’t have said anything thinking that is what was being said if I had been in your shoes! Go figure…thanks for the clarification, HG!
Pleasure
I was so blind about everything she did. I’m glad I ask or comment even when I think it’s stupid because there was always something going though her head. And now that I know it’s HER perspective that I need to question, I understand more and more.
It’s sounds like therapy is going in the right direction for you. I do understand wanting to set specific rules as to who you would be comfortable with in therapy. Hope you continue to get the answers and help you need.
Snow,
I am not in therapy…no personality disorder here, but my stepson is now which is very good. Did you go therapy after your ex-girlfriend? If so, was it helpful?
Hi Sarah, I am in therapy now. Therapy to deal with the toxic relationship and marriage counseling with my husband. It’s a lot.
Good for your son that he agreed to go. I know it’s hard for a lot of people to seek help.
Snow, he is my stepson, but thank you – it was a big victory that we got that far as both parents had to agree. That is often difficult.
Well I do…that made me laugh HG 😂😂
Thanks for the answer. There is a reason for everything that you do. If I would have had a manual I would have been able to decipher everything. She liked gore and horror images and movies. I thought it had something to do with that. As usual I was wrong. Lol
OMG, HG: I JUST got the emotion that I couldn’t translate the feeling – PROVOCATION! I am going to have to explore it’s origins, but this clicked today with the “OBJECT” image…which still “irritates” me so I could relate with my own emotion.
My Logic breakdown: picture is from a subjective point of view saying that silence will be used to kill you – to me – knowledge indicator of bad mood/manipulation – best to be quiet if adopting a subjective viewpoint from an objective stance – let’s not poke the dragon so to speak. Is there any of your works/entries (or maybe future ones?) that talk about provocation and how to become more aware of these provocations? Naturally, not everything a Narcissist says is a provocation…how do you tell the difference?
See the forthcoming article.
Such a perfect image. It appeals to me for numerous and varied reasons.
You never cease to amaze, HG.
Thank you BE.
I can not view the article. Do you have any idea why?
Sent from my iPhone
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Hello, yes, it is a meme not an article.
You do know who coined the word MEME. Yep, the one and only Richard Dawkins.
Indeed he did.
HG. That pic…are those your lips?
N1 and N2 had to use other ways with me. It used to bother them that I didn’t talk more. Even today, if someone presses for TMI…like “what did you do over the weekend?”…my answer will usually be very generic. Not like I do anything exciting, but still.
No, my lips are a bit fuller and my stubble isn’t as dark.
That’s interesting, your empathic and class traits evidently show through what you do rather than what you say.
Ditto.
Thank you. The lips look rather chapped and the stubble looks dirty.
Idk. I have a filth mouth which stems from the mind. Jaws sometimes drop oj the floor.
Didn’t work though did it . I’m still here Shining* BRIGHTER * than ever, overflowing with delicious new fuel & armed with an arsenal full of knowledge taught by the master himself ..
My fuel is mine to keep . I’m not giving it away & you can’t take it from me, not now, not ever. Knowledge is POWER …..
In other words.. Take your silence & shove it where the sun doesn’t shine ! 🙂
Perfectly said, So Sad.
How true. I used to worry that victim N was dead if he disappeared for a few days…I now realize it was I who was dead to him.