Relationship Bulletins

thQ7ZMRLQROne of my early girlfriends, Olivia (amazing legs by the way) said that one of the things she really liked about me when we first got together was the pride I showed in broadcasting to the world that I was in a relationship with her. She expressed surprise and delight at how widespread my announcement that we were together was. I posted repeated and regular updates on Facebook of us together, at different restaurants, on the beach, at dinner parties, holding one another and smiling for all to see. I would tweet about how happy I was as a consequence of being with her and also what a breath of fresh air she was compared to the stale, possessive relationship I had been in previously. I would take her to a dizzying array of drinks receptions (both with friends and with work) and introduce you to all and sundry, positively bursting with pride. I ensured we attended plenty of dinner parties and barbecues where we worked our way around the other guests as I enthused about her wonderful qualities knowing full well that those who were in attendance would post about it on their Facebook pages and talk to other friends and acquaintances. Well we all enjoy the latest gossip don’t we? I changed my ringtone to her favourite pop song and when people commented on the tune I would explain why I had chosen it. I spread the news as far as I possibly could, using every available channel of the dissemination of information, content that once the news was out there, it would continue to spread. Yes, Olivia was utterly swept off her feet by the huge exposure I gave her to this glamorous lifestyle of mine and moreover the repeated and concentrated blasts of heralding our coupling. She adored me for it. Of course, what she had not realised that I was not doing it for her. I was letting Sandy, who I had discarded the week prior, know just how happy I was without her and how she was missing out. That’s what it was all about.

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25 Comments

  1. Interesting HG,

    I have just read it because since my discard (it’s been over 2 years) my ex hasn’t paraded any of his many intimate partners at all. He was flirting in public with many but pretending to be single. I think it is because they had no IPPS potential so he just traated them as secondary sources, short term flings.

    I blocked him a few months after break up and focused on my healing. I started dating, improved my job situation, I learned not to react to any provocations (there were many).
    But lately I met a mutual friend who told me he is dating someone new for 2 months now and it supposed to be long term. Well I won’t lie, I was curious about it and checked – no evidence online. No evidence on his part (he doesnt mantion her, no together photos). But on her part – when they did something together, she posted it on IG story, she looked like totally in love with him (dissapears after 24 hours). But what is strange to me I also discovered some innocent looking hoovers towards me on his part – posting “our” song or mirroring my posts on social media (I have some public because of my job). There is no emotion in it, it looks like he is trying to provoke my reaction maybe to have a proof that I still remember him and check what is going on.

    My question is why narcissist would do that if he is in golden period with someone new and I am not freshly discarded (there is low chance I will give him any fuel). I don’t believe in any good intentions or even in her being in devaluation, my gut feeling tells me he really needs primary source and she can play this role quite well.

    Is it possible the reason he doesn’t flaunt her on social media is because he is afraid noone cares, exes are long gone and not vulnerable and won’t give him fuel he would like to get? So he is trying to hoover me/tests the waters to see if I react so he could know he has an audience and that’s when he would flaunt the new girlfriend?

    I think it is a kind of trap, if I react in any fashion, just letting him know I have seen that post directed at me, 5 minutes later he will start those relationship bulletins. Is it possible?

    1. I would need more information from you to give an accurate response and recommend you organise a consultation (please see Rule 14). From what you have written, my interim observation is that the new person is not yet the IPPS hence she is not being flaunted on social media and also why he is likely to be hoovering you – you are both in play, so to speak.

  2. Oh yeah. Ex Narc tried to do the same. Thing here is that I know her very well, she is a histrionic and since he is people blind he can’t tell the difference by someone genuinely popular and someone who just loves to scream LOOK AT ME NOW and wear tiaras and be ridiculously childish. She is also an alcoholic who slept with almost everyone in our group. So, I have let him do his “am with the most popular girl” talk while laughing inside knowing he lost big time. She is so dumb! She was telling him I love you withing a week. HAHAAHAH! Good on them, they surely deserve each other. Enjoying the show!!!

  3. Because J is not tech savvy, does not go online, I made a promise to not mention him publicly other than maybe to throw a comment about the hubs into context. He finds it trivial to post that we are having dinner out, or a movie, etc. Like we are broadcasting our life out there for the world to see. What are we trying to prove to anyone? It has nothing whatsoever to do with feeling shame he’s married to me or that we love each other. It’s a protection of his requested privacy.

    “I’ll rise up out of the dark and I’ll rise up unafraid.” – Andra Day

    >

    1. Don’t go Elisabeth. The forum is moderated. Be patient, Mr. Tudor gets a lot of messages and he goes through each one. It is a lot of work moderating this blog to keep it respectful and peaceful. Though I admit I would like to see a no holds barred version of it, where all hell breaks loose. Reality tv at its most ratchet. Jerry Jerry Jerry…. I mean Mr. Tudor, Mr. Tudor, Mr. Tudor.

  4. I have to say, when I read your writing, I am not sure if you are excellent at understanding the narcissist or if you really are one, and I spent three year with one and I studied narcissism… Keep writing.

  5. Whatever your motivations thank you for your work Mr. Tudor. I still interact with two ex partners that are narcissists. I do detached contact but knowingly source at times for peace keeping although one is on to it. I say that cause I get those eyes of contempt you describe. Your insightful words have given me an understanding which I yearn for. Definitely not the answers I really wanted. Your book is in the mail.

  6. I saw this in my ex. He posted pictures of his girlfriend on Facebook to stick it to his wife.
    His now ex wife found her a man. In all her troubles and abuse…through it all…she found a hard working man who owns three homes, that I know of, and is good as gold to her.
    Meanwhile, her show-off ex husband is broke and homeLESS. The money he spent on his girlfriend was his ex wife’s money. The girlfriend looks like Hell, now. The ex wife looks young and cute. The ex–looks like a jackass.
    He is broke.
    He is broken.
    I am all smiles.
    Karma-1
    Narcissistic-0
    😀

  7. Yes, I saw this as my Narcissist sent me picture after picture of him and his new supply trying to get me to react. I called him asking him to stop.From their we got together and he asked me to be with him and what we are doing for Thanksgiving, while by then of course I knew he had her on the side and this was not my type of life. I escaped finally. I hope I’m free of him forever. I don’t think he will come back, but I have anxiety at times from all his threats and from him karaté chopping my door down after one time I told him I would talk to him after he could treat me with respect. Hopefully I’ve proved to be too much work for him to try to hoover ever again.

  8. Wow!!!! I did not see that coming.
    I had the exact opposite reaction to my ex telling everyone in the world about us. And she gave graphic details. Sex details, what my underwear looked like, where we went, and so on.. She bragged about her bedroom skills. I was telling no one and she was announcing it by loudspeaker. Was it all to make a point of some kind to her girlfriend? But her girlfriend always encouraged her to be with me and we got along. People in the gym thought that she had some kind of power that she was able to have two women. I am not at all shy but I am private in my details about my relationships. I never understood why she had to expose everything.

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