The Four Classes
I have written before about how there are four cadres of narcissist – the Victim, the Somatic, The Cerebral and the Elite. I have also references on many occasions the three different schools – the Lesser, the Mid-Range and the Greater. Knowing what cadre and school your narcissist belongs to is extremely helpful in enabling you to understand why he or she behaves in the manner that they do and also to enable you to know what you need to do and what you should expect.
It is also worth your while knowing that there are also four classes which are applicable to the interaction between us and our primary sources. There are, effectively, four overarching methodologies which our kind applies to our primary source of fuel. The people who are our primary sources are almost always intimate partners and we operate in a certain way with regard we treat those people. I am not referring to the narcissistic cycle of seduction, devaluation, discard and hoover but instead the interaction over time between us and our primary sources.
Identifying the type you are engaged with or have been engaged with will provide you with insight into his or her behaviour and allow you to understand what you can expect by way of further interaction.
The first is the Nomad. This narcissist will form a relationship and conduct the narcissistic cycle and then as part of that cycle, identify a new appliance. Once with the new appliance, there may be the occasional hoover of the old appliance and there will be intermittent seduction of passing interests whilst with the new appliance and then another new appliance is sought out. The Nomad will triangulate the new appliance that he has and that triangulation will be with both the old appliance and other appliances, but he will only “skirmish” with those old and other appliances whilst with the new. He uses the old appliances and the other appliances naturally for fuel, he uses them to triangulate with the current, new appliance but he will not return to the old appliance to form an ongoing relationship. He may spend a few days with that person, a night together, maybe even a holiday but he will not want to commence the more formal relationship with the old appliance. He will always consider a return, after all hoover fuel is excellent fuel and he will take it but he has no desire, nor the energy, to instigate a long golden period through this hoover. He will connect, charm for a night, a few days perhaps a week or two and then he will return to the current appliance. He may come back to the old appliance much later down the line, when there is a different new appliance, but the pattern will remain the same. There will be no relationship in the formal sense with that old appliance. That has happened once and will not again, but the opportunity for a brief burst of fuel will not be relinquished. As for the other appliances, he will utilise them in the same way. He will spend a night with them, perhaps a few days but there will be no relationship at all. Unlike the old appliance, where there once was a relationship, the other appliances are just passing fancies, to distract him from the current, new appliance and to use for the purposes of triangulation.
Once he tires of the new appliance, he finds someone different and does not return to the old and the other appliances but seeks fresh territory. He will seek out a completely new appliance. He will triangulate this new and different appliance with the recently discarded one, he may even do so with the one before that, the older appliance but he will not form relationships again with the old or older appliances. He is always moving, seeking out new victims, occasionally hoovering old ones, but not to the extent of resurrecting an ongoing relationship with them.
The second is the Ping Pong Player. This type of narcissist will secure his new appliance and he will triangulate her with the old appliance. He will then hoover the old appliance and return to her as part of an ongoing relationship. He will triangulate her with the recently replaced appliance who was the new appliance. He will then vacillate back and forth between these two appliances, leaving one for the other, a lengthy and ongoing tug-of-love as the narcissist bounces back and forth like a ping pong ball between the two same people. There may be interaction with other appliances on an intimate level but they will be one night stands and brief liaisons. He is only interested in the long-term in moving between two particular appliances. He has his two primary sources who he goes back and forth between for as long as he can. Should one eventually decide against continuing with this arrangement then this narcissist will organise a replacement and draw them into this ping pong set-up. The newly escaped former appliance will be hoovered initially in order to maintain the ping pong set-up, but if this fails then a new person will be drawn into the arrangement. There may be intermittent hoovers of the escaped appliance but she will no longer form part of the ping-pong arrangement as the narcissist now has two primary sources to shuttle back and forth between
The third is the Anchor. This primary source is long-suffering. The narcissist will have a long-standing intimate partner, usually a spouse and there will be children involved. The narcissist will seek out fresh appliances and conduct affairs, possibly leaving the long-standing appliance and striking out anew with the replacement. After a period of time, the narcissist will return to the long-standing appliance, often citing missing the children, or doing it for the children, or they realised just how much their spouse truly loves them and they love her. The recently acquired appliance will be cast aside for some time. The narcissist may hoover that discarded appliance at a future point but only for the purpose of one-night stands and infrequent liaisons. He has no interest in resurrecting the relationship again. Instead, he will then seek out a new appliance and leave the long-standing one again as he pursues the dream of potent fuel forever with the newly acquired individual. Once again the affair will end and the narcissist will push her to one side and return to the long-suffering appliance. Time and time again he will leave her, having affairs and leaving home, before returning at a future point. It is often an individual who is regarded as the Anchor, the one who remains in situ and never changes, who is co-dependent to a considerable degree and is unable to want anyone other than the narcissist no matter how many times he has left and come back and no matter how many affairs that he has had.
The final category is the hybrid. This narcissist may operate the Anchor scenario before over time changing to the Nomad and then perhaps back to the Anchor or the Ping Pong arrangement. He will morph and shift between these different approaches, often as a consequence of the disruption to the primary source of fuel, whereby for instance the long-suffering Anchor finally moves on or is helped away from the narcissist, or perhaps both primary sources in the Ping Pong arrangement reject the narcissist and he is forced to adopt a Nomadic approach.
There are numerous reasons why these arrangements are adopted, dependent on the type of victim, the type of narcissist and other factors which I shall elaborate on in a separate article. No doubt you can recognise which methodology was applicable to your entanglement.
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This article reminds me of that song “papa was a rolling stone”
The lyrics fit well.
There are some cases where the IPPS agrees with the affairs and enjoys spending the wealth the narcissist has. In fact I know of some people who are glad that they do not have sex with their partner as it is so horrible (BDSM). Put up with the affairs, and enjoy the facade of a fake family life, plus the perks of a nice house and lots of money. Sad, but it does happen. I knew one case where the father had an affair with the live in Nanny (Au Pair). The wife put up with it as she knew exactly what her husband was and enjoyed the money. Also cases where the wife cheats etc… It would be best for everyone if narcissists did not marry or have children. It is a miserable life having to deal with them. Worse is if you have them at home then also in the workplace. Horrendous. A living hell.
Thank you for an interesting article. So if I understand you right, the narcissist who falls in the category of ping-pong player may have two intimate primary sources at the same time?
No, there’s only ever one IPPS. Here the narcissist is with IPPS A. A then becomes a former IPPS, B is now the IPPS. B then becomes the former IPPS, the narcissist returns to A who is now the IPPS. He then leaves A, who is now the former IPPS and he returns to B, who is now the IPPS. Back and forth the narcissist ping pongs between A and B.
Thank you for your reply! Ok, but a narcissist living a secret “double life” with two parallel intimate relationships, seeing both every week, is this person then switching between A and B as IPPS every week?
Yes.
Does the narcissist find true love? My ex,husband was chasing a girl for four years through our marriage and he got her once i got stage 4 cancer and he got,synpathy fron her because he lied that he wa doing everything for me and i was unappreciative. They have been together for a year now and,seem inseparable.. i could go on forever about the things he has done to me through our marriage. He is a true narc. But he has been so crazy about this girl for years and,went to rhe lowest level of using cancer,eating,away at my life to get her so i wonder if he really is different with her. Thanks
On the basis that he is a narcissist, the answer is no.
Are there different schools of the empath (lesser, mid-range, and greater)? Like is there a lesser co-dependent or a greater super empath? If so, could you expand on that in a video or blog?
There are – standard, co-dependent, super and contagion.
You’ve never expanded or explained what a standard or contagion empath is. What are the differences between these four classes of empath, and if a contagion is higher than a super empath, why is that form of empath not preferred over a super (you’ve mentioned previously a number of times that your preference is a super)?
There will be an article on the Contagion Empath in the future which will provide much detail. I would not state that a Contagion is “higher” than a Super.
a. A standard empath is somebody who has many empathic traits which are fairly strong. These traits include honesty, decency, moral compass, being a truth seeker, being a love devotee, the desire to heal and to fix. A standard empath will have some low narcissistic traits. Most victims of narcissists are standard empaths who are susceptible to our form of seduction and then become addicted to us. Their empathic traits cause them to remain in the relationship rather than getting away. They are usually disengaged from rather than they escape from the narcissist.
b. A Co-Dependent has very low narcissistic traits and many empathic traits as described above. They define themselves by excessing giving and a narcissist, as an excessive taker is an ideal fit for the co-dependent. CDs commence on the road to narcissism but do not become full-blown narcissists and instead “opt” for a position of always pouring themselves into others and in doing so they find validation. They feel nothing without a narcissist (even though they do not realise what they are and that they are with a narcissist) and if disengaged from, they seek out another narcissist (inadvertently) as soon as possible. They find the umbrella of the narcissist’s behaviour something they need to rely on. CDs will cling on in a relationship until they breakdown or there is intervention by a third party.
c. The Super Empath has moderate and numerous narcissistic traits but also has numerous and strong empathic traits. They are often successful individuals and magnetic in nature. Many empaths think they are super empaths but they are not. The Super Empath will prove a challenge for Lesser and Mid-Range Narcissists, but their fuel output and class traits also tend to prove irresistible to the narcissist who will engage and seek to maintain control. The Super Empath operates in an empathic way and will also try to salvage the relationship however when their empathy is eroded (temporarily) through abuse, their narcissistic traits rise to the fore and they then go Supernova which means they will fight back against the narcissist. This usually proves too much for the Lesser and Mid Range Narcissists, but is relished as a challenge by Greater Narcissists.
d. The Contagion Empath is very rare indeed and is an individual with considerable empathic traits and low narcissistic traits. They ‘feel’ emotion in a way which is different from others. They feel in tune with people and find spending too long with certain people exhausting and they must ‘cleanse’ themselves. They believe in balance and see the narcissist as an essential part of this balance which leads to their ensnarement.
As a contagian… why would a narcissist help achieve balance? I find their absence is healthier and makes life better. ? Thanks!
What do you mean, not in a good way?
Your explanation is plausible as he had isolated us in an apartment and had little contact with other people to put on the show for me in the hope of securing marriage.
As he rarely loses control and this time he was bawling in an out of control way, I think it was genuine, but he said “you need to trust me” I believe in the hope of securing that fuel.
Wow. I feel like trash. I hugged him and he seemed surprised by the gesture as in questioning its use.
HG what would you say was the cause of the narc lying with me and suddenly bursting into a torrent of genuine tears? We’d known each other a few years but living together two months and listening to Adele he suddenly lost it, and I mean really lost it bawling to her song. He wanted to hear it again and just cried and cried. I was taken aback given his coolness and just held him until he was finished, but during that time he had moaned “you need to trust me” and kept crying like a baby.
I know tears are one of your tactics but I can honestly say I don’t think they were fake.
Listening to Adele would make even me cry and I do not mean in a good way either.
In seriousness if it was genuine- and I am sceptical about that as it was probably a pity play, but you know him better than I do so let’s run with it – I suspect he felt that his fuel levels were very low, he felt isolated and desperate and this manifested through this response which ultimately was still designed to gain fuel, but may not have been as manufactured but a last line of defence.
HG,
Have you written a piece on cerebrals? Am I correct in believing that cerebrals are the least likely to cheat? Which class do cerebrals most likely fall in?
They are addressed in Sitting Target Indy. In terms of cheating, it depends what you define as cheating. Whilst the Cerebral has little or no interest in the physical element of sex, the world of sexting, dirty telephone talk etc provides him with an ideal way to exhibit his power and control through the power of his mind and speech without having to actually get down and dirty and perform the nasty. Of course, most would regard such behaviour as an act of infidelity so in that sense they are just as likely to cheat because of the lure of fuel. In terms of which class do they fall in, do you mean the schools?
Ah, I have this book. How did I miss this? I will reread as it has been a minute.
I sent my sister over here to your blog to get help as she is struggling with a narcissist as well and she said to me that she read here that it was said that it was a “given” that they cheat. I knew it was common though my ears perked as I just assumed my ex didn’t. I never caught him or suspected such. He tried to get me jealous for sure, several times, but since I didn’t give him energy for this game he shifted to another game. Perhaps I just never knew. ***brushes shoulders off**
My ex was a cerebral for sure. Besides being a total smarty pants, sex was lower on the..ehem…totem. He didn’t even like phone sex, tried to introduce it to him in the beginning as he had a nice voice **rolls eyes** I laugh now, given my more sensual nature. It is like a comedy. It was also oddly ritualized and controlled. I bet this is in your book on sex and the narcissist, huh?
It is Indy, that book is an important work and should form a cornerstone of an empath’s understanding.
Sex and the Narccist is a cornerstone book? Is that what you meant or did you mean Sittng Target was cornerstone? I have read 6 books(Escape, Departure, Exorcism, Sitting Target, Evil, Manipulated), though sex and the narcicist wasn’t one I bought as he was so damned cerebral and I needed escape so I focused on books that had to do with prepping leaving and leaving…after I read evil (my first book that introduced me to your works). I pretty pragmatic in my approach as well. I am very much looking forward to your releases on your childhood and background. I know you probably recommend all you wonderful books, though now I’m wondering if there are others already written that I’ve missed that will help me in this part of my journey (on the shore of a new land). Also, I wish to continue to read for a couple more reasons….I’m curious about your healing process, background, and how I can help others. Recommendations?
Yes Sex and the Narcissist is one because sex permeates much of the narcissistic dynamic, either through commission or omission and is even applicable with the Victim and Cerebral types. The books about my background, formative years and childhood are in progress. GIven where you have got to, I would suggest that Decipher and Black Hole will be of interest as well. As for the ongoing process then the book The Good Doctors will be of particular interest.
I do not like to use the term nasty. I prefer naughty. So if I say I was naughty last night, well then you know I could have gotten lucky or better yet, they got lucky.
Thanks for your advice. Nothing stolen but I will change the locks. It could have been because I confronted them right after they went missing, that they didn’t steal – yet – but I’ll change them anyway.
That would be the most appropriate response.
Thanks so much for providing this enlightening information. This site is a god send to those of us who need answers. Helps tremendously to understand how the narc operates.
You are welcome Mary and thank you for reading.
Does this diminution happen because of routine you know once people settle into a relationship and become comfortable, they start taking each other for granted and stop treating the other as special? How long does the golden period usually last?
That is a prime driver IL, yes. It appears that since I have never understood the longevity of love, my view and needs are skewed so that I expect something else,something beyond the settled familiarity. The golden period varies dependent on the type of narcissist and the type of victim, the fuel provided, supporting fuel sources and factors such a traits and residual benefits. Anything from 6-18 months in my case, but it can be longer. This is in respect of the primary source. The golden period for other sources can be much,much longer.
Are you saying its impossible for a narcissist to be completely loyal. Say the primary supply is well sustaining, what would be the need for another source?
Other than the friends for the facade and the acquaintances.
So far it has proven impossible Kelly. The other sources of fuel are required in order to supplement that which is provided by the primary source. Keep in mind that one can have a primary source and obtain fuel from other sources, both secondary and tertiary and not be disloyal. Indeed, this state of affairs applies all the way through the golden period. It is when fuel is obtained through the application of infidelity, that the lack of fidelity rears its head. This happens owing to a diminution in the frequency, quantity and potency of the fuel provided by the primary source.
Thank you HG for that wonderful explanation in detail. So so true HG. ….You really made me learn so much and also be soooooo aware… But why can’t you change??? and see what happens.? Eh?? Come HG 😳
You are welcome. It remains to see what will happen GM.
Is this because the partner has become complacent or you have become board. Or is it because one is a Narc, so it is just this way.
I do notice when some become a couple; they tend to be more relaxed in their fitness and tend to gain weight. I did this with my second husband. I put on about 8 lbs, but we were always going out to eat rich meals, and my regiment of exercise did not keep up. It was only for one year, and I was also not in the best place mentally.
Incredible suffering awaits the unsuspecting.
On another note HG, I’m living in a unit across from a narc couple. They (I’m pretty sure) took my keys from my bag while I was hanging washing and stole them for the day. Then tonight, when I’m eating with the door to the room closed, in the next room I hear someone enter lightening-fast and very quietly to put them back in my handbag.
I (perhaps cheekily) yelled out, “thanks guys!”
Am I in danger?
I had just left three narc sharehouses in a row to find some peace. I cannot believe it. I am considering moving again but not sure if they would be harmless. How could I tell?
I would not regard the theft of your keys as being harmless. Those keys may well have been copied. Were you absent from your house whilst they had your keys? They may well have taken items from your house and/or placed cameras/bugs. You may not be in immediate danger but this development ought to be of concern to you since this action will have been taken for the purpose of manipulating you and effecting further manipulations. You should change your locks and sweep your property as well as involve the authorities if you can demonstrate they committed the theft.
Brilliant post, stunning image.
Thank you BE
try to change HG even though you give out very good pieces of information regarding narcissism it is not the right way to be. I have had my share and let me tell you it’s worse than having cancer. If you can’t see the hurt and confusion in the eyes of the people you are playing you should not be around any especially women. Go off to war and go on a spree and devour hearts that are evil. Not kind ones who open themselves up to trusting people, it’s like abusing innocent children and animals. Horrifying…..This website has saved me from going back to the man I was involved with who is a full on narcissist, so yes you are saving some of us, but don’t keep being one yourself. If it doesn’t work out with you partner just cut ties don’t string them along and play the mind games. There should be a law against this type of behavior. Narcissism.
Thank you for your sentiments coffeehouse.
Dont tell me..I dont beieve for 1 second my love Really You cannot Do it?
What is the point of one night stands for you ?
Fuel primarily. Triangulation potential and the physical enjoyment also.
I’m unsure.
Interesting picture HG, even more insightful article thou. At least I see where this can also show how one fits in the dynamics of each relationship.
Reblogged this on Psychopathy Today.
I feel like I want to die. Everyone I have spent my life with or passed a major milestone with is one of them. Every new group I join has them and so I have had to keep leaving.
I honestly do want to die. If I did, they would probably laugh.
When you start to awaken you realise that there are way more of them than you could imagine but in varying degrees.
We all have to go through that stage you’re at now but keep reading, empower yourself and you will come through this stronger and wiser.
I craved to be naive and innocent again for some time. I truly wished I didn’t know even if it meant being played. I didn’t want to know that some people cannot feel real love and do hateful things just because they enjoy it.
I still have he occasional day when I feel like that.
But keep moving forward Vera and you will empower yourself and in your own way come to terms with this. Big hugs and love to you, it’s a dark place but keep looking for the light and if you can’t see it, flick it on yourself xx
Awareness can be Very Scary I realized my worst fear is always in anticipation of the unknown usually due to ignorance Educating myself supplies me with the Tools I need by raising my awareness my attitude & my confidence changes my thinking so there is nothing left to fear but fear itself!
Thank you, I really appreciate it. It is a total devastation of my reality, identity and hope based on only knowing narcissist relationships, which are not relationships at all. THe damage is done by the gap between what I thought they are and reacted to, and what they are.
It seems like a ridiculous waste of life spent in torture and nothing can undo it.
I worked up the courage to build new groups so many times, after my narcissistic upbringing, but that’s 10 years now of not being educated and all of the groups were of narcissists. Abuse and discard is my life story when I had invested evertyhing.
I don’t have anything left, I don’t know anyone normal and I have no hope. I know I’m a prime target. For instance last night I worked up courage to attend a gallery opening on my own and was approached by three of them. I just left, it’s too much not to take it personally (even though I know it’s irrational).
Bits not entirely irrational Vera. We wear a big banner so they spot is coming. My banner has faded considerably almost gone. This is not victim blaming at all. But a good friend of mine asked me (when I’d very fest worked out what he was), you need to ask yourself what it is about you that makes these types attracted to you. Overall I’ve had more female family or pleutonic friendships with Ns rather than an Ip.
I can’t tell you, I didn’t t like to hear his words at the time. Surely it wasn’t about me. It was actually him / them not me.
But eventually it actually clicked that these people (Ns) are everywhere. And other people seem to get by unaffected. So actually what was it about me that made me a target.
And your my whole perception changed. You can still be fundamentally who you are but just tailoring it all a bit for different people.
Vera,
You are correct that they are everywhere, but if you honestly want to die, please think again. Look how many on just this blog have become entangled. You are never the only one that experiences a problem. Never ever allow someone else to take away your life, even at your own hand.
Vera,
I have been there, trust me. Without divulging too much on this public forum, I know first hand.
Please, if you are really heading down this path then reach out to a hotline.
https://youtu.be/CevxZvSJLk8
This was me ten years ago. And over, and over, and over. I’ve done the fighting champion thing my whole life. I’ve never known what love is and I want to die.
Vera, all the love you need is already within yourself. It is societal BS that we need another to love, cherish, and complete us. You do not need someone else to confirm your value and worth. You’ve been put on this Earth for a reason. Our life is a gift. Live every moment.
I love this cover of this song. I thought it would perfect for you, Vera.
http://youtu.be/OZasJHLOcB8be
Anchor 😒
But getting better and choosing not to engage. Our divorce is being mediated next week. One step closer to not being his wife!
wow, I see my hub in there and he wanted me to be the anchor, but I went no contact. I don’t understand how he could be a good and faithful man for 25 years and then the mask slipped off?? Had an affair, wanted me to become polyamory so he could have both of us. Devalue, discard, destroy. What triggered him? I’ve been no contact for a few months. He’s hoovered a few times, last time was last week but I never respond. What does he want from me? It makes me feel so guilty, like I should see/talk to him because he says he “needs” me.
The trigger will have been his perception that the fuel you were providing was not satisfying him in terms of quality, quantity or frequency. He wants to gain fuel from you, that is why he keep hoovering you Sabrina, therefore maintain your no contact, stay out of the spheres of influence and make yourself a F.R.E.E.
So how does this work when i was not a primary source but a secret intimate friend for over 2 years? My narcissist is somatic. He is freshly divorced from his wife and has a new primary supply. How do your kind view a special friend/ long-term affair partner, who has been a great secondary supply of positive fuel? Thank you, HG! Would appreciate your insight.
As a reliable source of secondary fuel which can be turned to repeatedly to top-up levels, someone who basks in a long golden period and has the potential to be promoted to primary source should the need arise.
Reblogged this on NarcMagNet69x96.
What class type are you Mr. Tudor?
First class love.
Lol. Naturally. Suite class is better. 😉
Ha ha ha! Funny as fuck……Btw bought your book Escape, it has been most useful in eradicating my ex narc, he keeps coming back for hoovers but doesn’t get anywhere now……I reckon he’ll give up soon, find another primary source, then try to triangulate…..How can you triangulate someone who doesn’t care anymore? I find your kind very intriguing and highly repugnant at the same time…. I am free Thanks HG!
Thank you for reading and I am pleased it has proven so useful. Intriguing yet repugnant is not a problem for me.