The Relational Tower
I sit up on high in my Relational Tower. I can see so much from this throne.
I look to the north and see the golden and shimmering lines which extend from me to my loyal subjects across the land. I see my supporters, my followers and my coterie going about their daily lives but all the while connected to me. They feel such privilege to be linked to me, their liege and I feed on that sense of privilege and the admiration and that adoration which is entwined around it.
I look to the south and see yet more lines of sparkling gold which link between me and my most devout lieutenants. From my vantage point I can signal to them and they will obey, carrying out my commands, executing my diktats and honouring my instructions. It is a source of great comfort to gaze in their direction and observe their industry on my behalf.
I look to the east and frown at the assembled legions which march towards me. The malcontents, the rejected, the fools and the idiots, all those who have taken up against me and now march in the expectation that they will unseat me. Yet further lines span out from me to these traitors. Dark purple lines, nearly invisible against the glowering firmament, these multitudinous lines which have those transgressors permanently attached to me and through which I pull, twist and yank. They moan, they wail and they lament their fate but there is no hope for any other for these are those who bear the stain of betrayal, the putrid stench of sedition emanates from their shambling frames. Let them come, let them advance towards me and I shall watch them as they break against my tower, like waves against the rocks as they are sent scattering and dissipating into so much spray. I watch them from afar, sometimes commanding my lieutenants to enter the fray to cajole and direct, a myriad of gold and purple shimmering and glinting as the lines combine. From time to time the purple becomes golden as by my most glorious bounty I bestow the wondrous joy upon the select few.
I look to the west and there I see you. You shine with such glory, the golden line between you and I fizzing with effervescence. A thick line which coils about your wrists, torso and throat, sending that precious essence towards me. There are days when that connection will dim to the purple of guilt, the thick line becoming stretched and thinned, but never ever breaking. I watch you as you journey towards me, face upturned, eyes rapturous, hands outstretched as the light burns brighter and those who are less than me would struggle to gaze upon you, but I always will. Though I may turn my face away from you from time to time, my dark eyes will always look for you.
I watch you all as you journey towards me, the supporters, the lieutenants, the outcasts and you. I can see it all from this elevated position as I organise, direct and orchestrate. I know what you want. I know what you all want, each and every one of you.
I am attached to you all, you are bound to me, some tighter than others, some with those chains which bite and burn, others who raise no objection to their silken bondage, but all are bound to me. I made it so. I wanted that. I am connected to so many of you. I have a relationship with each and every one. Our relational proximity varies from stranger to intimate partner, from minion to inner circle friend, from colleague to family member and so on. Relationships. I have them by the hundred and create more each day, reaching out with my tendrils of gold and purple in order to remain exactly where I want to be – at the centre in my tower.
I know why you all head towards me. You want to enter this tower and thus gain admittance to me. You wish to unlock the vast gate and pass through the imposing portal to enable you to climb the winding stone steps, each time passing without hindrance or complication through the many doors and gates which guard my inner sanctum.
I know you want to enter my inner sanctum.
Some of you want to cradle what you find there. Some of you wish to possess what your eyes will rest upon. Some of you wish to claim a portion for yourselves and be forever imbued with its effects. Some of you wish to release what is in this inner sanctum. Some of you wish to understand what lies there. Some of you wish to destroy what is revealed.
Whatever it might be, the hundreds of relationships which I have, no matter how long, how strong and how tightly bound or otherwise these may be all seek to enter my Relational Tower and penetrate the inner sanctum.
This cannot happen.
I made this tower. I built it high. I built the walls deep and thick, constructed from the stones of denial and the slabs of deflection all held in place with the mortar of fuel. I fashioned the thick timbers of the door from projection, the timber bolted together through triangulation and the lock created from a steely gaze and iron resolve. The heavy bar that is set against it arose from the blame-shifting. I have set many traps and pitfalls within this tower in order to prevent anybody reaching the inner sanctum. The stone steps are smeared with vitriol, the walls spiked with character assassination, cauldrons wait to pour their heated fury onto you and cast you in deep pits of despair. The stone is so thick that there is only ever silence here, it as if the very walls are giving you a cold and baleful stare. Everything that I have learned will be used to impede your progress, hamper and hinder you so you may not ever reach that inner sanctum.
I know you all want to go there. I know you want to reach deep inside of me, into my inner sanctum but I must not allow it. I dare not. I cannot admit anybody. Ever.
I built this tower high. I built it thick. I made it impenetrable.
I built it to keep you out.
I built it to keep me in.
We are always connected but so long as I remain in my Relational Tower in such spending isolation then my inner sanctum remains preserved and so do I.
41 thoughts on “The Relational Tower”
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LOVE, B_E is going to plug directly into you. I can see her now, eyes blazing at the thought of your delicious fuel.
What a hell of a visual.
Eye blazing. Mouth watering. Pink tongue licking full red lips. Sharp white canines biting into tender flesh of bottom lip.
Ah Oh, I know you can appreciate the imagery I`m conjuring up. Shame you will not allow me to plug into you.
I do not have sweet fuel most times. But when I do it is addicting. I promise you this.
Perhaps you would like a sample?
It may be that what lies at your inner sanctum is not altogether accessible to yourself, either…. I think you abandoned that part of you long ago, along with its unrealized potential for self-soothing, self-regulation and, well, SELF. Unfortunately for you, this potential was likely inextricably linked with unbearable pain and shame, the likes of which no child should ever have to contend. You did what you had to do to survive. You cannot be blamed for that. How were you to fathom, at that tender age, that that trade-off– an intolerable state of being exchanged for a false persona painstakingly constructed, but highly effective in getting your needs met, was anything less than ingenious?
I am always floored by your level of insight and by your ever-astute observations. (The covert-N I know is clueless and dumb as a bag of hammers!). It would seem, as I follow you along, that you are getting closer and closer to something…..
HG you have left me with out words, yet many emotions stirring. When I sort them out I will return.
I would hazard a guess LOVE that you have more importance to him than you give yourself credit for.
Ah Oh be the Willow, i was told this once long ago. Those words have a special meaning for me.
I now wonder who you might be.
DFA. Philosophically speaking, I am ME
I can see you from my tower. Yours is higher than mine but still I see you.
Ah oh, that touched me. That is how I feel. I just want to show him how horrible his mother is. I want to make him leave her in the past. I want to wrap my arms around him and hold him forever. Show him I would love him forever. I would spend every day of my life making him happy and doing anything I could for him. I want to show him not everyone is bad and that I would never hurt him. I would make him my everything and all. All I can do is pray and love him no matter what. I’m not stopping or walking away now.
Angel, you must protect yourself. Do not love them to the point of self-destruction. I know it is the hardest feeling to have at times but self-love comes first. You can’t give love unless you have love. Understand.
Be the Willow.
I do indeed wish to gain entrance but by no other means but invitation by you. Not to cradle, unseat, destroy, or possess. I would traverse all the roadblocks simply to have you lead me in blindfolded, sat in a chair, and without a spoken word by either of us, allowed to absorb the air of an elite or greater to see if it crackles with the electricity of the writing. Then be led out without a word. That is all.
I do like the way you put this NarcAngel, I shall reserve a chair for you.
HG, you need to have enough chairs for your 10 wives.
Ah Oh, here is the latest news:
Mr. Tudor and B_E shall unite forces by marrying to further the goals of the Legion of Doom. We empaths will remain as fuel providers. Those promoted to senior fuel leaker level shall be given a chair. Long live the king and queen.
So then LOVE…. Will your name be on the 2nd chair to the right of HG?
I can only wish NarcAngel. I have not been promoted to such high ranks. I’m still bussing tables. Perhaps one day Mr. Tudor will see some potential in me …
Sorry Love, I can not serve any queen for I am the Queen. Perhaps not of the Narcissistic kind.
I am not empathetic enough for the fuel that would be required to quench the needs of these two.
I will gladly stay out of the tower and be there as they toss out the ones that they have sucked dry, watching from my thrown (a comfy chair) as I bite into my freshly picked apple.
Ahhhh, the visual is one of great delight.
Ah Oh, then you must become part of the Super Friends and stop the Legion of Doom from world domination. 😉
Love, I like you. I would promote you. You have much potential.
Come sit by my side and be my Lady in Waiting.
Lol thank you B_E. I would love to, but I’m not supposed to take candy from strangers.
Then it is a good thing it is not candy I am offering to you, Love.
B_E, you are good! I can sense you are much better than any male narc I’ve encountered in my life. I’m sure if they had your skills, I would be done for. I wouldn’t be able to walk away with just a scraped knee.
And then there are the ones like me crying and begging you to leave the throne put down your weapons and join us in a life of love and happiness and eternal companionship .
They like this sweet fuel, Starr. Let the tears flow and the begging commence.
Each day I realize there is no way to reach them. No matter of how many tears we cry or how we ache for the thought of perhaps one day they will open up and know love as we deem “normal”.
It is a harsh reality and the most difficult thought to accept.
Don’t think of saving them, think of loving them from afar and no one can take this from you. They can’t stop you from caring.
Ah Oh, that was a beautiful response you gave Starr. I loved it.
I admit, sometimes I need the harsh reality even when I don’t want it.
Amen Ah Oh
Thank you . It is just hard to think about someone not feeling love . It’s the best feeling ever it’s the reason we live and a life without it seems so scary and lonely .
Holy cow! How suffocating. I can’t breathe.
Can I just wave to you like the Queen, flash you the peace sign perhaps? Look up, although passe’, wink?
You won’t let your walls down in fear of getting hurt ?
For fear of oblivion.
Mr Tudor that will not happen even if you let down your walls . You will not become oblivious . Do you realize that the more you abuse and hurt others the more oblivious you become and the more you treat others with respect and be kind to them the less oblivious you are . You will be respected more if you choose to not manipulate . I’m an empath and I don’t abuse people and I’m still very much loved and respected by people . This sense of caution and detachment from others is going cause you regret if you don’t open up and try to love without abuse . It doesn’t have to be this way .
Oblivion is #13
I understand this and am strengthening mine as we speak. It has a peephole somewhere. That’s it. No one gets in.
Hi jaded,
I agree with you! I want to stay in my tower where it’s safe.
I loved the peephole. I love reading your comments. Lol
Hey Snow White. Thank you. 🙂 I like reading yours as well. I am so happy you are as HG puts it…seizing the power.
1j1 Can I come in? Please.
Hi AH OH. I’ll come out.
AH OH. I’m taking refuge in my tower with the peephole. Someone can have my chair, until I come and grab it back…not nice. When I come outside, I will let you know…
I don’t have just a tower. I have the entire castle bitches! All are welcomed. I like pajama parties. Bedheads are my choice of attire.
But there must be quiet when I wake up. Shhhhh Where is my coffee?
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