A Stolen Love
Our victims have many things in common. Those shared traits are why they are chosen and why they become subjected to our incessant manipulations. The evidence of considerable empathic traits is of course one of the pre-requisites to gaining the attention of the narcissist. Exhibit a tendency to care, an ability to see another person’s point of view and a desire to help and you are issuing a neon-lit “Come and get me” to our kind. Your high-scoring on the empathic scale is naturally of considerable value to us. There is, however, another core principle that you all share which is irresistibly attractive to us. This is your devotion to love. You believe in love, you are advocates of the act of loving, you give love and (although not always) you want to be loved in return. Love is all you need, love conquers all and love is a many splendored thing. Love matters. You see that the world can and will be a better place if more love is exhibited. You love with a depth that is beyond many people. You truly give your all. Your love is perfect, selfless and based on a deep-seated notion that loving someone is the best and most wonderful thing one person can do for another. Such noble and laudable sentiments. Your status as a devotee to love means that you will strive to maintain that love once it has been gained. Love may give the appearance of having departed but you know, you believe, you always believe that it can be found and resurrected. That which has become dulled and blunted will be polished and returned to sharpness. That beautiful golden glow will shine again and you are the person to make it happen. You are the healer and the fixer. That which is broken shall be mended by the application of your burgeoning heart. You are a disciple of love and as such there is nothing you can do but act in accordance with the principles of loving. It is second nature to you. You are so full of love you must find ways of allowing it to manifest in the world and of course the pinnacle of doing so is to find that special someone. You want to find the one so that all of this marvellous love can find its true home. You are compelled to find your soul mate, your life partner and your best friend. Only then can your obligation to provide this amazing love be fulfilled and we thank you for being this way. On a daily basis we give thanks that you delicious and beautiful empathic individuals are committed to the promotion, promulgation and practice of love.
We come with the appearance of being that one special person who you can lay all your love upon. That person who will readily accept all of the love you have to offer and we will return it. Some of you would happily give this love in order to ensure there is an elated recipient and amazingly it would not matter to you whether that love was returned or not. Your sacrificial nature is stunning yet even more welcome. We are of course content to reflect your love in order to bring about yet more from you. We understand the transaction and we are happy to oblige because we are giving you absolutely nothing. We have come to take. We have descended on you ready to strip you of every ounce of love that you can provide. We will slurp it from you, nibble it from your straining frame and gulp it down as we devour your love. We will take it away from you time and time again. Do not be mistaken and think that you are providing this love based on a reality. You are doing so on a false premise. You have been conned into giving this love to us because we make you think we are the very thing you want when in reality we are anything but. We are fraudsters and we have come to take your love. If you knew what we truly were you would not offer your perfect love to us but we want it. We want it so much and we always take it. We make you unknown martyrs to the provision of love. We come without warning even though we appear with an explosion, all of it aimed to distract and misdirect so that we may pilfer your love. Our thieving knows no limits or bounds as we take what does not belong to us and use it for our own warped purposes. We keep on stealing your love until you are left spent and wretched, sat amidst the ruins of the relationship which once seemed impregnable and infinite and now is little more than ash streaked across blunted stone. We gorge on your love, gluttons that feed at the banqueting table as you slowly realise that the sumptuous love we appeared to return to you is in fact empty, a puff of air and without any substance. Yet this realisation comes far too late for by then the damage is done. Not only have we helped ourselves to all of your love we have, invariably ripped away and stolen your capacity for further love. Once you finally extricate yourself from our grip and eventually make sense of what has happened to you, even though it may take some considerable time, how often have your kind uttered the sentence,
“I do not think I will ever love any again, how can I after that?”
Words similar to such a question are regularly uttered by those who have been sucked into our malevolent maelstrom. We are the love thieves. We come and take the love to which we are not entitled but we are not done with that. Oh no. We rip out your heart in order to leave you so bereft that you can never love again. We steal your love. We are the love thieves of your past, your present and your future love.
29 thoughts on “A Stolen Love”
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I agree with Foolme1time, I wont ever give up on love. And must say that nothing was taken from me, I gave it all willingly, and was happy to. I am proud of my capacity to give, to feel and to love. I wouldn’t have it any other way. And I chose to look at my relationship with narcissist I’m involved with as something useful. It taught me so much about me, it changed me for the better and made me a stronger person.
I am interested in accountability for a few reasons.
The abuse is abuse, however, as you mention there are varying degrees of awareness and certainly 100% evasion regardless.
It leaves the victim accountable.
This is of course unfair, however, given that society hasn’t prepared for managing this disorder, I think empaths need to be prepared for saving themselves. We must be accountable for a) not fueling b) prepared not to express ourselves naturally c) say no where we might normally say yes d) be ready to monitor all abuses. THis one I wasn’t ready for and so many have got away with the bullying.
Never be alone with them, always have witnesses in earshot. Try to communicate as much as possible in writing, or have conversations recorded (you can get apps such as ISaidWHat?!) and compile evidence. Research thoroughly what can be done to protect you. In some circumstances, nothing can be done. This should guide your decision-making about what you will expose yourself to. For instance, I was trained by one in dance and there was no real authority monitoring such classes.
As one of my exes said, “expect nothing from them.” This is a hard one but I’m slowly coming around to wake up and want the solution more than I want justice or revenge. They do not love, never have, and have their ways due to their wiring. It’s horrible for us, but now we know. Expect no attachment, loyalty, longevity or commitment. That is nature and we must go with nature.
I think a broken heart becomes a bit easier to heal when you accept your great qualities are still yours. That’s what made the mirror so enticing! And they still belong to you. That “thing” doesn’t know who we are. It is unfair they cannot always be punished but I’m learning that keeping my own qualities and loving them makes me stoop attempting to live like a narcissist, which is beyond human limits and of course fake.
What was stolen, then what was learned to overcome this feeling of being inadequate, which is so far from the truth and the biggest lie, HG. You are by far more advanced, superior, and aware. This thou, I am sure would have happen.
Anger at what happen and why, most definately. Yet I still stand with if these situations never happened, You would never have become what you are. YOU would never have taken this to the limit and beyound. Taken things where no other has before. Even in darkness there is light, and YOU are it.
You had to walk this path to become the Greatest of the Great. Now you bring knowledge in a way no other can. Best of the baddest! Couldnt have been done by any other.
Do I hope you find a way to trust and find love, to experence true love. Yes I do, I believe its the most beautiful emotion there is.
I still believe that while You are learn about Yourself You will eventually overcome Yourself that You will win the war within You. that You will choose to be loved and that one day You will feel the POWER of love ao strongly and choose ot over the power of fuel.❤
If he finds a lazy aloof elusive, or very shy, woman, I think so too.
Someone who never initiates contact (the first six months), only sees him maximum once a week those first months, (prevents lovebombing)
waits 20 dates before she decides whether she will go exclusive with him,
never comments or likes on his facebook profile, and always waits at least five hours before answering his text message.
In short: Makes the narcissist/sociopath do exactly all of the chasing, all of the work. For years and years and years to come.
Never tries to please him, is always confident and calm.
That’s the kind of woman who will awake empathy/love
even in men who tell themselves that they lack it.
I don’t think he is attracted to that type of woman. She would provide no fuel.
In my opinion, that’s a cold selfish woman.
But then again CB, who knows? You may be right.
Hello CB. This is a very interesting concept. May I ask what type of women this maybe? I am assuming a narcissist? What do you think?
Could it be a normal woman? That has zero tolerance for B.S. and she’s not lazy. Maybe a keen sense of what she wants and desire. And, the common sense too know there’s love at first sight however, this love bombing is not normal. She’s not desperate and recognize the red flag. Just maybe her aloof attitude is appropriate thus the narc will move on to our types. There is plenty of fish ( empaths) in a narc mind. Guess what? It’s true, several born everyday.
This is hundreds who surrounded me my whole life. I’m totally screwed. Completely and utterly screwed. Matrinarc made sure I had no outside influences in the totalitarian regime.
I am not sure I will be able to believe it or accept it. I know I must, but I am still stunned that all of my wonderful life milestones are gone to these thieves and I had no clue. It’s just not fair. It’s not only not fair but it is way past my limits, and they don’t care, and I have to sit with that knowledge and not ever get a resolution or feel well.
What a shit world.
And they stared at me and let me go through enough to near bring on psychosis and yet are so observant and aware. I am most angry at the boyfriend who stole my virginity and wanted to get married. He cried when I broke up with him. It was all fake. The pain has made me gone from one to the next just for someone to talk to who won’t judge the horror. I just cannot cannot cannot believe what has happened to me.
HG, when I began researching the disorder I would come if information such as the Greek Mythology about
Narcissus who was a young man who saw himself as the most beautiful human being. At one point he went to the pond, couldn’t stop looking at his reflection and eventually drowned, being dragged into the water by his own image. Modern psychologists see a narcissistic personality disorder as a state in which an individual is fixated on himself to the point that anything else becomes unimportant. Never did I read about the different cadre/classes/ of your type.
This is another great eye opener post and detailed truth of how the Narc literally steals our love. The mid did his homework and was well prepared. He knew I was into fitness he did a YouTube fitness video. He read a old Facebook post where I mentioned I was going to start Journaling and spread sheet of spending. After 2 days of us speaking he sent me his daily spending journal. He always spoke about the future to make me think he wanted to get married. In hindsight I see he was mimicking me. He never exercise after that video and the Journaling stop. I thought we had these things in common. I soon came to realize he was a damn thief.
Sorry HG, I would be remiss not to mention you were responsible for opening my eyes to the true nature of narcissistic behavior, and varying degrees. Thank you for all you do. I would still be on the fog thinking they are selfish and conceited. You expose the true evil of your type and provide revelation that we are not crazy and the devil is real. I know you have said that the greater is aware but refuses to change because he sees no need to. How about the lesser or mid? They are unaware have a sense of right from wrong but are unable to change their behavior. In true empath form I must ask this question..Should we hold them accountable for their behavior? We excuse other mental illness and have very little expectations from someone that is mentally retarded. Can we regard them the same way? Should we look at them as mentally undeveloped (Freud) theory? Would the perfect match for a narc be a person with borderline personality disorder due to the wall and trust issues? Are would the narc just run due to the inconsistent fuel? Thank you in advance for your response.
Hello Entertainment and thank you for your kind comments. The Lesser and the Mid do not know what they are, have no insight and do what they do largely through instinct – the Lesser – and some calculation – The Mid-Ranger. You raise an interesting proposition and it very much depends on the school of particular empathic thought that a person approaches it from. I would be interested to learn of your further views on this issue of accountability and what other people think about it as well. Of course I can tell you that the Lesser, Mid and Greater of our kind will all reject any accountability for our action, aware or not.
A borderline is advantageous to some of our kind, owing to the fountains of fuel which can appear, but the inconsistency could trouble a Lesser for instance.
HG,
Thank you for your response. If I choose to aire on the side of the mental disorder/handicap it helps me move forward faster and lessens the anger. Irregardless, to the pain and mental exhaustion they may have caused. I wouldn’t hold a 1 year old accountable for say throwing a tantrum. Or, say a mentally retarded person accountable for throwing food in a restaurant at strangers. The NPD I now view them same the manipulation, lies, and damage they cause is a result of their disorder and the lesser is always miserable. I have empathy for them, but no tolerance as I do for other mental disabilities. From this point I will refrain from referring to them as monsters and see them for who they are. A narcissist is a narcissist and I don’t expect nothing less or more from them. Thanks to you; I can identify the behavior, characteristics tactics, and mechanisms they use and when I encounter one I know to smile and run like hell. The same way I avoid unruly bad kids that cause disruptions in public 😊most mothers look horrified and confused when little Johnny is on the floor kicking around having a tantrum. Some want to take a paddle to his backside while others say he’s just being a kid. I say he’s just being a narc and those behaviors are expected however, no longer tolerated.
Well, HG, you like to think that we will never be able to love again. Because deep down you fear that you will be forgotten, vanished into insignificance and nothingness, when we are moving on.
My narc tore me apart, yet he did not destroy my belief in love. Your core values stay with you, no matter what happens! What is lost, however, is that feeling of being able to trust someone. These days, I pay very close attention to how people interact with me to spot the liars and keep them out of my life. 🙂
We freely gave our love …it was NOT stolen. Your last sentence is the thing I fear the most. It’s been over a year and many eligible women later, all fantastic in their own right. I feel NOTHING!
She took my heart and ripped it into pieces. 💔💔💔
The sad part is that is had been growing and growing for her. I had so much love to give her but that’s not what she wanted.
Now I’m left trying to put it back together. I will never be the same again.
I miss the trusting, naive, innocent, and pure heart that I had.
The new one will have its cracks but it will be stronger and only given to a few lucky ones.
I am going to have to use tacky glue and duct tape. I don’t want the future love thief coming to get me. I can’t handle any more. Stay away.
HG, you wrote this and also contradicted yourself at the same time.
Those of us who love and love and love… cannot be drained of love, we will bounce back and we will move on and love again. You have chosen the weak of our kind if you destroy and they never regain who they are. You know this because you wrote about it in your empath explanation posts. 😉
A narcissist once told me that he is very attracted to women who have asperger’s or autism.
I think you guys always want the chase, the hunt.
No emotions shown by body language.
Extreme shyness is attractive to you.
No euphoria, no irritation, no sad face.
She will hardly even ask you any questions. she will only observe your actions.
I think you might fall in love with that mystery.
Gets your chase-brain moving.
/my two cents
No love never dies, may go dormant for a brief time, only to come back stronger.
Its taken the time to heal and understand.
HG this is where your work is playing a vital role in this.
Yet to see things from your perspective is very intriging and frieghtening at times.
Yes that is very true . I knew what he was though and I still chose him . I thought I would be the exception since I new the real him and still loved him anyway and he wouldn’t hurt me . I was wrong . As far as my healing goes I went from crying and contemplating suicide every day to only crying and having those thoughts once every two weeks . Maybe one day I will find true happiness in something other than him and I can get my motivation back to do life instead of just existing . It’s been over a year since the breakup and I feel like I should be ok by now but I’m not
I did the same thing. I went back thinking I knew the truth and could accept and love him unconditionally, without getting hurt again…. I was wrong.
Sending you love ❤️ and prayers that you find TRUE love and happiness, and that your heart, mind and spirit are fully restored! Xo
No, I don’t believe that last sentence. Once you go through trauma therapy and give yourself time to attain clarity, I believe love can again be part of your life. Just don’t rush it.
Could you please tell me how being a love thief of our potential future loves would give you fuel ~ if we no longer have any contact with one of your kind, and we’re generally not in your sphere of influence any longer? Thank you
Thought Fuel at the point of discard Hope.
Thank you HG! This is exactly the way i feel.
You are welcome Marcella.
I will never give up on love!! I may be knocked down for a little while!! But I will never let your kind take something that I feel so deeply about away from me!! I will get back up and try again no matter how many times I fail!! For it only takes one time too succeed and make all the others disappear! That will be the knock out round!!!
Thank you!
True. Spot on.