Sins of the Empath : Positivity
Positivity. Positive outlook. Optimism. The empathic individual which is the target for our kind is blessed with positivity. This ingrained positivity allows them to see the good in people, it enables them to find the silver lining in the gathered storm clouds and grants a motivating factor. By adopting a positive outlook in their life, the empathic individual is inspired to achieve more, to dispel the bad and seize on whatever goodness they can identify, even if it is the merest kernel. This trait enables the empathic individual to cast their optimistic eyes over the bleakest of scenarios and see that there is something good which can be learned from the experience, something decent which is in the pipeline and something to be cherished. In its purest form it manifests as a blind optimism and this powers the empathic individual so they are able to overcome what might be regarded as insurmountable by lesser individuals.
This empathic trait causes the relevant person to reflect on what they have learned from an experience, how the occasion was good for them in testing them, causing them to utilise their resources and to work out a way forward when faced with a problem. Whilst a normal individual might bemoan the situation that has befallen them (and indeed our kind would address it by blaming everybody else and leaving them to pick up the pieces), the empathic individual’s innate positivity causes them to see an opportunity. They see the chance to enrich their own experience, to grow as a person and to demonstrate that with positive thought, positive action and positive attitude no problem is too great, no issue is incapable of resolution and no setback is forever.
Whilst being imbued with this sense of positivity allows an empathic individual to demonstrate fortitude, pragmatism and optimism in their lives and thus they bring with them the capacity to enrich the lives of others, the trait of positivity also generates problems when dealing with our kind.
The positivity invariably blinds the empathic person to what they are actually dealing with. The false positivity which we radiated through our love bombing and the golden period convinces the empathic person that we are indeed a ‘good’ person. Thus, when the monster appears during devaluation, rather than see it for what it is, the manipulations and machinations of a twisted and abusive person, the positive empath strives to harness the good which once existed again. This creates a near indefatigable spirit which in turn causes the empathic person to remain in our grip for far longer than is good for them.
Naturally, this is of no concern to us since we want you to remain in our grip. We want you bound to us and your unrelenting belief that the goodness that you have seen can be brought to the fore again is a weakness of this positivity and invariably puts you at risk. When others would retreat in the face of the eroding and savage manipulations, the empathic individual remains positive. Not only do they wish to sweep away the darkness and find the good in us once again, they regard it as a test of their resolve and therefore increase their positive outlook in order to cater with the slings and arrows which are sent their way.
This positivity lend itself to the making of excuses. Rather than realise that they have been entangled by a deceitful, manipulative abuser, the empathic individual will look to environmental factors – such as the fact that we are tired, stressed or over-worked since that must be what it is that is clouding our innate and once seen inner goodness. If those external factors continue to fail to explain our behaviours, the empathic individual will become introspective and consider that the problem has arisen as a consequence of some failing on their part. They consider that they have not shown us enough love, not asked us how our days has gone, not been supportive enough when we have faced a challenge, not cooked our steak correctly and ever more trivial and meaningless excuses which are trotted out in order to maintain a positive outlook and not give in.
By adopting positivity, the empathic individual places stock in the fact that with the right effort and application things will be worked out and once more will be good again. When a respite period is granted by us during the devaluation, the empathic individual will seize on this as evidence of how their positive outlook has reaped rewards. By hanging in there, never giving up and remaining upbeat they have allowed their positivity to shine through and this has saved the day. Once again however, this dedication to remaining positive has caused the empathic person to fail to notice that this is all part of the ongoing manipulation and is just a brief and passing restoration of the illusion that is the golden period and is done to exploit this belief in remaining positive.
Positivity causes the empath to misguidedly believe that we can be fixed and healed. This positive outlook means that when an objective third party points out the reality of the situation to the empath, they smile and thank them for their observation but find an excuse and point to how remaining true to being positive will once again resolve the issues. The viewpoint is one of if you want something enough then the universe will provide it to you and those with a positive outlook do not waste time wondering why things do not happen as they wish, but rather they do something to bring about what they want and to change things. This attitude may be appropriate to securing a promotion at work, saving to purchase your dream home or being thought of as a kind person by your friends, but it only serves to blind you to what you have been entangled with when it comes to our kind.
It means you are enmeshed with us for longer than you ought to be. It means you suffer the devaluation and all of its awful outcomes to a greater degree than you should. It means that you remain highly susceptible to being hoovered post discard because you believe that we will ultimately see the error of our ways and that we will recognise we have done wrong so that we return to the wonderful, loving and charming person that once seduced you.
Those with this empathic trait in intense amounts will not countenance the manifestation of negativity. They will fight down their anger and replace it with concern. They will dissolve their frustration and exhibit caring instead. This sublimation of emotions only serves to encourage our devaluation as we strive to shatter the positivity and see the tears, the hurt and the despair. Your rejection of negativity means you will not hear ill spoken of us, you will not blame us for what we do and rather than take heed of the negative thoughts which will and do manifest in your mind, you try to force them to one side by engaging in your trait of positivity.
This is a dangerous path to tread. Not only does it blind you to what we are and bind us to you for longer, it means that ultimately you are setting yourself up for devastating disappointment. When the full force of our machinations have been unleashed against you and your considerable coping abilities have been stretched beyond endurance, once this all comes crashing down, the height from which you maintained your positivity means that your fall is all the harder, longer and more painful.
When that discard takes you by surprise, you plummet from your perch of positivity and crash into the dirt, bewildered, exhausted and drained. Yet, it does not take long for this positive trait to re-appear as you soon begin to apply it again, making excuses for why we disappeared, making plans for how matters can be resolved if we just sit down and have a constructive conversation together and how it was good for you to experience this despair, because now you know more than you once did and you can apply this learned experience to your and our advantage by winning us back and helping us with our problems. You can tease out that inner goodness because you will not allow yourself to think it does not exist. To do so offends your sense of positivity.
Negative thoughts however can serve a positive purpose for you, if only you would listen to them. Negative thoughts such as fear manifest to tell you to protect yourself, to defend yourself and to get away from the danger. You however remain in the firing line because you reject the negative and embrace the positive. A negative thought such as feeling unappreciated, lonely or hurt should be recognised as a warning and acted upon, however, the strength of your positivity will invariably override this until it is too late. Indeed, there are those whose degree of positivity is so great that they have become deluded as to what we are and how dangerous we are to you. They are blinded and no matter how often we dole out our cruel treatments, no matter how often others point out the harm that is being caused, they cannot see it because of the effect of their innate positivity.
To do so is indeed a sin in the context of being ensnared with our kind.
The positivity which you should embrace ought to be applied to yourself; that your encounter with us should cause you to learn what we are and how to avoid and evade us in the future.
58 thoughts on “Sins of the Empath : Positivity”
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Wow, incredibly well written. I’ve learned so much from you. Thank you for what you do H.G.
Yes – I am positive.
Hubby “this place is crap”
Me “No its really ok, look at that view”!
Hubby “No one cares what happens to us – your family don’t even care. they don’t visit….you are crazy to trust them”
Me “No, my family do care, they are just so busy, you know what they have been going through…how can you be so mean”?
And so on and so on.
Always believing the best.
Hubby said…”You always want to do the right thing…that’s what I like about you. ”
Course it is. lol
Sorry to keep asking. What is fuel to you? What do you do to get fuel. How do you get it from your target?
The best way for me to answer this BL is to direct you to read my book Fuel. All the answers are in there.
One of my comments should read her daughter not his! He has no children. Says he hates babies!
I feel like I’m at the end and my fuel tank has run dry. I told him I feel like dying. I want to jump off a cliff. Why doesn’t he care. Are narcissists really that evil?
He does not care because he has not been created to care as this would hold him back in his pursuit of fuel.
So how would he react if I died? Just move on? He said he’d miss me when I asked him once. This was only after his mum’s funeral when he didn’t seem to care at all. He said we live we die and that’s that! Have you know feelings at all?
He would miss you as a source of fuel primarily and also the provider of character traits and residual benefits. He would not miss you as a person. Indeed, I have as I explained in one of my recent interviews. When you die, that’s it. When someone else dies I am irritated by the loss of a fuel appliance.
Love and Victory it must be the day for discard or death, I thought it was strange he picked yesterday to dicard me on the day my husband died or I should say took him off life support. For a very long time I felt guilty, being told you murdered your husband is an awful feeling.
HG this is yet another reason why I am grateful. You help me understand and move past this guilt I have held on to for many years. Logically I knew, emotionally it wasnt happening. 7 years. The last words I ever spoke to him was I hope you die. I didnt want him to die I just wanted out of my marriage, he would have succeeded next time. 2 hours later he calls leaving a message as he was having a heart attack. He dropped the phone and I heaed the entire thing. I always wondered why he didn’t hang up, he was speaking to another person then…..
I understand why he picked that very same date, it was the year before I told him. He took me out into the woods and we had so much fun exploreing. He knew it was my favorite place to go. I no longer go there sense I moved out of the city, my backyard now is my favorite place.
As always HG, outstanding message!
Thank you GG
What makes you happy or content?
I dont do happiness. Fuel makes me content.
Perfect explanation again, HG. You totally nailed it! It sounds like you are describing me…and many other people, of course. You really know how to read us!
This must be a curse for me.
They say opposites attract and my ex and I were that for sure. Of course I was the positive one and she was the negative one. I wanted her to see the glass half full. I wanted her to see the good.
I don’t think I was making excuses though. I would have never in a million years thought that someone was trying to manipulate me. Everyone has problems and I just thought hers were a little more complex.
Even after everything that has happened I will always find some good in her.
Mr Tudor are you happy with your life right now ? What makes you happy besides fuel?
I don’t do happiness but I am reasonably content, I have no cause for complaint as a whole.
Fuel makes me powerful. Everything flows from the fuel.
HG- Fuel tanks are getting empty though, empaths are growing in that they are spreading awareness of not only narcissistic abuse but they are expressing themselves over social media like never before so educating others, who may feel that empathic traits, intuitive beings and long sightedness vision is mumbo jumbo and even the psychiatrists are sceptical and would like to attribute it under labels that do not apply to the empath. You just can’t go around thieving energy from others, because you may come across something spiritual that will freak you out and you will have no way nor any psych to call it any other than a phenomenon as you get to be witness to it, including sceptics- so now what HG? We are coming out of the long grass everywhere.
Maybe you are but when I look around I see millions of unwitting victims still. I have no concerns in that regard.
HG they are people, they do not deserve it. If you cannot stop yourself, how can you preach the ills of your kind?
You cannot serve two masters.
Of course they do not deserve it but I am not designed to care about that. I care about my needs.
Your needs are not paramount to their life HG. Your needs are wants and immediate gratification overdose. Your essential needs are not being dosed up.
Purple,
HG is right. You can even see it here, in those who claim their eyes have been opened but continue to court and flirt with danger. Even those who have been saved are at risk of being ensnared once again.
PurpleRibbonHealing…
To us, you know love is blind. We trust, we love, we give, we fall into the trap no matter how apprehensive we are. We see red flags and try to correct the issue… or think to ourselves, “Oh, I am not perfect either, I should overlook this issue”. It is not that we are naive, we are just drawn to the dark side because we want to be the beacon of light and hope that we can truly heal, fix, or just show them that we are not all the same.
They just want our fuel… I think I will start charging $3.50 a gallon! 😛
My ex has said I’m his soul mate. I realise it’s probably to bind me to him. I’ve asked 4 exs of his if he’s ever called them his soul mate and they said no. Why would he say that to me particularly? I get so confused by him. He says he loves me and shows it by buying me stuff or doing jobs for me. He seems genuinely happy to be with me and thinks he does show his love. I do feel lonely and just want him to hold me sometimes. During sex he says he feels connected to me. He says he doesn’t want me just for sex and would stay with me forever even if we didn’t have sex again. What does it all mean? I really believe him but have nagging doubts in my mind because of his past. He’s cheated on so many women and his mum was mean and nasty. Didn’t show her love although he says she loved him in her own way. His friends think he’s lovely, funny and insecure inside and good deep down. I just don’t know what to make of it all. Most of his exs think he’s odd and they wouldn’t trust him. One told me she’d not trust him near his teenage daughter. Most have gone no contact and had to get nasty before he’d leave them alone. I make excuses because he can be nice, very good fun. He stalked a few but he was so sure they were cheating surely just checking another man isn’t going in their house is something we’ve all done?? I drove past a womans house to see if he was parked outside! Is that bad? He is a bit controlling and he does criticise sometimes. He does flirt and says hurtful things at times. I question he’s a narc all the time but even if not shouldn’t a relationship make you feel happy and content? Trouble is he does sometimes. He said he’s content but I have a nagging worry in the back of my mind 🙁 I wish I could trust him.
This line got me – This creates a near indefatigable spirit which in turn causes the empathic person to remain in our grip for far longer than is good for them. (Until we discard you as even a friend of course).
I told my narc friend that I was deleting his number from my phone as he does not text unless its randomly and our friendship took a very strange turn. He looks for me – he knows when I arrive, when I leave, will come by and “grace me” with his 5-8 minute presence and retreat to his office. He is punishing me for standing my ground. He will no longer have the friendship we used to have – nothing at all. Is this a punishment or is he in fact punishing himself?
He is torn between wanting to punish you for not submitting to him but not wanting to lose you because he still wants your fuel. He is caught between two places.
And still is HG. Deployed the silent treatment and is now away on business. I don’t think he quite understands how amazing it is not to have him around. A breath of fresh air. The toxicity gone. He will return because he has to. Lines have been drawn. There is no crossing those. His BS has ceased to be effective… And He knows it too.
When he knows where you are I bet you he does not bother to text. When he does not know where you are, I bet you he texts. Keep standing and become more and more immovable and keep faith in yourself and any higher faith you may have. We are not weakened, we become like a mountain and only you know every part of the mountain, it’s beauty, it’s shape, all it has to offer. That is you and he will never move you in the way he plans to. He will never find another you, his loss 🙂
But we do find another you, that is why you are replaced. Remember we are not interested in how graceful, how clever, how beautiful etc you might be, yes, certain traits are wanted because they accord with the cadre of narcissist but ultimately it is all about the fuel and another victim will pour with fuel just like you once did.
That is clearly understood, under no illusion there. The issue is the boring lengthy discard, how do we hurry the process up? Shall I post his picture and make a profile so that all the potential targets can be hand picked by him? This is totally boring and dragging out of a discard, where I refuse to acknowledge any of his ploys and consider everything he says as the tools I see it for. Schoolies is on, perhaps he should just come out of the closet and stop pretending and be a silly toolie’ like all the other delusional silly fools getting laughed at by the fresh faced youth! Honestly, very trying and now I have been blamed for giving him a disease, via a curse. What next?
How do you analyse that I poured with fuel? What if I poured with something else than your interpretation of fuel. What if it is something else. What if it it is truly something else that cannot be explained away so easily.
You poured with emotion that is fuel and what attracts us and is what we need.
My cup runneth over- I am on fire for something higher and my faith is unshakable. That is not grotesque, nor should it be targeted, I have had my days disturbed by psychopaths, from a very early age and someday shall write it all out as you are doing. There is something to be taught by each and every one of us and something to be left for the greater good when we depart. We need to discuss this fuel further, there are a number of anomalies wrt it.
You are their puppet and they are holding the strings on you and not releasing you because you gave them a free ticket and lease on you.
I need you and your kind to fight for yourselves in a way that will free you fro the bondage that is absolutely frightening. As you do not have anything setup to receive photos I cannot give you the evidence you may want.
Thank you PRH. Yes he does know well and good where I am but that friendship is completely ruined. I don’t take to punishments well, much less those undeserved. He is a very very broken man. The one who is punishing himself, well, is him. I stand unmoved. He knows this about me very well. A 10 year friendship. He knows that I am not the wavering type… TY!
Empath, co-dependant, borderline- i am all of these. And i keep telling him that nothing is his fault. It’s his narcissism. Abuse amnesia at play here. You are right HG. I keep looking for excuses to not see him in a negative light.
I am an empath. I am not co-dependent or borderline. Yes, those things are all his fault and making excuses for him will only keep you in his grips for WAY longer than you need to be. Stop casting him in any kind of positive light and shine your light brightly on him and that should keep him away. You are suffering so much more than you have to Ptds… Its really emotional abuse and verbal abuse.
I feel like I belong to him :/ I now know he makes others feel like that to
Yes he probably does. The trick is that most people need the one thing that narcissistic individuals cannot provide – consistency. They waver. Lots. Depending on where they are obtaining their fuel from and what their desire for the day or moment is. Remove his power. Take it away. He is powerless without fuel.
On the one year mark of the discard you wrote an exact description me. The universe has its ways. I now accept my anger, speak up for myself & listen to my instincts. A gift from a Narcisstic on behalf of my ex. Thank you once again HG. Without you I might have still been stuck. As self serving as we know your kind to be you are helping the empaths fight back. Good from evil. Amazing.
Thank you Victory and you are welcome.
How funny Victory. Today is my 6 month discard anniversary. 🍻🍸🍹 Salut
Yes i am…or I was…I don’t know…
I’m too disappointed now so I don’t feel that great positivity that was part of me and that maintained me in this situation for 1 and 1/2 year. He told me, at a certain point, that he was a real bastard and a nasty person and that he kept me trapped, but I was sad to hear these words so I told him that I did not think these things about him and, despite everything, for me he was a good person (and I was honest). I feel stupid for having always justified him and always saw the good in him. I’m sure he took me for an idiot 😑. This thing makes me angry yet.
I was the same. Loved him so so much and was willing to think I was the one with the problem. I am gutted. When his ex warned me I thought he’ll be different with me. She sounded nasty. I thought I’d be good for him. Not being big headed but I’m not bad looking and I’ve got a great sense of humour. We had loads of fun. Why mess that up.its all beyond me 🙁
Brokenlady, you evidence the fact that the new replacement rarely ever heeds the warnings given to them from the discarded individual and the explanations you give for reaching that conclusion are both common and understandable.
HG is right in his response to you. Do NOT beat yourself up over this… I saw ALL of the red flags and even went over them with my Auntie… she warned me and I STILL dove in blinded and head first!
WOW what a whimsical ride! <3 BUT I am glad I am off that one… it could have killed me! 😛
Dear HG – I love your writing as always.
I just want to add a but and a question to this positivity.
I personally, I am the most negative person I know – I am full of hatred and self-hatred and have a monster lurking within – my emtpy void is huge and I feed on my narcissist. He provides me with aliveness and beauty and activity. In my perception I am so worthless that I only deserve to be someone’s doormat and whenever he breaks contact, I feel lost, because I do not even feel worthy enough for providing this.
Do narcissists usually only prey on empaths? I know they need the kind of fuel urgently, which only empaths can provide.
But I have the feeling my narcissist loves my negativity – he can project all his own negativity on me and act kindly and nice, when I am around. Cause I am the one showing the dark monster to the world.
Is this normal for narcissists to have one supply onto which they throw their own negativity?
What is my gain? I feel seen – I feel we are both on the same side of the dark river. He knows my monster, he acknowledges my monster and he still keeps contact. *Normal* people mostly run from me when the ugly monster roars its ugly head.. And normal people want to see only the mask – it is hard for me to keep this up for a longer time. And my narcissist has a much better persona to show to their world than I do – his is quite stable, mine is just so tiny and breaks at the smallest confrontation.
Am I the narcissist? Or just codependent? I don’t know – I only know we are both on the dark lonely side of the river.
Of course we are… Some of our kind see the glass as half full, me… I see my glass as refillable, drink up!
“Positivity?”
“Yes?”
“Have U had your plus sign 2 day?”
“Positivity?”
“Yes?”
“Do we mark U present or do we mark U late?” – Prince
U Warned Me about U.
So, Positivity must be marked absent.
😮 oooh nice choice! 😉
Hello DragonCreeper – Why do you believe that a person won’t leave your grips? Do you seek a weaker kind of person to ensure they are too weak to leave? You know, strong people do in fact walk away from narcs once they realize what they are dealing with… Does it matter to you if you are left behind and the person has in fact gone on without you if the person was an excellent source of fuel?
I am sorry, I do not understand your question as it doesn’t pertain to me. I am not a narc. Your question is for a narcissist.
Lol me to. I’d cook myself up and offer myself up for his dinner if i could. I was totally besotted by him. Oh dear lord, I’ve learnt a lot from this. Thanks HG . Why oh why can’t he be loved better by me?
You are welcome BL, he cannot be loved better by you because
1. That does not work with our kind ; and
2. You will be pushed to one side when new and fresher fuel appeals
BrokenLady! Yes… here dear, “would you like the last finger on my left hand?” No… I will learn to use my toes until you want those too! 😛 😉