The Effect of No Contact on the Narcissist
You know that No Contact is the key to beating the narcissist, but how does it affect the narcissist?
This Logic Bulletin explains to you what happens when you impose your No Contact Regime and how you can expect the narcissist to respond.
It covers Lesser, Mid-Range and Greater Narcissists in fascinating detail.
How does the narcissist feel?
What happens if you tip-off the narcissist that you are leaving him or ending the relationship?
What happens to the narcissist if you end the relationship and say nothing?
How does the narcissist respond?
What do you need to look out for in terms of common errors which will prejudice your no contact regime and place you at risk?
What will the narcissist do by way of response, so you can ascertain how to avoid this?
The content of this Logic Bulletin will give you these answers and more so you can build your Logic Defences and understand what will happen when you impose no contact now or in the future.
32 thoughts on “The Effect of No Contact on the Narcissist”
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Can a “greater” be a “greater” without being highly educated or intelligent in a worldly way?
No.
Incredibly descriptive and thorough. I find your insight… disturbing. In regards to Lesser, Mid-Range, and Greater narcissists, do you also distinguish between Covert, Grandiose, and Communal Narcissists? If so, do coverts tend to be on the Greater range, since they seem to be more ‘self-aware’ of perceived shortcomings in attaining their ambitions, yet aware of their manipulative machinations? And would they use these narcissistic tactics as a means to quell the wound of insuperable ambitions?
How does a narcissist feel about no contact from what use to be the primary source but is now the secondary because he has a new primary source? Do they still seek fuel from the demoted source ?
Hello ANK, the narcissist would be unlikely to seek fuel from the demoted source when in the golden period with the replacement primary source. He is infatuated with his new toy. However, when the devaluation starts of the replacement, the narcissist will look to hoover the previous source who has been demoted. If that source deploys no contact, it will reduce the chances of a hoover being effected because there is either no hoover Trigger or the Hoover Execution Criteria is not met.
Thank you HG.
I’m not even sure that the man I have been involved with is a narcissist or not. So much of what I’ve been reading sounds familiar – the chase and seduction, the sexual aspect makes me think he is one, and I am certain he has chased the new source in the same manner as he did me.
Towards the end of last year he started to ghost, the everyday texts became less frequent all of a sudden, perhaps because he had secured the new source that I found out about accidentally (maybe he wanted me to find out since he was texted her while I sat next to him and saw?) On confronting him he said he wanted to continue to see me. Is this because he was not fully certain of the new source?
I think he is is truly in the golden period now as the texting is even less, only when it suits him, because he blocks in me in between.
Do narcissists always try to hoover? I would have thought that another new primary source would be more attractive than hoovering the demoted source.
P.S. Your site is the most fascinating I have ever come across.
The hoover may well be to get another primary source by turning to somebody who is well known already (and thus tenderised). The hoover happens subject to whether there is a Hoover Trigger and the meeting of the Hoover Execution Criteria. Thank you for you kind compliments.
Yes he said he wanted to continue to see you because he wanted to deflect your confrontation and also because he had not embedded the new source.
I didn’t want to read that HG, I feel like you just said I told you so.
HG if one wounds a greater in this fashion, is revenge the only motive to keep coming back, if successful this would reinforce ones omnipotence’s, right? Or is it still the fuel or a mixture of both?
A mixture of both DFA.
HI, I’ve recently ended a serious relationship with my greater. Everything you say is completely on point of the way Brian controlled our relationship. He was caught on a dating site and turned it around on me. When I wanted to end things he started with the slapping then shoving but this time it went to a whole other level and he started punching me in the face and knocking me unconscious and then he would grab my face and hold it and splash water in my face to bring me back to consciousness so I could see him punch me and knock me out again?? he sis this more than once. One of the last things that I remember is saying Brian you just broke my nose but he kept going and when I woke up the next day he was gone and had taken my phone and completely deleted my facebook, all my pic’s and individually blocked over 200 people on my account….What can you tell me about this? and yes I charged him then he. He say’s he doesn’t remember anything. The day after he came to return my phone and said before hand “what happened lastnight” and he say”s he doesn’t remember doing it. And called me a week later and asked me if I have it in my heart to drop the charges?? wtf
So if the Greater can no longer contact you electronically and has resorted to leaving notes at your home is there reason to worry about the efforts escalating or becoming physical? No acknowledgement of this activity has been made to the Narc. Am I correct to assume no reaction / no contact is the correct plan if action?
Hello Bright New Day, dependent on his fuel levels the Greater may well try to keep contacting you through the placing of notes. It is less likely to become physical when dealing with a Greater. You are undertaking the correct approach by not acknowledging or reacting to these notes. Maintain that and he will eventually stop.
Time and time again you tell my story. I almost question if it were my ex writing but I know he would never admit to anything, whether it be his actions or intent. I am post escape/discard/escape/discardX10 if that makes sense…I would break up with him & kick him out, just to hear his beautifully rehearsed promises of the worlf, just to have him take control again then turn the tables and begin to devalue & discard me. Im wondering, do you ever offer advise privately?
Yes I do. See the menu on the main page for more information.
Rebecca I had a phone consult with HG and would highly recommend it, he’s so on the mark and I really got a lot from the call.
Good luck
Hmmm I wrote this reply early and my phone died so apologies if this posts twice🙈, Rebecca I had a phone consult with HG and found him invaluable, I cant recommend him highly enough. Well worth it the fee and I definitely found myself much more comfortable with my situation after talking to him…. he’s very easy to listen too with that fabulous accent too 😂😂😂
Thank you Em, I appreciate that.
HG,
My narcissist ex discarded me a month ago after I caught him cheating again. We have a 2 year old together and have had very little contact since the discard. He does have a new primary, but recently he started texting me once a day asking how our daughter is. I never contact him, ever. I gray rock respond “fine” and he says thank you. He then gave me cash to help pay a bill. Is this normal narc behavior? A month ago he would not speak to me at all unless he was in a rage and calling me names.
Yes.
Thank you for the prompt response. I was just very confused as to why he was all of sudden being nice. Other than that he was not hoovering me and as I stated before he is currently seducing his new primary.
I made him exit and I stayed. After delivering my message and setting him ‘free’ (and myself although that took another 2 years to realize) after 17 years of marriage, my greater N unleashed 2 years of hell on me after his departure, pure malice like you described using his luitenants, smear campaign, the kids, financial control, psychological control, manipulation, bewilderment, charm, pity party, etc etc. He truly tried to break me, but did not succeed. I recognize so much in this story of how the Greater responds… it’s so ugly…
This sickened me… because it was real. I was married to the Greater.
Hi my discard came on the night before our wedding and he caused a violence scene where he assaulted me and caused a concussion as we ll as strangled me until I passed out.. the police were called and he was arrested and a Criminal Protection Order was placed.There has been no contact since 12/19/15 and the District Atty is charging him with 3 felonies. He has an atty and they keep postponing it. He has requested a jury trial because he will not plea to any felonies. It took a month to secure new supply and he moved her into the home he and I shared. But he has not been able to impress people with her and his smear tactics have not made the impact he wanted so he seems distraught… angry.. unhappy..miserable..
I blocked him from my social media and I am wondering what he will plot now as he sees me moving on with my life and becoming even more successful in my career..
Do you have any advise for me?
Thank you,
Leticia
Hello Leticia, maintain no contact. His behaviour with requesting a jury trial is born out of his desire to punish you by not accepting what you are alleging and also because he consider that he has done nothing wrong (sense of entitlement and failure to accept accountability). Ensure your defences are built high in terms of no contact as he is likely to want to hoover you in a malign fashion and probably using physical violence (remember he sees it as his entitlement). Since his new primary source is not proving effective (if it was he would be less concerned with you) this is also why he is contesting the charges and he remains a dangerous opponent. If you have not done so already I suggest you read Black Fag, Black Hole, Smeared and No Contact.
If I didn’t know better I’d swear you had been eavesdropping on my life…this was the way my greater narc was as well. I just had a dream very similar to this piece you have written. ..Whatever your motives you have been a great help to me. Thank you very much, Mr. Tudor.
smh sadly
Absolutely perfectly precise and thank you, years and years of knowledge and finally I’m free, with absolutely no way of contact… I love the way you say the dragon has been slayed, it’s the way I feel A huge huge thank you to you. X
You are welcome
I just remembered one of my exes final games when I said goodbye. We were to meet at Starbucks and I was ten minutes early and didn’t see her car so I went in and looked around and there wasn’t a table so I went back to my car to wait for her. At exactly 1:00 she texted me that she was inside. She was already inside and had watched me walk in and walk back out without saying a word. I asked her if she saw me and she replied “yes”. Your dragon description brought this memory back of her sitting there.
Was she confident sitting there?
Was she still plotting of rehearsing?
What percentage of your IP’s welcome the invite back to the bedroom with you? Is there a certain type of my kind that are more enticed by the sex? Like the somatic of your kind would be interested? I still was shocked that she was able to get me in her car and kissing her. She was very forceful on getting me on her lap. I think she thought that would bring back all my feelings and I would change my mind.
And like you, I will only admit it here, but I’m not sure I could resist her if I was one on one with her somewhere. The charm is still powerful to me. I suppose the longer I go with NC the more that feeling will decrease.
But I have made so much progress from the first time I read this. Thanks to you!!!
Erm… so you’re compairing yourself to an all knowing all powerful dragan? As wonderful as that sounds, I’d almost descride it as exciting, but you you think your perception of the situation is screwed by grandiose beliefs in yourself and your ‘power’? I mean at the end of the day you are just a regular man, and the girl in front of you might be timid but perhaps that’s because you chose a weak insecure person? If you were standing in front of another woman who just wanted to be rid of you and you sensed her lack of interest and she was there just to deliver a message would you feel the same power? I don’t mean to be offensive I’m just questioning everything now to learn as much as I can.
Hi Em, I appreciate you politeness caveat and I understand where you are coming from but I am far from regular and my targets are not timid (they might be for some admittedly) but mine are not. If that person just wanted to deliver a message and was not giving me fuel, my power would start to drain but this never happens because they always provide fuel in this scenario.