The Five Fears of the Narcissist
1. You will leave
You are our primary source of fuel, our life giver and without this precious fuel we are thrown into chaos, impending oblivion on the horizon. You signed an unwritten contract to supply us with potent and delicious fuel until we decide to the contrary. It is our decision. It is not yours. We know what we do to you, the repeated push and pull, the games, the abuse and whilst we rely on our significant powers of manipulation and your near indefatigable desire to heal, hang in there and make things work, there is always that slight doubt that perhaps this time we have gone too far? There is an iota of concern that this is the occasion where you put the pieces together and realise what you are dealing with and therefore you decide to escape us. Leaving us when we have not ensured your replacement is in place or that he or she is working to maximum efficiency places us in peril. If you leave our fuel supply has been fractured, maybe even cut off. If you leave you have wrested control away from us and this is not something that can ever be countenanced. If you leave you are telling us that we are not the superior being we maintain that we are, you are pouring scorn on our might and undermining our magnificence.
2. I am ignored
There are those for whom the spotlight of attention causes them to flush with embarrassment, that searing heat which makes them feel uncomfortable. That is not the case for us. Its light brings us warmth and power. We need the spotlight like plants need the sun. We bask in its brilliant blazing light and revel in the attention that comes with it as we drink deep of the fuel that is provided. Should you ever move that spotlight away from us, the icy chill of the cruel and desolate world we have been placed in becomes all too real and this wounds us. The removal of the light of attention criticises us and strikes at our core. All eyes should be directed on us, ears should be pinned back in appreciative listening of our oratory, attention should be focused on us. It is about us, not you. Whether it is just you or I, a group of friends in a bar,a family gathering or in a meeting, everyone should know that we are there and they should be reacting to our presence. We do not care how that reaction comes so long as it is laden with emotion. If you ignore us you are telling us that we are worthless and that takes us to a place that we have consigned in the depths of our minds. Never ignore us, we cannot stand for that to happen.
3. I am exposed
Whether it is the unmasking of me as a narcissist or the revelation of my abusive machinations when you do not know fully what you have become entangled with, the fear of exposure lurks within us. Of course we will react and fight against it, of course we will deny, deflect and withdraw from your treacherous behaviour in telling the world what we are. We will paint you as a liar, a crazy person and a fantasist even though, for those of us who are aware enough, the words you issue are arrows of truth that rain down upon us tearing and wounding. Whether it is exposure in terms of you, as a primary source, telling us what we are or the wider unmasking to our carefully constructed façade, we fear this happening because it hurts us, it burns and it wounds. We will fight back, we will seek our retribution against you for this most heinous act but this requires precious energy which we would much rather use in a more productive way. In the worst of cases, your revelations force us to new hunting grounds which means we must re-build our twisted empire afresh. It will rise again but we would rather not endure the agony that this entails or the effort required.
4. I grow weary
I come as a god to walk this earth, a colossus astride this planet, leading and forging ahead as my massed ranks of admirers watch on in awe and wonder. I am omnipotent, immortal and unstoppable, my power endless as I seduce, abuse and recycle. There is so much fuel to drink up and I will never stop. Yet, occasionally that scintilla of concern manifests. What if I were to lose my powers? What if the ability to seduce started to wane? What if I lost the appetite to abuse and slay? What if I said the unsayable and admitted that I am tired of this endless routine? What if I no longer had the hunger or desire to stalk my hunting grounds and wanted an end? What if I wanted to remove my demagogue’s crown and vacate the throne, my appetite diminished and senses dulled? What would I do then? I soon shake off these terrible considerations but they remain in the shadows, occasionally calling to me. I dispel them as quickly as the manifest but still they come every once in a while.
5. The creature escapes
What if as a consequence of all the above I can no longer keep the craven creature within the prison that I have constructed for it? What if one day it is able to breach the walls and emerge from the depths of its incarceration so that it surfaces, hissing and tormenting me, its once whispered threats becoming a reality. What if it takes me to the edge of the abyss and forces me to look into the great void, oblivion just a step away, the howling winds of desolation whipping around me. Sometimes and it is a rare occurrence, but when all is still and dark this thought forms in my vast mind, this awful, terrible thought as I feel the craven creature’s clawed hand against my back, ready to shove me over the edge……..
45 thoughts on “The Five Fears of the Narcissist”
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Let’s say the creature really escaped, depression and anxiety follows and the Narc starts to feel that Empathy inevitably has a point.
What would happen then. Would you be able to act on it?
(And would a Mid-ranger?)
Or is it knee-jerk ingrained into every millisecond of interactions to ‘bait’?
In such a scenario a narcissist would not think that empathy has a point.
Hm. Ok, well maybe it’s an ’empath thing’ but whenever I struggle with a problem (in human interaction, at work, education, life admin, exercise, etc issues) some depression – “I’m worthless” -follows, quite normal in my life, and I ruminate & ruminate until I Change, somehow. To survive.
I rethink.
What if you started by not calling it The Creature? . A small thing perhaps but it might be easier to warm to something that doesn’t start with a hard C or conjures up an ugliness. Baby steps. .
A creature by any other name remains craven and wretched.
Hmmmmm I have to say that NA has a very good point. I have used that technique with success. it takes time. One example: someone that had daily persistent suicidal ideation that didn’t go away, due to a bad thinking habit once depression symptoms subsided….still had that voice left over, made it into a crazy silly character rather (the sillier the better) than” the beast”. With practice, it looses power.
However, I suspect you do not have daily dialog with your creature, do you? It doesn’t whisper in your ear daily, does it?
No it doesn’t.
You know, sleep is a good thing! even geniuses need it…
I sleep. Not for long, but I sleep.
I wonder if sleep patterns of narcissistic sociopaths have been studied as my ex also slept on average 4-5 hour nights, unless he was crashing from low fuel. I wish I had such ability to get by on so little sleep.
I don’t know Indy, I suspect there has been some work done
Oh nonsense, I thought my name was You Little Bitch til I was 10 but it turns out…….oh wait…….bad example………
Aw Mr. Tudor, how romantic… A reference to Romeo and Juliet, narc style.
Mr. Tudor normally sleeps from 12 am to 3 am his time. And hopefully has a quick little siesta in the day.
Reading this again, No. 3 really resonated as JN came at me hard this week portraying that he really had simple needs and I kept painting him in a more dark and gruesome fashion when I didn’t get my way. I was even called a “vampire who feeds on lust and playfulness”. He wanted me to know he is human and not a monster.
I did prompt this conversation. By reading your description in #3, I’m guessing I did make him feel wounded and exposed thus leading him to want to portray me as the crazy, irrational one once again?
On No. 5 regarding the Creature, every single one of us has those rare occurrences late at night or when alone, when our stresses, our insecurities, our anxieties about things seem completely overwhelming and larger than life. How different, really, is your Creature from any of ours?
*did NOT prompt
I agree with your conclusion concerning number three Clarce.
I understand your point about times when your concerns and stresses may overwhelm or come to the fore, but they are nothing close to what the creature is.
Very well written HG as always! I am so curious to know if the creature that you speak of is symbolically speaking of the real self or is it a demonic being that resides inside that you can literally hear? The reason why I am asking is with all seriousness because I know for a fact that demons are real… because of my own experiences and also because of clarification of knowing if you’re speaking symbolically or is it a being that resides within?
Hello Lowprofile, I would not classify it as a demon (although I am sure people will do so) the creature is a manifestation of the real self but when fuel levels runs low it gains its own voice.
Thanks HG.
I did 1, 2 & 3 to my ex narc. No wonder why he hates me with a passion.
There is no truly no evil in the world it is only a thought a reflective thought of evil is purely what your mind is fearful of…The Fear of Love can even be evil If you fear it…change your mind and adore what appears to be evil Love conquers hate in your mind is the only the evil that exists on this earth….I promise you💝🙏
I’m surrounded by evil and IT IS NOT IN MY HEAD. HG, you saved my life in more ways than y… wait you know all the ways.
Yes, I agree with NarcMagnet, don’t fear me. Embrace me. ❤
I know, I know, you hate hugs…
Btw, I love the way you say ‘hug’. It sounds like hoog. Very sexy.
Pssstttt………..Now LOVE I’m not one to start things…………….but HG and The Punisher have been seeing a lot of each other………
Off to the naughty step.
Now that’s just dangerous NA… lol stick around Love you’re always welcome if HG says so.
Lol its ok NA, I share Mr. Tudor with all. Such is our love … 💗
HD, I wonder what that creature is? As a child, without understanding, you may have locked a vicious lion in the cupboard many years ago, but now you are an adult, you might open that door and find a small kitten. To love is not weakness, it is strength. Facing your true self cannot be any harder than what your victims face having discovered the depth of your cruelty and deceit. So we are the stronger ones. The world admires honesty and kindness. Look at the world’s leaders – who has more respect? Nelson Mandela or Donald Trump?
Hello Chrissy, you will be able to learn all about the creature in the book The Creature which I am working on. Yours is an interesting observations about the lion and the kitten and I understand your point, but believe me, when fuel has been low, I know what still lurks waiting to destroy me and it is no kitten.
Who has more respect? Depends who you ask. Trump has plenty of supporters and Nelson Mandela was regarded as a terrorist by some and indeed engaged in militant activity with the South African Communist Party. Of course, he took the view that force was required to overthrow a regime he regarded as wrong and unfair and thus he determined that the end justified the means. Just as my kind do. It is all a question of perspective. Thank you for your comment.
Yay! Yet another hero of mine who apparently is a narcissist. Lol so my “wall of heros” is actually a wall of narcs? I’m still holding onto hope for Che Guevara…
Ok fine, he’s one of yours too.
Just wanted to throw something in, such images from the depths of the psyche can also be described as either archetypal or as sub personalities. All psychological images from our own mind are symbolic as part of the Self, i.e. are part of our personality and even part of our brain. They need to be known, assimilated and transcended. Instead of repressing them or conquering them we learn what they mean, what they represent what needs to be integrated and thus they are disempowered. An analytical psychologist hypnotherapist can do this with you. Fascinating subject. My narc psychotherapy teacher used to dream incessantly about a woman who was not human, the inhuman part of himself.
Maybe its the devil.
Maybe you need God, who is stronger than the devil.
Maybe as Starr has said, you need to confront the hurts of the past and pray for healing.
Amen. I totally agree because Jehovah God and Jesus Christ can defeat anything and that includes Satan. Satan tries to torment all of us but he can be defeated.
Well you’ll have to excuse a lot of us for passing on that offer since:
A. None of you can actually PROMISE it for someone else.
B. Neither Jehovah, Jesus Christ, or any other deity answered the screams and cries for them we uttered as small and innocent children or since then. It’s their lack of interest that forced us to find other ways to cope in the first place.
I applaud you for being open and vulnerable to state your fears. It makes you so much more powerful.
Are you tired of the routine?
Bored perhaps?
I’m not asking to persuade you to change and embrace the light. I want you the way you are. I only ask because you’ve been in this game for a while now. It would make sense that it is no longer scintillating. Its lost its luster.
Thank you Love. No, I am not tired of the routine but occasionally, just occasionally, certain thoughts creep into my mind about what would happen if I did become bored of it. What would happen to me?
You would focus on other things, as you have that triple track going. Perhaps those things would involve less apprehension for the creature and embrace it. Perhaps you would let the creature out with less resistance and become even more genuine and more flexible. More ninja, less boxer. Just possibles…
Indeed Indy, more ninja less boxer made me laugh.
i should say, you are already a pretty stealthy ninja. Greaters like you rarely use Holyfield tactics. More Hattori Hanzo.
I agree.
Absolutely nothing. You don’t get bored. You just find fuel somewhere else.
I take it the growing weary scenario only plays out for the lazy gits that are the Lesser?
That made me laugh NA. It plays out if the fuel level plunges and thus of course the Lesser is the most susceptible to that.
The creature is a figment of your imagination . It can’t hurt you or harm you . The creature is what needs to be confronted . This thing that haunts you needs to be released and conquered .