The Narcissistic Truths – No. 61
53 thoughts on “The Narcissistic Truths – No. 61”
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The best destination I have ever heard of empathy was the “ability to look through someone else’s window”
That’s stalking Jenny!
**hears sinister laughter wafting from the bolt hole**
Lol yes and narcs are so good at it. I’m curious as to why your kind excel at stalking?
Because we have to.
Why do you have to, HG? That is so creepy.
I found out my psychopath had 2 felonies for aggravated stalking. At least narcissists are more subtle/smarter about it.
After my psycho, I ran a criminal check on all my guys. The narcs came out clean.
You/them
Black/ White
Dark/Light
Yes/no
This/that
One or the other yet always
Control means confinement
My H was black and white. That is what my in laws used to say. A lot. and they were right.
He in reality WAS grey however. Grey. Boring, lifeless, neither here nor there….GREY.
As a recently diagnosed narcissist, this spoke to me. I did see the world in black and white: With me or against me. That’s because I didn’t realize I was lacking the empathy to understand other’s perspectives. When you’ve only ever seen in black and white you don’t realize you’re missing all the colors.
Hello healing frm npd! Are you new here? If so, welcome! U said u didn’t realize u were lacking empathy. I thought narcs realize it, due to others’ facial expressions etc. that narcs can’t exhibit, unless they reflect. Please expand on this. Thank you.
Hi! I am new here. And thanks!
I can tell you that unequivocally, no I never, ever realized I was low on empathy. I confused sympathy with empathy. And, if people made a facial expression or something, I just thought, “people aren’t used to someone who is as honest and forthright as me. I’m so honest. Aren’t I refreshing?” 🙂
But, it’s also not like I was necessarily running around advertising my low empathy all the time either. Additionally, the people closest to me — sister, best friend, husband — were all also raised by narcs and have low empathy too.
Hi Healing!
It’s nice to see another person with NPD here that is also willing to share the inner process and healing journey. I know, as I have said to HG, getting treatment for NPD is a courageous journey not got the faint of heart. I would love to hear more about how you discovered you had NPD and your ongoing treatment. I think you said on your blog that you are in CBT treatment, correct? Only share if comfortable of course!
Best,
Indy
Always glad to meet another self aware narc! My therapist suggests CBT and mindfulness, but our sessions are mainly talk. I do kind of a mix of anything that works for any given situation and am still experimenting as I go along. What have you found works for you?
I discovered my NPD after landing in therapy for deep depression. Vowed to myself I was going to get to the bottom of why I felt the way i did my whole life, because I was tired of living this way. It took about 8 months of therapy before becoming self aware. It was lots of little breakthroughs until the big one. First I realized I was low empathy, then realized I had attachment issues (reactive attachment disorder as a child). That helped me make the jump, because RAD turns into a cluster b in adulthood. Thinking that narcissists can’t become self aware actually held me back because I believed narcs can’t become self aware it grow, and I was growing, so I couldn’t be one. That false thinking is what inspired me to write my blog because I think misinformation like that is holding back a lot of other people who could be healing.
Hi Healing from NPD,
Thank you for sharing this and impressed at the work you are doing! Keep at it, I wish you well on this tough journey.
I do not have NPD, I am recovering from a recent relationship I broke off that likely has a mixture of NPD with anxiety and binge drinking disorder. Not formerly diagnosed, though he fits the pattern to a T. I have some attachment issues myself that I have worked on in therapy along with a long standing history of depression and co-dependency and it appears I am this thing called an “empath” as well, according to HG. I am a therapist as well that practices CBT and DBT with heavy mindfulness components.
Best,
Indy
Hi Healing. I read your article about putting your cat through the narc cycle – from golden period to discard. That was funny!
I am not a licensed clinician but the fact that you can picture yourself in your cat’s ‘shoes’ and understand her struggle makes me question your NPD diagnosis.
I thought narcs were completely void of empathy. But I sense you have it. More so than you give yourself credit for.
Hg, it seems to me that you are color blind☺😊
It is a joke…of course…
I wish you a rainbow day…
Shame because You love colours, art, autumn … You could do more than that… actually if You wanted You could be Van Gouge…. Am I right dear G.?
Do you feel any comradery toward your fellow narcs HG?
Do you behave narcissistically on this blog?
Curious…,
No I don’t feel any camaraderie towards them Dawn.
I do in the sense that I am pleasant, polite and charming to people as I am to (nearly) all outside of this blog, when first meeting people.
I don’t because of the application of the five rules.
Thank you for the application of the five rules, HG. My head would be on a plate complete with an apple or something more sinister stuffed into my mouth…100% sure of it. It probably is and I don’t even know it…yet, right?
1Jaded1, hahahah…he’s a sociopath, not a psychopath. He will have your GPS on a platter before he ever gets near your head. LOL Right, King of Hearts?
Correct.
That is an honest question, HG. Will you provide an honest answer? We are in the safe zone here…right? My mouth would be stuffed with something and my head propped on a plate, right?
I don’t follow the question. Are you asking if the five rules did not apply, your head would be on a plate, caused by me?
It was a bad figure of speech. Of course you wouldn’t commit such a crime. I like how Indy puts it better. The crux is that I’m sure I push you past your limits.
Not at all 1jaded.
I have to trust you…at least in here. Reminds me of another riddle. In the outside world, we will never meet.
From my experience, all is black and white when it suits the narc, when the empath is held accountable. The other way round, when the empath holds the narc accountable for words and actions, all of a sudden, there is no black and white, there is a lot of grey.
This made me fly into a rage in an instant, and I would not let go once enraged until both of us were exhausted. Ambiguity is a favourite tool in the narc’s toolbox, used to wiggle himself out of difficult situations. These days, when I ask a yes/no question and I get anything but a ‘yes’ or a ‘no’, I think to myself: ‘don’t worry, I will make the decision for you!’. You simply have zero tolerance for BS in your life once you have encountered a narc. And that is a blessing!
I dunno if what the narc does is ever ambiguous. We just dont want to see it for what it is because we’ve been conditioned (usually willingly) to let them define our reality. Helluva responsibility to give to someone, as we learn when we must take that perspective back.
Yes. That’s so true and interesting. He could not do grey. Everything had to be black and white. I could never understand this. HG why is this?
The reasons are expounded in Why Does He Blow Hot and Cold FL11, it is all part of creating contrast to provide fuel.
It is a cognitive distortion (A. Beck & A. Ellis) that forcibly closes the reality into two rigid categories.
This creates problems when you close the other in these two boxes, the reality is colorful and sooner or later whoever is closed comes out in force, even at the cost of injury (when already being locked up has created great wounds).
Nice insight Noah! Indeed, the world is a beautiful spectrum that cannot forever be placed into two rigid categories. So many other creative and flexible perceptions are missed when engaging in this thought distortion ❤️
Thank you Indy! You’re right, who perceives the world in black and white loses all the beautiful spectrum that is own of the world, but it is just a symptom of his black and white emotive world. If you are inside of you only 2 colours you can perceive and interpret the world with what is yours
Did you ever read the 50 shades series? *shudders as I type that*.
It was an honest question. I see I’m getting ST. That is one series I never touched and never will….ever.
1jaded do not mention that abomination in my presence! You rightly shudder. The book that was written for people who do not usually read books. Absolute shite.
Shite? ..does that mean you read it? I couldn’t and wouldn’t. Someone wanted me.to see the movie…she tricked me into seeing the trailer. Bleach for the eyes. I told her I would watch if she would watch 12 hrs of horrorthon. No deal.
Abomination is one word for it.
I read the first chapter. I also spoke to female friends who have good book tastes who had been tricked into reading it and utilised their forthright opinions about how utterly dire it is.
The trckery.
Have you read Sex and the Narcissist, Jaded1? I haven’t yet…trying to get the courage up for it.
I haven’t read the 50 shades series either…not planning on it.
Read Sex and the Narcissist Indy, I want your observations.
Given that it is an assignment from you, I will down load it to my iPad tonight. Just for you. If I have nightmares, I will have to put you on the naughty step!
I am obliged.
I have a Naughty Throne. Naturally.
I am sure you do! Is yours gold like trumps or more elegant, of dark woods, etc. Or perhaps it is modern…cold, sleek and steely. Um, the Throne.
It is gold and Tyrian purple, infused with the souls of those who have fallen under my spell.
Plus if I flick a switch there is a cool hatch which opens with a selection of fine wines for me to imbibe as I consider my next move.
I like the hidden wine compartment. What wine or wines do you like or recommend? And don’t say whine.
I have finished my assignment, you naughty man!
I actually highly recommend Sex and the Narcissist. Not sure if you received my feedback I sent earlier this week, though I am guessing it is in moderation. In the off chance that you did not receive it, I am letting you know it was well worth the read and have several observations.
I also dolloped the feedback I sent with well deserved praise regarding observations of yours that impressed me, given you are not in the field of psychology formally. They could have been written by a psychologist. Your observations on sex and sexuality and revelations on how your kind use it is quite deep. I also appreciated the well spiced appetizers sprinkled in there as well. Nice.
Thank you Indy, I appreciate that. There are a number of posts awaiting moderation so your earlier comments will see the light of day in due course.
I haven’t, Indy.
It’s black or white, love or hate, hot or cold.
There’s no in between.
You’re either on one side or the other, there’s no middle ground.
We know who inspired this. Yay. Generally, I don’t either…or didn’t. ISTJ…the other traits are seeping in. Or maybe they were always there. Who knows?