The Bare Necessity
I didn’t ask for this you know. I know you did not either but for once let’s not make this about you and let’s talk about me, yes? I never asked to be created so that each and every day I must gather the fuel that is necessary for my existence. Yes, I must eat, I must drink water and I must breathe the air, just as you do, but for me I have another staple requirement of daily living. I must have fuel. Did you choose to always needs food and water? No, you did not. Neither did I. I did not choose to require this fuel either but without it I will cease to exist. What I have created in order to survive in this world will come toppling down and that will be the end of me. How far would you go to eat? At first it is simple enough is it not? You go to the grocery store or you order online from the supermarket and acquire the ingredients to make a meal or receive a pre-cooked one. You chop, you peel, you mash and you stir and you make that meal. A hundred thousand different recipes to choose from. Instead you may remove the packaging, pierce the cling film and pop it in the over or the microwave. Either way you have food, ready to eat and to sustain you. But what if you had no money to acquire this food, how would you quell the rumblings in your stomach? Perhaps you might ask to be given food from neighbours, from food banks or left overs at supermarkets. It is demeaning but you need to eat don’t you, so what does a little pride matter so long as your stomach is filled? However, what if that charity ends? What if the benevolence of friends and neighbours dries up? What would you do then? What if there are no friends and no neighbours? Would you look to survive on berries you find by the roadside, drink the water from a stream? Would that sustain you for long or would you tire of that? Would you scavenge through the bins outside a supermarket for food that has been thrown out but is perfectly edible? Is that stealing? Perhaps not. Would you cope with the stares of pity and disdain from those who saw you surfing a dumpster?
Would you steal from the shops in order to quell the hunger pangs? Snatch a loaf from a bakery, sneak into a house and steal that cooling pie or rifle through the cupboards in order to find something to eat. What if there is no edible food in the dumpster, would you remove the mould and eat what you find, risking illness? What if the supermarkets ran out of food and there was nowhere to steal it from? Would you scavenge from the orchards until that fruit ran out? Would you catch fish or hunt a lamb or grab a chicken in order to cook and eat it over an open fire? What if the usual sources of meat began to vanish, having fallen prey to starving wild animals following the collapse of civilisation, what then? Would you try new sources? Would you, driven by hunger hunt down and eat a sparrow or a robin? How about an owl? Seagull? Would you slaughter a fox in order to eat its meat? Where would you stop? Would you eat another human being in order to survive? When needs must where would you draw the line? How far would you go to feed yourself and your loved ones? Begging, growing you own, stealing, savagery, cannibalism? Do you have a limit or when the chips are down and your stomach is knotted with the agony of starvation would there be no limit? How far would you go? Would you fight another person for a packet of rice? Beat someone up in order to steal their hoard of windfalls? Would you consider their loss of their food source and their injuries an acceptable consequence of your own necessary survival? Would this become collateral damage in the pursuit of survival? Abhorrent as it may sound, I should imagine, when the need really arises, that you would go beyond the unpalatable in order to survive.
Now replace food with the need for fuel and you will understand that I have no choice other than to gather this fuel from different sources and in different ways throughout the course of each day. The consequences which arise may seem regrettable to you but they are purely the result of this need for me to gain fuel. I did not ask to have to do this, but the way I have been created makes it so. In the same way that you would fight to ensure your own survival, rather than curling up and dying in a hole, so must I. Does that make me what would be regarded as a bad person for just doing what I need to in order to exist? I suggest that it does not. I know that what I do has consequences for others. I am not blind nor am I a fool. I understand fully the devastation that I cause as I tear through someone else’s life like a whirlwind, sucking everything in, hurling it about and then discarding it broken and shattered. I have heard the complaints, the stories, the recollections and the accounts. I have heard the cries of dismay, the wails of misery, the screams of terror and the slow sobs of pain. I know what is caused by my actions but what choice do I have? I do not set out to achieve these things but they must always arise as a consequence of what I must do.
I feel no guilt nor remorse. I am devoid of those emotions. Another consequence of the way I have been created. I feel no shame in these actions, no pity for those who suffer from my behaviours and no sense of empathy for those who are remorselessly cut down by my machinations. I am not burdened by such emotions so I do not toss and turn at night, I do not have my sleep peppered by nightmares of torment, I do not sit in anguish and seek absolution for everything I have done and everything that I am to do. Those concepts are not applicable to me. What I do is invite you to understand me. I want you to understand what I am, what I must do and what arises from this and if you were in my shoes then you would do the same. This does not make me a bad person does it? I am a good man who is having to do a bad job. Yes?
32 thoughts on “The Bare Necessity”
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HG, I agree that this post is one of your best. Consider that it is entirely possible that you have been saddled with all this for the sole cosmic purpose of enlightening us and your painful, complex journey is merely a means to that end. Perhaps you are our Jesus. As a narcissist, I’m sure this comparison will be ego syntonic. Thanks for your insights, always.
Thank you Laurie, I am pleased you found the post of such interest. If you want me to be your Personal Jesus be my guest.
A great post with powerful analogy but I have confusion.
” I never asked to be created so that…….”
” What I have created in order to survive…..”
They seem to contradict one another (I never asked vs I created)
Also: survive in which world? The ACTUAL world as most know it or the one you navigate with YOUR rules?
You dont “set out to acheive these things”?
Do you not maintain that you are always in control, get the outcome you desire, are the doer and not the done to?
You refer to “having to do a bad job”. A job infers choice and there are many ways to tackle a job.
Yes we must have food but we are responsible for choosing food that nurtures us or is detrimental and the outcome of that choice.
Now to the real confusion:
You created the construct, facade and need to maintain it no?
You decide to keep the creature imprisioned yes?
So who do you task with you being this way?
Who do you level causes you to seek fuel for that which has been constructed and keep the creature imprisoned?
And finally:
If you were born this way then of what signifigance your Mothers actions?
If it is the result of the way you were treated and what has happened environmentally, then why have we all who have endured that (and not to lessen your experience but in some cases worse) turned to the method you have.
These are not meant as criticism or to wound but I truly want to understand and only trust you with the answers.
Thanking you in advance and with much respect,
NarcAngel
HG. I have watched the man i married hunt for months. We are separated of course, buy this is a pretty perfect dictation of what i gathered about the hunting need that i have seen. You may not like this kind of referencing on your post, but i have a lot of questions regarding this. And since you are willing to be honest… this is how demons survive. This is the exact depiction of satan himself and how “as a roaring lion walketh about seeking whom he may devour” and he “seeks to kill, steal, and destroy.” The devil was the original Narc. The spirit in which you all operate is that of “The father of narcs” one and only satan himself. I know the man i married had severe abandonment fears b/c his mother abandoned him. The devil is drawn to and powered by fear. The mim also had connection to occultic things as a young teen as many have. Idk the story of your past, i have seen others reference it, i need to read it if you have it written, but w/ most narcs if not all, do they have a root of severe fear/trauma? And have you or you noted that they have had encounters w/ any occultic connection in earlier years? If i need to pm you, let me know how.
OMG….. one of your best posts ever! I always feel pity for your kind:( you did not choose to have this kind of life. But at the end of the day, what a sad life to have… It is so tiring and draining
This post has caused me confusion. More than a few questions have come to my mind with need for clarification. But this is a day (by now evening) for celebration so I will try to assemble my thoughts for another day. I will keep reading in hopes that I will come across the information you have undoubtedly covered previously and spare you having to repeat it yet again. Party on Tude!
Excellent analogy!
While you do recognize what you do that hurts others (this is a choice how you do it), I cannot disagree with you. You are absolutely right in the sense that you were gifted this curse by nature and it is not your fault that the ones, who could have possibly changed your life course, chose to chastise you and encourage the growth of the very seed that they planted.
The choices you make are yours and yours alone, just because your emotional connection does not function like mine does not mean that you should be cast out to the wolves. It would be nice if you could choose to make decisions with regards to others feelings but how can you when you do not really know our feelings.
I always love the visual I get from your perspective. You paint a clear picture for us.
I do agree with Jaimie on how you are a prisoner. My ex believed that too. She was stuck inside her brain and her false self and is never going to be able to get out. I think about you HG and the resources and knowledge and understanding that you have of your kind and can’t help but to believe that you can be THE ONE to re work something inside yourself and come out on the other side. My ex won’t come even close to succeeding. I will always have empathy for her.
I talked about the wiring in her brain a lot. I have been in many discussions about brain waves and what goes on up there. For my son he was wired the way he is and that’s it. He grows everyday but his brain is what it is. It’s not his fault just like you, but I’m hoping that you will be able to force some changes in your brain that will work for your advantage. I don’t want you to wake up everyday and have that routine of yours and have to walk through the day thinking we are all traitors.
I I do respect you HG. I don’t think of you as a bad man.
Touché. 😕 I’ll keep reading…
That’s right, I’m not a bad person…I’m simply very good at doing a bad job (a job I didn’t ask for, but was appointed to, nonetheless)
A few words..
I also think that morallity is a relative thing, depend on circumstances, which means thay each person has their own compas of morallity( if it has) and it contantly changes. For example…The rain…..the rain does not intend to be good or bad, it just is. But man is the one who will give meaning. In this context it is not important neither the question nor the answer. I think that morality should not be in the same place as the love, it’s a different thing. Personally ,I dont belive that you or I are made as we are, I think that is far from truth, there is much much more to explore( my opinion).
But whay Hg at the end of article question ” YES?”
Are you not sure what you wrote?
Yes?
P.s. keep up the good work
Indeed, H. The photo is lovely 😊
Crying. This is heartbreaking. I am so very sorry…yet you are not.
Quite possibly one of the best posts yet, HG, and that is saying a lot because there are so many bests.
That is the thing about us – we are either born this way, created, or a mix of both. It is not something you can turn off and on at will. I cannot stress that enough – the way we are is not something we can change at the flip of a switch. It is impossible. And anyone who says otherwise does not have a clue what they are talking about.
It is a way of life. A way of survival. And, whether we are born this way, created this way or a mix of both, it is not our fault that we have become what we are.
We are so conditioned that is the only way we know how to function. And, although the things we say and do hurt others, we are incapable of feeling remorseful or bad about it. In fact, we crave the hurt, the tears, the broken heartedness, the chaos and the destruction. For some of us, destruction of others is the absolute end game. For others, it is a consequence of trying to find The One who will not let us down and being disappointed when he or she inevitably does.
I for one am quite happy with the way I am and I do not wish to change anything at all. I made that clear in therapy. For me, there is no hope for anything else no matter how self-aware I become.
I despise the way your mother treated you, HG. It infuriates me to read about what she did to you.
But at the same time, I adore you just the way you are because in my eyes, you are perfect. You always were. And it is not your fault that she could not see that.
How do you know about what HG’s mother did to him? I’d like to read that. I’m new to these sites so trying to figure it out. Also, you mentio there is no hope for change for you. Are you a narcissist as well?
This is a very powerful description of the anguish you feel… reading this, my heart aches for you… no one deserves to live in such pain.
Food is a necessity, and most people would probably do anything to eat. Fuel however, is not a necessity, it is a drug. Your drug. You were not born an addict. You became hooked on it as a small child. Your mother fed you this drug little by little, and no one had the guts to stop her. By the age of around 8, you became a full-blown addict. You have been conditioned by her, brainwashed, and you have been reenacting her behaviour patterns ever since.
You are her puppet, in fact, and she is your puppet master!! If you continue like this, SHE WILL WIN, HG!! Do you want her to win?! Or do you want to break free from this prison she created for you, and discover who you REALLY are? The man you were meant to be all along, the best version of you?
I tend to disagree once you rid yourself of the fake self and become the self u were meant to be before the walls went up you wont need fuel the same way. Its like with borderlines they need to learn to be ok with themselves and rely and enjoy who they are without outside valudations. Its scary and terrifying to change. When u have a brain that lacks empathy the motivation isnt there which is a hurdle. However if autism and brain damaged patients can rewire the brain so can ppl with disorders. I really do believe this. Its about doing things differently and your blogs are just that 🙂
I agree ! It’s a form of gas lighting to make me believe you can’t help it -in the majority of cases it’s a matter of free will choice -choosing evil is a choice -there are exceptions however and in scripture it states some are vessels created from the womb -vessels fitted for destruction -hats to comprehend but if your one of those than your wicked from the womb -I have a hunch that this is not the case though -you willingly choose fuel and the mask and the consequences are evil to others
Holy shit, you sound just like my ex the last time we spoke in November.
Me: “I’m okay, how are you?”
Him: “Still hunting.”
Me: “How’s your field mice doing? Fulfilling?”
Him: “Not at all, I’m starving.”
Me: “Something tells me you’re not starving.”
Him: “Nothing is you, let’s put it that way. I can’t live on crackers. I need a meal. I need you.”
I feel for you, HG. I really do. You didn’t ask for this daily addiction for survival. It’s like a life sentence when you did nothing wrong to deserve it. A prisoner inside your own self. I can’t even begin to imagine that hell.
Well put Jamie.
but is it hell? It feels like a good life – hurting other people.. the N (well I think he is an N) I knew never cared – he told me, when we end you will be a wreck and I will be off and I didn’t believe him – this happened! Of course I now feel the woman he is with is the love of his life and he will be everything to her that he wasn’t to me (his third girl this year) but I dont think there was an overlap so no cheating there! Anyway, the point being – you dont go through hell. You are always in control. As he always said – it will go as I want – it always does.
Oh my Jamie! so very well put… that’s why I feel so much for Him because it is NOT his fault… Although he could sometimes try and choose lesser evil, just a bit… bit by bit…
Well I would almost be impressed at your dedication to obtaining fuel and indeed you may have had a harder time of it in the beginning, but now that you are an Elite and have honed your craft, YOU ORDER TAKE AWAY AND IT’S DELIVERED!!!
When I finish laughing I promise to be impressed by the plight and dedication of your Lesser brethren.
My ex used to say to me… I’m not a bad person really am I?
I used to say…. no your not.
I just believed he needed the love he didn’t get as a child and that would fix him. My love could cure him.
On reflection, I now believe that he is a bad person because he thrived on crushing me.
He is the epitome of evil.
I was suckered in by the wounded little boy act and it’s cost me heavily because 17 years of my life have been flushed away.
HG, I understand conceptually “lack of empathy” or being void of empathy not just with your kind but with other types of individuals as well (ASD, victims of childhood sexual abuse, some w/ TBI, etc etc). What I am still having trouble understanding is that a narc w/ high level intelligence, like yourself, even w/ out empathy…can’t you intellectually respond or intellectually understand your actions? Isn’t it possible to modify the severity if you evaluated your behaviors intellectually since you are not capable of doing it emotionally?
Again, I understand the lack of empathy logically. I have wrapped my head around it and have just come to accept it in the way someone may not have a sense of touch or sight or hearing. It is just not there.
Also, this is one of your best posts..
Thank you Miss P.
This reminds reminds me of that song from Jungle Story!
Question: do you try to change? Do you say, ok new love, new relationship – I will try and not do XYZ but end up failing? Also, have you ever been in love?
No. I am governed by the need for fuel, that is what dictates my responses.
I once upon a time thought it was love but having analysed and discussed it at length, I now know I was not in love. I do not know what that is, from my perspective.
This is one of your best posts HG!