Prince Alarming
“Some day my prince will come.”
“I need a knight in shining armour to come and rescue me.”
“Where is my Prince Charming?”
These are familiar comments and they all arise as a consequence of the myth that has been created and perpetuated. It is well established that my kind and me create an illusion (read Power of Illusion on this blog for more) . Have you considered the fact that we are just giving you what you expect? We are saying what you want to hear, doing what you want to see and complying with a pre-conceived notion of how relationships ought to be? How has this idea been formulated? Who created the concept of the happy ever after? Was it the Brothers Grimm or Hans Christian Andersen through the fairy tales that they wrote or were they just recording something which had existed orally for centuries before as they added a new gloss to the fairy tale? Maybe we should blame Hollywood for its depiction of how love conquers all and the hero saves the day by dashing to aid the stereotypical damsel in distress. The number of films in which that happens is numerous. Richard Gere appears in his limousine to woo Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman, in Love Actually, Hugh Grant goes door to door in search of the tea lady Martine McCutcheon and in The Matrix Trilogy even the kick-ass feisty Trinity is masterfully caught by Neo to prevent her falling. In Rear Window,James Stewart rescues Grace Kelly, in the unusual Wild At Heart, Nicholas Cage (playing Nicholas Cage) comes to the assistance of Laura Dern at a metal gig and who can forget Shrek where an ogre goes hell for leather to beat Prince Charming of all people and gain the hand of Princess Fiona. I am sure you can think of many more examples. There are thousands of instances of this stylised concept of romance and love. Certain films dedicate the entirety of the production to it. Others have a different subject matter but still the concept remains. Luke Skywalker went to rescue the Princess trapped in the Death Star. Clint Eastwood helped the young lady in Pale Rider and she fell in love with him although he left her (was that a cowboy discard perhaps?) and even uber narcissist James Bond gives the Bond Girl her slice of heaven for a few screen minutes. Everywhere you look the idea of romance and the knight in shining armour is reinforced. Pop songs, advertisements (once upon a time a man would go to great lengths just to deliver a box of chocolates to his paramour in the Milk Tray ad) , greetings cards, magazines, newspapers, sitcoms, novels and so on and so forth. The airbrushed, photoshopped, sweeping soundtracked and every sense heightened message is driven at you each and every day. There is a dashing hero (or heroine) out there who will save you and treat you like a princess (or prince).
This is the message that is all around you. This is what you have been raised to expect. Someone will save the day and sweep you off your feet. Everything is going to be alright. You will have your happy ever after. It is hardly surprising that you have bought into this master illusion. Who would not? It is all pervading and virtually impossible to resist. It appeals to that deep-seated desire to be cared for and protected and this is done by maintaining a myth that someone should arrive on a white charger, armour gleaming to pull you from the clutches of the evil troll or moustachioed villain.
“I need a hero” sang Bonnie Tyler and then she laid down the criteria required for said hero to attain. I do not recall her mentioning a steady income, being handy with a paintbrush and making a nice cup of tea. Instead she, along with countless others, generate an ideal and you bought into it. You want the fairy tale. I understand it. Why would you not when all around you, you are being told that this is the way it should be. Who would not want that sensation of being swept off their feet, romanced and made to feel wonderful. And who says we do not provide it? There is no denying that when our kind come along we invariably pick you up in a marvellous whirlwind of love, attention and affection as we suck you into an illusion. Where does the fault lie? Is it us that are to blame for creating this construct to draw you in? Is it your fault for falling for the myth and casting common sense aside for wanting the unattainable? Or does the blame lie elsewhere? Is it those that created and not maintain this illusion? If it is those in this latter category that have created this monster that you believe in and we merely comply with, then the question becomes this. Who are they? Are they your kind or our kind?
42 thoughts on “Prince Alarming”
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HG, thank you. I am reading ‘Fury’ right now.
Good, you will find it useful.
Yes that is the trap… I’ve grown up watching Titanic, Dirty Dancing, Ghost etc etc… music is my life too always has been … Pink Floyds … Sinatra… and milion more… but funny enough why have I always (since teenage years ) been drawn to the bad disrespectful guys… well I didn’t know any different. .. I felt uncomfortable when someone was kind and nice and caring…. At some point back then that made me feel sick (I remember one episode at age 16 when I told my friend :”I am with this amazing loving caring guy who’s family loves me and mine adores hom and yet I feel nearly sick because he is so inoccent and sweet and ALWAYS helpful… I don’t understand why it bothers me..m”) I was very soon entangled with a N1 not knowing who he was….I’ve been cleverly taken away by N1 from this empathic guy… and he was the first one who conditioned me for long 8 years.. then there was another one…. only 5 months of nightmare but very damaging… and now is my N3…. I do not know any other life anymore… I’ve been damaged as a child and I will stay that way … I think I do not mind anymore….as now I know who I am and have no abilities or reasons to change….
I think its hollywood a big part of it and whats considered powerful and attractive. Its all individual perspective. Some women love the villian and thinkthey can change them into prince charming. When we see books like 50 shades romanticized it only influences more what sexy and powerful is.you mix that with personality disorder like borderline and poof match made in hell. Any woman or man that truely had proper self respect would run the other way and know what lasts in life. Not a fleeting passion filled narc romance but something much more deeper that holds positive virtues.
I seen this very instance with my friend who just died of cancer at age 34. Her husband stood by her for 4 yrs thru it all and that to me is my knight and shining armour. Now to find him lol
There’s a point in time when we reach and truly accept the conclusion the …the Knight in Shining Armor is really an asshole in tin full of shit! No offense HG …you have far surpassed any label, as you have been instrumental in evoking clarity that has been our saving grace.
The hardest choice is choosing to keep trying and live in a fake world with the narc feeling so alive and feeling every aspect of life and keeping hope that one day they will treat you right
Or
We choose to live in the real world which doesn’t involve the narc and feel empty bored and plagued with fatigue , suicidal and hopeless .
It’s no wonder we give into the hoovers so many times .
Both of our Kind HG…for I fear that both halves yes may very well get our first glimpses into this “Happily ever after” heaven the same as everyone else on this planet just as you describe in the ways you describe.
That’s how it starts for us all, but I do believe that both the Narcissist and the Em-path take this so much further than the average normal person as we know we / they do.
Firstly because both types are not the average types and are more susceptible to this type of magical thinking as we know.
Because of this and stemming from this, during the abuse and because of the abuse we desperately want to be somewhere else in every sense, as well as be someone else when we are younger…anyone… other than who we are or have them be anyone but who “they” are and along with that goes where we are, and having to experience what we are…and as we suspect it to be…with no end in sight.
It becomes a coping mechanism a way to control no different than religion in that it keeps the masses from really knowing that there is really nothing out there…and nothing is ever going to change for you unless you change it yourself… but you see…all of these traitors = parents, priests, teachers,lovers, leaders…they all want you to play for that team of hope.
lol …oh brother, The ” great White hope”.
Everything will come to you, everything you desire, everything you deserve…
If you just keep striving, or when you are not looking, or if you are always this or that…it will happen…conform conform conform…no wonder we all lived in a fantasy world at times and we had no problem believing it, or falling for it…trouble is…so do they…we both believe we are the answer to each others prayers…we both fall for it…it is no wonder then that for a brief magical moment in time………..we are… neither is able to sustain the fantasy as they come from two different sets of reality…but for a time…reality does not exist for either… which makes for the perfect backdrop to fantasy…
I believe if we saw the Real Person behind the mask, we would find Mister Tudor shockingly dangerous, dark, cunning, manipulative, and sinister [with all due respect to Mister Tudor!] But, we have not seen behind his mask. Just my thoughts, of course! We only see what he wants us to see. [Again, this is only my opinion, and not a personal put-down. Indeed, the side he shows is very kind, sweet, helpful, and lovely]. We cannot fully fathom those whom we cannot actually know. But, this is for all Sociopaths and Narcissists, not only Mister Tudor, per say.
<3 <3 <3
Thank you, Mister Tudor, for your kindness displayed to us.
You are welcome and also correct.
You are correct. Did you read ‘Sex and the Narcissist’? HG cuts out nude body parts from pictures of his discarded ex-gf’s and puts each body part into a different box. He then mixes and matches these pieces into a new picture, into a scrapbook with pics of porn stars, and it makes him feel powerful😖
No, PTSD, I have not read this book. I do not wish to do so, now, anyway. I think it is time for me to move onto healthier interests, and more wholesome hobbies/addictions than this blog- no offense to HG. But, I in the end, being on this blog will not be something I will have considered an important way that I spent my limited time here on earth. Besides, it’s all very triggering to me.
Oh! I’m sorry to see you go Forgiven. Pls reconsider. All the best to you❤️
Thank you very much, PTSD <3 Your kindness means a lot to me. I will reconsider. I do enjoy chatting and is a stress reliever for me, as long as I do not get too terribly triggered. <3
Oh i am so happy u might stay! We all need each other here. I just texted my narc and he told me he hates the world and all people in it. I asked ‘including me?’ and he said ‘sorry.’ I assume that means yes. He never gives a straight answer. Well i started shaking when he said that. For the past two months he’s been so kind (out of depression). HG, do narcs always feel angry and hatred towards everyone inside? I feel like crying😢
There is a churning fury that is always there. read Fury to understand more about this.
This is so weird, PTSD…the very first narc I was with use to say that all the time! He would say to me, “I am so afraid for you out in this world that someone is going to hurt you because you are so vulnerable and naive. I hate this world. I just really HATE this whole world!” They all do so much the same things 🙁 I suppose it’s good in a sense that they do so that we can try to learn who to stay away from. If there were no similarities, we would never know. It’s already difficult enough.
Wow! Yours hated the world too? Yes they are all so similar. Creepy almost…
I hope you feel better, PTSD, and will feel like smiling soon <3
Thank you.
Sorta reminds me of something a young teenager might do to get his jollies.
But, I do not hold blame for you, Mister Tudor, as I have my own faulty issues and behaviors… [Of course, I am not implying you are displaying a faulty behavior; I just mean to say that sometimes jollies can seem because..]
She thought she had found her prince,
but he turned out to be a dreadful frog;
He told her she was his sweet princess,
but he treated her worse than a rabid dog.
When she told him the relationship was over,
he became vicious and smeared her name;
It further validated her reasons for leaving him,
and she could finally see all of his toxic shame.
His Red Flags had been shown to her early on,
and viewed by her very clearly in this dance.
But, she chose to hide from every one of them,
because being in love put her in such a gratifying trance.
But, now she is so much stronger;
She is cloaked with the armor of self-love and respect.
She figuratively boils every new frog she meets,
and makes sure the past ones do not return to reinfect.
Forgiven
Prince alarming, no I dont see you as that
Dangerous, Dark, Suductive, Mysterious, Alluring to name a few.
Yet I do like standing on the edge, one day i may learn to fly.
I do not find you alarming.
Prince Disarming, is more like it.
For obvious reasons.
So true.
👏
I was just thinking about this yesterday.
getting into a commitment with a narcissist is like getting into a cage with a lion.
The lion looks like my cat at home, how can he be mean?
Having a narc aquaintance or reading these article is like visiting the lion for a moment.
Well put.
thanks
My ex looks like an angel crystal blue eyes and sandy blonde hair . He laughs so much and smiles a lot. His voice is like no other and he has a quirky and yet boyish innocence to him but …..
I have seen his eyes bulge and go black and I have heard his voice become so dark and hollow . In times of stress he is calm and I have walked by him and literally felt his darkness and emptiness . He could make me cold in the summer when I felt his energy .
Songs and movies don’t inspire love
Love inspires and creates the songs and movies .
Love is real
Which love would this be Starr? I think there are many ways to love and to look at love. I love the fact I have internet so I can be connected to HG’s blog. Just think, in parts of the world, no way could we do this. I am being a pisser now.
Love = appreciation
The love I’m talking about is the highest degree . Loving someone more than yourself meaning when they hurt you hurt when they cry you cry . True love meaning if someone told you either sacrifice yourself or the person you love dies then you without a doubt da rife yourself so the other can live.
This is how I felt for my ex and how I will always feel but I know he will never stop hurting or cheating on me so I had no choice but to walk away and forever feel empty and hopeless for the rest of my days but even through all of the torture and pain I would never take back loving him or being with him . I’m grateful to have loved another even if it did not work out how I had hoped.
This is a love I have felt for my children when they were young. Now that they are adults, I can not say I feel the same. I recall the very first time I felt this deep emotion.
Heck no.
Having children is highly over rated.
I wholeheartedly agree, Starr: love is the most powerful force there is.
I have found that in literature, some of the best love stories were created in a state of despair, borne out of heartache and longing. There is depth to these works *because* of the writers’ suffering… moves me deeply to know that they embraced their pain and transformed it into something BEAUTIFUL. ‘Jane Eyre’ is an example…
Love is powerful and the only reason for living . It keeps us good and it keeps us whole .
Love jane eyre!!
Yes, ‘Jane Eyre’ is one of my favourite books. The lessons to be learned are:
# fight back when you are attacked (as a young girl, she beat her bully cousin, and he deserved every punch)
# know your truth (she stood tall against the supervisor of her boarding school who wanted to brand her a liar)
# stand your ground (she showed empathy but never gave in to Rochester’s manipulations)
# do not give up on your principles and leave if he tries to change you (he was unhappily married, she left when he tried to make her his mistress)
# be and stay true to yourself = the most important lesson! 🙂
Agreed, they are pushing an illusion to make money.
The advertising execs are high up in the company so they must be narcissist or sociopathic to have gotten there. As you said in an interview once.
What is the oldest example of the knight in Shining armour? King Arthur?
Was he created by a narcissistic bard in the medieval age, hmm probably.
Off the top of my head I would suggest Jesus although I am sure there will be an earlier example.
In terms of one in actual armour I daresay Sir Lancelot is the more obvious example, although look what he did to King Arthur.
Yes, I believe there were at least 10 or more Jesus like stories before Jesus. I believe since humans there have been narcs. Why do we think we have the corner on this in todays world. We just have a name for it.
People always have sucked.
ah yes the older stories are a bit more realistic ha
A lot of people in the narc community consider Jezebel a narc, still havent read that story,