Crazed
“We need to talk. Well actually, I need to talk and you need to listen. Here, sit down, there, okay, this isn’t easy and I know you are not going to accept what I am going to say but you must understand that I am doing this for you, for us. I am concerned about well actually it is not just me but I am the one who has noticed more than anybody else, but I guess that is because I am the one who care the most and also since I am with you more than anybody else. I am not the only one, indeed it is because more people have expressed their concerns to me that I have felt moved to do something. It is a difficult subject to broach with you because I know you won’t accept what I have to tell you. I have been doing some reading actually in order to help me to help you because after all it is your best interests which I have at heart. This really troubles me to have to raise this with you and I have nearly done it a few times but I have told myself that I had to give you time and that you might work things out yourself. You have no idea how hard it is to stand to one side and watch the person that you love behaving in this way. I can see you are confused and I should come to the point, it is just difficult to have to do this. Okay, I have become increasingly concerned at your behaviours, as I say, chiefly I have, but so have your family and friends and even a few people at work. It is okay, don’t worry and no, please, don’t interrupt me, you need to hear me out. Nobody is judging you. We all want to help you. We want to give you all the support you need. Sorry, I’m rambling aren’t I? I suppose even now I am hoping that the light will shine and you will tell me that you understand and you know that you need help. There, I have said it. I think you need some help.”
“I can see you don’t understand what I mean and your silence then when I said that speaks volumes. Okay, I am going to have to spell it out. It is your behaviour towards me and other people. It is not acceptable. You know me, I said I would always stand by you and I will but I cannot stand by and do nothing when I see you destroying yourself and your relationship with me, your friends and your family. I can tell you are struggling. We all can. I am not sure what is behind it, I am after all, not a doctor, but I have been doing some reading and spoken to other people and I guess you must be losing your mind or having some kind of breakdown. I know by that shake of the head this isn’t sinking in so I am sorry but I am going to have to just give you the brutal truth. I had hoped this would not be necessary and that you would work with me on this, you know, a partnership to save what we have, but the books did say that you would probably not be able to recognise what is happening to you. That apparently is one of the first thing that goes when your mental health is affected, you cannot see the problem yourself and that is why you keep doing as you do.”
” It is not your fault, well it is because you are the one who is doing it, but it isn’t because I am sure you don’t mean for these things to happen. I know you are a good person, I have seen that and what has been happening recently must be a consequence of some kind of stress of something. I do know the drinking doesn’t help though. Look, it is no good narrowing your eyes and shaking your head when I mention that. I checked the recycling bin and I counted at least 20 bottles of wine for this fortnight and there were three vodka bottles in there. No, don’t point at me, I barely drink, maybe the odd glass of wine with dinner but you have been caning it. What’s that? I put the bottles there? Don’t be silly, why would I do that? Why would I waste good wine by emptying bottles and putting them in the recycling? That doesn’t make any sense does it? No, you have been drinking them. I can see you are struggling to remember and that is part of the problem. Whatever it is that is wrong with you it affects your memory. I have seen it. How many times have you asked me where your car keys are or where the remote control for the television is? Hmm. Numerous times and they are always in the same place. Always. We keep this house tidy don’t we and yet you are asking me where something is when it is always in the same place. I can imagine that must be a bit frightening, but don’t worry I am going to look after you. We all will. “
“You see I have already met with your two best friends and our family and we agreed that you should spend some time in hospital. Money isn’t an issue as we want the best possible care for you and I suspect that the good doctors will know what to do with you and if you have to stay there for a while, well don’t worry, I will keep this ship sailing. I have plenty of people who will rally around and give me a hand so I don’t want you to worry. It is for the best. You see, you have been losing your temper so readily and turning into someone I do not know. This rage. I don’t know where it comes from but all of sudden you just explode and then you start trying to blame me for things that you have done. It isn’t very nice and I try to brush it off but after a while there is only so much a person can deal with. Do you remember last week when you accused me of switching off the oven when you were making some food but then you realised that you had never switched it on? Yes, I can see in your eyes that you remember now. You accused me repeatedly of doing it and even though I explained how it could not have been me because I was busy on a call in the study, you insisted that I had done it. On and on you went, jabbing your finger at me and all because you are losing your mind. I try not blame you for the horrible things you say, I do think you become someone else and you do not realise what you are doing because you never say sorry afterwards and that hurts. Your friends say you are distant with them, they feel like they do not know you anymore and they are more worried about you, well and hurt as well, but once I began explaining to them your catalogue of domestic misdemeanours well they were very understanding and sympathetic. They agreed something needed to be done and they have supported me making enquiries about where we can get you treated. It is fine honestly, don’t worry about so many people knowing about what has happened, there isn’t the same stigma these days with such problems. Everybody has been most supportive of me. They understand how difficult it has been for me in dealing with you these past few months and they have said that if I need anything I am only to ask. It is so good to know that you have that support network is in place. Your family are worried, about us both actually, but they know that I am only doing the best that I can for you and that sometimes one has to show some tough love. I don’t know how long it will be for but they will assess you first of all which will probably take a couple of weeks and we shall see where you go from there. No, no I don’t think you are crazy, goodness me, not at all, it is just something temporary I am sure, but it has gone too far after well, I suppose the less said about that incident last Friday the better. What incident? Really? You know when you broke all the window panes in the green house. No, that wasn’t me, it was you. Hey look, I am trying to help, there is no need to become aggressive, do you see, that is exactly what I am talking about, I am trying to help you and you start reacting. Look I will ring Lee up shall I? He saw you and helped me sort you out. Do I have to ring him, you know he will back up what I am saying don’t you, after all it is the truth. Just calm down, Jesus, this is why I haven’t raised this with you sooner because of how you would react but to be frank, I have had enough and it is precisely this aggression and nastiness and your complete failure to ever admit that you are wrong which has been driving me to despair. Just calm down will you. It wasn’t me. It was you. Stop shifting the blame on to me, that isn’t fair. If you keep going on I am going to call people and do you really want to put on another performance for them? What do I mean another one? You just don’t get it do you? Maybe you are worse than even I realised. Good God, do you really not remember what you did at the party? It was so embarrassing. I would rather not think about it. I did not know where to put myself and neither did the person you were all over. I tried to smooth over it, blame it on medication and such like but the looks I got told me all I needed to know. What do you mean it was the other way around? Please will you stop doing this. You have to accept responsibility for your actions this has gone on for too long. Far too long. Ah, there is the doorbell, that will be the people from the hospital. I have packed a bag for you. Don’t look so alarmed they are here to help you and to give me a break from all this crazy. It is going to be alright, I promise, just promise me one thing that you will try to get better for both our sake’s yes? I don’t want to be driven crazy too.”
30 thoughts on “Crazed”
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This is a very real thing and something I was subgected to. The really crazy thing in retrospect , is that I work in the mental health field and am very educated in personality disorders… what fun he must have had with me. I was fortunate I was able to get professional help for myself and my children and eventually see not only his behaviour, but mine as well. The ” craziness” I felt though after he left, seemed very prominent for a very long time afterwards. He did not work often, did not have any real source of income.I provided for him financially. The house I had bought many years before. Though it was my home, over the years my taste wasn’t good enough and he proceeded to decorate , tear apart, etc turning my once bright cheerful artistic home into his own gothic paradise. of course no progects were ever finished and the disarray only added to the heavy gloominess. Many mornings I couldn’t bear to crawl out of bed and face anything.I had been reduced to a very meek, insecure, anxiety ridden shell of a woman that I had been.i was sick.. my spirit was dead.After I told him to leave I hired a contractor to completely change each and every room.. I wanted no reminders of him.I wanted his world to no longer be mine.Yet I found myself spinning.. can I pick this Color? Can I but these sheets? Are these towels the right shade of blue?Is it clean enough yet? I was frozen. I had constant panic attacks.I felt indeed that I was crazy. But now slowly.. actually rapidly lately… I am trusting myself again. Things are definitely brighter again.Amazing article HG ! Thank you so much!
I became exhausted just reading this, I couldn’t imagine living it. I lived a portion of it for nearly 5 years and would seriously go crazy if I had to live it to the degree in which it’s written here. The saddest part is, there are people out there living it every damn day and night. I pray for those souls!
I have had the opposite experience. I have tried to get him put on a 72 hr hold and it is impossible. I don’t know how you did it but unless they want to go the police won’t do anything. Contempt of courts don’t phase him. They fine him. He has nothing so they can’t do anything about it. Perjury even with proof. More fines. More fueling him. He wants more and more. It is like another notch on his belt. The court system in our country is not prepared for the minds of narcissists. They can manipulate And lie and get away with all of it.
Only on a 72 hr hold to determine whether the patient is a risk to others or to him/her self.
my exhuband told me that if he ever wanted to get rid of me he would just have me committed. He is a cerebral narcissist and I never doubted he could do it. Kept me terrified for years. Lucky for me he is also very lazy and hates change…
The threat of committing a victim is a very real one and repeatedly used.
Hi hg tudor my ex wasn’t verbally abusive or physically, he was my father’s younger best best friend, looked after him while he was dying and he actually found dead the day he was supposed to go into louros, this was a man I’d knew for two before hand (with a mad ex )wasn’t my usual type but after my father dying we became close (team a bonding)then love bombing, I’m a strong female but I see after what I’d been thru he was also mirroring he kept up this pretence for a year,he also didn’t talk to most his children always knew what games he was playing but didn’t know altogether this was a nac, then I got pregnant list the baby and he cheated with his ex,(triangling)by this time I needed him emotionally because some how I thought I needed him , he denied cheating for 6 months, by then I’d found out he was a severe depressive with a coke habit,he never was spiteful or nasty but used emotional blackmail (the kids) his depression as an excuse knowing I care too much as I think I’m am empathise, thought I was going crazy at one point didn’t know what was happening as nothing was logical, reading some of these stories think I got away pretty lightly, still have to do with his children as they had rubbish mothers too, even babysit his granddaughter still, haven’t spoken to him in months but he still tries to get to my thru the children,the latest he’s got bk with the ex he cheated with ( even though he’s gone tia land for christmas without her) there moving in together and trying again, even bought her Christmas presents and took photos to put on the kids fb just to let me know, why after everything I’ve done just leave me alone, like I’ve left them, the ex is a door matt not the brightest woman but she’s to far gone he has no boundaries with her van do say and act has he pleases , he’s had a bad child hood but to totally want to soul destroy someone who’s done nothing but good for you and your kids I don’t get and to want to carry on trying to hurt me I don’t get, these people are soulless,
HG,
have you ever managed to get someone incarcerated in a mental hospital (alleged insanity), or prison (alleged assault, burglary etc.)?
Hi Matilda, good question.
1. Karen was sectioned.
2. Olivia was arrested for stalking and criminal damage. She was fined.
3. A former colleague DT was imprisoned for embezzlement.
4. My cousin Charlotte went to prison for drug dealing. We no longer speak because she is spiteful.
I was doing my civic duty in ensuring the correct outcome for this transgressors.
Hi HG,
thank you for answering the question. For a moment I asked myself if I should have posed that question at all. But I reckon that it is alright with you: if you don’t want to answer, you won’t 🙂
It sprang to my mind because this is a very common problem victims of more sophisticated and malignant narcs have to deal with. It is a problem because neither law enforcement nor medical staff are trained to spot narcissistic behaviour patterns. It is far too easy for narcs to get away with this. They only see her erratic behaviour, but they hardly ever ask themselves WHY, treating her symptoms instead of looking for the root causes, making her a victim all over again.
I expected this answer, as it is what sociopaths do, although there was some hope that you had not gone this far. In any case, it is a good reminder that your kind is dangerous and best kept at a very long distance, if not cut out of our lives completely.
And, they also bring out the very worst in us
Yes , this is a horror movie come true.
Bad feeling in pit of stomach right now.
Yes yes…my mid range has tried persuaying me (unsuccessfully) that I have major problems and am the cause of all failures in the relationship etc claiming .others are concerned about me (close family friends).
Did you actually do rhis to someone HG?
What happened? Was that the end of the primary source? Did she want back?
And what if an empath did this to you..they had better leave the country me thinks..
Thanks for sharing.
Hi Ginger, this was more an amalgam of doing it over a period of time. A reader did point out that it is done more incrementally and that is absolutely right. It is the good old salami slicing technique. I have told primary sources many times they are crazy, I just seem to pick them don’t I? With crazed, this was an abridged version made to seem like one flowing conversation with arose out of my relationship with Karen.
Projection, gaslighting and smearing in one! Its amazing how narcs are able to pull it off and make us not only look crazy but become crazy!
This is such a scary picture!
Think I’m crazy, do you? You’re not the first one to call me that, and like those before you, you’ll find out what happens when you call a woman crazy. What happens is it doesn’t end well for you.
My ex narc started with its not you it me. I want you to stay with me and we will get you a car. I only love you like a brother, I hope you understand, and I pray you stay with me. HG, she must not be as developed as you, or maybe her main source of fuel wasn’t certain yet. Thirty minutes later she ran over me with her vehicle, leaving me bleeding on the ground.
Ran over you? Attempted murder buddy. Her ass would be gone.
So wired by her I failed to call the police as I crawled to the couch, where I laid for two days. Her sister took mercy on me and took me to a clinic for antibiotics. My ex narc never has spoke again.
You still could have filed a report.
Holy hell!
Ah Oh is right L4D. File a report with the police. The clinic you went to has records of your visit.
Happened July 31, 2015. I actually thought she would come back and at least take me to the hospital. I didn’t know I was dealing with a true blue psychopathic narcissist. Here’s the best part, it happened on a Friday evening, she left with my paycheck, no money, and rent due the next day. I lost my job because of the injuries. My head still isn’t right. Every night I have the same dream that wakes me up. I see the back wheel of the Silverado go past my face four inches away and I can smell the rubber of the Goodyear tire as it narrowly missed my head. I have had this dream every night since it happened, unless I stay awake from the fear. I have gone three days without sleep to avoid the dream many times. I am so close to snapping. I have reached out for help but so far without any luck.
Oh my goodness, Left4dead! Have you tried deep relaxing music to fall asleep? You could keep it playing in the background throughout the night. It might distract your subconscious mind enough to chase this nightmare away.
The only music I tend to listen to metal, I am a huge KORN fan.
Well, Korn is not going to help you sink into a peaceful slumber! 😀 😀
For some, nature sounds work, such as waves crashing on the shore… others relax listening to meditation music… think of a place you have been to where you felt at peace, remember the atmosphere of that place, and try to recreate the sounds… it might help 🙂
The nightmare is also a daycare. Three times yesterday. The frequency is increasing. Nothing works for releif at this time. I have stayed awake seventy two hours at a stretch to avoid it, only to sleep three hours and have it happen again. I am giving up.
Oh, H.G. you are so bored. It is interesting to study the kind you are. I don`t believe, that you ever had any other feelings than envy, fury etc .That is an illusion. I think, you are born like you are. There is no natural conscience. It is funny, how you take therapy as a new source of fuel and make money of it. But it is always a decision to be good or bad. I decided to belong to the good ones. But it is much easier to be the bad one. So, you are only taking a really easy way.
Your lying, your coldness is your advantage to get control over people. But that is all. There is no great boy, there is no intelligent person, There is only something, that thinks, it is great and powerful. The power you have, it is an illusion, because it is no real power. It is based on manipulation.
My narc said to me at his last hoovering: “You are equal to me. If we two stay together, we can rule all other people.”
That was very nice of him and too crazy for me. I left him and sent him a message, that I found my dream boy by his help. The last thing I wrote was: I am now too attractive to stay with you. Have a nice life.
I never heard of him again.
Oh, sorry, there are some mistakes in my writing. I only correct one of these mistakes.: You are equal to me. If we two stay together….
Oh, H.G. you are so bored. It is interesting to study the kind you are. I don`t believe, that you ever had any other feelings than envy, fury etc .That is an illusion. I think, you are born like you are. There is no natural conscience. It is funny, how you take therapy as a new source of fuel and make money of it. But it is always a decision to be good or bad. I decided to belong to the good ones. But it is much easier to be the bad one. So, you are only taking a really easy way.
Your lying, your coldness is your advantage to get control over people. But that is all. There is no great boy, there is no intelligent person, There is only something, that thinks, it is great and powerful. The power you have, it is an illusion, because it is no real power. It is based on manipulation.
My narc said to me at his last hoovering: “You are equal to me. If we too stay together, we can rule all other people.”
That was very nice of him and too crazy for me. I left him and sent him a message, that I found my dream boy by his help. The last thing I wrote was: I am now too attractive, to stay with you. Have a nice life.
I never heard of him again.