Love Triangle
Triangulation is a devastating weapon in our arsenal. Whether we are triangulating you as our primary source with another potential love interest (real or imagined), you with family and friends in terms of loyalties and spending time together or even triangulating you with an object (our mobile ‘phone or our flash new car) you will always be triangulated when you entangle with our kind. Triangulation comes in many guises but has two broad categories. Firstly, there is the triangulation which is taking place but you do not even witness it. This is where we may be conducting an affair behind your back and you have no knowledge of it at all. This is still triangulation because we are involving three people in our intimate relationship but you do not witness it and the third party may not know about you either. The second category is where you witness the behaviour. For instance, we spend more time jabbing our mobile ‘phone and talking on it than spending time with you. We may make mention of a particular person (usually of the opposite sex) a lot of the time. We may even tell you that we have been carrying on with someone else because you do not show us enough admiration and appreciation. In such instances, you witness the triangulating behaviour but often you will not actually realise that it is taking place. This is hiding in plain sight. You dismiss it by trying to convince yourself that there is nothing to be concerned about or we may assuage your fears through our usual charm and persuasion. One thing that you can be assured of however is that you will be triangulated during your entanglement with us and it will not just happen the once.
This reliance on triangulation as part of our manipulations is because it is so effective at achieving many things for us. What then, does triangulation achieve?
– It is often easy to implement, e.g. making mention of someone, spending our time playing video games, meeting someone frequently, perking up when a certain person calls round or telephones;
– We gain fuel from two sources out of the same circumstances;
– It underlines our notion of omnipotence since we are able to orchestrate the actions of two people so they compete with one another over us, we are the puppet master jerking the strings of two love rivals;
– It creates uncertainty in one or more of the parties which makes it easier for us to exert control and harder for the party or parties to see clearly;
– It causes the participants to focus on defeating one another in order to win us as the prize and thus they do not realise that we are really the problem;
– It allows a discarded primary source to be smeared with ease;
– It assists the maintenance of our façade.
Accordingly, the act of triangulation serves many purposes which accord with our malevolent agenda.
Why then is it so effective? Again, there are several reasons behind this.
– The addictive quality of our seduction and the golden period is so powerful that it is truly regarded as a prize worth winning;
– The fear of losing someone so (apparently) wonderful, loving and magnificent is too great to bear;
– The fear that someone else might actually succeed with the relationship when you are trying to reach that point. You do not want someone to reap the reward of your hard work and instead you want to win the day, continue to deal with the hardships in order to restore the golden period;
– You feel that you know us far better than the other person;
– You feel that it is your right. You have given everything to the relationship and therefore it is only just and fair that you get to have the relationship. You may have borne our children, helped us through difficulties, lent us money, housed us, dealt with problems for us and you are damned if some Jane-Come-Lately is going to profit from all your hard work.
These are all valid factors as to why the act of triangulation is so powerful and an effective. Yet, let me provide you with another reason, one which is possibly just as powerful as the addictive quality of the golden period. That reason is conditioning.
You are conditioned to think that love triangles are not only fairly common and something that is part of life, but you have been conditioned to think that they are actually rather wonderful and special. This may seem somewhat perverted thinking when you consider the agony and anxiety you experienced or you are experiencing when you are being triangulated, especially with a love rival, but it is a fact. Why is the love triangle scenario seen as something wonderful?
– It gives you the opportunity to prove you love us better and deeper than anybody else and with that comes a powerful sense of self and validation;
– It accords with your belief in the maxim that love can conquer all. You are a love devotee and therefore you believe in and want to see love triumph. When your love sees off a rival, that is the power of true love.
– The love rival is the enemy. This just isn’t you against her in order to win our hearts, it is light versus darkness, good against evil, love versus lust. You are a representative of the powers of light and goodness and you will overcome your dark nemesis. Of course, what you do not realise at the time is that the person you are fighting over is actually your nemesis and we are not going to remove that notion from you.
– It is actually pretty damn hot and exciting. Your senses are alive, you are going to keep our heart/win it back, the tug-of-love although worrying at times also provides you with high-octane excitement, the rush of adrenaline when you score a victory, the elation at seeing us choose to spend time with you and not the other person. This back and forth, push and pull, is regarded as thrilling.
Why then are you conditioned to think and feel in the ways that I have described? Simple. You are surrounded by love triangles. They are throughout history, they are in film, in literature, you see them in the celebrity gossip sections of newspapers, they are commented on in internet forums, they feature on the news, you watch them unfold in soap operas on television and you bought the t-shirt supporting Team Jacob or Team Edward. Or was it Peeta or Gale? You cannot get through the day without seeing or hearing about some kind of love triangle and it is always portrayed in a salacious, exciting, mesmerising and romantic way. Who will triumph? How noble to fight over one person’s heart? However much you may not want to admit it, you know that the concept of a love triangle is alluring and fascinating. You do not often hear somebody declare,
“All three people need to take a long look at themselves, stay away from another and evaluate what is really going on before they continue to hurt themselves and others.”
Of course you don’t. Where is the excitement in that?
You have been fed a daily diet of triangulation throughout your life so you actually regard it as something to be expected and something that excites. In order to prove this point, I have compiled, off the top of my head, as many love triangles as I could think of in literature, film and real-life in just five minutes. Consider the following: –
Literature
Twelfth Night, Dr Zhivago, Dangerous Liaisons, Tale of Two Cities, Lolita, The Great Gatsby, Atonement, The Talented Mr Ripley, Don Quixote, The Count of Monte Cristo, The Age of Innocence, The Phantom of the Opera, The Twilight Saga, The Hunger Games Trilogy, Harry Potter and my favourite Wuthering Heights
Film
Gone With the Wind, Casablanca, His Girl Friday, The Graduate, Oklahoma! Damage, Titanic, Bridget Jones, Closer, Vanilla Sky, Sabrina, Grifters, She’s The Man (Twelfth Night), Indecent Proposal, Being John Malkovich, Fight Club (imagine being triangulated by an imaginary person created by yourself!)
Real Life
Cleopatra, Mark Antony and Julius Caesar (which actually went further as Mark Antony had two wives already)
Helen of Sparta, Menelaus and Paris of Troy
Meg Ryan, Dennis Quaid and Russell Crowe
Bill Clinton, Hilary Clinton and Monica Lewinsky
Liz Taylor, Richard Burton and Eddie Fisher (Taylor and Burton met whilst filming Cleopatra – triangles within triangles!)
Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattison and Rubert Sanders (not only did Sanders also have a wife and kids but Stewart seemingly though her fictional triangulation was not enough and wanted a real-life version too!)
I would be interested to know if you think that any of our kind exist in those love triangles and who it is.
I am sure you can think of many others and please do make those suggestions. This is what I came up with in a short time and it does not end there. You are triangulated by products and advertisers – are you an Xbox player or PlayStation, red or brown sauce on your bacon sandwich, Pepsi or Coca-Cola – on it goes. With such a backdrop of triangulation across society, thrust in your face every day you are consequently conditioned in the way that I have described. You have no chance but to be affected in this way. Accordingly, when our kind comes along, the master practitioners of triangulation, you do not stand a chance.
40 thoughts on “Love Triangle”
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OMG..now I see! This relationship I’ve gotten into. I fell right into the trap, I think. She was his main source, then he got me and although he is telling me to be patient and it will just be us in the end, he maintains the relationship with her. I know about her, she does not know about me. I feel guilty and ashamed to be seeing him while he is still seeing her it doesn’t bother him and keeps trying to convince me that he is truly in love with me but still cares about her. I asked if he even felt guilty about it, he said “no, why would I feel guilty about feeling try love for you?” How can I be so confused about this? why is it so hard to just end it? He said he is not done with her yet. I questioned that statement and all he could say is, yes..I’m not. but wouldn’t elaborate. I wish I could know for sure if it is all just lies and illusion.
Hi HG. I watched today (for the third time I think) Something’s Gotta Give. There is a love triangle there too. I love that film . Find it very funny.
Wish you a good 2017.
Hello Lou, yes it is a good film and best wishes to you for 2017.
Cleopatra, Julius Ceasar, and Marc Anthony.
Cleopatra was the greater narc, controlling both men.
Hallo H.G.
You did ask for an example for Love Triangle.
Here is mine: Picasso, Marie-Therese Walther, Dora Maar.
He is one of the Greater N. I hope, you agree.
Hi Marni…tis a great example to be sure…but alas…you have forgotten his not divorced from him wife…to which the best line I can think of now would be to repeat a very important phrase from the Movie…”there will only ever be one Madame Picasso”…
HG you’ve given all great examples to add to your post.
I am more than familiar with them all.
I would agree that we are all triangulated on a daily basis in many ways all our lives by so many outside influences that would allow this to be an effective tool for us all. Not just for Narcissists.
Anything we are interested in that takes our time and energy away from our N’s makes then feel triangulated as well.
Hence the strong urge / need to get our attention and to dole out punishment for having other interests and distractions.
Richard and Elizabeth !! <3 <3…two of my favorite people.
So in honor of them I would add my two favorites of theirs.
" Whose afraid of Virginia Wolf " and " The Taming of the Shrew ".
I would also like to throw into the mix Stephen Kings :
"Delores Claiborne". ( some of which when turned into a film ) was shot in Maine and here in Nova Scotia.
I would like to know if you have seen these movies and your opinion on them please HG.
Thanks for adding in Dr. Z(H)iva(G)o for me, and you know how much I love Wut(H)erin(G) heights too 😉
Thank you EBS.
have you ever heard of two midrange narcissists consciously playing with one person ( victim ) as a form of triangulation???
hmm may I expect my answer here Sir please one day? 🙂
(Your answer )
Yes.
The thought of HG reading Harry Potter makes me giggle. And you forgot my favorite triangle; Salomé, Freud and Rée!
My ex triangulated me and his mom the whole way through. What was so twisted about it was that he did it as if she was a lover…..and she is a narc/sociopath as well and I felt like she was competing with me like a lover would. They would team up against me and use my son as their pawn. I replaced his sister (who has successfully been No Contact for 8 yrs) as the scapegoat. In the end I saw clearly that my ex was his mothers flying monkey. As she sat piously on her throne he did her dirty work. She orchestrated the smear campaign with the intent of taking my son from me and he dutifully followed her orders. She has a PhD in neuropsychology afterall, she knows exactly what he should say to make me look like the abuser. Unfortunately they underestimated me and the power of an empathic mother’s love. My son and I have a full no contact protective order keeping us safe from them this xmas! He cannot throw our tree out the back door this year!!!
So sorry you endured that 🙁 you sound like a wonderful mother and im so glad you are away from that toxic situation 💓 hope your christmas is a lovely one!
I’d say the Phatom of the Opera is a narc and his repentance at the end is fake. 😜
king Henry VI and his wifes… specially 1st, 2nd, 3r one….
Henry VIII hypnotised, I think Henry VI only had one wife, Margaret of Anjou.
oh yes forgive me probably You are right. English history isn’t my strong point yet. Yet I’ve seen this interesting program about Henry the 8th and his 6 wifes and I thought of narcissist straight away xxx
Oh good ole Hal was one of ours.
btw I wondered why he was so committed to his 3rd wife and asked to be placed next to her after his death … was that because she gave him first son… or because she died so he couldn’t replace her in ordinary fashion… I would be very interested in Your opinion dear Mr Tudor
He loved her the most and because she gave him the son he always craved.
ok he loved her fuel the most…You meant?
No he loved her! Mr. Tudor just gave us a revelation.
Narcs can love!!! 💞
That was a beautiful gift Mr. Tudor 🎁
I always thought henry 8th was a narc. He sure fits the template
King henry VIII is a prime example of the narcissist and time. His last days were not good ones. He had a gangrene leg that was rotting away. No one could stand to be near him bc of the stench and his bad temper. He ended up grossly overweight from binge eating to ease the pains. Definitely karma had paid him a visit
Xbox or PlayStation? Pffftttt… PC Master race.
I am the side supply now. He and I text for hours on end. I know that he did this to me since he is doing it with me. Knowledge is power.
So true. My narc would consistently bring up a woman in our mutual friend group – Linda. He would talk about seeing her at the gym, like her FB posts, and even say he flirted with her to treat her poorly. The signs were all there – I hate how blind I was.
I read this article and almost puked in my mouth a little…
Thanks for
The Education.
I suddenly feel rather naive, but filled with a sense of gratitude and relief I escaped the former situation.
Angelina, brad and jennifer aniston once upon a time. Its very prevalent among celebs.
Ive been accused of triangulating but this has never been intentional. I happen to have a few guy friends and this has caused problems. Never once have i intentionally caused him to think there was anything more. Which there hasnt been. This coming from the narc who has intentionally triangulated me. Hes mentioned women from his past he still talks to and told me intimate details i didnt need to know or want to know.Why on earth mention this unless youre trying to cause jealousy and insecurity. Bingo. It gets us to react. They love us to fight over them bc it makes them feel superior abd gives them a huge ego burst. Meanwhile its a no win situation. Ive accepted part of being with a narcissist is the fact theres other sources of supply and they need it like an injection of drug to help chase away what theyre running from…shame. I no longer get upset bc it is what it is. I dont take it personally either bc im not enough and neither are the others. Ive seen other love triangles tho that have been pretty crazy. Women fighting likes cats fur flying over a man. Its really silly when u step away and look at it with a detached mind
Hi Adele…Im new here and Im just curious if you are still with your N? You said you’ve accepted that being with a Narcissist means that there will always be other sources of supply. Are you speaking present tense or past acceptence to heal? I ask this sincerly and out of respect. I hope it doesnt come across any differently.
I reread your comment and realize you are speaking present tense and that makes me sad. I hope you dont think that your calling in life is giving someone else your goodness and light so they can manufacture evil. Put that goodness and light into someone or something that can reflect it like a prism. Offer your N compassion silently and from a far….you deserve to live!
Hi joy..i didnt take your post the wrong way at all. One thing ive learned thru this experience is to not judge too quickly. I used to hear stories about terribly abused women and think thatd never be me. Physically ive not been abused but emotionally i have and thats just as bad the damage. I do realize i deserve more and its been a process. I have my own set of issues within myself im dealing with and leaving scares me. I know one day ill need to take that step to live my life fully
Oh Adele, you said Bradgelina and I got excited!!! So here is my theory:
Angelina – narc
Brad – codependent
Jennifer – narc
Poor Brad is used and abused. Angelina is the greater narc because she pulls the strings.
That surprised me bc jennifer was always portrayed as the victim. Angelina strikes me as a narc. Its hard to say tho
Hm. Perhaps Jennifer plays the victim narc.
A love triangle doesn’t just happen when I have two love interests. It can be when I insert myself between my sister and HER love interest, competing with her for his attention.
And, Dr. Zhivago
I saw The Great Gasby and Wuthering Heights!