Exploiting Empathy
You are an empathic individual. This is why we chose you. This is why we want people like you because you have certain traits which appeal considerably to us. You have traits which are ripe to be exploited by us and only someone like you can provide such an opportunity to our kind. You have certain traits which we need to exploit for our own purposes; these are eight of them
1. Trust
You cannot operate without trust. You trust us with your heart from the very outset. You readily give it to us and allow us to place our hands around it. You trust us to keep it safe and protect, unaware that our nefarious hands covet the provision of your heart. Your trust is absolute and unconditional and this enables us to exploit it repeatedly by doing as we please,acting behind your back and breaching your trust over and over again. Your reaction when you learn of our breach of this sacred trait is enormous and fuel-filled and the driver behind our need to take and shatter your trust. The concept of trust is so inviting that even though we will fracture it, we will endeavour to repair it and win it back just so we can breach it again.
2. Honesty
Your openness and honesty results in your signing your own fate by furnishing us with so much information about yourself. From your hopes and desires through to your weaknesses and vulnerabilities. You are content to detail it all to us as you live by a code of honesty, always wanting to tell the truth and for the truth to be provided to you. We know you operate by this trait and we will feign to be an honest person at the outset, free with our expressions of how we truly feel about you. How more honest can we be than to tell you that you are the person we have waited our whole lives for? Yet, honesty is for you and never for us because we operate in the shadows of dishonesty. Your honesty may be a strength in your eyes but to us it is a weakness as you have opened yourself up before us, exposing yourself to us, showing your neck to us as our forked tongue slides across our sharpest teeth.
3. Decency
You must always do the right thing. To do anything else is anathema to you and we know that this attribute of yours leaves you susceptible to our many machinations. You are polite and well-mannered. This means that you will accord with our initial overtures and listen attentively to whatever we say. You accept graciously our gifts, not realising that they are bribes to ensure you become chained to us. You always answer our calls, reply to our messages and open your door when we appear, not matter how often or how unannounced. This requirement to be civil and decent allows us to frequent you to such a degree that our charm is in and around you so often that you have no chance other than to succumb to it. You will not turn away, you will not slam the door in our faces but instead give us the toehold and time of day to weave our malign magic over you and seduce you.
4. Equality
You expect to be treated as you treat others and when the devaluation eventually commences and you find that such concepts as consideration, reciprocity and equality of treatment are missing, your alarmed and emotional response is the engine for the fuel we need. You operate by the maxim of do unto others as you would have them do unto you and thus you treat us with love, affection and kindness. Its absence by return causes you considerable consternation and upset, which enables us to draw the fuel from you in significant amounts.
5. Fidelity
To be faithful and receive fidelity in return is of significant importance to you. Your own dedication to the ideal of faithfulness means that we have little concern that you will have your head turned by others, no matter how badly we treat you. You will not transgress this ideal, even though you may suspect or even know of our own flagrant disregard for the concept of fidelity, you will remain true to it. It pains you, it hurts you but as a person of principle you will abide by it. You do not do this through any notion of pride or to seek some kind of accolade, but you do it because it is part of you. A constituent part of your moral fibre and full in the knowledge of this sterling attribute of yours, we shall do as we please with little concern that you will treat us in the same way.
6. Tenacity
You do not give up. You exhibit an indefatigable spirit which invades every element of who you are. You will not give up on the idea of you and me. You will do whatever it takes to please me, to win back my golden grace which you once delighted in. You will hang in there determined to ensure we get back on track. You will not walk away because to do so would be to admit failure and this is not something that you can countenance. No matter how bad the abuse, no matter how terrible your treatment, you will cling on as a consequence of this trait. We are well aware of this and welcome such a tenacious approach, for it provides with a guarantee of your attention and support.
7. Healing
You desire to heal and to fix is perhaps one of your most notable traits. The desire to nourish the good in people and bring it to the fore. You believe that everybody is capable of becoming better, including yourself which is why you are so selfless and giving. You strive to find the ways of making a situation better for somebody, you want to make the sad person become happy, the worried person calm and to ease the concerns of all you come across. Most of all you want to fix us because you believe we can be fixed. We will not disavow you of such a notion, not at all, it serves our purposes to keep you thinking that you can make a difference.
8. Loving
Your love is immense. Unconditional, vast and seemingly unending. Like the largest reservoir, your love is that which we must ensnare and once achieved we drink from it with an unending thirst. You are devoted to the idea of love and we will exploit this repeatedly. We exert control over you by suggesting to you that you must not love us if you will not do that what we want. We test your love for us by placing immense demands upon you knowing that you will always rise to the challenge. Your love for us is such that it is sweeter than that which might be obtain from others but it also remains intact for far, far longer. It endures the torrid devaluation and the heartless abandonment so that we know we can count on being able to come back once again and take hold of your love yet again for our own unsavoury and malicious purposes.
31 thoughts on “Exploiting Empathy”
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It’s taken me 40 years and a ‘mid life crisis’ to discover I am an empath explaining why Ive putt up with my husband who is a notirious liar and full of broken promises. Although I think he has bi polar and not a Narc. Issue is I had an affair with a married man (online affair) and it was only after 12 months of mind games that I worked out he’s a Narc. So clearly all these attributes, and I relate to 7 out of 8 are appalling to me.
How do I protect my children from the lifelong abuse and manipulation? I am out but they are currently being manipulated and exhausted, however my son seems to favor the narc. He is teenaged and becoming a little difficult and I fear our bond is weakening. How do I maintain a mutual respect between he and I without allowing him to become unruly with me in the process?
Hi Stephanie, have you read the blog article Save the Children.
No I have not but I will look for it. Thanks.
HG, from my healing & learning process that you have assisted with I had a creative moment based on my experiences. It’s the Empaths Survival Backpack. I would like to run it by you, for possible elaboration & effectiveness before going public. I know you have an email address specifically for contributions to your books. If you’re interested?
Fire your suggestion to me Victory and I shall take a look.
Besides, what better way to honor the writings of M. Sir Tudor than to actually LEARN something from his books.
Physical touch is powerful, can be used to express love and the illusion. It’s being able to discern the difference. Yet if you are so starved for love, the illusion is accepted.
My narc keeps coming back to me for love. Since i am co-dependent, i will give it to him for as long as i am alive, in a non-intimate fashion.
How do you do that without intimacy? I’m curious because I give love but intimacy is essential in the process. Do you touch, hug, caress, kiss?
There are many ways to show love without intimacy. My narcs are very uncomfortable with touching anyway. Listening to them, appreciating their wit, going places with them – but I think the biggest way is when they know you REALLY know them for their real selves, you know all their history and you still obviously love and care about them and enjoy being in their company. That doesn’t mean being a doormat and putting up with abuse. My narcs are aware of what they are and why they do what they do. They also know from experience that I will cut them off if they try to pull negative fuel from me. I imagine HG would say that they value me as a proven appliance that will consistently pump out reliable positive fuel if treated gently. They know to get their negative jollies elsewhere.
Love, because i have chosen not to be intimate with my narc any longer, the only way i can love him is through my declarations of love, statements of admiration, providing him a listening ear, and accompanying sympathy when he needs it. His mask is stripped right now and i said i love the real him, without the mirroring. He doesn’t believe me though. He says ‘i thought nobody can love the real me because i am not someone to be loved.’ I keep reinforcing to him, by pointing out his many positive traits, that he is extremely loveable.
Isn’t it hard for you not to touch him? I mean even in a non sexual way? Or have you abstained from sexual intimacy only?
Love, he moved away so we do not touch. If he were to visit, i would find it hard not to touch him as i am a very affectionate person. That’s why i refused when he asked to visit me.
Yes I understand.
I, myself, am not okay to wear Codependency as a badge of honor. After reading M. Tudor’s book, Chained, I have seen my Codependency as an abuse upon myself, and it also is harmful for those who are depending on me to be Codependent. I am learning how not to be so. I do not wish to be “delicious fuel” for poisonous spiders and scorpions, even if some of them do speak with a British accent.
WP, co-dependency is definitely not for everyone. And you are right, co-dependents choose it (i believe you wrote that somewhere). Right now, my narc is not being abusive, so it works out. The devaluation period is over. After devaluation, i escaped, he hoovered numerous times, and finally contact was re-initiated. We talked and i forgave him. Right now we are just friends – best friends who love each other. Well, at least i do. He, being a narc, cannot love. But he tries to show care towards me as best he can.
Just be careful, PTSD… Mine hoovered me, too, and then came the major blows.
WP, i am grateful for your concern. I will stay guarded. Thank you.
I love this post! Thank you H G! You just made me see what a good person I am! I am as virtuous as I strive to be! My narc clouded my perception of myself so perfectly, and eventhough I realize how much inner strength and courage it took for me to get out, my vision of myself was still hazy. You just lifted the fog…..
Oh! You must meet still another master manipulator from whence you previously received Your PTSD. This appears to be a most level-headed thought. Perhaps I am missing something.
Yeah, pretty sad statement.
It seems that some have simply resigned to their “fate”- which is really their own choice at some point, [especially when they have stated it so clearly that they know what is what].
so funny the adverts showing on this page are for infinity bracelets… and “love you to the moon and back” jewelry….
Ahhh, that reminds me!! The last Narc use to say, “I love you to the moon and back!” Yep…that’s right. When I called him out on his behavior, he suddenly forgot how to Moonwalk. Very immature Narc.
I know how to moonwalk! Usually my first move on the dance floor.
Nice, Love!
We are the ones with all the strength. Especially after our “awakening.”
Thank you for all the tools required. If you think about it narcs are really just a hollow shell of nothingness. They study others and have to “act out” personality because they have none of their own.
Mine was always studying movie characters to emulate. I’m sure he practiced crying so he could force the tears when he needed to.
It’s comical to me at this point.
Fully prepare. Great books and info provided by you, HG!
I do think after this experience there are more narcs than most realize. Your thoughts?
Thank you and yes there are far more of us than people realise.
I must meet you in person one day. 8 years with “your kind”…. I left when my son came to visit me. Severe PTSD. You are exactly like my ex narc. He was a master as you are. My psychotherapist got a strand of it but then I began to question him…. I do now know why. I get the childhood trauma. Are you in hopes you will once again “feel” the positive emotions. I know for certain I am numb and my emotions are color me white. Have I perhaps become narcassistic?