I Cannot Love You More

i-cannot-love-you-more

I have always adored you. It is true. You did not realise it. How could you? I kept my adoration confined to something distant and something remote, always living in hope that one day I would be able to pour my adoration all over you. How long has this condition lasted for? I would suggest over ten years. Yes, that long. It was when you first joined the company. We worked in separate departments but I saw you arrive one day and from that moment I felt this adoration for you. It was strong and powerful and flowed from deep inside of me. I knew in an instant what it was and I just knew that I had to provide it to you. I had no idea when that opportunity might arise, when I might be in a position to furnish you with this potent and unending adoration. You did not know this but I managed to copy your photograph off the company website and I would lie on my bed or sit in a chair and stare at your picture wondering when I would be able to provide you with what you deserve. I contemplated listening to you lying beside me and whispering my name, the sensation of your hand in mine, the delight in sharing experiences. This adoration has remained, churning and growing inside of me. I have sustained it and nurtured it for all this time. That surely shows just how powerful it is and just how special you are to me. Yes, I know you had no idea. How could you? I kept it to myself as I wanted to save it all for you. Of course there have been others during those ten years but they were just practice for when I would be able to provide that adoration for you. I was fond of those supposedly significant others but let’s not you nor I delude ourselves; they came nowhere close to evoking the adoration that I have for you. I was not surprised. I understood that from the instant I laid eyes on you that you were the one. I could not make my move though until I had tested myself. You see, I had been let down so many times before. I thought I knew and understood what true adoration was. I had been deceived by imposters and found that they promised much yet delivered so little. I did not doubt you but I had to be sure. Accordingly, I kept my distance, adoring you from afar and pushing my resistance. Each day that passed where I denied myself the chance to give you my adoration was another day where I tested whether that adoration would remain intact and it was. I came through the test. I asked many questions of myself and I found that I was not wanting. This time was the reality. This was true and honest adoration, nothing more and nothing less. I realised as the months became years that the longer I waited the surer I would become and moreover, like a grand whisky maturing, the longer I waited then the more powerful this adoration would be. I understood that to allow this adoration to grow and build, to test it, to determine whether it had any boundaries and shortcomings would ultimately mean that I would be able to dispense adoration like nobody else could ever do so. I could give you what you deserved and in return you would provide me with what I wanted and needed.

This may seem strange but there almost came a point when I thought that perhaps I would never provide this adoration for you. I wondered and considered whether I would be better served by keeping it within myself. Locking my adoration away as I always wondered whether it would come undone after another day of waiting and testing, but then I realised that since I adored you so, I could no longer keep this adoration hidden. What person would I be if I did not provide you with the very thing which you deserved? I would be failing both you and I. Thus, that is why I made my move. There was nothing distinct which triggered this need to make my approach and provide you with this adoration. There was no catalyst other than the realisation that the time had come. There was nothing more to be gained in keeping this adoration confined to myself. I had to release it and lay it on you. I had to pour it over you, spilling over you and coating you. I needed to provide this most perfect adoration and allow you to bask in it, delight in and know that this is what I will also provide to you. How can that now be the case? I have waited so long to give this to you that there can be no outcome other than this permanent state of adoration which will allow us to become one and preserve that state of affairs forever. Ten years may seem like a long time but it is but a blink of the eye when compared to the infinite adoration I will give you and that shall keep us together. We shall not crumble, we shall not fall. I promise you this, just as promised the same to her last month and her the month before that and her the same last year.

0
Advertisements

Hidden Danger

 hidden-danger

The predatory lion will watch from the grass at the wildebeest gathered at the edge of the river of the watering hole. He is waiting for his moment to strike, to pick off one of the herd which has foolishly strayed from the protection of the herd. Once that beast has ventured into the range of the waiting lion its fate has been sealed. Much like the empathic individual who has recklessly wandered back into the sphere of influence of the waiting narcissist who is ready to perform a Hoover, the wildebeest is just moments away from being captured and meeting a grisly fate. The narcissist and the hunting lion share several similarities. We are predators, kings of our environments and noble. We have the edge on the lion however. He may be able to sit unnoticed amidst the dried out grassland, his coat blending in with the sun-scorched yellows, ochres and browns, but once he makes his move and breaks cover, his intended target has a chance. It may only be a slim window of opportunity to escape this savage beast but there is an opportunity nevertheless. I am sure the proud feline would welcome being able to stroll right into that pack of waiting wildebeest, mingle with them, move about them and then strike without any of the creatures noticing that one of their number has been taken down. He can wander freely around as he takes his prey and never break cover. That is where we hold the advantage over the lion. We are able to move amongst our prey, unnoticed and even welcomed as we study and observe, choosing our moment to strike again and again and again.

With such a spectacular cloaking ability we are able to choose the choicest environments in order to ensnare an empath, super-empath or co-dependent. Just like the wildebeest that congregate at a watering hole, providing a target-rich environment for the lion, we seek out those places where we know that we will find plenty of empathic individuals and thus our quest for prime, potent fuel meets with victory. Accordingly as an empathic individual you will be well aware of the places where there are many of your kind. Those environments which require those who care, protect and nurture are prime locations for us to infiltrate and gorge on the victims that mill around us. Charities, hospitals, schools, animal rescue shelters, homeless shelters and domestic violence refuges are just some examples of the places where we will worm our way in. We have little difficulty in doing this. As you know, we are masters of mimicry with our unrivalled ability to take on the traits and abilities of others. Although empathy is an alien feeling to us we are easily able to exhibit the ways of the empath. We spend so much time amongst your kind that we know what to say, how to look and what to do so that we pass unchallenged amongst your ranks. Moreover, the thrusting dynamism that we bring, our charismatic leadership and motivational skills are highly prized in such caring places. The hard-hearted captain of industry may see finance, law, accountancy, technology and the like as ‘sexier’ environments in which to prosper but all of the above places I have mentioned where one finds a higher proportion of empathic individuals than usual have their rewards. The executives of charities are well remunerated, the leaders of hospital trusts invariably have flittering CVs and various honours attached to their names. These sectors need thrusting individuals alongside the care givers in order to ensure that the organisation is effective. This suits us perfectly. Our driven natures, our sense of entitlement and grandiose behaviour is just what is required for those top roles. Couple this with our chameleon like ability to feign that we care and that we are empathic means we ease into the charitable and caring sectors with unchallenged ease.

These environments not only provide us with plenty of succulent empaths to feast on but they present us with opportunities for easy wins. We can dazzle and shine, using our ambition to progress where others are more concerned about the delivery of care as opposed to clambering up the career ladder. These organisations need a dynamic hand on the tiller (us) combined with the delivery of caring services (you). The fact that there are empaths on tap for us to hunt down is serendipity indeed. Thus, next time you look around the management at your hospital or you are sat in a meeting with a committee of trustees for your charity there is every chance that one of our kind is sat there, lurking in the grassland, sliding a forked-tongue across those sharp, sharp teeth.

0

Blind or Stupid?

blind-or-stupid

 

We love to triangulate. Three is the magic number. You, me and someone else or something else. Another victim? A competitor? A loyal lieutenant? A fresh prospect? An imaginary individual? A threatened event? An inanimate object? There are so many combinations of triangulation that are available to us and each has their own advantages and rewards for their application for us. In this equation there will always be us, there will always be you and then there will be a third party. One of our effective manipulative triangulations involves the “normals”. These are people who are neither empathic or narcissistic but people who are generally decent, sensible and largely kind who may be supporters of yours, they may be members of our façade but whatever they are they are not you and they are not us. These are the people who you turn to when you can no longer stand what is happening to you. When you cannot understand what is going on. When the confusion becomes overwhelming. When you begin to sense something is not quite right. You turn to these normal in the hope of them helping you, understanding your plight and/or offering some insight. This is rarely achieved because you are met with responses which leave you wondering whether the person you have just spoken to is blind or stupid. Here are ten instances of this in action.

  1. I don’t believe it

Victim – “He is horrible to me, he never lets me do anything on my own anymore, he shouts and calls me awful names.”

Normal – “Really? I just can’t see Nigel behaving like that, he is always so lovely and friendly whenever I see him. I cannot believe he would do that.”

  1. Are You Bringing It On Yourself?

V – “I am sick of him controlling me. I try and assert myself, you know, lay down some boundaries, but he is always telling me to shut up and calm down and doing what he wants without any consideration for me.”

N – “Well you have always been feisty my dear, maybe you are provoking him and that’s why he is behaving that way. I don’t mean to be unkind but you do have a bit of temper you know.”

  1. Not This Again

V- “He has done it again. Disappeared. I have been ringing him on the hour every hour and he won’t answer. I don’t know what it is. I mean, everything seemed okay when we got up this morning, he smiled and asked me if I wanted a cup of tea (cue detailed analysis of every word and interaction thereafter)

N – Glazes over, thinks to themselves “Not this again. I am bored of hearing this. They will be talking again by tomorrow. She worries over nothing.”

  1. I Feel Sorry for Him

V – “So he did this, then that, then this again and he always does this you know. He is horrible, Horrible I tell you. I don’t know what to do. Oh he did this as well and some more of that.”

N – Thinks to themselves “I feel sorry for him putting up with someone so neurotic as her. No wonder he clears off for a few days, probably needs the peace and quiet.”

  1. Someone Is Exaggerating

 

V – “No word of a lie, he locked me in the bedroom and threatened to burn the house down with me inside and I heard him laughing as he said this to me. I am so scared of him. He keeps threatening to kill me. He rings me at work and comments about how my brakes are dodgy and laughs and puts the ‘phone down.”

N – Thinks to themselves “Sure he does, nobody goes on like that, I do like my friend but she is something of an attention seeker. Every other day there is one of these stories.”

  1. I Don’t Think So

V – “So he said that if I didn’t do it he would tell everybody in the church that I was sleeping with the vicar and he would post pictures of me on the internet.”

N – “Who Norman? No way, he is such a solid and respectable man. I don’t think he would ever do anything like that. No, I have known him years, he would never do anything like that.”

  1. He Did Say She Was Crazy

V – “He hides my purse so I cannot go out, he tells me what I can and cannot eat, he won’t allow me more than a minute in the shower and stands watching me while I wash. He follows me around the house and keeps staring at me, I can even feel him watching me when I manage to slip out for a while. I know he is following me.”

N- Thinks to themselves “It’s just as Neil predicted. He said she was losing her mind and coming out with all these fantastic stories. He is genuinely worried about her and I can see why now. Poor thing. Poor him too.”

  1. Ups and Downs

V – “He sometimes doesn’t speak to me for days on end. He just sits and sulks and ignores me. It is horrible. I hate it.”

N- “Oh that’s just men for you. They all do that at some point. It’s part of the ups and downs of being in a relationship, just ignore it and get on with your day, he will soon come round, you will see.”

  1. Don’t Involve Me

V- “Hi it’s me, can I come round to see you. I need to talk to someone. He is doing it again. He has spent the last two hours shouting at me and throwing plates around the kitchen. I am sick of this, I cannot cope.”

N – “I’d love to help but I er, have an appointment. Look I have to go; I will call you later” – I’m not getting drawn into their domestic dramas I have my own life to look after.

  1. I Haven’t a Clue

V- (After lengthy description of a catalogue of odd and strange behaviour) “So what do you think, what should I do? I cannot go on like this.”

N- “I don’t know what to say really, I can’t work out why he would be lovely with you one week and then awful the next, it doen’ts add up. Perhaps if you sat down together and tried to work things out.” (I haven’t a clue what is going on here.)

Not once does the “normal” turn to you and say,

“You are being abused by a disordered person.”

Or

“You have been ensnared by a narcissist.”

Instead when you describe the behaviour to a “normal” you are met with one or more of the responses detailed above. We know this will be the case. We know it will leave you hurt, bewildered and lacking the help and insight you so desperately need. Why do people respond like this?

  1. Lack of knowledge. Fortunately for our kind few people really know what we are and what we do.
  2. We don’t walk around with a sign around our neck stating “I am an abusive narcissist”. We blend in. People think the psychopaths and sociopaths appear like some crazed axe-murderer. We do not.
  3. People although kind are not empathic like you. Therefore, there is a limit to the time and resource they will apply to assisting you. People are inward looking and care more about their own lives than yours.
  4. The façade. Our charm and magnetism has people believing us to be wonderful and decent people. That façade is hard to shatter.
  5. Your coping abilities are eroded and you are worn out. This makes you appear unhinged, hysterical and thus in keeping with the image that we have spread around that you are The Crazy One.
  6. A Quiet Life. People do not like conflict. They want people to get on and do not want to become involved in other people’s problems.
  7. Behind Closed Doors. People always take the view that there are two sides to every story. They will listen to you but they will think there is likely to be some explanation which means it is not as bad as you are making it out to be. You are provoking the abuser, you are making it up, you are being too sensitive and taking things the wrong way. The “normal” thinks life may be different behind closed doors.
  8. People want other people to get on and therefore in order to try to preserve the peace they will suggest that the behaviour is not as bad as has been suggested and pressure the victim to go home and sort things out, unaware it is not something that can be sorted out by having a chat and a cup of tea.
  9. The tales of abuse and awful treatment seem far-fetched that the “normal” cannot believe them. They have no experience of it and combined with the existence of the façade just cannot see how someone could behave in this way.

All of this results in you trying to persuade people without success which becomes all the more frustrating and distressing for you. Naturally, we know fine well how people will respond to your protestations and the lack of understanding and knowledge about our kind allows us to blend in, move freely around and continue to behave in this manner with impunity. You are left wondering if the listener is blind or stupid. They are not stupid. But they are blinded to what we really are.

Just like you were as well.

1+

The Magnet Empath

the-magnet-empath

The Magnet Empath. This is an empathic individual who has certain magnetic tendencies which are layered onto their classification as an empath, super empath or co-dependent. The Magnet Empath is a person that people are instinctively and naturally drawn to. This person has an inner light which is easily recognised by certain people; those who are in need. The Magnet Empath might be sat on a tube train when the person next to them will find an irresistible urge to want to tell them that they are travelling to an important interview and they are feeling nervous. The Magnet Empath might be waiting in line to be served in a shop when the customer behind them begins to tell them about their concerns and worries, or where the Magnet Empath is sat watching the swans on a lake when a stranger will sit beside them and start to tell their life story. If you find that complete strangers have a tendency to share intimate and private details with you at the drop of a hat, that they feel a need to off load to you within moments of meeting you and confide in you about their hopes, fears and problems, then you have this magnetic quality.

You draw those in need to you. This is because you shine with this inner light which acts as a beacon of hope and that is what the Magnet Empath embodies; hope. Your empathic nature lights up rooms, illuminates the darkest of situations and brightens the dullest day and this is because you are a walking beacon of hope.

The Magnet Empath moves with confidence and purpose. There is no swagger or arrogance in the way that they enter a room, this person glides, they are serene and elegant. You will not witness any timid scurrying or rolling shoulder bluster, but somebody who is calm and assured. This individual has a clear sense of self – something which appeals to our kind – and this radiates wherever they are. Heads turn, eyes focus and people gravitate towards the appearance of the Magnet Empath. People’s faces light up, there is a lifting of the mood and people want to be seen with and to be next to the Magnet Empath.

Whereas our kind expects this kind of reaction from those around us and indeed seeks and demands it, the Magnet Empath accepts attention with grace and humility. They are not shy, they are not reserved, but there is none of the bluff and bragging that would accompany the engagement of a narcissist with those assembled. The Magnet Empath moves amongst people with a lightness of touch, an encouraging smile, a soft hand placed on the arm and hope shines from him or her.

The Magnet Empath will talk about themselves but in a manner which is encouraging and inspirational. Whilst our kind will also inspire it is done from a platform of declaring one’s own brilliance and you should be more like me. Those with the magnetic empathy will inspire by explaining that the listener is already empowered they just need to release it and to explain that if the magnetic empath can achieve certain aims then so can the listener. They emphasise the connectivity between them and those they interact with, demonstrating how essentially, since they are empathic individuals, they are all cut from the same cloth. The narcissist will demonstrate how we are a cut above and use jealousy and envy as motivational tools instead, demanding improvement, whipping individuals into action for fear of the consequences of not doing so, emphasising the difference between the narcissist and the listener and indicating, heavily, that the listener needs to shape up or ship out, go big or go home, if he or she is to achieve anything.

He or she is content for others to share the limelight and indeed positively encourages it which contrasts with the spotlight stealing behaviour of our kind, but this also acts as an attracting factor to our kind. We identify somebody who can capture the spotlight but does not wish to hog it, allowing us to camp on to it instead.

The Magnet Empath wants to harness potential, bring motivation through the provision of hope, the instilling of belief and the raising of optimism. The Magnet Empath is not one of practicality however. They will not assume the mantle of responsibility for an individual and will not get their hands excessively dirty on behalf of another but rather their aim is to cause those around them to feel better in themselves through their own innate abilities, to tap into as yet unharnessed skills and attributes. This person provides panache and style, bringing hope through words, rather than through actions, a person who can influence in a positive manner the lives of many. Whereas the Carrier Empath is a rugged and practical individual and tends to focus on assisting only a few people, sometimes often only one – usually our kind – the Magnet Empath can affect many people at once with their messages of hope and inspiration.

This individual always believes in hope. This is what drives them and causes them to provide extensive fuel generated by this hope. They hope that love can conquer all and therefore are significant love devotees. They refuse to give up, often flogging a dead horse, endeavouring to overcome the insurmountable. This hope often blinds those with magnetic tendencies to the reality of a situation and causes them to engage in courses of action which invariably result in harm to the empathic person. Blind hope will take them down a path which will be exploited by our kind.

Excellent fuel is generated by this gracious individual, their words inspiring, uplifting, praising and complimenting. They are content to say all of these words and expect little or nothing in return, save that the listener grasps hope and secures growth and achievement. The Magnet Empath is also easily led by false exhibitions of hope, the slightest glimmer is something that they will latch on to in the expectation of improvement and seeing changes. Where the narcissist gives this person cause to hope, it will cause the individual to remain in the grasp of the narcissist as they dangle hope before them to keep them bound.

Often this person need not say anything. Their composure and general demeanour marks them out as who they are, which means that many people engage with them as strangers, unaware that sub-consciously they are drawn to the Magnet Empath. These people are sought after as inspirational speakers, people who present prizes, open new buildings, support charitable trusts and such like and their popularity in this regard and the desire of people who just want to reach out and be touched by the Magnet Empath means that they will often find themselves pulled in many directions and spread thin. This impacts on their energy levels as they feel unable to say no to anybody, not wanting to extinguish the hope that they have begun to cultivate. Instead the Magnet Empath will often take on many different obligations and functions for a wide variety of people with not only consequences for their own ability to deliver but their interaction with our kind when we have ensnared a Magnet Empath.

The Lesser Narcissist tend not to choose those with strong magnetic tendencies. This is because the jealous nature of the narcissist as a whole, but especially the less capable Lesser, means that they fear being overshadowed far too quickly and their resentment would be palpable notwithstanding their seduction. The Lesser’s low control threshold would result in him or her being unable to keep their fury under control during seduction and thus the seduction would fail. Accordingly, it is not attempted. Furthermore, the Lesser will hate the attention that this individual would receive with the upshot that the Lesser would be ignored and overlooked. Unable to compete, the Lesser would be repeatedly wounded and notwithstanding the fuel that comes from the Magnet Empath, this would not be enough. Thus it is unusual to find a Lesser who has ensnared such a person.

The Mid-Ranger likes and wants those empaths with magnetic qualities as they encompass those attributes – charisma, likeability, people skills – which the Mid Ranger believes that he or she has and wishes to project to the world at large. Those with magnetic tendencies prove to be a double-edged sword however. The Mid Ranger will struggle to resist, naturally being drawn to this person for who they are because they are prime material for the narcissist, but find themselves awash with jealousy and envy once devaluation begins. During seduction, these traits can be kept in check and the Mid Ranger will appropriate the benign traits of the Magnet Empath for his own use, but once devaluation commences, he becomes coated in envy which will manifest as prolonged and repeated sulking silent treatments.

The Greater Narcissist revels in the Magnet Empath. Possessing similar levels of charm and magnetism, the Greater finds mirroring extremely easy in order to attract this type of empath. The Magnet Empath’s popularity is also appealing to the Greater who basks in the reflected glory of other people’s enthusiasm, praises the Greater for being with such a wonderful person and naturally soaks up the motivating and complimentary words of the Magnet Empath towards him or her. The Greater regards their acquisition as one which actually saves the Greater some work by attracting additional appliances which the Greater will draw fuel from, hijack as his own appliances and then turn against the Magnet Empath when the smearing commences during devaluation.

The Magnet Empath is a popular person with many empathic attributes, their energy level is not as great as other kinds since they engage more in words than actions, but that is not to say they do not act, just not to the same degree as other types of empath. They also have many demands on their time and attention which ultimately will clash with the desires of our kind, resulting in conflict and control. This will not only hurt this type of empath but result in them feeling torn since they feel obliged to assist others, not just the narcissist and this will result in the narcissist wishing to regulate those behaviours and isolate the Magnet Empath. Their capacity to draw people to them in whatever circumstance, even when not actively doing so, will irk the narcissist considerably during devaluation and provide him or her with the grounds for attack and triangulation.

An excellent fuel provider, both in themselves and the ability to bring others to the narcissist’s table and  the Magnet Empath is someone who hangs in there, always strung along by hope, which is at the centre of the magnet’s being,usually to their ultimate detriment during devaluation and also in terms of susceptibility to post discard/post escape hovering.

2+

A Dark Angel

 

a-dark-angel

 

I am regarded as a bad person. In fact, bad would be considered somewhat mild and I have been on the receiving end of epitaphs of “evil”, “satanic”, “malevolent” and “hell’s representative on earth”. None of those labels have bothered me in the slightest. Is that because they are true and I am content to acknowledge what my behaviour amounts to? Perhaps. The greater truth is that they were all delivered coated in emotion, dripping with fuel and the person hurling what they perceived as an insult at me was doing quite the contrary. They thought they were striking me down, belittling me and hurting me when they were just making me all the more powerful. But they were not to know this were they? Very, very few people actually understand why my kind behave as we do. Oh those who have the misfortune (their word) to entangle with my kind know all about our behaviours. They will sit you down and spend all day cataloguing every despicable deed, each aggressive act and all those malicious moments as if they were reading from a diary. That is how etched on people’s minds we become, how we infect their hearts and poison their souls. I know because I know what I do. I know because you show me how it affects you and you certainly do plenty of telling me (as well as anybody else who listens) because that is how embedded we become. We appear coruscating and shining and then we maim, cripple and injure. You know better than anybody else how it affects you but you rarely understand. How could you? You have no idea who you are dealing with. We do not appear with the letter N branded on our foreheads as a warning (although I suspect even if we did some people would still fall prey to us). You do not know what has wrapped its tendrils around you and you cannot be expected to know. It is not your fault although we will spend all of the devaluation and beyond telling you that it is. Those of our kind do think everything is your fault. They are programmed to think nothing else. I am worse. I know it is not your fault but the maintenance of blame is key to the upholding of control and the continuance of my dominance and therefore I will readily apply that which I know to be false in order to achieve what must be achieved. Again, you would not know this and whether you have become entangled with a Lesser, Mid-Range or Greater of our kind you become ensconced in trying to make us see, make us understand and achieve some kind of breakthrough. It is nigh on impossible. The Lesser is not programmed to accept it. You are trying to put a video cassette in a Blue-Ray player. It just will not operate. The Mid-Range must apply fault because he knows it provides him with a defence. The Greater of us understand what you are saying and know you are right but we will not accept it because we must remain superior.

Those you turn to for assistance do not understand either. Well-meaning family and friends struggle enormously to grasp what has happened. This is because they cannot comprehend someone can actually behave that way and it becomes easier to think you are the one with the problem, that you are over-tired, stressed (hell of course you are because we made you that way) and you are imagining things, mis-remembering and so forth. They do not want to become involved because that means trying to fathom it out and it is too hard. It also means shattering the façade we have created and it is so much easier to keep it intact and point to exhaustion/drink/drugs/hysteria and so on than grapple with understanding there is such a thing as a narcissist who love-bombs then abuses in the blink of an eye? Even those who do try to understand become jaded with the unrelenting news feed of abhorrent aberrations that you detail on a daily basis. Plus, people are ultimately too wrapped up in their own lives. Who would credit it? Selfishness from us and from them keeps you trapped.

Professionals offer some insight in varying degrees although few have actually experienced it and it is only those who have done so who can truly relate the full horror and the unrivalled brain-mashing, mindfuckery, soul-destroying rollercoaster ride of being entangled with us. Seeing is believing. The absence of truly experiencing what it means to be ensnared by us means that explanations fall victim to conjecture, theory and speculation.

This is where my good job arises. I am a bad man but I am doing a good, no a great job, by conveying to you why we do as we do, why we say as we say and allowing you to take on board this information and applying it as you see fit. This is not done as an altruistic act; such a concept is anathema to me. I have my own agenda and my own aims to achieve as a consequence of this sharing of knowledge. It also appeals to my malevolent outlook by empowering you, those who have suffered with our kind for so long, with the knowledge and tools to fight back. It entertains me to think that the provision of my information is causing consternation and mayhem amongst our kind as you, the empathic victims move on, fight back and progress. I owe my brethren no loyalty. It is one for one and damn the all. My methods are my methods are my methods. The useful consequence of my actions however is that finally you start to gain understanding. You realise what makes us tick. You finally realise that we operate to our own reality and our own logic. You realise how we see things and therefore it finally makes sense even though it does not make sense – if you see what I mean.

You grasp that it was an illusion. You understand it is lie upon lie upon lie. You realise why that was said, this was done and why it keeps on continuing. It still makes no sense to you from your perspective but then you begin to realise why to us it makes sense and that is why we do it. You understand that it is not about winning the battle but never fighting the battle to begin with because the odds are always in our favour. We make the rules, choose the rules, break the rules and remove the rules. It still takes time for it all to filter through and click into place but when it does – well, the effect is significant. The phrases you have heard so many times take on a new meaning. The actions which left you bewildered, hurt and confused now only hurt. You understand why we want you mired in emotion. It still takes you time to plough through that emotional sea but at least you now realise why you were thrown into it. Myths are dispelled, incorrect assumptions are crushed and you are given the very thing by which we operate and by which we succeed – cool, hard logic.

There is so much to convey to you. So much to detail from how we come into being, what we are trying to achieve, what we are seeking to keep at bay, why we keep doing what we do, why change doesn’t happen, why we choose you, why we never let go and so much more. All of it will be provided to you. It is brutal, it hurts and it is uncomfortable but then haven’t you had enough of the sugar-coated crap? Now it is time to swallow the harsh truth because that is what will ultimately set you free, that and your application of it to your own circumstances.

So, this is what I do. I write. I detail. I convey. I illuminate. You can keep seeing me as evil, bad and hellish. By all means, that is your choice, but I know you understand, at least most of you do, that this bad man is doing a good job. If you keep reading, keep asking and keep digesting, you will achieve your desired outcome.

All the errors, mistakes and failures you have committed and experienced can now be consigned to history as you embark on a different chapter towards your eventual freedom. No longer will you be hinderedbmy misunderstanding, hampered by confusion and mired in the wrong answers. For too long you have been led up the garden path, taken in circles and made the wrong decisions based on erroneous understandings. That was because you didn’t have me. After all, it takes a wrong doer to show you that you are doing wrong.

1+

The Mid-Range Narcissist

 

the-mid-range-narcissist

 

Meet Malcolm the Mid-Range Narcissist. Say hello Malcolm.

“Hello.”

Ever obliging is Malcolm, part of his charm. He doesn’t have the ubermensch mentality of the Greater and nor is he governed by the almost rash instinctive behaviour of the Lesser. Malcolm is not so much defined by what he is, but by what he is not.

“Isn’t that right Malcolm?”

“Isn’t what right my dear?”

“You are a Mid-Range Narcissist.”

Malcolm laughs. It is an affable laugh. He knows that a veneer of self-effacement is effective to get what he wants. He is not prone to the wild outlandish boasts of the Lesser (based on what he thinks he is and therefore says as such as a matter of immediate response) or the Greater (who actually has the achievements and accomplishments to back up those boasts, but boasts about them the Greater always must).

“Hey, what can I say, I like to look good and you know, you have to love yourself before you can love anybody else, that’s what I always say.”

You see, Malcolm thinks that is what a narcissist is. Somebody who loves themselves. He lacks the higher function to know what it really means and lacks the cunning to know it himself but to deny it to those who would seek to topple him. He has some understanding so the comment does not present as a criticism to him, but since he has a moderate degree of function, he knows enough to use it to maintain his façade of being a decent, likeable and reliable fellow.

“You are a likeable chap, I must say.”

“Why thank you and may I say how lovely you look today.”

“That’s most kind, mind you, you are not the first person to compliment me on my appearance.”

Let’s see how he responds to that little piece of provocation. Did you see it? There was a flash of the inner fury but he kept it under control. Watch again. You see the sudden frown and the narrowing of the eyes as his jealousy started to climb inside of him as he felt the injury from this criticism. My comment suggested that someone else might be interested in me, that I am not just Malcolm’s. Of course, it was just a well-meant and polite compliment, but like all of their kind, Malcolm views the world from a position of suspicion and wariness. Wariness is an apt description for Malcolm. He doesn’t erupt in the way Lee the Lesser might have done if I had made the same remark. Lee would have responded with insulting questions to my comment. The Greater would show no sign of concern but file the remark away to be used at the appropriate time, when the moment is exactly right. Anyway, let’s get back to Malcolm. There is that flash of fury but he has enough control to keep it held back. For now. He won’t let it go though, he cannot.

“Oh really, who said that?”

He asks in a tone of relative disinterest but he is dying to know. He wants to know because he feels uncomfortable at this revelation. He does not know precisely why, although he knows he has to be wary about someone interfering with his partner because after all, he wants to maintain his façade of family man with the dedicated wife and so forth. Steady Malcolm who knows he is not amongst the elite of the world, but he is also far from the underclass too. He has abilities and people should recognise that. Okay, he is not the best, but he is still good, very good actually.

“Oh you know the attendant at the petrol station, he chats to me every time I am in there, he probably fancies me.”

There it is again. The brief look of consternation. The fury is rising but he is managing to keep a grip on it, but he won’t be able to do so for long. He does not want to erupt, he knows that will not do, that is not how he behaves, but he knows he needs to do something to counter this threat. He does not like the fact that I am accepting compliments from this interloper, I should only receive them from him.

“Yes well, I was told by Lucy at the florists that I look ten years younger than my real age.”

There we are. He is switching to an alternative fuel source. His level of function allows him to rely on a past event and still draw fuel from it. The Lesser would not be able to do that. Firstly, his fury would have erupted already and secondly even if it had not, he would struggle to bring up the previous compliment. His mind does not work that way. Malcolm can though and this is his way of switching the spotlight back on to him. He is also looking to get a reaction from me as well to provide him with some fuel. Let’s pretend I haven’t heard him.

“Yes the guy at the garage, Luke he is called, strapping lad, so pleasant. He always tells me that my hair is looking nice or that I smell gorgeous. He fair makes my day.”

“Yes well he can’t be too bright though can he if he is working in a garage.”

Malcolm doesn’t say it as a question but it’s a statement. He is losing control; the fury is coming. His comment had a dual purpose. You see, his mid-range function provides him with some weaponry in that regard. He wanted to cut down my comment in order to provoke a reaction from me but also by stating that Luke is not very bright he is undermining the compliments that Luke has sent my way. He’s a little bit clever with it you see.

“Oh, he just works there in between his studies. He is going to be an architect, he wants to show me some of his designs, I think I might do that.”

Let’s push it a little more. You can see Malcolm’s face is now set in a frown. He doesn’t like it at all that I am not giving him any fuel and moreover by fawning over Luke I am implicitly criticising Malcolm, at least in his mind that is the case.

Malcolm won’t respond in an outwardly aggressive manner. It’s there if he is really pushed, if he feels cornered in some way or has a frantic need for fuel then the fury will erupt as heated fury and he will lash out. He can only keep the fury under control for a short while. The Lesser can barely do so. The Greater can and will or will not, dependent on how the Greater has calculated whether the unleashing of the fury will provide him with the greatest return at that instant. Malcolm is caught between the two. He can exert some control but not enough to really deliver and savage aggression is rarer with him. Watch now and see how his ignited fury manifests.

Do you see? He has snatched up his ‘phone and rings one of his secondary sources. He knows he does not like this feeling of being ignored and he knows that to deal with it he needs attention from somewhere else. He does not know it as fuel of course, only that when this happens, if I, his primary source, is letting him down, he has to either up his game with me and/or draw attention from somewhere else.

“Hi Janice, just wondering if you were still on for lunch today?”

There’s no arranged lunch but he knows that Janice likes him, he makes sure that this remains the case and she is usually available. Notice the sideways glance to ensure I have heard him. There are not the bold assertive moves of the Lesser (through instinct) or the Greater (through calculation) but the wary steps that are the hallmark of the Mid-Range Narcissist.

Janice is cooing down the ‘phone and he feels better already but he also wants a reaction from me.

“Who are you calling?” I ask in a loud voice.

“Yes I thought so too Janice, thanks for saying that, I appreciate that.” He is ignoring me. I repeat the question but there is no response as he continues to talk into the ‘phone and lap up the fuel from Janice whilst enjoying my irked expression. This is a silent treatment from him as he refuses to acknowledge me. The Mid-Range uses the silent treatment more than any other cadre of narcissist because the Mid-Range is a creature who is passive-aggressive. The Lesser uses them, of course he does, but they tend to be short-lived. The Lesser will storm out of the house and disappear to a friend or a bar for an afternoon. The Greater will organise the silent treatment and apply it for maximum effect, it will not be a knee jerk reaction. The Greater will apply them for a long time as well but does not use them as often as the Mid-Range. The silent treatment is the main method of manipulation for the Mid-Range Narcissist. This is because it allows him to exert control, it can be used whilst preserving the façade (there won’t be a sudden eruption and storming away with slammed doors and cries of “You’ll never see me again”) but rather he will quietly depart for a period of time, or more likely use the present silent treatment. The Mid-Range is a sulker. He has enough control to sit and say nothing to you and drink up the fuel as you keep badgering him. He can sit and sulk for hours, days if need be. He can breeze around the house as if you aren’t there. Yes, Malcolm the Mid-Range Narcissist revels in the effect of his silent treatments and his dual approach here is providing dividends for him.

I walk over to him and stand in front of him, hands on hips. He sees the gesture and this fuels him further but to the him it is as if I am not there. He just looks through me. Again this is some of the discipline that I afforded by him by virtue of being Mid-Range.

He ends the call and walks off ignoring my comments as they drift fuel-filled through the air to him. He won’t shout back (he rarely does) he knows it is more effective to sulk and also then the neighbours won’t hear so he remains seen as pleasant, good neighbour Malcolm. He will probably head next door and hide there with Margaret for a couple of hours. He is good at cultivating a wide range of fuel sources. The Lesser keeps his circles tighter, lacking the discipline to operate too many fuel lines. The Greater of course has hundreds of fuel lines because he can draw them in through his outlandish greatness, his achievements and golden accomplishments. The Mid-Range doesn’t shine as bright but he has charm and ability which he uses to develop many different fuel sources and he can always rely on them. He does not have a high turn-over, keeping many of them in the golden period for years. The Mid-Range is most likely to have long-standing friends going years back. The Lesser and Greater may have as well, but not in the same number of the length of time as the Mid-Range.

So, Malcolm will be away giving me the silent treatment as he draws fuel from Margaret and then Janice. He knows how his silent treatment affects me and that is why he also uses it so often. Oh well, that’s my day spoiled already and he knows it. I suppose I had better go and fill up the car with fuel. I know a good garage and a sympathetic ear to hear my woes.

0

But Why?

but-why_

I have heard this said so many times, read about it from bewildered and perplexed people and know from experience the confusion that accompanies this question.

“But how could he do this to me after everything else? But why would he behave like this? But who would do such a thing as that? He said he loved me. I know he loved me. How does someone love someone else in such a perfect way and then act as if he does not even know them?”

I have written about how the empath likes to know everything. This is not because you are big-headed or wish to boast. You like to know everything in order to allow you to help. You need to understand a situation. It has to make sense to you. You must be able to comprehend what has happened and find some logical reason for the occurrence. This is why you spend so long trying to work us out. This is why when we are doling out the silent treatment you need to ascertain why we are doing it (I think now you understand we do it because we need to, not because there is a valid (according to your reality) reason for this behaviour). It is a natural empathic reaction. If you understand why something has happened you can then consider the ways in which it can be addressed, remedied and fixed. You want everything to be alright.

Accordingly, when our devaluation is unleashed against you it comes out of nowhere. Yesterday we held hands as we walked through the park together and kissed beneath the spreading oak. Today you have been subjected to a nasty period of name-calling and blaming. You are dumbfounded. Where on earth did that come from? In your reality it makes no sense at all. One minute everything is okay,nothing changes but then suddenly we are being horrible to you. It just does not add up. It makes no sense. It gets worse. Not only does it not follow in a logical sense since our response (viewed in your reality remember) seems random, how can a person who says he loves you then batter you with his fists, lock you out of your home, sleep rape you, smash up your car, spit on you and so on? Not only is it not a normal sequence of events if you love somebody then you just do not do that, do you?

This is what makes it so difficult for you to comprehend. We have conned you into thinking that we loved you. We gave you the huge seduction and dazzled you with the golden period. We know what you perceive love to be and we gave it to you in spade loads all manufactured by Narc Inc. Our production line went into over time creating these false acts and hollow declarations of love but you fell for it. You always do. Accordingly, you were duped into thinking that we loved you so that when we begin to devalue you it flies completely in the face of what you understand to be the situation.

You will sit for hours with your close friends and recite example after example of all the wonderful things that we have said and done and then ask,

“How can he hurt me when he loves me so much?”

It is utterly perplexing. Naturally there is method in this madness. If it made sense, if there was a logical reason for this volte face you are more likely to accept it and walk away. This twisted and nonsensical logic is purposefully designed to keep you with us because:-

  • You must know what has happened and make sense of it
  • You want to make things right
  • You want the wonderful golden period again
All of this keeps you right besides us. Guess what? We dole out even more awful behaviour and it still does not make sense and you still do not go. We give you a glimpse of the golden period and your confusion increases. He does still love me I knew it. Then the door is slammed shut and you are left confused yet again but even worse this time, the brief return to the golden period has given you additional hope. You still do not go.
For once, rather than looking at it through your own eyes, consider it from our point of view. The devaluation does not come out of nowhere. It does to you but not to us. It happens because you are not giving us our fuel in the strength, quantity and frequency we demand. That is the logic behind our change in behaviour.
Why is it then that we are able to hurt you when we love you so much? Again, look at it through our eyes and the answer is straight forward. We never loved you. Accordingly, we are not affected by what appears (in your world) to be a hurtful and contradictory shift in our behaviour. Let me help you further. To us you are just an appliance. Initially because this appliance does what we want we look after it. We clean it, maintain it and take pride in it. Then it goes wrong. It is too much effort to try and repair it. We are horrible to you in order to make you work in a different way rather than trying to repair you to run as normal. Remember how people would slap the side of their television to make it work or give the washing machine a kick in the hope of causing it to run properly? You are just the same. You are an appliance and we give you a boot be it figurative or literal to make you provide us with fuel of a negative nature. We eventually get fed up that you are not working as we want you to so we chuck you on the scrap heap like so many discarded fridges, computers and washing machines. We have seen a new, shiny model which has attracted our attention instead.
So when you sit and wonder why this devaluation has happened, why our behaviour makes no sense and how can it be that someone who expresses such perfect love can be so hurtful, you know the answer. It makes no sense in your world but every sense in our world where you are just an appliance. Perhaps you had better start thinking about making some self-improvements and increasing your longevity yes?

0