Facebook Predator
What causes the narcissist to use Facebook so much? Firstly, it is the online success story of recent times. Originating in 2004 it has seen off its rivals, such as Bebo and Myspace and has dominated the market. Over a billion people have Facebook profiles. That is a lot of potential targets for us. Secondly, it provides us with an extensive net to cast through whichever device we happen to have to hand. It is accessible and effective. Thirdly, the presentation of information on Facebook in particular tells our kind plenty of things which allow us to ascertain whether there is a viable target in our sights.
I am not referring to this in terms of the class traits that we look for, for instance, a somatic narcissist would seek out those who post plenty of pictures of how physically attractive they are, their ongoing diet and exercise regime, which would of course appeal to the somatic. Instead, I am going to highlight for you a number of instances on Facebook which tell our kind that this is a person who has a higher susceptibility to being seduced. Thus, if we then determine thereafter that this person has the relevant empathic, class and hopefully special traits then we know that a play should be made to ensnare them.
Accordingly, what is it that you might post on Facebook that signal to my kind that you are susceptible to being seduced and drawn into our false reality?
- You include a detailed list of your favourite books, television programmes and films
I do not mean three or four of your favourites but fifteen or more in one or more of the above categories. This signals to us that you have not only time to watch and detail these books and movies, but you are content for people to know that you do. This tells us that you are lonely and therefore apt for some attention.
- You detail your relationship status
It does not matter what the status reads incidentally because even if you stated that you are married, engaged or in a relationship, we do not recognise any such boundary as being a hindrance to our advances. Indeed, we take the view that you are probably short of attention in that relationship. By declaring what your relationship status is, you are wanting to initiate contact and you are providing us with material to do so. If you do not feel the need to tell anybody your relationship status, that signals to us that you have sufficient self-esteem not to need to herald it and therefore you are probably harder to ensnare.
- Ask me, ask me ask me
You know those statuses which read
‘So angry right now’, ‘I am fuming’ or ‘Totally heartbroken’
Such statuses are just a fishing hook for nosey and supposedly supportive friends, who are actually far more interested in showing concern and mock horror through some bad acting, to then as the writer what is ‘up’, what has happened and what is going on? The mysterious injunction will then be issued for the apparently caring friend to ‘inbox me’ or ‘I will inbox you’ as yet another noun suddenly finds that it has become a verb.
These attention seekers are also avoided by our kind. They are unlikely to be of our brethren but they are certainly self-centred and not going to provide us with what we need. Thus they go down as an avoid.
- I miss you
Anybody who posts about missing a relative or partner who has passed away, either directly by stating ‘I miss you Dad, you were my best friend’ or posts memes appertaining to people watching down from above. This lingering grief acts a beacon to us and tells us this person is susceptible to being ensnared far more readily because of their ongoing emotional state and their propensity to become emotional if the matter of the deceased individual is raised.
- Frequent comment about events
You are interested in the world and other people. You are not there to keep showing us what you had to eat for dinner or your latest car. You give attention and do not get much in return. This tells us that you will be highly amenable to receiving our attention.
- More pictures of animals than people
This is not so much about you being an animal-lover, which of course tells us that you have empathic traits, but is more about the fact that once again you are a giver of attention to this lower life form and you tend to get your attention back from the animal rather than people. It might be that you would rather keep the company of animals than people, although this is rarer than someone who likes animals and for once would enjoy the attention of another person, namely us.
- Frequent comments about your achievements and what you have been doing
You may not be one of us but you are certainly exhibiting narcissistic traits and therefore caution will be exercised before we proceed. These may be healthy narcissistic traits and we unearth additional information about you which encourages out targeting of you, but seeing this turns on an amber light.
- Sharing charity appeals
Yet another indicator that you are more about giving time and attention to others as opposed to receiving it. A most encouraging item to see on someone’s wall.
- Pictures of family and friends. Few selfies.
It may be the case that everything in your photo album is animal-based and see the point above. If there are pictures of people as well, we like to ascertain who these people are. If they are family and friends, rather than random people from nights out, this again provides us with a positive indicator. If your photo album is you and nothing else then another amber light will come on.
- You profile picture is a scene, an object but not you
This suggests again that your self-esteem is not what it might be, that you are not keen to be the centre of attention and as a consequence this acts as a beacon to our kind. It may also of course mean that you are unfortunately-faced, although is not always a concern if it is Cerebral or Victim Narcissist scouring your profile.
- Children are the future
A few proud parent pictures actually prove encouraging. The existence of children provides additional fuel sources and evidence that you are a caring and giving person, something which we like to see. If, however your timeline and photo album are plastered with your offspring then this puts us off. You might think that someone who is busy with a child or children would be in need of attention. They are not. They get plenty from their children and more to the point this tells us that your own attention will be on someone else and not us, therefore our efforts are more than likely to be wasted.
- You don’t get many likes or comments
Whatever you happen to post may be interesting, amusing and thoughtful but you rarely get many comments or likes as we scroll through your timeline. There is an attention deficit waiting to be filled.
- Posts about your romantic partner
If you are always talking about your romantic partner, how much you love them, how much you miss them and such like, you are going overboard and this to us is a further indicator of low self-esteem which we can readily exploit. This gets even better if we see no evidence of reciprocation. We can ready the Love Bombers.
- Poetry
If you post poetry, whether your own or somebody else’s, this tell us that you are lonely and therefore you will be most susceptible to our attention.
- Membership of support groups
Naturally this will tell us that you are likely to be empathic and/or have special traits which is most encouraging, but at this early stage we regard the evidence of this on your Facebook wall that you are again providing attention to others which means there is likely to be a deficit which we can exploit with regards to you.
The more of these indicators we see, naturally the more encouraging it is which tells us that you will be susceptible to an approach by us and our charm. Other indicators cause us to exercise caution and may well result in us moving onto a different target if these warning signs are not heavily offset by positive indicators. The friend request and/or message will be readied in anticipation of making a move.
65 thoughts on “Facebook Predator”
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*lol* some really young guy with a horrible and kind of sexist profile just postet in my vegan group (with HIS picture of course): “Vegan women are the nicest and most beautiful ones.”
Oh noooo .. he deleted his post … just because he didn’t get any positive responses …
Sorry about that Ava, must have wandered into the wrong hunting ground…..
😉
Lol yes Mr. Tudor. Vegan women cook vegan food. They don’t cater to your carnivore palette. I doubt you’ll enjoy a delicious dish of heart tartare.
HG, so it’s entirely possible that a narc (like my father, e.g.) would use the child of an affair for triangulation with the wife, too?
Hi ava101, it is not just entirely possible but probable.
Have to go, need to go buy a punching ball. Or go running. Or drive to my mother’s to shake her. Or go meet the mother of my little sister and ask her.
😉
Thank you for your enlightening words, HG.
You are most welcome.
If my ex-narc still thinks that he owns me like you said and his new main energy source is pregnant now, then that makes me the same as my mother. I can really see like 100 reasons why he would have gotten the idea to impregnate someone.
Absolutely. And we don’t even need to be present. We’ve gone no contact since I was 6 months pregnant I can tell you some of the things he would have been saying to his wife –
She got herself pregnant
She trapped me
She’s a gold digger
She preyed on my vulnerabilities
She’s vindictive
She’s out to get me because I stayed with you and she’s jealous
You’d better watch out for her, she’s crazy
And because I’m so silent, he would be making up stuff – like
She called me / she’s been trying to call me
She can’t let me go
She’s denying me access to my child
It’s my right to be in the child’s life, I’m paying her money
There last couple might not be being said yet but they are machinations for future hoovering right under her nose. He’ll be planting the ideas in her head so when he comes around they’ll be a team about it, such is her denial and her stupidity.
I have always believed that he will be back with her on board because she’s too fragile to come out of her denial and I know who he is. So if he’s back, it will be to use my son as a pawn in gaining fuel. Their children will be grown up and my son will be of age where he can be fuel to him. I will never be with him again so he will not let her go – unless he finds new fuel and then it will be rectangulation!
I forgot to mention the reason why he triangulates. First, it keeps his wife feeling like she won the special prize, that she is ‘the chosen one’, and sets up the other woman to be the predator, she the good little rescuer, and her husband the poor victim (as in all good triangulation games).
Second, it gives her Wrong Focus. While she focusing on that awful witch and also how to keep her husband from straying again by attending to him in every way shape and form, she doesn’t look at him or suspect that it’s actually him who is the predator.
When you like down with dogs, you get fleas.
You’re all such incredibly strong women, I can see why they had wanted you. And then only to try to destroy that. I’m glad none of your narcs succeeded.
Yes I believe that every baby has its own story and time, too. Yours wasn’t meant to grow up with such a father, Sophia. Thank God.
Jarwithaheavylid,
My baby would be due in just a few days which is also his birthday. I get really sad thinking about it. I am so sorry you are having such a hard time with your child’s father. Your baby was a blessing. It is wonderful that you also see it that way regardless of the situation. I am glad you got out of a toxic relationship. Let her have him. LOL
Damn straight.
I figured out it’s about being ‘the chosen one’. Why didn’t he choose me over her? But he set it up that way. We have a vulnerabilty to needing to be chosen – or at least I did. I am still working on this childhood wound and until it is healed I won’t find my own peace.
One day you will understand it to be a blessing – you would only have everpresence in this way. It’s tough but I’m working through it. The narc you knew would only use the child to hurt you / get fuel from you / manipulate you. Children are only objects – just pawns. It’s happened because that’s my story – there is something better for you. You don’t deserve to have sharing the love for a child with its parent stolen from you – you have to work on knowing you deserve the best.
And narcissists hate their birthdays, anyway. Quickly read HG’s Revenge book before the day and get some ideas. Have a third party send him a hair transplant brochure or a bad breath pamphlet or hearing aid information. Whatever it was that he had a hang up about. Remind him he is aging. You’re injure him that way and stay safe at the same time. Get your revenge in small, quiet ways and have a laugh. The narcissist won’t be able to prove it and he’ll hate the feeling someone is taking the piss at his expense. The revenge book is excellent. Just do it unemotionally. That’s the only key.
I read H.G.’s book Revenge and laughed at the thought of what his reactions would be. I don’t think I want to put the energy into revenge though. I think H.G. would agree when I say she isn’t the chosen one any more than you weren’t. Repair the wounds at the root. Find your happiness. You are strong, I can tell. That is what will hurt him the most.
I went through this loss as well 🙁 I know how you feel. It’s so hard but it’s felt like such a blessing at the same time for me because I don’t want that life long connection to someone who would not only make my life hell, but the child’s too! I remember when I told my exN about the loss, he was extremely indifferent, showed no emotion or empathy at all, he looked right through me. It was ah awkward moment 100%. Sorry for your loss
It’s amazing how indifferent one could be about that.
I am also sorry for your loss.
“is article is superficial and fails to detail the real nature of narcissistic personality disorder. No wonder so many people do not understand what it is and find themselves ensnared by narcissists. To gain clear insight you should read the material on this blog Knowing the Narcissist which is at narcsite.com it is fascinating and extremely helpful “
Is that what you wrote NSS? I haven’t had chance to look through the comments yet.
That was posted by another person HG . All my comments are under the name NEWS Reader. 🙂
“Narcissism goes much deeper than constant selfies when narcissistic abuse is involved . Go no further than reading HG Tudors ” knowing the narcissist” He makes Sam Vakin look like a saint ! “
Hi NSS, I had chance to look through the comments and saw yours. Thank you for spreading the word and also Proelia, if you are reading, thank you to you as well. It was interesting to see the split between those who have no idea what narcissism really is (the well-intentioned but erroneous jokes) and those who know only to well what it is and how the article in the DM was piss poor.
Mr Tudor . I finally got you a mention in the Daily Mail . ( I’ll send you the bill ) 🙂
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-4084312/Quiz-reveals-narcissist.html#reader-comments.
Usual dross and superficial rubbish from the DM (not a surprise) where is your mention NSS?
Check out News Readers posts HG
Thanks.
🙂 You’ve been mentioned by someone else too HG ..
Excellent, I would urge everybody to add their comments and give me a plug! I shall have a look later on to see what has been written.
Can I declare my love for you Mr. Tudor?
Also, where can I post such a declaration? Please provide instructions. Thank you
Ha ha well done, there should be a picture of you under persistence in the dictionary!
Hey Sophia – the narc I knew also did a runner when I was pregnant. They’re not joking when they tell you “all of your attention will be on the baby.”
He’d also told me he had a dating account – probably for the same reason.
Also, I should edit that the sister sent me weird messages and the wife friended me.
Were you having an affair with your narcissist? It’s funny you say that. He did mention worrying he’d lose my attention. It was his idea that we have a baby to begin with. Of course, that fluctuated from week to week. His family never contacted me. I did try to talk to his mom. She never responded. Go figure.
Yes, it was an affair. I was his ‘soul wife’, don’t you know? 🙂
Yes, it was also his idea to have a baby – the first nine months until I actually became pregnant. I didn’t like the idea under the circumstances (it was an accident, I got pregnant early in a cycle and I was 41). He hoovered me with this bait a few times – and even once said ‘if you have my child you’ll be equal to X (his wife). I said wtf, but he never extrapolated. When I was pregnant I asked him what that meant and he said ‘I only said that once’ – like it mattered? Bizarre machinations, hey.
He told his wife a 8 weeks – didn’t even wait for me to lose it at my age. He trapped her in a car and I could hear her saying crazy shit showing that’s how deluded she is like ‘you don’t even know if it’s yours’, ‘she’s been out to hurt me since day 1’, and ‘you don’t have to have anything to do with it’. She’s an idiot for triangulation. You would think she’d went to know the truth. This woman can’t handle the truth. He also told me she demands I have an abortion. I didn’t, of course.
I escaped at 6 months after feeling undervalued and telling his wife about a recent visit to see me (I did that for you!) I realised who he was and caught him in a lie, only for him to call and switch it up (he’d moved 1400k away before I got pregnant thank god) , as if he were the victim. But he’d already told me after another hoover that he came back because he ‘didn’t want me to think it was my fault’ – so the blame switch didn’t work. He told me I would never see another cent of his money. Notice he didn’t say love, or the child wouldn’t receive any love. He hung up, but I went NC.
He didn’t sign the BC or pay child support, wouldn’t attend phone mediation and he forced me into court for a paternity test. All fuel, I was sure. But I didn’t respond and –
I won. I used the government to collect and he had to backpay $8,500. He then re-estimated his tax return at half the rate it was, but now he pays double for some reason, probably behind his wife’s back. The hero and the victim at the same time.
He was always telling me how we must always stay in contact because we can’t lose what we have. But we know what that means.
So I got a beautiful son (19 months now) but no father who loves him. I always remind myself it’s because he’s so damaged and he can’t, anyway. But I do expect him to come back through the door again one day, as promised. His wife is too dumb to leave him so he’ll never leave her. I can’t see how he’ll be able to swing it except by using my son as a pawn. So I’m here, preparing, getting answers, until I don’t need them anymore.
I’m really sorry about your baby. If you’re young, it’s a blessing, really. This was my last chance most probably. And my son saved me from a horrible fate of not waking up – to previous narcs and teritisry narcs in my own life. Your baby’s job is done. It woke you up to your own healing. I hope you can find healing in that.
HG, in reference to #11, have you ever dated a single mom? Just curious…
And why do you think that pple with low self esteem are more likely to be ensnared? I don’t have low self esteem, for example, and i was ensnared within only weeks. Thank you in advance for your reply.
Yes I have.
Because we provide something that they lack and give them a sense of purpose. That just does not apply to self-esteem only, hence why you were ensnared so quickly.
My narcissist didn’t have facebook. He did have an eharmony account though. I believed him when he said he only used it for the attention. Then when I was pregnant he discarded me for a girl he met on there. He continues to be a member after 2 1/2 years. You couldn’t pay me to date online now.
Sophia, how did he behave towards your pregnancy and how did this happen and work out, if I may ask?
I thought it would make him love me. After all, I had a part of him living inside me. He wasn’t kind to me. One minute he wanted the baby, the next he didn’t. I was very sick. He was never there. He told me that he told the people that he worked with that I was pregnant. They saw us as on and off. I was very much dedicated to making it work. He told me that they told him to get a paternity test. That hurt really bad. I knew the exact day I got pregnant. I started to miscarry. My placenta was detached. I truly believe it was due to all the stress. He left me bleeding to fly to NY while I went off to the ER alone. He came home 2 days later and told me that he had been seeing someone he met on eharmony and that he didn’t want the baby. She knew I was pregnant. I ended up losing the baby. He emailed asking how I was and I told him I lost the baby. He didn’t even call me. Crazy part? I blamed myself for everything. I sent him a long email saying I felt bad for him and that I knew he had love in his heart, blah, blah. Of course we met for coffee. She called his phone multiple times when we were sitting there and of course he talked about how crazy she was and how pretty I looked and so on. So the cycle went on again…
Dear Sophia, thank you so much for sharing!! *hugs* I’m glad that you can talk about it. That is really horrible what you had to go through, and also with the people around you who believed him. 🙁
So you must have a great deal of post traumatic stress and also deep grief inside of you. 🙁
I hope you get through the deep pain to see the light.
It helped me to read about what some people call the ‘spiritual wound’, when they have to suffer through so much that there must be some kind of awakening to truth, self-love, strength and faith. There must be change for the better. 🙂
Well, you’re here, so I’m sure you’re on your way. Do you have a good therapist or other resources to deal with bad memories and all the other symptoms?
I deeply feel with you.
I wish you all the best!
Sophia, Goddess of wisdom, and voice of a higher wisdom. 🙂
The narc I knew never used it (actively). He had about 500 ‘friends’. He used his wife and his sister to do his dirty work for him on it. The former sent me weird, dangling messages that left me wondering their purpose, and the latter even friended me after he apparently told her that he’d fallen in love with someone else. I now think it was him using her account to spy. It deleted her after a couple of days. I blew .046 on New Year’s and didn’t need the judgement for bragging about it.
They were all blocked long ago in a galaxy far away; my settings are very private. My Facebook is Fort Knox – I’m sure his minions still sniff around.
Would you ever do any of these as bait? When I first met Malcom Mid-Range, part of why I fell for him were his sad posts about missing his beloved dog who’d passed away. It made me want to hug him and make it all better.
What absolute bollocks ! You narcs are so full of tosh as you’ve taught us empaths ! Stop trying to make us feel like we can’t display what we want to display in our social media …. you are generating a war with bollocks like this and I’ll tell you something, empaths will always win the evil narc . Trust me , I’ve fell victim to narcs all my bloody life , but not no more … this is war you sad piece of negative shite , once upon of time I would have said “I’m so sorry your life is so miserable you feel the need to drag others down to your level !” Not any more chuckle brother ,,, this is a war between love and hate. I hate the narcs , but I love the empaths . Stay strong soft hearted people , this is a battle between the serpent and the slave ! Let the slaves win !!
Hi Mum, thanks for dropping by!
I read this with an English accent. Lol that was fun! Bullocks! (What does that mean? I always thought it was another word for testes).
Mr. Tudor, does your mother really think she is an empathic individual?
Bollocks is another word for testes. Bullocks is the long form version of the bull.
Of course she does.
Oh wow, thank you for educating me. I did not know they are actually 2 different words. Very sad that people would castrate a bull 😞
That is interesting that your mother truly perceives herself as empathic. I understand now why there is such a gap between a mid ranger and a greater.
Did you know in 2016, a Spanish matador was gored to death for the first time in 30 years? Bullfighting is so vicious. Such cruel animal abuse! I refuse to go when in Spain or Mexico.
A squirrel actually came up to me in a park today and I gave it some Cheerios. I was surprised how friendly it was. Goes to show you humans and animals can coexist peacefully… Even be friends.
Tell me about it. This is a Narcissist’s playground. Even my boyfriend, Frasier, says so. He’s a psychiatrist.
WP, does Fraiser live in Seattle and have his own radio show?
Yes, he does! (??)
I still love you, James Spader,
and you forever move my heart, dear Spock;
But do move over, both of you,
because now Frasier is the one who does currently rock!
I’m a fan of Frasier as well. Though I fancied his brother more.
Most narcs from my past are not on facebook though … what do you make of that?
You must be on Twitter instead then ava101!
They evidently will use different platforms on electronic methodologies. For instance I don’t use Snapchat.
I swear: none of them is to be found on social media nor on websites such as LinkedIn, at least not with picture & recognizable name. It’s like they are afraid to show their picture, I have several of them (lesser narcs or people /th narc traits and my ex-narc) heard proclaim that they never ever want their information and picture online.
My low-life ex-lover is on Facebook, yes.
My ex-narc has one picture only online, on his professional website, extremely small.
My first love NEVER gave any pictures and is nowhere online.
HG: maybe it’s got to do with an additional paranoid trait? You are not paranoid, right?
No I am entirely justified in my wariness.
Amazing article! Going in to edit my Facebook now lol, thx HG.
Ever use professional network sites such as LinkedIn to hunt?
Not for intimate appliances but I have for the purposes of business machinations.
Lol aren’t we all guilty of that? Unless you mean something darker?
OMG there is no end …