The Infatuation
I have never known anybody like you. You are amazing. You are so loving, so kind and so gentle. Everything you do makes me happy. I didn’t think that was possible, not after the last person I was involved with. I don’t want to go on about that person for too long, why spoil this wonderful moment eh? Suffice to say they were not what I thought they were, a con-artist and a charlatan who made me think that they were something else and they took advantage of my good nature. I know you will not do that. I know you are too good a person. It is written all over you. I cannot believe how lucky I am to have found you. I wasn’t really looking but I am sure glad that I have found you. You are amazing. Have I told you that already? I can see you nodding. Sorry, I am just so excited to have finally found you and I am just so excited about all the adventures and fun we are going to have together. You really are everything that I have ever wanted in a person. There are not enough wonderful adjectives available to describe, there really aren’t.
My friends think I am nuts, but in a good way, because all I do is go on about you. I tell them the places we go to, the marvellous days we spend together and just hat a special, precious and loving person that you are. It restores your faith in human nature after all of the terrible things that have happened, sorry I am mentioning them again, I must stop doing that. I am all over the place, in the good way, this is what you do to me. Anyway, I tell my friends all about you, all of the time and I know that they are delighted to see me so deliriously happy because they have not seen me like this for some time. I have such plans for you and I. Wonderful, momentous and special plans. I want to tell you all about them now because they are that good, but I am not going to. I don’t want to spoil the surprises. This feels like my birthday, Christmas, a promotion and a wedding day all rolled into one. I know you might think I am going over the top but this is how happy you make me feel. I feel like I am on fire, fizzing with anticipation and joy. It is truly sensational and it is all down to you. You have brought this out in me. If it wasn’t for you I don’t know what I would have done. You rescued me and made me smile. You are my world. I mean that. I want to be with you all of the time and forever because you are so giving, so warm, so loving, so considerate, so funny, so attractive and well, just the very, very best. I have told my family about you, naturally and they cannot wait to meet you. I think they are nearly as excited as me. I think of you as soon as I wake up and you are in my thoughts all through the day and as I lie down at night I think of you again and wonder what you are doing and wish I was with you right at that moment.
You move me to the extent that I want to do great things for you and I and everyone else. You inspire me, you drive me and you motivate me. I feel completed now I have you, like nothing can ever hurt me and I know I will never let anything hurt you. That can never happen. I need you and I hope that you need me, we are a partnership and cannot be torn asunder, no matter what the world throws at us.
You will probably have seen my Facebook page littered with all those comments about you. I just feel them welling up inside of me and I have to let them out, give birth to them if you will and let them be shared with the world. It is the right thing to do, to allow such joy and happiness to be shared all around. Why shouldn’t other people be happy as well because we are? I want you. I want you more than anything I have ever wanted before I will do anything with you. I want us to be together, I want us to be one. I want us to grow old together and still be in love in sixty years as we are now. I know what we have is so special that we can achieve that.
I know I am babbling on but it is all good isn’t it? It is right to be this enthusiastic and excited and I know this is always going to be the case. That gives me so much comfort but again it is all because I know that we can rely on one another, trust one another and support one another. We are made for one another. Your hands fit mine perfectly, we coil together at night, fitting perfectly around one another. You finished my sentences and I know what you are going to say right before you say it. It is as if we have been forged from the same thing all those years ago, then separated and finally we have been put back together again in order to be happy and why not, we deserve to be happy. You make me happy and I will do the same for you. I want to tell the world how wonderful you make me feel. I want to take out advertisements in newspapers, on YouTube and on television. I want to shout if from the highest mountain and from the rooftops that I love you.
Am I infatuated? Of course you are. Who wouldn’t be so infatuated when being with someone as gloriously brilliant as me. Now, say that all again to me.
32 thoughts on “The Infatuation”
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Wow! Just found your site and I can relate so much! I meet mine through an online dating site 5 years ago. We “fell in love” before we ever physically met. His pursuit was fast, passionate and furious, and it felt like heaven. I really thought I met the love of my life. He sold me the dream but gave me the biggest nightmare of my life! The relationship finally ended last May when the court system sentenced him to 18 months for domestic assault and battery. I was devastated and broken. That’s when I started reading up on the Narcissist and the more I read, the more I understood what had really happened and the healing began. I’m amazed that patterns and characteristics are so textbook with Narcs. Thank you for sharing yourself so that more can understand and hopefully heal too
Hello LIB, welcome on board. You will find plenty here to aid your understanding.
Thank you!
Lets say she is his ex who he keeps on going back to. I was a new primary source who has been devalued and discarded within 4 months (the wedge/ half answers). He then went back to her for 3months. Now he is idealizing me again. Do you think he would still be sleeping with her?
Potentially yes because you may be an IPSS who he is looking to promote back to primary source.
If he is idealizing me again after he leaves his ex ex will he be unfaithful to me with her if she manage to seduce him
I need to understand more of the dynamic. What stages you are in etc to be able to answer. A consultation may be the most appropriate way for you to proceed KT.
What if both the sources are exes? And not a new source?
In what context?
Will a narcissist be unfaithful during the idealization phase?
Potentially, although it is unlikely. It may happen where the narcissist is in a relationship where he is devaluing as he seduces a new prospective primary source. He may well use sex to gain negative fuel from the existing devalued primary source and thus is being unfaithful to the new prospect to whom he has promised himself. Once that new source is embedded however and the golden period continues during an embedded period, the prospects of infidelity are extremely unlikely.
So before this awareness was gained, you believed it to be true love?
Yes.
Hell You right HG obviously and as usually… I said that milion times out of pure love (not all that but a lot of it)… he said it to ensnare me…. Oh gosh…
HG do you believe you genuinely feel true love at the beginning of a relationship?
Yes but I have come to realise that it is not, it is infatuation with your fuel.
After how many relationships did you realize this?
A lot, this awareness only came about more recently.
Why is it that it seems like every Narc has the same modus operandi and using the same playbook? What is your theory as to why it these patterns seem so ingrained? And, how can you be so prolific with your writing? Do you sleep?
Hello Intrepid, we have similar modus operandi because it is effective. I am working on an article that delves into this in greater detail so there will be more to reveal in that. I enjoy writing and only sleep for 3-4 hours which allows me to produce my work.
Y’know, I would like to say this from the bottom of my heart and publically: I believe in Love. True Love.
Of course I do, you’re probably thinking. But it’s not about this infatuation, which includes pieces of True Love stitched throughout. The emphasis on trust and devotion, uniqueness, and passion that never bleeds dry. Things that most people want and can agree on.
But respectfully, what this carefully crafted monologue misses is that what people need is the real. The actions that make the declaratioms beautiful and genuine and special. Because when you really love someone, that’s what makes them special. That is what elevates them, elevates you, allows both partners to be equal. To be loved.
And even Narcissists understand this. Yes. Of course they do. But they can never feel it. They can never experience it.
The most Narcissistic sentence in this whole thing which really stood out to me was this:
“I want us to be one.”
It screams “I want to devour you. I don’t want there to be any boundaries between us, because we are so alike. I am you and you are me. That’s how much I crave you. Need you. I need us to be inseparable. I want to consume you.”
Perhaps we’ve all felt this way about someone, although perhaps not to the Narcissistic extent. The thing is, this sensation-this feeling-passes. Infatuation passes. True Love does not.
So please, be patient. Be observant. Be kind. Be real. Be loved.
Oh I don’t know, I wanted to one with the narcissist. I felt like I was one. Once I even told him that I felt I needed to hold him, pull him down from floating around above him, and contain him. He wasn’t grounded. He was eternally absent, present only through our kisses. If I could have one thing back, that’s the only thing I would keep. I objectified him too. I even told him that and he said ‘I don’t mind.’ Ha!
He was always telling me I owned him, that I controlled him, that he was powerless, that he wanted me to overpower him. I didn’t understand it at the time but now I see it was a narcissistic telling, a projection of his own behaviour. He was always projecting his own behaviour. He told me who he was in so many ways.
“… The actions that make the declarations beautiful and genuine and special. Because when you really love someone, that’s what makes them special. That is what elevates them, elevates you, allows both partners to be equal. To be loved.”
Beautifully put, livingbythemoonlight!
Love is only for the brave of heart: it takes strength to have faith in others, it takes courage to be vulnerable, especially after all we have been through at the hands of those we thought loved us.
True love will never come to the COWARDS who walk among us… the pretenders who hide behind their masks, lying to you, smirking at the thought of their ploys of deception, feeling ever so smart in their contempt for anything authentic and beautiful between two people.
Yet when we look closely, we will see that what they are making fun of is what they fear the most!!
Aww, holy hell!!
“You are EVERYTHING I have ever wanted in a woman…” as he looked deeply into my eyes.
That was the first admission he made to me after 2 weeks of being together and it just kept getting deeper and deeper after that.
I don’t know much about personality disorders, so please excuse my ignorance, but I can’t get my head wrapped around why and how so many of your kind are so much alike in behavior and attitude? It’s like many of you are cookie cutter images of each other, with some minor differences. Bipolars, schizophrenics, etc can be vastly different in their personalities and behavior towards others, but it’s like there’s a script and a “how to” book out there that your kind has memorized! Lol
Hello Tina, as mentioned in another recent reply, the similarity of approach is as a consequence of finding effective methodologies. Of course, we might suggest that it is not us who adopt the same modus operandi but it is rather because our victims all respond in a similar way (more blame-shifting for you). I am writing in greater detail about this so keep reading.
Lol, yes! The ambush that these leeches spring only work once. I lived through it, I was good “fuel” without knowing it. I was used and discarded. BUT, (a word they like) I took notes. At the first love bomb, I’m dropping my own ordinance of “good bye”. NO feeding of me. I am grateful for these articles, they are awesome. Hell, the writer is awesome. However, I know that karma exists to their actions and if it fails… Time is the greatest equalizer of all. These covert narcissists will get old and their facade will not work anymore. Their “fuel” supply will dry up, leaving them stranded in a desert alone and empty with their demons ripping them apart. Hahaha, last laugh is ours, the empaths. I can be alone, I can die alone… Because I have a soul instead of a fuel guage that drives my life.
Au contraire – it was all about ME. After all, didn’t you say that you are merely the mirror I need to see my own wonder? I never needed you at all.
Sickening.
Ooh if you were a stick of rock HG, it would just say, ‘adorable’ in the centre !!
Damn right!