Achieving NoFuC
Achieving NoFuC is the way to force the narcissist to leave you alone.
If you are being pestered by someone trying to seduce you who you have no interest in.
If you are being badly treated by someone who is bullying you.
If you are being repeatedly harassed by someone you were once in a relationship with.
If you are being smothered by someone who seems pleasant but is behaving over the top at the outset of your involvement with them.
If he or she just will not leave you alone.
You are in all likelihood being hoovered by a narcissist, whether it is in seduction or whether it is devaluing behaviour. Whether it is at the outset of the relationship, during the relationship or after the relationship such behaviour where this person will not leave you alone exhibits the behaviour of the narcissist.
To deal with them, you need to achieve NoFuC.
To understand what this means, what needs to be done and what it achieves, use this useful logic bulletin today.
14 thoughts on “Achieving NoFuC”
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Thanks HG..
OMG, I have just realized that an old ‘friend’ of mine is a narc! I always thought he was strange, very lonely and kind of obsessed with me. I accepted to go out with him because he was good looking and looked like a descent person. When I saw he was strange, I told him I was not interested. But he never gave up and did a lot of the things you are describing here. I did not have a romantic relationship with him but we have been having kind of a ‘friendship’ for the last 10 years! With ups and downs. Fortunately, he lives in another country so we don’t see each other very often. Last strange thing he did, he walked by in front of my office some weeks ago, just like that. Of course, I pretended not to see him and just ignored him. But from now on is NoFuC 100%
Oh the Malign FUH. 12 weeks of it. Smearing, taunting & teasing trying to trigger me. He stopped Dec 23rd praise God. It was a pretty good Christmas present though I wouldn’t tell him that.
Finally I seem to have all my marbles back… & then some…
Use this respite well JR.
Warning is heeded. I believe you will be correct. Thankyou.
I recently asked him ‘why did you love me at the beginning, give me so much attention etc. when now you admit you cannot love?’ He replied ‘i couldn’t help myself’ and logged off. He is a mid-ranger who doesn’t realize what drew him to me in the first seduction. Is this possible HG?
Absolutely.
While I agree that no NoFuC is the TRUTH, I do think there are pivotal points in time that can be an opportunity and you can use them to your advantage. For example:
The First Seduction
At this point I have absolutely no feeling for the narc. I am intrigued though, because naturally I’m drawn to narcs. This is when I negotiate the best. The more persistent they are, the more my demands. I let them know what I like, my dress and shoe size, and the kind of jewelry I prefer.
My lessers did not need much hinting. They were quick to fulfill my requests. In my experience, lessers have been more generous than the mids. This could be because my lessers were more prone to ‘get rich quick’ scams – so they burnt through money faster and easier. Though the mids took more prodding, they got me the very expensive gifts.
Post Escape/Discard
I’ve been fortunate in that I’ve never had a malign hoover. Perhaps because I’ve mostly been discarded (by the mids). I was able to escape the lessers (but it was because distance helped dissolve the relationships quicker). Anyhoo, most of the hoovers have been with the intent of wooing me back as an intimate secondary source – a demotion in my eyes from my original position as intimate primary source. I have no intention of taking them up on their offer, but I do like their overzealous behavior. So once again, I negotiate. It does take more effort to loosen up their purse strings, but eventually they all do. Since they desire a secondary source, I am not drained of energy. Usually the gifts have been in exchange for phone and video chats. Now, there is one BIG caveat. I can never do this with the most recent ex. I must remain no or low contact with the latest narc until the time I am strong enough to haggle with them too.
Besides those stalkers….We also have ask ourselves “have I let him go?” and if no, why not?
Yes, cut the fuel line!! Love this, HG: give NoFuC!!! Amen
Yeah, that person who always comes around, even when he/she isn’t wanted. You might think he/she is a stalker…and ok, he/she IS stalking your social media, turning up (seemingly) by coincidence EVERYWHERE you happen to go.
I’m in tears in the floo laughing 😂
I love those new cryptic words 😂😂😂
But I am a codependant…. I LOVE to give a Fuc … I need to give a Fuc to exist… metaphorically and literally! and what then Mr Tudor???
Holy crap! This is exactly who my narcissist is. Since I have changed myself into a less flirtatious, insecure female, he is not coming around so much. Especially because when he comes near, I breathe slowly, go within myself, center my mind & completely see through him…he could be standing an inch from me & I do not see him. He doesn’t exist. My strength has been to never react…ever. It really confuses him. On the days when something traumatic happens to me, however, he does come back. I am getting better & stronger though ☺
There was a time when people did not take me seriously, now they stand still & listen to me attentively. When I go anywhere people are kinder & more respectful towards me. I never knew I could be a leader, but now I am becoming one. Yes, sadly he was the kick in the pants that I needed to change.
This has been your best & most informative post for me in particular. I love how you said “You need to give NoFuC.”
Bravo, sir & thanks for posting
NoFuc….I like that. I nofuc you. You nofuc me. Lol.