The Five Hatreds of the Narcissist
The loss of our precious fuel weakens us. Criticism, when delivered in an emotion-free fashion wounds us and we need fuel to recover from such injurious criticism. If that fuel is not available or is reduced then we are placed in a perilous state which causes panic,chaos and a frenzied reaction to avoid this. Many things may send us to this place, a place which I call The Precipice. Here are five things we hate as they will start the slide towards The Precipice.
- Not Being Invited
Our massive sense of entitlement means that we should always be invited to events. Whether it is a birthday, retirement party, wedding or graduation we should be invited to attend. How can the host not want us there? We are the star of the show, the main attraction, the reason to be there. People are not there for the birthday boy, they want to see us. They are not really bothered about the happy couple, they prefer to be entertained by us and our tales of achievement or for us to exhibit our superlative dance steps during the reception. An event is not an event without us in attendance. We are the archetypal life and soul of the party. Fireworks fly when we appear, stardust is thrown liberally around and we turn the volume up to eleven. We cannot comprehend why we should not be invited when we bring so much to the party. This deprives us of a huge opportunity to extract fuel from so many people when emotion will be electrifying the air. It is akin to shooting a fish in the barrel and we have not been invited. This not only takes away a golden chance to consume fuel but it also suggests that we are not wanted, that somehow we do not pass muster to attend this event. That is nonsensical and as such is a massive criticism to us. How dare they not invite us? It is our right to be there. That is our audience, our crown, our delighted guests, not somebody else’s. We hate not being invited. So that’s why we will turn up anyway and act as if we were first on the guest list.
- Coming Second
We are born winners, pioneers, leaders and champions. Number one is all that matters. That is where the adoration is directed. That is why the winner’s podium is higher than the other two. That is why the winner gets the jackpot, the applause, the admiration and the plaudits. They all belong to us. We are destined to win and being the champion is our rightful place. Nobody wants silver. Who wants to be the runner-up? That means failure. That means somebody else has bettered you. That means someone else is going to get all the attention. Second is pointless. Second is redundant. I don’t want commiseration and empty praise for having come so close, I want to win. If I am second then I am regarded as inferior, not of the elevated state I know I am but that I need others to accept and reinforce. Coming second encapsulates all that is associated with the outcome which makes you who you are and is not something that should ever be rightfully associated with me. I hate to come second. I want to win. At everything and all the time, from being first in the queue, first to be served, the biggest biller, the biggest seller, the one with the best car, the one people always greet first, the one who wins the argument and I will do all of this at any cost to you and in any twisted and convoluted way which avoids the horror of being second.
- The Spotlight Shining Elsewhere
Why are you listening to him and not me? He is an idiot and he knows nothing. Listen to me. I am far more interesting. Anything he has done I have done already and then some more as well. He has a forehead? Yes well have you seen my five head? Don’t pay attention to other people, pay attention to me. The spotlight has to be on me all the time. I live my life as if I am starring in a movie with my personal soundtrack echoing in my ears as I move through my day. From the moment I rise from my bed all eyes need to be on me, watching me, admiring me and giving me attention. No matter what I am doing it needs to be seen by someone and the more people the better as their viewing is accompanied by their praise, admiration, hatred or anger. It does not matter what the emotion is that accompanies their attention so long as it is on me. Send that attention elsewhere and I am being told I am not important and even worse, someone else is more important than me. That is not right. That cannot be the case. How can you think that that person is more entertaining, better looking, more captivating than me? Train the spotlight elsewhere and you are telling me I am not good enough and I know I am. Aren’t I?
- Not Given Recognition
My arrival anywhere should be accompanied by a fanfare. I should be announced wherever I go. People should bow in acceptance of my greatness, kow-tow to my gravitas, salute, kiss my hand, go down on their knees and do whatever else is required to exhibit subservience to me. I must be given due accord because do you know who I am? I must always be mentioned in dispatches. I must always be referred to during a meeting. I must be pointed out, identified and highlighted in keeping with my superior status. I cannot stand it when I am not given my right to be recognised. I have that as a God-given right and you had better comply with your obligation to recognise me and all my amazing achievements.
- Being Alone For Too Long
People often think that my kind hate to be alone. That is not quite accurate. We can be content to be alone for a period of time when we are receiving significant fuel. There is always room, of course, for more fuel, but when we have received copious amounts then we are content to be left alone so we can revel in our own manufactured glory and turn our mind to our next conquest. This alone time allows us to plot, scheme and plan. When I mean alone, I mean away from people physically but also not in contact with them through technology. Complete isolation. If we have taken on board enough fuel we can endure it for a time. Therein lies the important part. For a time.
If we are left alone for too long and the effect of the fuel diminishes then we become restless, then anxious and then thrown into the panic as we edge towards The Precipice. Being left alone for too long means that people must not be interested in us anymore otherwise why are we alone? They do not want to contact us, interact with us, pour their praise towards us, make us feel wanted, hated, loved or adored. Their interest must be elsewhere if we have been left alone for too long and this is not something we can stand. We are being ignored, ostracised and excluded. We need people. We need attention. We need you. Please. Did you hear me? I said we need you. Open the door and let me out now. I need attention, any attention, from someone it does not matter who, just don’t leave me alone for too long.
33 thoughts on “The Five Hatreds of the Narcissist”
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Okay HG. Tah much. I believe I have found the answer to fuel. From an empath point of view. I wondered what this fuel you seek was and I feel I have a grasp of it, now. This fuel is difficult to explain. I feel it is what the N lives off to sleep well at night, whilst I sit here contemplating, different scenarios at 3:05 am and let’s face it, only a narcissist could sleep in this heat!
Hi H G, have you ever considered using for experience/information and research an awakened/coached (by you) empath against an unknowing but once adored by a sociopath….and the outcome of the knowledge you have given the discarded but armoured with her own such greater( from you) toolkit what would happen?
Hello Bravo Bravo, I do have in mind as a work (which will be some time away owing to existing commitments and also the need for my work to filter out there and be applied) which essentially is a compendium of experiences that people who have read my work, consulted with me, listened to my videos etc and then become weaponised, provide. It will be a collection of outcomes following the application of Tudorlogy if you will to their given situation. I have already received substantial feedback from people as to how my work has not only assisted them in making sense of what has happened but has allowed them to escape and impact on their narcissist and allowing for more of this to take place, I propose to draw together submissions from people into the tome that will be called “The Weaponised Empath”. Thus people can see it works and also look for similar instances to apply to their own situation.
The above kind of relates to the reasons, I have in mind for where to start with your books HG.The weaponised empath would make a very good start but when I say weaponised, the weapons I require are more than no contact. I know you insist that no contact works and many cases, it may. Not this case, no this one. Not sure if you have watched The Girl on the Train, but the character responsible for the violence in the movie, is many a person that no contact, does not apply to. Honestly, they don’t care about no contact, they care only of revenge and if that revenge means despite you could throw a million $ their way to disappear, they would take the money and still take revenge. Revenge for seeing through them, revenge for being the one that may expose them, revenge because they don’t want you to have anyone else in your own life, not that one would care to after such a monster. Yes, I would also like to follow your story with regard to what on earth could have happened so bad, for you to hate women so much to try and wrap my head around the deepest hatred disguised as love that I think I have put together well, concerning the N. Thanks.
If you want to follow my story PRH start with Confessions and work your way through the alliterative titles but take in Chained and Fury too.
Thank you for your reply.
I agree BB. A team approach could work well!
My ex likes to be alone. But he also feels like his ‘brain doesn’t wake up’ and his ‘heart burns.’ I think he doesn’t realize that he needs fuel and would fare better around pple.
Hi Ptsd what does he mean his heart burns, does he mean he has energy that is not being released? Ask him if you are in contact, if not don’t lol.
Hi PRH, i am not talking to him right now. This was a few wks ago. He texted it late at night. When i texted back the next morning, ‘what do you mean?’, he replied ‘it’s ok let’s not talk about it.’ Sometimes he lets out his vulnerabilities, but then regrets it later. However, my opinion is that he is referring to the constant underlying fury that just won’t go away.
I see. Confirmed again. I knew it, how long was that baby left unattended and how long was that child shut off from being a valuable part of the family, as valuable as any other in the room? Hmm…My N also…attachment is the key, I am sure of it. HG where is a link please about your childhood?
There are pieces throughout the blog and my books about my childhood.
Thank You and as I’ve not read your books, I will start at the beginning of the blog.
PRH, you have not read his books?😱
You’re missing out! I’ve read six of them and can’t wait to read more! In fact, i usually read a book in one sitting because it is that informative and interesting!
Ptsd: 🤣 The answer is no.
Hi HG, if I were to read your books, where is the best place to start and work my way through? Thirteen books is it? Tah ⛽
43. It depends on what you want to address PRH – is it understanding, is it tools to tackle us with, is it to go deeper into my mind to know more about me and my kind, is it to know why you were chosen?
Chill, HG, and realise that you are driving people away with your entitlement… a peacock in human form is not a pretty sight… learn to be generous, to share the limelight and you will be given all the attention you crave 🙂
we are all still here. soooo he is not driving us away. we eat it up like candy.
Hg is dandy because he like candy. to much will give you a belly ache.
I was thinking of real-life situations. If I witnessed him acting in any of the above manners, I would think of him as an inconsiderate fool who needed to compensate for whatever is lacking deep down. And I would stay the hell away. Arrogance and selfishness are very off-putting traits, indeed.
I’ve come to see that he is not a fool, and that interaction is informative and enjoyable.
A fool he is not, nor are we.
AH OH,
‘Hg is dandy because he like candy. to much will give you a belly ache.’
Lol😂😂😂
“A fool he is not, nor are we.”
I agree.
I did all these things for him…PLUS. I put him on the perfect pedestal because I do so with those whom I am in love with, but he still triangulated me and enjoyed purposely making me jealous with his Dark-Narc games, and then gaslighting me with my reactions… and to this day, he still denies it [thru his Flying Monkeys; he is too much of a coward to do so to my face]. He told me I was the love of his life, just to ghost me when I decided to talk to him about his triangulation and womanizing ways. The thing is, I had seen his lack of ba**s, err.., I mean, “integrity” many times before, and anytime I brought it up, he would have a complete S-S-S-stuttering m-m-m-meltdown in his B-B-B-British accent, and all.
🍒🍒🍒
What does meditation do for the narcissist? Have you ever tried it?
I have tried it Jar and I found it unsettling. My mind races too much and I found trying to enforce this ‘calm’ on it, unpleasant.
oh God it’s heartbreaking. .the pain … I’m sorry, I won’t leave You. Can have agreement that when You get bored or annoyed You will simply tell me to go away HG?
Again, spot on. My favorite part is the alone time to scheme and plan. The narc I work with is doing that right now. I am his boss and gave him new job responsibilites(minimized his role). He has already tried multiple manipulations to get out of the changes and has disappeared to scheme and plan more.
I’m ready, thanks to you.
You are welcome Sehsheb
Leave you , or him, alone for too long?…never.
Now…where would be the fun in that I ask 😉
“Yes, well have you seen my 5 head”?
HG, you have a great sense of comedy and tragedy…this will always remain as your most humorous line to me to date.
Original to you or not?, tis no matter.
From the first time I read this article I think it was the starting point of being able to finally remove that very serious long hair that had for lack of a better term coming to mind fallen across my ass and had wedged itself there figuratively for years ;).
I spewed that day. I also coughed and choked roared like I had not in a great while and I had really needed that so desperately then.
The best comedy always comes from tragedy.
I’m a real cut up apparently I’m told in person,especially when I am not trying to be funny ha ha.
Much respect.
Yours truly.
Thank you EBS. Outside of this blog I would claim it as my own, but I have heard it said by others. See how I deal in the truth here?