You v Her
I have grown weary of the incumbent primary supply. The fuel that ought to be provided at a premium level has become diminished in quantity and quality. Whilst it still flows as part of the devaluation that continues, the time has come to audition for your replacement. I am courting you following my usual preparatory work once you have been targeted and I have now commenced your seduction. You are not alone. I am seducing someone else as well. It makes sense to have an insurance policy after all. You won’t know about this competitor (at least not yet) but believe me that when you are in the early stages of being seduced by our kind, it is highly likely that I was seducing someone else. In order to identify the best source of fuel so we choose the most effective primary source, we will set a number of tests. These tests are not so arduous that they will risk the seduction failing, but are designed to ascertain which of the two, or more, competing prospects provides the best fuel. This current performance amounts to a strong indicator of future performance. Here are ten of the tests that are commonly utilised.
- Sending the same text message to both prospects to see who responds the fastest.
- Sending the same text message to both prospects without concerns as to the speed of reply but as to which provides the best fuel-laden response.
- Arranging a date with both prospects and then cancelling (with a view to re-arranging of course) to determine who is the most disappointed and which of the prospects tries to keep the date alive by making adjustments and alternative suggestions.
- Calling both prospects in the middle of the night to see who answers.
- Sending the same gift at the same time to see who thanks us the fastest and in the most appreciative manner.
- If sexual coupling has occurred at this early juncture, then sleeping with you both in the space of 24 hours (or less) in order to determine who is the more fuel accomplished lover.
- Feigning a minor emergency and seeing who responds the fastest and with the greatest concern and compassion.
- Suggesting a date when I know that the prospects have something else on to see who will break their existing engagement in order to see me.
- Having a lieutenant try to arrange a date with you to see if you rebuff him and make mention of me.
- Holding a social media challenge to see how many likes, re-tweets, comments each prospect applies to my postings in a three-day period to see who posts the most and provides the most fuel.
Not only does this contest between the two prospects provide us with plenty of fuel coming from two fuel lines, it enables us to determine who we should focus our greater efforts on to ensure they are seduced and become our intimate partner and primary source. If the contest is too close to call after the ten tests above, then additional tests will be applied and the ten above will be re-run also. The winner becomes our intimate partner but the loser does not go home empty handed, not at all. They are likely to be awarded the status of inner or outer circle friend and they will be kept within our sphere of influence as a supplier of fuel. They also a future role to play in a prospective triangulation and there may even be a promotion in the offing at some point….
33 thoughts on “You v Her”
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omg this is just absolutley amazing. I’ve always wondered how those lucky ones made it, and seem to orbit around on the outside, just like royals or something, haha, while they all watch me get crucified. It’s because he keeps the discards around as tools if he needs them or supply, so he’s not going to act up around them, or if he does, it’s only mild.
Do the new fuel sources find out you currently have a fuel source before signing on or is it always hidden? The current fuel source he had while chasing me should’ve been my first sign.
Hello MsSevyn, there are many instances where the new prospect knows about an existing primary source. Of course, the existing primary source (who is being devalued and whose discard is in the pipeline) is smeared to the new prospect so the new prospect allies and binds closer to us. The archetypal “my wife doesn’t understand me” being an example of this.
I am surprised women fall for men smearing the current primary source. I have one rule – I always assume that if somebody talks negatively about someone else, then most likely will talk negatively about me at some point. This is huge disloyalty and I despise men who are disloyal. Total red flag. I do not fall for self pity either. Those behaviours disgust me.
You identify the red flag BAB1 and act on it, obviously many do not. It is a combination of:-
1. Being blown away by the narcissist’s attention and wanting it;
2. Certain individuals will feel sympathy for the narcissist given the tale of woe (clearly you do not) because that is the way that they are;
3. We are convincing;
4. There is a sense of “I can better what she/he did” in terms of loving the narcissist;
5. The ex might be perceived as a threat and therefore to hear them smeared provides some comfort to the target.
Add all of these together and this is why people fall for it.
Hi. I got entangled with mine becouse I wanted to help him. He did not ask for it. I jumped the gun when he was weak, out of fuel as his wife decided to let him go after 25 years. I did not know what I was dealing with. He seemed to be so devastated and I gave him all my attention and care. It was a complicated relationship and it was not sexual. I was very much out of his league anyway. We seem to get along like nobody else. He was sucking up everything like a black hole and not giving anything in return. I started withdrawing as I got fed up and then he started to loss the control. He decided to tell me (cowardly by texting) that he has other friends and girfriends helping him out and imply that he has never been loyal to me, as I was to him. He seemed to have double life all that time when he put me on pedestal and raving on how critical I am in his life. I ended that toxic thing right after that event. Nobody will lie and manipulate me. I turned into ice. I think he wanted to hurt me and make me jealous and he got me leaving that relationship forever. I know I was very important supply for him especially for his career as he was such a child in a fog. I know one thing, he will never have anybody as dedicated to him as me in a workplace. I left that place months ago. He did too but he struggles with new job as far as I know . He is an aggressive lesser poor thing …Oh well. All those stories must get boring to you HG.
Bot at all BAB1, the study of other’s experiences has made me what I am today.
And for that I am grateful, also for all the crazy girls and boys visiting this forum. Thanks for sharing your wisdom HG and brilliant idea to create this blog. We all seem to form best and international support team for narc victims with you as leader. You created a cult that I joined voluntarily, I would never guess I would do such a thing haha.
You are welcome BAB1.
What a depiction, adults ripping one and others hair out over a man! The winner gets the man! Woohoo- a narcissist fantasy of schoolgirls competing for him to make himself feel valued- No thanks, if that is what unsuspecting victims get pulled into and the booby’ prize can go to the winner and they can live unhappily ever after. I would rather concede defeat and hand them a bottle of Moet!
The one I was involved with Facebook is very obvious to any woman that took the time to look. There are always at least two woman he is playing this s game with at a time(likes,comments) of course from br My there and questioning these with him before he will feign naivtivity and innocence. I remember one time trying to explain to
Him)like an idiot) that when he likes a woman’s selfie she sees that as interest. I remember him looking at me all doe eyed and saying,”I was just scrolling and liking. I would have never thought of that.”
Mine went one better than just liking the selfies Shesheb. He told his new primary source what he preferred & she actually took the pics & posted them for him ..
FB is such a give away IF they allow you to see everything but being lying, sneaky Bas3rds they dont . 🙁
I was in this exact situation with a Narc on Facebook and I was so naive and the one you talk about sounds like the same one I speak of.
I have strong intuition and I sensed this was happening to me the first go around but it was all so fast and I was not experienced with this type of behavior so I was very confused. He was brutal and blamed it on me for needing help and lacking in self-love. He chose the other woman and returned to me 10 months later after she made her get away. I was elated that he came back as I was still not understanding what had happened but this time around I figured rather quickly that I was being tested and auditioned. It really lost its appeal for me but I was still trying to figure it all out. It’s a mind fuck after all, so I give myself a break for that. We live in different states in the US and so I traveled several times to be with him. Things between us were simultaneously HOT and then VOLATILE! It made no sense to me. I just wanted us to be happy. He would get upset over small things and it would become huge problems over insignificant petty Things, and it would go on for hours! The Gas lighting was extreme and when I would start catching on he would change manipulations and when I would give in he would move the goal post. I left him and flew back home so happy to be away from him and I repeated that pattern 3x in a 5 month window. He is gone again and has turned his lieutenant on me. I have been instructed to not contact either of them ever again. It’s laughable to me because I was not contacting him but it’s his story and I am devalued and discarded and Shew! How did I get so lucky to play my cards right on that one? I know I am lucky! I know I escaped and his discard was only him going through the motions. It’s all my fault of course and this go around has him diagnosing me as being very sick with NPD tendencies! Brilliant! Hahahahaha! I see it all so clearly now and I know his fear and his pain. I want to Love him but I know it’s detrimental to me but I still miss him and am having a difficult time. I am moving forward though and I had Almost moved past him after 2 months of no contact until he showed up on Thanksgiving and got back inside my heart.
This is shocking… devoid of anything remotely human… perhaps, there is no cure for you after all.
I feel there must be a cure where there is a life 🙃. But, I think it would depend upon whether the patient wants the help, or even perceives this need 🙃. It’s so complex, it seems, due to the lack of self-reflection, and desire to wish to change for even “loved ones”. It’s really a very mysterious and unnatural phenomenon, in my opinion. I still cannot wrap my head around the concept of this condition, and it is like being in the Twilight Zone to think about it, and surreal. [But, then again, so is life, itself, for me]. I feel that I am somehow in between… something.
Yay, I am not here to judge somebody who suffers from a personality disorder, sees a therapist and helps others to understand NPD/ASD. I certainly appreciate HG Tudor blog and his wisdom, he helps himself and others in the process. I very much like his writing.
But I do not know him. Thus I have no ground to form any statements about his character. I aim to stay neutral and emotionless about people I do not know personally. Greetings from Boston,
I would have responded first, you see, but I was out of reception in the wilderness area, walking the canines 🐺🐺🐺
Thanks for the honesty, this list makes me sick to the stomach. Hard to not be disgusted. This statement is not necessarily a criticism of you HG. It is my humble opinion. Narcissists are not that different from many neurotypicals/empaths. People are people, some bad, some good. Some people are immoral and not necessarily burdened with NPD or other cluster B disorders. I know a diagnosed psychopath who is a very decent person. Everyone assumes all psychopaths are evil-it is not a case. Not all narcissists are evil either. Some narcissists go to therapy to manage their behaviors. They want to improve, at least they make an attempt. Thus I do not want to judge harshly everyone with NPD, even if I was hurt in the past. I have my opinions, but I let everyone to live the lifestyle they chose, with all the hurdles of their personality and mental disorders. But-when it comes to myself, I have high moral standards. The issue is when you meet somebody mirroring your values and behavior, and you fell for that person and then it turns out it is the biggest lie. When a person takes on a false identity to attract others, it is just horrid.
And, M. Tudor is not evil. He is The Best!!!
No one likes a brown noser.
I am not being a brown-noser, and I do not need you to like me. In fact, perhaps it is a compliment if you do not like me. No one likes someone who judges without asking questions, first. You did not even ask me why I said that Mr. Tudor is The Best, You Judgmental Individual of Ignorance. Ask, before you put that foot up your mouth.
Don’t you shower regularly, jarwithaheavylid? I bet M. Tudor does.
Besides, Jar, I’ve said it before on this blog…I don’t play favorites. If I like someone, I tell them. If I don’t, I tell them. I have no need to brown-nose, anyone. But, seeing as though this is in YOUR vocabulary, you must have experience with brown-nosing people. Who’s *ss have you been up, lately? No, wait…! I do not wish to know! Ugh! No, thank you… Ugh… 😳
Hi Banana. Your comment captured my attention. Can you please talk more about your diagnosed psychopath friend? Why was he or she diagnosed if they live a good descent life? I don’t doubt their acts of decency but how do you know they are genuine?
Hi, Love. She is a self-diagnosed psychiatrist. Decency, when it comes to people with no empathy, is of course, fluid. She is a loyal friend of mine. Only two people know about her condition. Her husband and me. It is a complicated story, but nobody would say anything negative about her. She hides her personality problems very well.
Wow Banana! That is incredible! A psychiatrist who has diagnosed herself with clinical psychopathy!? If you look through Dr. Hare’s checklist, there are 20 traits that identify psychopathy. Each is given a score from 0-2. A total score of 30 or greater would equal a clinical diagnosis. Of course this test is only valid when administered by a professional, which your friend is as an MD. The problem is this list is not made up of nice characteristics. I do not question your friendship but wonder how this person can be decent when she herself has identified herself with most of these traits:
glib and superficial charm
grandiose (exaggeratedly high) estimation of self
need for stimulation
pathological lying
cunning and manipulativeness
lack of remorse or guilt
shallow affect (superficial emotional responsiveness)
callousness and lack of empathy
parasitic lifestyle
poor behavioral controls
sexual promiscuity
early behavior problems
lack of realistic long-term goals
impulsivity
irresponsibility
failure to accept responsibility for own actions
many short-term marital relationships
juvenile delinquency
revocation of conditional release
criminal versatility
Psychopath
10
Psychopath-Curious
3
Normal
3
Victim
1
Something like this is indicative. I sure would not like to be manipulated by a psychiatrist psychopath and the damage irreversible, I would imagine. Trust just gone out the window!
Purple, lol at ‘psychopath-curious’ 😂
I know what you mean but I am greatly psychopath curious myself 😉
Very well said. I agree that is the hardest part. Makes me sick.
Banana,
Thank you for sharing this. Your perspective is valuable and speaks to exactly what I advocate about our kind all the time – most of us (in fact, the good majority of us) do not fit the run-of-the-mill psycho-killer stereotype imposed upon on by a close-minded and not very well-read society.
I do not find it surprising at all that your friend is viewed as an upstanding, trustworthy person; a loyal friend, etc. Psychopaths tend to be much better at keeping their shit together (for lack of better words) than sociopaths, though each person is different.
The are often be seen by others as being charming, well-educated and trustworthy, holding steady, normal jobs. Some even have families and seemingly-loving relationships with a partner.
Are you ingaging in this at this moment? I forgot the names of who you have written about. I do know of Kim.
Will you ever manage yourself to not need to do this?
It does tire me out to read this. But in someways I have had this behavior before with prospective guys in my 20’s. The thought of doing this now drains the energy I have learned to create myself.
My mind set was “will I ever have a partner?” Now it is “will I let anyone close enough” and “he is out there looking for me.”
My friend just told me that they look and I don’t see them. I refuse to see them. Again it is a self solitude I have created.
One day you might grow tired of the game and like yourself enough to just be. This is not being miraculously healed but you create the fuel inside yourself. It still has an empty spot but you deal with it.
I feel so angry to read this. I can not know for sure if he acted this way with me but his modus operandi is largely likely. That anger!
I want revenge, you already know, but for me the risk is so high that only I would end up crushed.
I know that if his wife left him he would be destroyed, she is the mirror of purity that refer resplendent image of himself. She is his secure base. But I think that even if she knew of his betrayal she will never leave: he would change the reality with his words and she would believe him…