The Cast Off Quintet
The seduction is mesmerising and as part of its allure we of course tell you why we chose you with a thousand different sensual sentences. Some may seem over-the-top; others make sense to you but either way you are giving the basis of understanding why we have been drawn to you. We do not tell you the real reasons why we chose you but we do provide you with soame.
The devaluation is tortuous, horrific and unpleasant. You are unable to ascertain why we have suddenly knocked you from your pedestal. It is bewildering and confusing and only serves to add to your pain. You may have some reasons hurled at you but they will not make any sense to you and this is by design, to keep you confused and where we want you. Reasons are given, they just do not make sense.
Then comes the discard and more often than not you are left sprawled in the dust, exhausted, bereft and shattered with no explanation given as to why you have been thrown to one side as we stroll off into the sunset walking away nonchalantly. Why has it ended so suddenly? What did you do wrong? Why have we not told you why this has happened? The pain of being rejected is magnified by the failure to provide you with any explanation. Naturally, this refusal to explain is part of our design. We feel no need to explain because we can do as we want. We feel no need to give reasons because in our eyes you deserve no reasons because you have failed us. We offer no information for you to consider and process because certainly amongst the lesser of our kind they do not know themselves why is has ended, but it had to. This is the way it has to be. There are however reasons why you are discarded. These are those reasons.
- You Have Wised Up
You have worked out, usually as a consequence of some external assistance that we must provoke you and make you react in an emotional fashion. You may not entirely understand why this dynamic occurs, you may not realise why it is so important to us, but you know that we want to make you react and you have stopped doing so. You have learned to respond in a neutral fashion and thus deprive us of our fuel. We apply our machinations in a harsher fashion, increasing the pressure to cause you to react as we feed on our secondary sources in the meanwhile but your resistance is substantial. You have not walked away, perhaps you are unable for financial reasons, children or the inconvenience of seeking a new home, but you have turned off the tap and we realise that it is not going to be turned back on anytime soon. We do not want to be in this weakened state and we do not wish to apply the energy we need to finding or embedding a new primary source to be used up on trying to squeeze fuel from you. Thus you are dropped.
- The New Source Is in Place
We began our devaluation of you as we sought a replacement for you. This explains the repeated affairs and now we have settled on your replacement as a primary source of fuel. He or she has been seduced and embedded into our supply chain. We are confident that they are functioning well, pouring forth delicious positive fuel in significant quantities and in a reliable manner, far better than you ever did. We have been fuelled by your negative fuel but there is no longer any need to keep you in play now that we have our new bright and shiny plaything. On to the scrap heap you go. We will come back later for a hoover of course, but for now it is adios.
- You’re Broken
Although it may seem during devaluation that we are trying to destroy you, that is actually not the case. Yes, we are driving you downwards through our repeated application of horrible manipulations but we do not want to finish you off. Just like somebody’s head we are holding under water, we will let you surface spluttering and gasping for air, by way of a respite period before plunging you into the icy water once again and holding you under. In and out, up and down, push and pull. We will have you bouncing along the bottom but not destroyed. Sometimes we go too far and the avalanche of abuse takes its toll on you resulting in you becoming broken. You are left numb, barely functioning or even hospitalised as a consequence of a break down. You provide us with no reaction any longer. Unlike the first instance above, this is not by choice, but as a consequence of our behaviour breaking you. Knowing now that you will not provide us with any fuel, we show our callous nature by taking no interest in your broken state but instead we shift our focus to embedding the new prospect that we have been cultivating and drop you.
- Major Exposure
You may have us worked out but your shock and horror at this, along with your desire to actually try to help and change us, means you continue you to spill out fuel towards us. You have the knowledge but you are not using it effectively, so we see no reason to go elsewhere. You may be trying to tell other people about our terrible behaviours but we have got in first, launched the smear campaign and maintained the façade. It is business as usual. Occasionally however you might just outflank us and manager to tell other people what we are like before we can do anything about it. These people see some incontrovertible evidence that you have obtained (admittedly usually obtain when dealing with the lesser and mid-range of our kind) and take your side. News spreads and those people we thought we could rely on either turn their backs on us or worse take your side. The façade is crumbling. The fuel has stopped and the energy required to change people’s minds (with no guarantee of success) is too great. We have been exposed in a major fashion. Rather than face the music and allow ourselves to be destroyed we drop you like a stone, saddle up and ride out of town in order to find a new place which hasn’t heard about who we are.
- Wounding with Intent
You’ve brought your A game on this occasion. Not only do you know what we are, the revelations that you have been provided with have caused you to now understand how you can hurt us. You know to turn off the tap but you know how to obtain the ultimate revenge against us and your emotion-free criticisms are launched at us. These criticisms wound us repeatedly, burning and hurting us and with no way of getting fuel from you, we are being beaten. You have been well schooled by somebody and applying those learned lessons you are starting to attack the very pillars of our existence. We are under a serious attack and fighting back is not an option. We need to flee and quickly. We don’t want you any longer, we know we cannot succeed at this moment in time and therefore we need to beat a retreat and promptly. You don’t want to let us off the hook because you want answers and you want to punish us for what we have done to you. You are not going to end our connection. We are not going to hang around however and we will discard you as we beat that retreat so we can recover, replenish and then look to strike back at a later date when your guard may be down.
24 thoughts on “The Cast Off Quintet”
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As I’m sure we’d all get a kick out of them, I wish I could share his live broadcasts on here, but it only allows sharing through various apps (facebook messenger, whatsapp, kik, instagram, etc). In addition to how sad his broadcasts have been in nature, they are also very glitchy (skipping, pixelated, etc) if he’s using data instead of wifi to broadcast due to the shitty nature of his pre-paid cell phone “unlimited” plan.
When he first bought the cell phone, less than a month before I put him out, he proudly walked into the room showing it off. I said, “nice pink phone”, he said, “it’s salmon”. He made quite a show of telling me the unlock code and told me, “if it rings while I’m in the shower, please pick it up, I’m expecting my brother to call me”.
While he was showering, I picked up the box of his brand new Blu Dash M2 phone and the corresponding receipt and saw he spent $190 on the phone, plus $50 for the sim card and $60 for the “unlimited” talk, text and data plan. I was shocked at the cost considering I paid $1 for my Samsung Galaxy S5 about a year and a half ago. Anyway, I turned the box over and saw that the phone has a mere 4 gigs of internal memory…laughable! I then googled his phone to check reviews and comparable prices. It receives 2.5 stars on Amazon and sells for $70 or less. Then I looked up the plan he purchased and I forgot the company he went with, but they say they offer unlimited data, but in small print it says, “2 gb of high speed data, after which data is throttled” (or something along those lines).
When he came out of the shower, I told him, “Babe…you might want to consider returning the phone and getting a different one and maybe go with another provider as well, I know Boost has some good deals and they offer truly unlimited data for $60”. He then confirmed what I said by googling it for himself and he was not happy. I tried to show him the offers other providers have and he accused me of trying to make him feel bad and was grumpy for the rest of the night and a couple of days afterward, but never tried to return the phone or sign up with a different plan. To try and make him feel better, I ordered an external 32 gb memory card from Amazon since his phone was already giving him low storage notifications and he only just brought it home and hadn’t even downloaded any apps yet.
He was just an asshole about everything, but seeing his sad and glitchy broadcasts now, about 3 months later, gives me internal giggle fits.
Hello All!
As is evidently common among narcs, my former narc continues to friend/unfriend/block/refriend, etc follow/unfollow/block/refollow etc on my social media accounts. This doesn’t bother me. Let him see how well I’m doing, I say. I’m following the advice of HG Tudor as described in detail in his book, Revenge. I started much of the process even before I knew I was enacting revenge and prior to reading the book, but the book has been helpful in giving additional advice and ideas and confirmation that I’ve been doing things correctly.
My former narc has recently started using an app called live.me. I’ve periodically gone through his old broadcasts (not while he’s live) to see how sad and shitty his life is. He sits by himself in the shop in which he works/lives all night drinking cheap brandy from plastic cups and begging for virtual likes/gifts while playing awful new rap loudly in the background interrupted by Pandora ads.
This weekend (Saturday night) I went to an amazing house party attended by an attractive and well heeled group of family and friends who really know how to get down. There was a well known DJ spinning all the classics in addition to live music. There was dancing, laughing, great food and drinks flowing like water. There was a Hennessy fountain which NEVER ran dry. A literal fountain of fine cognac. This is a party that my former narc would have accompanied me to had I not left him.
I decided to live broadcast the party from the same app he uses to broadcast his pathetic life. I never followed him on it. I don’t use my name on the app. When I viewed his old broadcasts, I did so from a fake account, so I don’t know how he knew I was broadcasting, but he knew. He joined the live broadcast and bore witness to the fabulous party and when I woke up the next morning, I was blocked on social media…lol
On Sunday night, he made a live broadcast from his brothers truck with a mix cd playing in the background and him laughing and joking as if there were more than just him in the vehicle. Later the same night, he made a 2 minute live broadcast from a local, small town Mexican bar. It’s like he has to prove that he’s not sad or something and I’m thriving off of it! Does that make me a narc like him?? I’d like to think I’m an Empathic Supernova, but I’m not so sure anymore. i’m really relishing his slow descent into madness.
No you are not a narcissist and your ex narc really knows how to roll doesn’t he?!
VANESSA
How tragic yet hilarious is that?! Sitting in a vehicle (not his even) pretending theres a party. That made my day. Does that make me a Narc? Ba hahaha
VANESSA
**standing and clapping for you**
Bravo
Thank you, NarcAngel. A part of me feels really petty and immature dishing out the things recommended in Revenge. Nevertheless, I find it amusing and continue to anonymously do little things to annoy him. However, I will likely not go through with submitting a complaint against him with the Division of Licensing Services for barbering without a license, but only due to fear of retaliation. It was, however, an interesting confirmation to find that he has indeed been working without the required license for nearly 30 years, as suggested in Revenge, Chapter 7.2, Toppling the Entitlement Pillar.
Knowing that he’s losing his footing personally and in romantic relationships is good enough for me, for now. I checked his Google history this morning and he was searching craigslist and backpage for escorts last night.
VANESSA
I understand wanting the feeling of revenge and do not find it petty or immature but healing. It may not be for all and I know unless carried out fully it is mostly lost on my target, but I do it to purge myself more than to punish them. I just know they’ll survive and I feel better. Even if he figures out you can track his moves and remedies that so you no longer can, you’ll have a thought fuel of sorts of your own that you have made your point to him, and maybe thats enough rather than bring any further malice on yourself, but to each their own. In any case-good for you.
I believe #5 is exactly why I was discarded. Although I had no idea I was “wounding” him, nor what he was, I definitely had the intent of no longer letting him off the hook. Maybe a bit naive, but this is why I believe he won’t come back and hoover me. I’m pretty sure he knows he’d be wounded again. He’s witnessed me do it to others. The only way I think he’d potentially come back is if he and his wife got divorced. It was the one thing he knew at the end, I was no longer putting up with.
Side note: that picture looks eerily like he and I … UGH!!!
Please forgive the typos !
My narcissist took our child after I told him he would not be getting her if he doesn’t respect the way I’m raising her. He refused to give her her sippy cup after I cut him off and he reappeared to “see his daughter” had her for two days and I was out of my mind. I begged and pleased with the police to accompany me and make him give my my child. After he finally answered and gave her to me I had him served with no trespassing papers. He tried to act as if I was nothing but I could see he was FUMING. She is 8 months old. Oh we had a court date 2 weeks later for child support where he refused to pay me the minimum amount resulting in us having to do before a judge in March. I didn’t so much as look in his direction and took my ex fiancé with me to keep him AWAY from me. That was two months ago and I haven’t heard from him since, this is the longest I haven’t heard from him and I’m not sad about it lol .
Thank you, HG. Today I have gone through the process of confirming that he’s operating his business without the required license and have anonymously completed a Preliminary Statement of Complaint. I’m a bit nervous to send it to the proper authorities due to fear of retaliation from him, but even confirming my suspicions and completing the form felt amazing!
You are welcome Vanessa.
Thank you, ava101.
I read ‘Revenge’ as well. But my heart would not allow me to go through with the suggestions therein. In retrospect, i’m realizing that my ex was not that abusive. For others, it may serve their purposes if their narc is highly abusive.
I put my former narcissist out of the house on October 16th after realizing I was losing myself with him….I didn’t even recognize who I was anymore, shaking and crying on the edge of my bed. It was crazy. (After reading your post, The Empathic Supernova, I think that is what I may be). He never came back to pick his clothes, I’m sure in the hopes of using that as an excuse to hoover me, so I had them delivered by his friend, a cab driver, to his place of employment. That was very satisfying. He maintained contact with me for the past nearly 3 months although he also quickly obtained a new girlfriend, whom, unbeknownst to me, he had been grooming for the last 2 weeks of our relationship.
I’ve been allowing him to contact me because I thought I would derive some pleasure from watching his eventual downfall. I did. His new girlfriend is a definite downgrade, but, from what she’s told me she’s been giving him a great deal of negative fuel (which I rarely did, or, at least not to the extent that she does). She tells me about screaming matches between the two of them (he and i never screamed), his silent treatments are met with frantic phone calls (with me, his silent treatments were met with silence). I know this because she recently reached out to me, having seen my communications with him in his phone (his intent, I’m certain).
Additionally, she does not provide the comfortable amenities I provided for him, housing, clean laundry, stocked pantry, hot meals, sex on demand, etc.
Although, watching his slow descent has been pleasurable, it’s not enough. I’ve been wanting to enact revenge on him. After reading your book, “Revenge”, this weekend, it seems like I have been attacking some of the 8 Pillars without even knowing it! I’ve also started attacking some of the others.
STATUS – I intend to send business letters and telephone calls to his place of employment thanking him for his recent application for floor sweeper (and other lowly tasks).
ENTITLEMENT – I’ve already told him “Your opinion is not valid” when he attempts to insult me. I’ve severely impinged on his privacy (I know all his passwords and have unfriended some of his whores and followed other, less desirable people). He fancies himself a “Master Barber”, but holds no license, furthermore, he sells drugs out of his place of employment. Looking forward to contacting the authorities on this on (thanks for the tip!)
OMNIPOTENCE – Today I’ve arranged for literature and samples for the following to be delivered to his place of employment (why there and not his home? because he’s homeless). Hearing aid information, bladder incontinence samples, viagra brochure, other erectile dysfunction information, walk in tub brochure. I figure, I’ll sign up for 5 or so things every week.
SUPERIORITY – I got this one down pat. On social media, I’ve been detailing my relatively (to him) lavish lifestyle showing myself drinking expensive liquor, wearing designer clothes, going on exotic trips, parties attended by the young and moneyed, new jewelry, paid time off from work, etc. Additionally, when he attempted to insult me, I shared with him screenshots of me and the woman he cheated on me with and me and the new girlfriend talking and laughing about his small penis. Furthermore, he has triangulated me against his family members and other friends by telling me undesirable things about them and their lifestyle. I’ve shared with these people or people close to them who will tell them what he told me in order for them to see him for who he is.
ACCOUNTABILITY – He has a 3 1/2 year old whom he has never held or given money toward. The mother of this child has been trying to track him down to serve him with an order for child support, he’s always dodged her. I intend to share with her the address of where he works. Furthermore, his eldest daughter dislikes him and unfriended him on social media after asking him if it was true that she doesn’t have his last name because he wanted nothing to do with her. He is starting to be held accountable for his ways. Additionally, his 17 year old son is a high school football star being offered college scholarships for his athletic prowess. He claims to be very proud of his son, but more-so he told me, “between you and my son, I’ll be set when I get old” (I’m in a comfortable financial position) and he’s right…even with just me, he would have been set, but he was definitely looking to ride on his son’s coattails as well.
PROJECTION – When he angrily reaches out to me after I share information with his new girlfriend or with the people he triangulated me against, I calmly and without emotion tell him, “I am not to blame for what you did/said. If you don’t like it, you should not have done/said it”.
EMPATHY – He knows how emphatic I am and has been trying to garner sympathy from me by telling me about his various ailments. No sympathy. Instead I tell him how I sent money to my ex to help with legal bills or visited a mutual friend in the hospital.
ATTENTION SEEKING- He’s on this app called Live.Me, it’s a live broadcast app. He’s 47 years old. He absolutely loves the little bit of attention he receives. He put one of his whores on to this app and she has her own live broadcast. In one hour she surpassed his likes, coins, diamonds, etc that he received in over a month. Furthermore, he constantly posts links to these broadcasts on his FB and IG. He may get 1 or 2 likes on these links. I post standard updates and check ins on my social media and I get dozens of comments and likes. Also, I’ve orchestrated things so that the woman he cheated on me with, his new girlfriend and I among some of his whores comment on and like each others status updates, etc. Obviously, he’s on social media, so he has the opportunity to see this, but I know his sister in law tells him everything as well. Such fun!
I do have a question, though, HG Tudor. After completing my revenge and hearing about and/or witnessing his downfall, how long before he is able to return to his narcissistic ways? He still has his minions who love and adore him, but I doubt they’re an adequate source of fuel, let alone the vast amounts of premium fuel I poured forth for him.
Hello Vanessa, thank you for that interesting and comprehensive post about your revenge. Those pillars will come crashing down and him with it. You have most certainly seized the power and your application of this approach strikes me as meriting an addendum in the book Revenge as a worked example.
From what you have described, he appears to be a Mid-Range Somatic. Accordingly, once those pillars have crashed down he will face a crisis of identity as his creature emerges and this will cause him to retreat and seek isolation, the world being too terrifying for him to address in this state. Dependent on how soon fuel is sent his way and to what extent, this period of retreat and “bumping along the bottom” will last weeks at least and more likely a few months. He will be hard hit.
Thank you for your kind response, HG. I’ve noticed that there are no new live broadcasts since last week when I sent him the screenshots referring to and ridiculing his manhood. He has also not responded to any of his 6 new Facebook messages. Additionally, I have access to his gmail and as such, I can tell that he has severely underutilized his smartphone. He will typically google a few things a day, play some games, watch a lot of awful you tube music videos, but I’ve only seen 1 search since then… for what I’m assuming is an escort on a website called “Backpage”. His phone was off from Friday afternoon to last night when he did the google search, so this aligns with your suggestion that he is retreating and seeking isolation. I am quite amused and just requested information and a free dvd to be sent in his name to his place of employment for a Hoveround, one of those scooters the elderly or disabled get around in. Quite apropos since he no longer has access to a personal vehicle.
While we were together (8 long months) and I was still in love with his facade, he told me to put him in my will. I told him when he gets a divorce, I would consider it. He called me his wife, I told him to not refer to me as such since he has a wife and until he gets a divorce and puts a ring on my finger, I am his lady, not his wife. Once, when I was tipsy, he inquired about my credit worthiness. As the words, “I have excellent credit” tumbled out of my mouth, I frantically tried to suck them back in like a fish out of water. A few weeks later, he told me he needs a truck, I said, “so get yourself a truck…what does that have to do with me?”, he forlornly looked out of the winder for the rest of the ride to Atlantic City.
I saw all the red flags and chose to collect them instead of immediately retreating. What can you tell me about this technique. Is it common for victims to pick up clues and red flags and just waiting until the final straw rather than confronting and attempting to discuss each issue with the narc? Don’t get me wrong, I have confronted him about things, but I’ve tried to be measured and controlled in my communications with him regarding his transgressions towards me. I’m not prone to angry outbursts or loud or public confrontations, instead, I typically retreat and analyze the situation in order to figure out the best way to handle things. Would this have frustrated him?
When the final straw came and I finally broke, even then, I mumbled to myself while pacing around the room while he was in bed rather than screaming at him. I eventually did end up crying out of frustration. I saw a glint of what can only be described as victory in his eyes when I told him, “you are the love of my life, why won’t you just let me love you?” Two days later, he went to work as if nothing happened, I was left crying and shaking, a shell of my former self, at the foot of my bed. Later that day, I broke up with him via text after I packed his things up in big black garbage bags and put them in front of the garage. I knew if I saw him in person again, I may have allowed him to pull me back in.
Hello Vanessa, it isn’t common for victims to act on the red flags if they even manage to identify them. Most are missed or ignored because there is always an “easier” and more palatable explanation to be had. After all, our behaviour is often so odd (from your perspective) that you need to find an answer (usually the wrong one) to try to gain comfort from apparently knowing what is causing it. Even during the devaluation peopled not recognise the Black Flags as I call them. Of course, with the dissemination of information and greater awareness this may change to some extent. Accordingly, your situation is relatively novel.
“… as his creature emerges and this will cause him to retreat and seek isolation, the world being too terrifying for him to address in this state.”
So that’s why my ex is preferring isolation these days! I never knew why! How did you know this HG since you have not been in this state?
I’ve seen it happen with others of my kind.
Yes, thank you Venessa!!
*hahaha* well done. 🙂
After 12 years of pure confusion, mind games, a living hell my eyes were opened mid last year. I have spent the last 6 months reading everything that I could get my hands on and watching every video about the subject. Knowledge is power. You can never win a war until you know yourself and your enemy.
I’m at #5 “Wounding with Intent” and it feels good. I did have a hard time not smiling while she played her games, but its becoming very easy keeping a strait face. I’m hoping she decides to run soon, but not too soon.
Did you have a new experience, HG? @Nr. 5
It did not happen to me, but I have seen it happen elsewhere.