Fifteen Boundary Breakers
We never respect boundaries, do not regard them as applicable to us, whether those boundaries are accepted social conventions or boundaries enshrined in law, we have little or no regard for them. These rules, procedures, conventions and laws are for the little people, not titans such as us. We go where we want, when we want and do what we want. Driven by our astonishing sense of entitlement, absent empathy and innate superiority, we smash through barriers and boundaries every day. This is a total mind set which we adopt and the examples of this are legion. Here are fifteen instance of our boundary breaking behaviours.
- Anything of yours is automatically ours.
- You are an extension of us.
- We make you feel guilty if you say no to us.
- We make you believe that you are something that you are not.
- We ignore and/or deny your needs.
- We invade your spaces.
- We allow your sense of self-esteem and self-worth to be eroded.
- We make you solely responsible for our needs.
- We make you say “yes” to us through a sense of obligation.
- We make you feel it is necessary to always please us.
- We treat you unequally.
- We fail to support you.
- We expect you to agree with us all of the time.
- We expect you to read our minds so you do what we want.
- We dominate your resources – time, energy, attention, socialising, money and emotions.
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A twist on this – because he feels so superior, he is convinced he is above taking anything from anybody. He never invades my space, nor believes that what is mine is his. He is therefore hard working, financially responsible, and would rather be on the streets than borrow money frm anyone.
Currently dealing with the dickhead and his boundary breaking. I can predict a lot of his behaviour as a result of 26 years of being expected to read his mind (as a psychiatrist said to me 26 years and you kept him happy, you’re pretty good). When I do this post discard he gets very angry and I have been threatened with AVO’s and accused of stalking him because I can work out he went away for the weekend with his supply who he denies he’s having a relationship with and I can tell he’s running around different churches trying to get people who don’t know him or know he was a married evangelical Christian to accept him as an unmarried evangelical Christian…and listen to his views regarding the bible. He didn’t return my child’s school clothes told me to get my other children to go and get them from his washing line (off with his girlfriend again) so I told him I was going to get them. Found a bit of an S and M t-shirt hanging on his line (thunderbirds butler saying yes m’lady on it)…knew exactly what that was all about (playing the obedient victim to set the new supply up to be made responsible for everything while being controlled and diminished through criticism) photographed it and sent him the pic with comment. He has now erected security cameras on his rented property. I’m guessing this confirms when I thought he had tried to break back into the marital home 12 months ago he did and he thinks I would do the same thing. Ahhhh projection.
So true, HG!
I have never met an empath who could accurately read my mind, no matter how hard he/she tried.
The only ones who can are those who are like me (and who aware of what they are) because only they truly understand what is zipping through my mind at warp speed at any given moment.
Interesting.
Interesting and common sense really.
HG has shed some light on why we behave the way we do, say the things we say, do the things we do, but even still, it is difficult for those who are so unlike us to truly get into our heads and fully understand us.
Just when you think you understand us, we switch up the game and the fuckery goes on. And on….and on….and on…..
This is why I place some (though limited) value my self-aware sociopath (and yes, a few psychopath) family and friends. I know they understand me and why I am the way I am AND they do not wish to change anything about me.
You raise a fair point about the value of changing-or rather not changing-someone. I accepted long ago that I could not change my psychopathic, somatic, overt Narcissist. I would say my intentions in wanting to were good, because I loved her.
But they were also selfish. I wanted our relationship to function in a healthy, normal way when she flat out told me she doesn’t do normal relationships (I misunderstood the context of that, but that’s a long, separate story). So I ended up wanting her to change for me and the sake of the relationship, which obviously did not and could not happen.
In my opinion, I do not think psychopaths/NPD/Sociopathic individuals, or any one with any mental illness for that matter, is actually satisfied or happy. They may never admit it of course, but it is clear in their actions, the state of their life, and in ample psychological evidence.
I think I have a good understanding of NPD and my empathic power is strong; yet I wanted to understand to heal, and then to protect myself. It’s not difficult to understand your motives or thoughts, actually. I don’t think it makes you special, with all due reapect.
It’s just that people don’t want to associate with your kind because your kind are detrimental to our well being. If your kind did not take s much pleasure from causing pain and did not actively seek out victims, they might be tolerated more. As it stands, it’s probably best to associate with your damaged kind instead of hurting people who had nothing but love.
That’s what I think. And as you say, it is common sense, really.
Hi Moonlight,
Well for me, if someone says they want to change something about me, that is a criticism and that person must be destroyed. This is why I used to get so agitated in this forum reading people say they hoped HG would change or wanted him to change or if only he could change.
Someone like me does not want someone like HG to change because he is perfect the way he is in my eyes (especially since he is a Greater).
Wanting or hoping for us to change is wounding. You are telling us while you love certain things about us, you do not love everything about us. You do not love us the way we are. You do not love us unconditionally, but then you get upset when our love comes with conditions.
I accept and understand why you see me as damaged, but understand I see you, as an empath, as damaged. You also have to understand that, in my mind, if I mistreat or harm your kind in some way, it is because you have done something to deserve it. It is the way I am wired.
I will not stop associating with empaths or begin socializing exclusively with my kind as that would not serve my purpose.
My point is simply that I do somewhat value my anti-social disordered associates and family members because those who are self-aware, get me.
You make a fair point. I just don’t think it excuses the abuse, because by saying it’s the way you are, the way you’re wired, you are not taking responsibility for the harm you cause. No one deserves abuse, and that includes Narcissists.
I also passionately disagree that our love comes with conditions. On the contrary, I think many of us love our Narcs unconditionally, and recieve abuse in return for our honest effort. That’s hardly a way to treat someone. These “conditions” are called healthy boundaries, which I understand is a rather insurmountable problem for your kind.
Furthermore, I don’t think I have to understand that kind of mistreatment. I cannot accept abuse, especially as a part of the “way things are.” Although I do understand your condition, it only affirms that I think both Narcissists and Empaths are extremely stubborn, addicted to each other for various reasons and various degrees, and can cause further damage to each other.
I agree that HG is quite a character. He’s been nothing but polite and tolerant in our interactions (as well as charming). I think he’s doing a very good thing with this blog. I have nothing against him, and I don’t want to change him either. As I said, and you pointed out, I don’t think anyone can or should or has the right to change someone else.
Understanding and acceptance are the two greatest things your kind and your kind can ever offer each other.
I did accept my Narc the way she was. Always. Exactly the way she was, even more so after I found out she was a Narcissist. By accepting her, I also made the hardest decision of my life to accept that we could never be together in any healthy relationship. It broke my heart. But I’m healing. And remaining open to new perspectives.
I really appreciate you sharing yours. Thank you for encouraging understanding. I think it benefits us both.