The Portentous Remarks of the Narcissist
It is well known that our kind operate by the wearing of masks. We have learned how to portray those emotions which we do not feel. We have ascertained that in certain situations we are expected to respond in a particular way. We know that by donning a particular mask we are more likely to charm and seduce you. We are aware that maintaining a certain mask the vicious malevolence that lurks beneath can be kept in check so that we achieve acceptability and the advancement of our agendas. There are occasions when we will give you a glimpse of what lies beneath this mask. I am not referring to when we whip the mask off and subject you to devaluation. That is a purposeful and intended act on our part. I am not making reference to when the mask fractures as a consequence of the ignition of our fury and the lesser and mid-range of our kind are unable to keep the mask in place so that the ignited fury erupts and the malicious beast is unleashed. There are occasions however when we provide you with a fleeting glance beneath the mask as to what lies beneath. This will happen during the seduction period. Sometimes it is as a consequence of the effect of a particular agent, such as alcohol. Sometimes, especially with the greater of our kind, it is done as deliberate act in order to gauge your reaction. In such an instance, we tell you of what lies ahead to see if you baulk at the suggestion, or that more likely you respond in a sympathetic manner of even by way of denial.
“I couldn’t ever imagine you doing that.”
“That won’t happen with me though. It might have with other people but I will treat you better than they have.”
“You’re not like that, don’t be silly.”
“I don’t see you doing something like that, you are too nice.”
If you respond in such terms when you have been given such a warning, then this is a green light to us that we have you under our control and that you will accord with our desires and machinations. It also allows us, when we do eventually behave in the manner described down the line during the devaluation, to throw it back in your face by saying.
“I did warn you.”
“Why are you complaining? I was upfront that this would happen.”
“I told you so.”
“It’s no use crying about it now. I told you what I was like.”
“I told you and you chose to stay with me. It is your fault.”
Not only does this enable us to avoid blame, something we must achieve, it will also result in you reacting and providing us with fuel.
With the lesser or mid-range of our kind, these comments are more akin to thinking aloud. The mask does slip, unintentionally for a moment, through the explanation of a future behaviour before it is realised what has been said and the disclosure is brushed to one side, denied or passed off as a silly comment owing to drink or being tired. Why do these comments arise in such a manner from the lesser and mid-range of our kind? Is it guilt or remorse? No, because those emotions are not felt by our kind. It arises from a lack of control. The “bad” behaviour that will arise at some point is lurking beneath the surface and like a cat fighting to get out of a sack, it is always wanting to make an appearance but is prevented from doing so by the maintenance of the mask that is worn. Occasionally, through the loss of control – it may be drink, it may be fatigue, it may be through inattention – what lurks beneath makes a brief and fleeting appearance before the control is exerted once again. Here are fifteen portentous show and tells of our kind. Should you ever hear these comments you ought to pay heed to the warning that you are being given.
- I am a bad person really.
- I will only hurt you.
- You should stay away from me.
- I do bad things. I cannot help it. I always do.
- I will make you wish you had never met me.
- It will go wrong, it always does.
- You will end up hating me.
- You don’t know what you are getting into with me.
- You shouldn’t do this.
- You should leave while you can.
- This is going to turn out badly.
- I have to hurt people.
- I don’t want to hurt you, but I will.
- I just want to fit in.
- I’m not what you think I am.
36 thoughts on “The Portentous Remarks of the Narcissist”
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HG, Any thoughts on my above post? Thanks for your time and help!
HG, Apologies for the length of my prior post. Just trying to include all pertinent information. I would appreciate your feedback. Any thoughts on the next book (of yours) I should read? Thank you!
He told me he was f@!#*d and I should run… We laughed and I told him I wasn’t going anywhere.
Ahhh, hindsite. I don’t believe in accidents. We all have our life journeys and lessons to learn. I was supposed to meet my Narc. I was supposed to have that experience. I was supposed to feel those highs and those lows. I was humbled. I was betrayed by a Greater who knew exactly what he was doing. I was supposed to find HG and all of you beautiful survivors who love to love. I’m stronger, wiser, more aware and in tune with myself than I was this time last year. Now I appreciate the good stuff more than I ever have. (Especially a good night sleep. Ha!) Who knows, maybe I’ll be able to help someone someday? I survived a Narc and I’m going to take his advice. But, this time I’m running away from him and toward my healthy life filled with love and happiness.
He told me he was f@!#*d and I should run… We laughed and I told him I wasn’t going anywhere.
Ahhh, hindsite. I don’t believe in accidents. We all have our life journeys and I was supposed to meet my Narc. I was supposed to have that experience. I was supposed to feel those highs and those lows. I was supposed to find HG and all of you beautiful survivors who love to love. I’m stronger, wiser, and more aware than I was this time last year. I survived a Narc and I’m going to take his advice. But, this time I’m running away from him and toward healthy new adventures.
‘I don’t want to hurt you’ – but said a year later.
His words this last time :
“Don’t let me hurt you again.”
(A far cry from “I WON’T hurt you again”…)
I replied, ” you won’t. Cause this time you don’t get my heart”
*and left the room*
I wish I had a dollar for every time that I heard one of those statements. I would say, “Don’t be so negative.” “You are a loving person.” “You are so hard on yourself.” “We are going to be ok.” “Sweetie, what is giving you anxiety?” Insert eye roll here. I fell right into that trap.
Thanks HG. I may have commented in the wrong post. I was asking if you are only devalued with negative comments and actions if the supply is plentiful? If for some reason the. Narc had no one else which such negative things be said and done to us?
You are devalued as an intimate primary source because your positive fuel has become stale and we need to create a contrast. There may be fuel from other sources available but fuel from the IPPS ranks high and thus will always be sought if available.
If there were no other sources, devaluing would still occur although a Mid-Ranger and especially a Greater would be mindful not to of so far as to cause the solitary appliance to want to escape, although the likelihood of Mid-Rangers and Greaters only have a sole source of fuel from a primary source is extremely unlikely.
Hello HG and fellow Readers, I have been trying to disconnect from my Narc for a while now. I have not been successful in doing so, as I keep trying to end things peacefully. As I have learned, I need to go no contact. Block his number or change my number. When I discuss things with him he contradicts himself the whole time. When I say something about communicating more regularly he says “I know I need to do a better job communicating. Let me be the one to communicate. The man is supposed to be the Agressor, not the woman! I will dictate to you. I will text you when I can and feel like it. I will send you my schedule but what difference does that make? And when I text you we can text back and forth but you keep going on and on. I am apprehensive about texting. Just let me drive! Quit trying to define things! I know how you feel about me. You keep trying to force your agenda! I don’t want to be married. I told you that! My job is more stressful than yours! Don’t say you care! You are soliciting a response from me! ” After this tirade I said this is just.. (I was going to say too much and leave) he grabbed my arm and said “No, you are not listening”
He let the mask fall off over time gradually. I wish I had seen his true colors. I can say his ugly outburst destroyed a lot of feelings. I need to keep reading and studying. This new rule about not being allowed to initiate a text was surprising but will help me remove myself from this unhealthy relationship. HG please advise regarding your thoughts. Fellow readers: appreciate your insight sas well.
HG do they still make these comments if low on supply? Or is it just easy for them because they always have a backup supply?
These remarks are made during seduction and therefore fuel is unlikely to be low, but if it was it may also cause these remarks to occur in the Lesser and Mid-Range. With them it is a slip of the mask. With the Greater it is a deliberate act, hiding in plain sight and gauging what your reaction is.
My text to exN: ‘Everything is so easy with you. xx’
exN text to me: ‘In reality, I’m a bit of a nightmare really. Lol.’
Warned & ignored.
When I read this one the first time around, it made me wonder. Because I’ve said things along these lines myself. “It’ll only go down in flames.” “I always fuck things up.” “The bottom will fall out, it’s just a matter of time.” Does that mean I actually am a narcissist after all, HG? But I feel very intense guilt and remorse over things I’ve said and perceived wrongs. I even felt like I went into my own completely off the wall Chaos Mode when I got abandoned and discarded. At the time I thought for sure it was because I finally tried to set a firm boundary, but what if it wasn’t and I was just being awful? I guess I’m still confused.
You are not a narcissist. You experience guilt and remorse. You are just beating yourself up, rather than beating someone else up.
So…wait… “You are not a narcissist because you feel guilt and remorse. You are just beating yourself up”. Instead of beating someone else up because you DON’T feel guilt and remorse HG? Are we punished because you CAN’T feel? That you know this tells me you do… you know you should. Are you angry with us for reminding you of this?
HG, do you give these warnings to every one of your victims?
All it took was one of these and I was telling her that it didn’t matter. I would be there to help her through everything. I told her I could see that she had a good heart.
I should have listened to the warnings.
These will stick out like a sore thumb for me from now on.
Not every single one but more are warned than are not SW.
And that makes us that more determined and when we say we will stick it out with you that pleases you.
do I understand correctly dear G. that You would give these warnings deliberately because You know who You are etc whereas a lesser or midranger will say them unintentionally. .. more as a truth about themselves because it is how they… “feel “. ?
Correct Bruised. A Mid-Range might have been accused of being our kind previously, he will reject it, but he may make reference to it with a new prospect to see how they react, i.e. check they aren’t going to start accusing him of being one like the old source did.
If you really knew me you wouldn’t like me. He said this after a year together. He was right! I didn’t like him and I didn’t stay with him.
Yep. Accurate. I was warned. Take heed, fellow empaths, they warn you.
The words of Mya Angelou will always ring true: When someone shows you who they are, believe them”.
His favorite was “If this doesn’t work out with you, I’m not doing the relationship thing again.” And I would always think, he is basically telling me what is going to happen here.
And people tell me I shouldn’t refer to my mother as a devil, because, “if she’s the devil, then that makes you the devil’s daughter, and you’re not like that”…no, but I am, and it’s not my fault if they don’t listen when explicitly warned.
Mine attempted to write a book 6 years ago, and she started the first paragraph writing how met and that she should have told then that she was “Bad Luck” …she was right, bad luck doesn’t even start to explain it. Thak you HG for all you are sharing 🙂
” I always ruin everything”. This is another version of same type of statement. And he collected things like my company mug, took once my yogurt and froze it as a souvenir at home. He told me that. This was so unusual and I noted that behavior at the beginning and stayed alerted. He was collecting his trophies. Creepy. Good I have all my phalanges and ears intact… I guess he has been preparing himself for my future departure? HG is that possible your kind plans years in advance? Or this is my imagination. Unless he he was planning a discard as a part of his games from the begging. This was so weird.
Some things can be planned years in advance, for instance my revenge over MatriNarc, but I would think that to be extremely rare when dealing with an intimate partner primary source. I do like the yogurt freezing though.
I found it cute and disturbing same time 😉
do You have any particular plan in place over Matrinarc my dear? isn’t she scared of You as she should given You are her child and therefore she knows You well etc… why isn’t she scared of You?
Yes I have.
She ought to but of course she is one of our kind and therefore does not.
Isn’t she a Greater then? Is Your plan being implemented as we type or is this something what’s going to happen in the future? Are You planning a revenge on the rest of the people who were involved in her abuse towards You my Dear? Will we hear about it on the blog? Do Your doctors know? Do Your doctors have access to Your blog? If not do they know as much as we know here? I’m sorry fir the killer post. I just can’t helo myself ❤
No she is a Mid-Range – Middle/Upper. The plan is in hand. Others will be brought down.
The doctors know. They can read the blog if they choose to. I doubt they have time and I suspect they dipped in at the beginning but now would rather me tell them about my writing etc in my sessions with them.
Or he would say: “I’m going to hell, i’m going to hell”…