Sins of the Empath: Honesty
The sins of the empath. These are the traits which are inherent to those who are of an empathic nature. You possess these traits; this is why you were picked by us. You may wonder why they are regarded as a sin? This is because in our view we consider them to be sins as we do not possess these traits. These traits are regarded, in your world, as laudable traits to have. These traits however make you vulnerable to us. They cause us to be attracted to you in the first instance and the existence of these characteristics means that they are ripe to to be exploited by us.These traits are good traits to have but because of us they become polluted, desecrated and exploited.
You cannot lose these traits. They are as much a part of you as your skin tone and eye colour. They define who you are. You may, unusually, try to rid yourself of them but you cannot. It would be like trying to rip out your own heart and still live. These traits are infused within you. For the most part you will be pleased you possess these characteristics, thankful that they assist you and define you, separate you from being one of us. You ought to be aware however of what these sins are so you know what it is that causes us to home in on you and furthermore how it is that we exploit these sins for our own benefit. With that knowledge you will be able to look to protect the relevant characteristic and ensure it remains intact and is not attacked, shredded or fed upon by us.
The first of these sins is the empathic sin of honesty. James E Faust said of honesty,
“Honesty is more than not lying. It is truth telling, truth speaking, truth living and truth loving.”
This aptly demonstrates how honesty is at the core of how an empath behaves. You utilise this honesty in everything that you do. It governs how you interact with people, how you speak to people and most of all how you conduct your intimate relationships. I am not suggesting that this empathic trait makes you a saint; you will not be above pocketing the excess change if the cashier hands you back too much money or refraining from telling a friend that the outfit they think is wonderful does not really do them too many favours. Your honesty is tempered with discretion and being circumspect when you identify that a lighter touch is required. You understand when being too honest with another is not appropriate. Nevertheless, honesty is of huge importance to you. You regard it as a fundamental factor of your character to act with honesty, both in terms of those you deal with and especially in respect of yourself. This core of honesty and its repeated application to your every day outlook in life makes it ripe for exploitation by us.
The exploitation commences at the seduction. When you engage with people, you have a tendency to allow your emotions and traits to be seen by all. You do not hide the way you feel. You do not operate from behind a mask (not like others you may know of) nor from behind a curtain. You do not cloud your dealings and operate in a shadowy manner but rather you exhibit who you are from the outset. This is of no consequence when you are dealing with your fellow empaths or even the normals but it becomes especially dangerous when you come into our sights. Not only do we have a heightened ability to sense the traits which matter to us, you aid this because your honesty means that you have all your characteristics on display. Just like a proud shopkeeper displaying his wares in a pristine shop window, you exhibit (but you do not flaunt) your inherent traits for the world to see. This means that your empathic and class traits which are so important to us when we target our victims are out in the open because of your honesty. You have an honest default setting. It is akin to having no privacy settings on your social media so that whoever takes an interest in you can see everything about you, everything that you have ever posted, where you live, where you have been, your photographs and so forth. This default setting is important to us as it makes our task of identifying you so much easier. When you are demonstrating those empathic traits through your honesty, they are highlighted, prominent and readily identifiable. Accordingly, if you keep wondering why you always seem to attract our kind, it is because your honesty is causing you to stand out to us.
Your honesty means that you engage with people without an agenda, without suspicion and providing them with the benefit of the doubt. This honesty of approach means that you fail to see those red flags which are fluttering during the seduction and that you fail to hear the blaring klaxons and see the flashing red lights which signal that something is amiss. You operate in an honest way and this causes your thinking to be framed so that you expect and assume that the person you are dealing with is honest towards you. This honesty takes you into the territory of gullibility. Add to this that we are of course not being truthful with you in the way we engage during the seduction and you have little chance of avoiding what we are doing; seducing you and doing so effectively.
The inherent honesty which you possess also means that you tell us how you feel and you will do so early in our interactions with you. Since we are engaged in love-bombing you at the outset it is nearly impossible to resist telling us how wonderful it feels and that you have fallen in love with us. Your early declarations in this regard are wanted and expected. Hearing this allows us, along with seeing the relevant indicators, to know that our seduction is proving successful and that you are being embedded. Gaining such knowledge is important for us in terms of ensuring that we have the level of fuel that we want but also in terms of allowing us to bind you closer to us, for instance by asking to borrow money or by moving in together. Your honesty results in your telling us what you are thinking and feeling, which in turn gives us the green lights we require.
Your honesty makes you transparent. You cannot hide anything from us and most importantly of all, you are unable to hide your feelings from us. Thus you will always struggle to hide you joy, your delight, your ecstasy, your pain, your tears, your annoyance and your agony from us. This emotional honesty is fundamental to why we engage with you. This means that the fuel you provide to us is purer that any which might come from another source. Yes, the “normals” will provide us with fuel through being happy to see us, through praising us or annoyed at being messed around by us. Even our own kind will provide fuel to another member of the brethren through exhibiting jealousy, annoyance or anger, but in both these cases there is an absence of emotional honesty which is prevalent with you as an empath. Your emotional honesty creates a fuel which is pure, free from toxins, devoid of pollutants. It is not masked, it has not been shrouded or clouded in some way, as is the case with normals and most certainly with our kind.
By being emotionally honest you ensure that your fuel is the best of all types and naturally this is why we are drawn to you, sink our teeth into you and start to drain you of all that sparkling and pure fuel.
Your honesty makes you a target to begin with, it makes you an easier target to latch onto and the reward of this pure fuel means we want to keep hold of you and keep returning to you to feed on it.
The matter does not of course end there. Your empathic sin of honesty generates further problems for you once the devaluation commences. We are dishonest. We are habitual liars, practitioners of deceit and operate through a skewed lens of fraudulent intent. When we engage in these dishonest practices it mortally offends your innate honesty with the consequence that you respond by providing yet more fuel. This offence to your honesty combined with your honesty drives you to want to make us see the lies that we so readily allow to fall from our deceitful mouths, to have us address our mendacity and recognise what we do. This only serves to bind you to us further.
The honesty you have with your self also means that you have a capacity to be introspective and the consequence of this is that you regularly self-flagellate by blaming yourself when you can find no other answer to our behaviour. The narcissistic perspective and our toxic logic, which are invariably a mystery to our victims means that you fail to understand why we do and say as we do. Your honesty causes you to look inwards and you blame yourself. This fulfils our desire to remain unaccountable and increases the weight of the burden of our engagement with you, upon you. Your honesty causes you to accept blame either where it does not lie with you or in a greater proportion that for which you are culpable.
Your honesty of dealings also prevents you often of speaking of the devaluing abuses outside of your relationship with us. At first, that may seem a contradiction, but you would feel dishonest if you spoke about them to others without informing us first of your intention to do so. You, by this stage, have learned that it is a safer course of action to suffer in silence rather than speak out to us and in turn you will not speak of what is happening to others, not until the pressure has become too great or more likely once you have been discarded by us.
The enduring love you experience for us, or more accurately, your addiction as a consequence of our infecting you, means that when those hoovers come post escape or discard, you are unable to shroud or hide how you truly feel and once more you light up like the brightest beacon. You signal to us that your love (addiction) remains and thus there is yet more fuel to gather and that you are so susceptible to our machinations to pull you back into our grasp once again, be that to extract fuel or to commence the Formal Relationship once again.
We know you are honest. It shines from you and we identify it from the way you conduct yourself and what you say when we target you at the outset. Not only is the identification of this trait confirmation that you possess one of the many traits that we look for, it also confirms that certain actions will succeed and certain responses will take place.
It is often stated that honesty is the best policy. It is certainly a policy that we endorse. It is one of the empath’s sins and with it comes the attention, exploitation and manipulation of our kind.
20 thoughts on “Sins of the Empath: Honesty”
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I just kind of stumbled onto this site. My husband has some of these narcissistic traits and I am definitely and empath. He has lied to me about small and big things. He seems more out for himself than willing to take care of me and our son who isn’t even a year old. Many times I feel that it comes down to me to take care of things and I dont feel I can count on him yet he tries to comfort me and tell me he will take care of us. His words are beginning to lose their value. I don’t know what to do. I love him. He had a horrible childhood and I feel sorry for him but is that him just feeding on me? Is there a way to make a relationship with a narcissist and empath work? We’ve been together for three years. I don’t let him get off with stuff. We argue about it and he changes for awhile and really tries then he’s once again not going to work, flaking out on something or lying to me. Is my only option to leave him? Is that how I keep myself in tact or do I fight for our relationship? Please help.
Welcome on board Kira, the decision as to what to do ultimately rests with you as you are an adult and it is your life. The facts are that you are better off getting away and staying away because nothing changes and you are the one who has to give all the time with a varying severity of consequence. You can remain in a Formal Relationship with our kind, of course, but there is ALWAYS a cost and that might be your self-esteem, your finances, your sanity, your health, your freedom, your social groups, your confidence, your family, your possessions and in some extreme cases even your life.
Your pity for him is both engineered by him and also because you are empathic in nature. The most important thing is you know what he is and therefore you can read and make an informed decision as to what you need to do.
Greetings Kira and welcome aboard! Please know that you are on the right track of discovery! This is a great community of friends and supporters who are all on this same journey that you have discovered. May I suggest that you simply journey with us a while here, digest, study and learn and you will be able to allow yourself clearer understanding in these kinds of variable relationships on BOTH sides. Ours of the Empathic tapestry and those of the Toxic tapestry.
Sir HG is a magnificent resource in attaining a treasure of knowledge about these kinds of magnetic relationships and also possesses the amazing transparency in sharing about “His kind” and “Our kind” alike. Eventually you will gain the understanding of both sides as well by lingering a while with his teachings and our individual and enlightening discoveries.
For if you walk with us a while; I promise, you will be able to make your own decision for your families future; and most importantly, salvage your own personal sanity & dignity going forward. For your personal vision and understanding of your particular relational situation will become QUITE clear the longer you abide here. Your eyes will become completely unveiled and your vision will be laser like.
May we encourage you to continue your pursuit toward the “New Discovery” of your particular relational quandary. Please know that you are absolutely onto something here! Follow your instincts, read, study, identify and learn more about what you have discovered here. There is a large community of “Our Kind” out there discovering, recovering, surviving and thriving! Unfortunately, there are many of us out there who are not as of yet. Help in Raising Awareness is Key.
One last thing, may I suggest that you digest as much HG Tudor as you can and discover more about your specific pursuit of knowledge. He is by far one of the best teachers out there even though he is NOT “Our Kind.” This is what makes his teachings so valuable. In my opinion, he is an “Angel of Light & Transparency” sent from the other (Toxic) side and one of the best teachers of all in identifying and understanding BOTH the Toxic and the Empath!
Congratulations and welcome to this community of unique teachers, students of life and bonded friends! We wish you all the best in your new journey of discovery!
Thanking you HG! Yes this is how I normally am! Thanks to you I am with my narc now as I deceitfully manifest my plan for total escape! I am telling lies! I am acting hurt with the constant mind games! I am turning my head (just for a moment) and rolling my eyes as he love bombs me! I am pitting narc against lieutenants! Fuck them!
I have taught physical self defence for a career and yet had my hands down on a psychic level while I got beat up! I am enjoying the game and even more so until I make my psychic killer SD move! And I now have a whole new chapter to finally complete my book! It was the missing chapter on holistic SD!! I am now sitting alone having a peaceful cup of tea while I write my dismay at his no show for dinner!! Haha …with much gratitude 😉
I always return the extra change if the cashier hands me back too much, even if it is a penny. If i didn’t rightfully earn it, then i should not own it.
I really have enjoyed reading everyone’s comments today…as always, while I am sad I have you “here” with me….I am also grateful. The camaraderie, support and valuable information found within these pages has made my experience less painful….less confusing. I have finally found others who understand – I am not crazy or alone anymore (well…i might be a little cra -cra….).
Onto the topic at hand. Honesty…hmm…a product of openness and truthfulness. I no longer consider myself an open person. I am quite sure I come across to new acquaintances as someone in the witness protection program as I don’t want to talk to anyone about anything at any time. The energy it takes to maintain the Stepford wife facade of “everything is great” is overwhelming at times and it is just easier to sit back, watch and isolate. Not very rewarding…but much easier.
I have learned to tell a lie while looking straight into someone’s eyes as experience has taught me the truth is often dangerous (and certainly does not set you free). I have stopped trusting others and adopted an “In God I trust, everyone else is required to bring data” approach to my interactions with others. Am I honest? Was I ever honest? I thought I was….but I know now I am not always honest if I believe it is going to create conflict…but isn’t that how every one who lies justifies their behavior? I don’t know anymore.
“Gaining such knowledge is important for us in terms of ensuring that we have the level of fuel that we want but also in terms of allowing us to bind you closer to us, for instance by asking to borrow money or by moving in together. ”
He manipulated me into ‘lending’ him money. Once he had the money, he disappeared. Or tried to. Or, rather ‘seemed to’. He didn’t count on me being a fighter and I eventually went after him hard with everything I had to get that money back.
I had someone who identified with NPD tell me that he likely asked me for that loan as a way to keep a thread between us. Funny, the moment I lent the money, I had a massive panic attack that OMIGOD, he is now bound to me and I to him. I thought, “what did ‘we’ do” ? I felt bad as I wanted to make sure he felt he had his ‘freedom’ from me and we after all, had been negotiating our friendship and love affair. Right… How ironic. That was a joke on me!
But he then devalued me even more when I began to fight back for that money. He said I was never his type. So, in my logical world, if I was never his type, why had he borrowed money to begin with, to bind me to him? If he never even liked me, why would he want a reminder of my existence? Why not just disappear the moment he said I wasn’t his type… I asked him that many times… crickets.
Again, is this part of the whole honest thing? I would not want to bind someone to me unfairly, to obligate them, if I didn’t care for them. He does not operate that way.
I still am confused on this one. He did need money. I am sure of it. But I think he had other places to go for money when I look back. Why would you want to bind a source of fuel to you that you didn’t even like? Or was that also part of the game, to PRETEND he never liked me? One day, I am liked, the next, ‘whatever’. Pretty much blowing with the wind depending on whatever agenda and needs he might have for fuel sources at the time?
I gave him physical attraction, money, positive fuel and then massive negative fuel. I gave him a thousand reasons to react with massive narc injury and eventually, I was provoking it intentionally, driving him to block me, but this last time, he left a door open at the last minute. Last time I drove him away, he blocked me everywhere. I wonder if he was bothered by that as this time, he left 2 doors open. So I wonder if he stopped himself in time… no matter, I blocked him.
He got it all from me… in other words, But if he can’t contact me anymore as he is blocked everywhere, will this leave any sense of ‘loss’, Not of me, as a person of course, but loss of a ‘well rounded’ source of fuel? Or are there so many fires going all the time, I really won’t be ‘missed’.
I don’t know why, but I often thought, what is he going to do without me… I am the best long distance source he has had in a long time. All of his other ‘flings’ are still around his life more or less, at least still on social media, even his ex! He has lots of people laughing at his jokes on social media, at his egregious behaviors and ‘bold daring attention motivated’ comments, but they are all mostly entertained by him (he can be very funny) and party supply. I doubt any of them gave him the depth of supply I gave in a long time; true undying love and honesty. But I am gone. Totally gone now.
I am replaceable, but I wonder, do you ever look with ‘longing’ back to that one source of fuel that actually did escape but had given on so many levels?
sorry, lots of questions… just all prompted by wondering if asking for money was on his part a move of binding me to him.
1. The money and you being his type or not are separate matters. The money is his entitlement. It also creates a connection as you identified.
2. He said you were never his type to hurt you because you were wanting the money back which he regarded as his entitlement.
3. He liked you as a source of fuel, he just said he didn’t like you in order to make you provide more fuel.
4. He never liked YOU, he liked your fuel.
5. You blocking will affect him if he sought your fuel but then he will go elsewhere and you are forgotten until you enter the spheres of influence.
6. There is no longing, no.
I stumbled across HG Tudor’s website whilst researching codependency, empath and narcissistic characters. It is with a bizarre reluctance that I give thanks to HG Tudor for his stark honesty throughout his articles which have been extremely descriptive and sometimes shocking to read, even upsetting at first, until you harden yourself to it and then the stark differences in people’s mindset is fascinating as long as one can stay protected!
For me, as an empath who has previously fallen for a narcissistic character (albeit I didn’t know what a narcissist was at the time) and yes I’m still in recovery mode albeit I believe moving faster with the help of this site and research. How bizarre it is that a narcissist is helping an empath recover and grow in strength?
Thank you for your open honesty and for writing this article in a non-judgemental way. From reading the above article I understand my empathy and honesty are wonderful traits but learning to be guarded is a valuable life lesson to be learnt. If only the world was like the song “creating a dream” by Xavier Rudd.
You are welcome Jane, welcome on board and thank you for your observations.
I can honestly say I am not honest. Okay, I am now but brutally. Okay, honestly I am honest without brutality. Honestly, who knows who is honest or not? *hearing Billy Joel’s Honesty muzak style*
Spot on about keeping things to yourself. Feeling you betrayed him…by even just seeking help.. yeah.
Excellent article. And thank you for reminding people the correct phrase is home in not hone in.
Thank you Laurie.
Thank you HG. An EXCELLENT portrait of “Our kind.” Spot-on as usual Sir in the portrayal of the Empath. For it is my opinion that there are a larger percentage of “our kind” who DO NOT know who they are as of yet or WHY they are repeatedly trapped into yet another distinctly bad relationship with very similar results. For to completely understand all of this one has to know WHO they are, HOW they got that way. Also WHO the enemy is and HOW they got there in order to fully understand how they keep attracting “your kind” to use and continually beat and attack their pure empathic emotions, heart and mind. Thank you for helping US ALL to see, define and identify “both sides” of this reoccurring relational atrocity.
For this kind of praise in PURE FUEL I do not mind giving to you! For it is my perpetual prayer that your writings of transparency possess the ability to help identify, repair, heal, and permanently recover “both of our kind” during this particular time of our common life cycle.
Thank you Roger, I appreciate your comment.
I am honest person true. But honesty has nothing to do in accepting abuse and blaming myself for craziness of the narc. I am honest but I would never accept his hoover and get that ‘narc-thing’ back and regard him as friend again. No way. I can honestly tell him that he can go to hell but I will not as this is fuel. I will be silent and indifferent instead. I honestly love NC. Better than ice cream and chocolate.
Learning from you, HG it’s best for us not to be so open. It’s a struggle to hide this.
It’s a struggle to keep the empathic behaviors inside. It’s a struggle to not automatically trust others, to not help anyone we feel could use our help. But, we can learn. Step by step. Day by day.
It is indeed a struggle when as HG says we cannot lose these traits.
Yes I am honest and open, but I had not even heard of the term empath until I started to read about narcissism, sociopathy and psychopathy.
We can only try as you say not to be so open and lay our souls bare to target