The Seven Sails of the FB Ghost Ship
Of all the various social media platforms that are available, Facebook remains a clear favourite with our kind. Its titanic status and near ubiquitous nature appeal as does the fact that it remains the demographic social media home of the majority of our victims. Facebook is used extensively but there is an occurrence whereby it appears that our once vibrant Facebook page has fallen into disuse. The profile picture never alters whereas it once changed several times a day to allow us to show off the latest snapshot of our brilliance. The timeline remains mournfully empty. There are no posts about our latest achievements and accomplishments. There is no sharing of the latest video we have uploaded or the link to YouTube for the same purpose. The only things that can be seen are the annual birthday well wishes from those reminded by the automated feature on the platform. There are never any replies to these salutations. There are postings from years ago but everything appears to be silent. Your friend request may have been accepted but nothing more has happened and now our profile drifts silently through cyberspace like some ghost ship. Why do we let this happen?
- Bring out the spyglass
Just because there is not anything happening on our profile it does not mean that there is nothing happening. We are using this profile to spy on you and others. We utilise it for the gathering of information prior to the seduction, we use it to keep an eye on what you are doing on your profile page during the devaluation and we utilise it to keep tabs on you in readiness for that hoover. Silent and looming we use the profile to watch you, waiting and calculating our next move. As you churn out the comments, posts and likes, we are watching, that small smile playing across our lips, forked tongue brushing those sharp teeth as we lie in wait.
- Triangulation
“Yes I am on Facebook, you can send me a friend request if you wish, but I never use it. I haven’t in years. I am too busy you see; I prefer to do my living in the real world. It is being with people that matters to me. I don’t need to herald what I achieve on an electronic platform, I let my actions in real life speak for themselves. That is what matters to me. I prefer to be face to face with people, seeing them hearing them speak and watching them.”
An earnest speech designed to impress you and con you into thinking that there is nothing to be wary about with regards to our Facebook profile. We triangulate you with a supposedly dead Facebook profile in order to cause you to admire us for being so “real”. Oh the irony. All of it is tripe. Made-up for the purposes of making us sound good. Apart from the last sentence. That one is true though not for the reasons most people would expect. That personal interaction is required because that is where the best fuel is.
- Deterrent
You are less likely to block us if you think we never use our Facebook page which comes in useful for keeping an eye on you post discard for the purposes of organising a hoover. If we are unlikely to use our profile or even read it then you are dissuaded from posting anything there which might upset our carefully crafted façade. Why bother when nobody reads it? By conning you that this profile is never visited you will similarly keep away from it and thus we reduce your chances of interference and also those of your supporters. This means fewer people to tackle online when the smear campaign is rolled out.
- Ever Presence
If there was no Facebook page, then you could obviously never look at it could you? By keeping it and not blocking you, you will keep returning to it post escape and post discard because you cannot help but want to know what we are doing, whether we are saying anything about you. You may not be minded to post anything in accordance with the point above (you do not of course want us to know that you are sneaking these looks) but you will look nevertheless. You always do. You keep returning to it in the hope of some posting, some development and some news. This keeps you linked to us and keeps us in your mind as each day you conduct your obligatory tour of our social media platforms.
- Cover Story
The lack of activity on our Facebook profile allows us to maintain plausible deniability. How can we be engaging in flirting online if we never go on Facebook? Look, nothing is happening. Here, check the messages. See there is nothing there and hasn’t been for months. I hate you being so controlling like this; why do you treat me this way? We use it to assume the moral high ground and provoke you into responding to our jibes.
- The Action is Elsewhere
You cannot seriously expect us to lose one of our main weapons in our game playing can you? Whilst our “real” profile may be dormant, the real action is taking place using a fake profile where we are gathering legions of prospective targets, engaging in flattery, flirtation and fabrication as we suck fuel from these individuals and look to identify potential targets for a closer approach to them. Do not think that the fact we use a fabricated profile will stand in our way to converting the seduction to a real-life interaction. We have a thousand lies to legitimately explain away why we did this and the intrigue will make you want us all the more.
- Resurrection
At some point we will crank the profile back into life and the proliferation of likes, postings and comments will begin again. We operate through contrast and this difference between dormancy and vibrancy will be used to our advantage and to your disadvantage. You can rest assured of that. We will suddenly engage with people and allow you to see it, but not engage with you, in order to continue our devaluation of you. We may spring into life and seduce you through the profile proclaiming that you are so special we wanted to tell the world all about you and use our Facebook profile (free from being cluttered with less worthy individuals) about it.
44 thoughts on “The Seven Sails of the FB Ghost Ship”
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I have his password to his email and Facebook and I’ve been checking them and there is nothing. I’ve been wondering why. I no longer check it because I don’t care but he’s probably not on it because I’ve blocked him. I also deleted all his family and majority of his friends so he has little to no access to my Facebook. I know all the action is taking place through text. I’ve found all kinds of text in his phone to women and even a tranny. I think he has someone right now so I’m in the back of his mind. We have court coming up so I’m sure he’ll be hoovering soon.
Daydreamer! Do not let him back no matter what. He will take you down another notch and it will delay healing. remember it is only a game you will never win.
Yeah I folded and he was brutal. I think he has someone else. I pity them father than envy them and this will just help me heal quicker now because another woman would be the one thing he could never talk himself out of
DAYDREAMER
NOTHING you say will have an impact on him in a bad way. Remember- they don’t do guilt and remorse. ANYTHING you say will be fuelling him and starting the cycle all over again. He’s doing his own smear campaign on social media so let him. The more he rants about women being users and ungrateful while you stay silent makes him look unbalanced. If you respond it makes you look like you’re guilty and having to defend yourself which is not the case, but thats what people will think. Yes, read and add to that list of shitty things he’s done and keep coming here. Not So Sad is giving you great advice-time really will make a difference if you just stick to your defences. You can be happy again but not with him, and the longer it takes to purge him the longer youre putting off your healing and happiness. NO contact. Let him slither away.
Narcangel: I really needed this kick up the bum right now. It’s been a week and I’m going through some form of withdrawal period.
I ache for him and I feel I need him to stop this pain. I just keep reminding myself that I have gone one week and if I contact him then I am back at the start because he will be happy to have me back and he will be sorry and love me and we will laugh…. until the next time in about a weeks or 2, then I will have to go through this all again.
So I’ll keep reading HG’s posts and continue reaching out to fellow victims of this vampire and pray that this pain will subside into numbness.
DAYDREAMER
It will in time. Read the posts here. REALLY read them, not skim over them or think ya but……Let them really sink in. You will see over time that he is not the special guy you thought he was. You are really all dating the same man wearing a different mask on a different day.
Daydreamer he will come back given the chance & he’ll stop the pain like you say for a week or two by giving you yet another Golden Period & then the crazy making will all start again.
The outcome is always the same ..
Everyone’s here for you . You Can DO it ! x
Once he’s with another woman then there’s no chance I’ll ever go near him again
I understand daydreamer truly I do, but nothing good will come from it.
If you message him you’ll play right into his hands which is exactly what he wants. REMEMBER narcissists hate being ignored .
Take it hour by hour and I mean that literally . Set yourself a goal I will not text or look at FB for one hour , then you can look . Repeat and keep repeating . I know people say Block & ignore, but until you have the answers you cant’ . Keep reading & posting here.. It works I promise you . xx
Virtual hugs. It DOES get easier with time . xx
I’ve blocked him on social media. I’m doing my best to stay strong. I have written a list of things he did to me to make me leave him in the first place. I read it whenever I feel weak and want to make contact.
Thank You for your support.
Any time daydreamer 🙂
Keep looking at the list & remember a relationship with a narc never gets better … ever.
Keep focusing on your list daydreamer & do whatever your need to do to stay no contact . I swear I had days where I had to sit on my hands to stop myself from telling him what I felt & how hurt I was by his actions , but as Narc Angels said you’ll end up trying to defend yourself & it’s impossible when you are where you are at the moment .
Everyone on here is lovely & very supportive . Were all here for you !
You’re doing great !! xx
Thank You so much
Hang in there. You have support here.
The morning was the hardest for me.
I think middle of the day is. I’ve had half a day to let it get to me and then I spend the rest upset. Then the evening comes and I’m watching tv having a bath and going to sleep.
Time, Daydreamer. It is the healer of everything. With time your pain and hurt will ease. You will look back and think, Holy hell I can’t believe I let that happen to myself.
You will be the better on the other end. Just remember, there are five billion plus people out there and plenty who are there for you if they had the chance. He is just one man and not a nice one.
I get grossed out when I think of the guy who I let in for only a short while. He is the only one I feel this way about. I do not hurt or like or care about him at all, but the thought of him is gross.
Daydreamer, may i ask what is on that list? What abuse did he subject you to?
He doesn’t abuse me necessarily He ignores me, goes missing, switches on me, blames me for everything and never accepts responsibility for his actions. He’s never wrong and the whole world owes him a favour because he’s had it the worse. One minute we can be planning a wedding and the next he will tell me something I did a week ago that pissed him off and then leaves for days. That’s my fault too. He’s a pathological liar but those golden moments make me feel like I’m the most beautiful and lucky woman in the world.
Daydreamer, becoming silent and changing his mind after a wk or so – my ex used to do that too. They become silent due to their fear of intimacy. I thought that giving him more love will reduce that fear, but only the opposite happens. They fear it more. Stay strong!
I feel that the more I gave him, the more he tested me. I think he’s found fresh fuel.
It is hurtful, but it is probably the case. Remember, he will devalue her soon too.
Yep he will. X
So he’s all over social media branding woman as users and crazy ungrateful beings. Something about him learning to not trust a woman that claims to love him. He’s lonely and needs to move on and he’s learnt “HIS” lesson now…
Every fibre in my body wants to jump on and comment exactly what that man has done to me to make me finally walk away.
If only he really was hurting the way he’s making out.
I cared for that man when everyone else in his contact fled.
Ugh!!! I will listen to my new found fellow sufferers and stay away.
I learnt on a parenting course once.
Children want attention no matter which form they get it.
REWARD THE GOOD BEHAVIOUR
IGNORE THE BAD.
Hello daydreamer,
I know how infuriatingly frustrating it is not to respond but ignore, ignore, ignore !
Let him have his own pity party , he’s trying to deflect the blame & playing the victim ! . .. Walk away daydreamer .. It’s worth it in the end .
Not So Sad x
I’m trying but I think I’m in the withdrawal stage where it’s killing me. I attempted twice now to text him but delete after the first “why do you try to hurt me when…” DELETE!
No postings on fb right now.
My Narc told me he never used two of the profiles I found out about…. but because I am brilliant and more clever than him, I found him commenting on multiple people’s post and called him on it. “Not on it, really?” He then claimed someone must have hacked his profile…. I laughed. Afterwards he blocked me. Then he claimed he got rid of his Whatsapp, but in fact he blocked me, but I got a temp number and caught him using that too… sent him cryptic messages about picking up random men on New Years and he calls me immediately. “Was that you?” “But I thought you didn’t have Whatsapp anymore my love?”… Coincidentally he signed up again, just that evening he says…. Then found pictures of him with his “Ex-wife” while still wearing his wedding ring…. “the picture is reversed, idiot!”…. I laughed for days about that one, told him he was the idiot if he thought I was stupid enough to buy his bullshit lies. “Underestimate me please I said, that should be fun 🙂 ” And so I enjoyed investigating him, calling him out, and in the end the “coup de gras” I told his “Ex-wife” who was really his wife that he had been dating and sleeping with me for months…. along with two of her friends. I also mailed her pictures of his profiles on two prominent sex sites he liked to hunt on…. thereby forcing him to close them down. The wife is now divorcing him and because he signed a notarized document to her promising her full custody of the kids, the whole house and only supervised visitation if he cheated again…. he is well and truly screwed. I felt bad about that for a while, then figured he most likely lied about that to me too, and anyways he deserved everything he got. Funny, I loved playing these games with him…. it amused me to search out his lies and figure out ways to catch him, then torment him… Because he would get angry and furious with me, and then I knew he would punish me… And so I would ask for forgiveness and beg and plead and know that soon we would be engaged in a torrid encounter in some exciting place…. He was a pathological liar, and I the truthseeker…. which would lead to his sadistic punishment and my gleeful masochistic submission for my transgressions….. narcissist and borderline perfectly at play…. a match made in Hell and deadly decadent for both of us. He is furious with me now for destroying his marital facade…(but not for long me hopes 🙂 ) but she was starting to get in the way of my fun 🙁 …. My only fear is abandonment and with him he never will….. he will always take whatever nasty thing I do to him and come back to me for more…. Security at last 🙂
Ah yes. Summer is coming and the world will come to life again Do you like hummers HG?
Not very practical where I live.
HG
Haha you’re a funny dude. Most men like them no matter where they live.
Lol! NarcAngel, women like them too 😂
Yup, the ex does all of those things on FB although I wonder if he knows that I can see when he was online last? And he can probably see that of me as well? Do you know HG?
Well, that’s my ex husband in a nutshell!
Since I have left my narc, at first I posted many things about signs of a narcissist and the abuse I endured. He blocked me 🙂
I am 99% positive he will try to hoover his way back around eventually, as I do see him periodically in the neighborhood I now live. But, I know him as much as he knows me and I know he will eventually die a lonely, ugly old man. I will continue to chase hummingbirds.
He will die alone. I told my narc that is his face. Who will be naive enough to be with the aggressive guy who is 53 and aging very badly? Only somebody with low self-esteem- and he will discard such a person quickly as he has colossal ambitions when it comes a quality of his fuel and women (highly elegant, slim, beautiful). Not sure why he assumes that he can still do it. He got his pretty wife 30 years ago and few lovers afters from what I suspect (he said to me that all of them were just ‘friends’ sure…) He can be charming but for a very short time and then he shows his arrogance and evil side quickly. He was that way openly at work. Everyone despised him. I also love hummers. I miss summer!
Even though he still lurks in my thoughts, I am a stronger, smarter person for the experience. I don’t have the need to tell him off or any of that nature. I will take my knowledge and pass it along to those that will listen.
Unfortunately there are still plenty of prey out there for them. I guess it’s like the circle of life, there will always be a hunter and the hunted. In this life anyway. 🙂
Mine kept his ex-wife on speed dial(she was nothing to look at) and a girl that lived in a different state. What was so intriguing was, he couldn’t keep his stories straight about any of his past victims.
I think he was already starting to lose his charm when he was using me. He had people that either loved him or couldn’t stand him. I am not really sure the dynamic of that. As far as I know he is still with the new fuel that replaced me.
Mine also had issues in keeping his stories believable. There was so much nonsense in them. I always suspected he was a cheating bustard. His poor wife. I was only his friend and he was pushing for more and never got it. He was obsessed then he found new sources that was hiding as he was still counting I might change my mind. Such a disgusting individual.
My narc used his social media sparingly almost zero followers. I am talking about profiles I knew. He claimed that Facebook was uses to exchange photos with his daughter. And I knew where his hunting grounds were. He knew that American women are succers for French accent. So he went to the linguistic club to hunt there. He is 53 and in poor shape. Just does not look good, old and saggy. Started dating 24 year old and suddenly buys a bike and uses the long board. So high on fuel, until she dumped him. Obviously. Kind of expected. But he knows how to target those ladies. Does not have much to offer as man so he uses what he can. He thinks actually that he is attractive. He is not.
Mine never stopped using his FB and used it to triangulate me with his FB “fan du jour”. There was always one he would single out for extra attention and she would soon be liking all his. He would monitor mine but claimed he didn’t. He has been kicked out of my house since early December but I haven’t blocked him on FB yet and he hasn’t blocked me except for the first week or so as punishment. I blocked him yesterday afternoon. Sure enough about 2 hour later I get a text (the first in a week) asking about some tax documents supposedly mailed to my house. 😀 So predictable. He didn’t mention my blocking him, ofc, he just wanted to see if I blocked him on text too. Nosy ass.
Oooh !!! Well, I just blocked his other 2 “old” profiles now too. Thank you!!
HG!!!! Have you ever taken the Meyers/Briggs temperament sorter test? Or do you know of it? Fortune 500 companies and many others utilize it. It started with Jung and has been researched by social scientists extensively. It is well respected amongst social scientists. I wonder what the resulting personality type is for narcissists?? Do you know?
Ugh ughhhhh pffffft HG I’m not your friend 😭
I read in the hope that something will jump out and tell me that he can’t be a narc. Your discription doesn’t fit this time. Thank God. I was so worried. Now my heart can stop aching.
Then BLAM!! you swoop in with another scinario and oh shit there he is. Standing there with his “I’m blatantly a narcissist neon sign.
Denial sucks
Sounds like progress to me.
Ugh!!!! 🙄