The Narcissistic Truths – No. 142
35 thoughts on “The Narcissistic Truths – No. 142”
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I see this as you telling us that you have no identity. 😔
Welp, since you clarified that…..
https://abb625.files.wordpress.com/2017/01/wp-1485205970365.jpg
Amongst all the seriousness this did make me laugh.
narcs are made from nothingness, so is this system we live in
The first time ex narc was at my place I asked him ” Are you real?” He looked strange and did not answer. No I have NC.
Truth. I couldn’t rely on mine for anything but a headache. I remember when my car was repossessed (after his financial abuse ran me broke) I had given him the down payment for his car AND paid thousands to a lawyer so he could keep his driver’s license after a DUI and wreck that almost killed me he asked me: “So what are you gonna do about getting to work now’? Keep in mind he had a work truck that he drove back and forth to work and the car I basically paid for and lived in my house…for free…I think that was the moment I realized he was something worse than just an asshole. One of the moments anyway.
So I guess my question to H.G. is since I do have to have contact with him what is the best way to deal with him? To not react right? But won’t that cause him to do more extreme things to get me to react? There has to be a way to turn this around. Or is that just wishful thinking there has to be a way!
Initially yes, but over time by minimising contact and when you do have contact, not providing fuel or even wounding him, will result in him looking elsewhere. Dependent on the type of narcissist, other fuel sources and other factors, the time period will vary.
Ehhh! This meme is like gaslighting all of us into thinking we were crazy.
So painful.
They’re definitely never there when something happens and you need support.
Unless they are and then you will never hear the end of it. %$!#*
HG, don`t give up. Back and forth, back and forth. You will be! I am sure.
Yep.
For a moment you were and now that moment is gone.
Is it possible that a narcissist targets other narcissists for the love bombing fuel
Yes it does happen. Of course usually by those of our kind who do not know what they are, but sometimes specifically.
Have you ever been targeted by a narcissist like that HG ?
Yes Ava.
Ok so I am headed to my ex’s now and will try my best not to react. This will be the toughest thing EVER because he will do everything in his power to get me to!
So please explain this to me. My ex narc and I have an 8 yr old daughter we have been broken up for a yr. He has never been active in raising her no interest in her paid no attention to her. And of course for the past yr has threatened to take her and tonight after I dropped her off w/ him because he asked me to so when I get close to his house and call him he screams at me for bringing her down to him and wanted me to take her back home. I didn’t because she was hurt since he constantly blows her off. So I get an email tonight saying,”why don’t you just let me keep her?” He can’t even drive an hour to pick her up to see her. I am really hating this man I swear to god I am at my wits end with him I’m sick of this. I can’t get this evil person out of my life because he our daughters dad and I don’t want to keep her from her dad as little as he sees her. He didn’t even show up for her cheer competition last weekend. She is not important to him. He so selfish he doesn’t even care what that would do to her she doesn’t want to be with him. Its 1:30am I am so furious I want to go over there right now and get my daughter. What do I do please reply ASAP. Hopefully you can in the next 4 hrs cause at 6am I will be on my way over there and he is so sick and twisted he will set me off to get the cops called so he can take her I hate him. So maybe I should go there and get her now or maybe he been planning this i certain he has i have to go now!!!
That’s one of the things I wrote my ex-narc when saying good-bye and I don’t think he liked it …
You organise a contact centre or a third party drop off through the courts and you never have to see him again. If he doesn’t see you he’ll forget all about her.
No I don’t want to go thrust the courts. Because once you do you have no say in anything its whatever they decide and he evil and vindictive narcs win in court 90% of the time he too good he a master manipulater as they all are. He would even go so far to get her taken from both of us he does not care! He only wants her for one so he won’t have to pay me, 2 he wants to get money from government for having her and lastly just to hurt me. He will stop at nothing. He sick he doesn’t care what it would do to our daughter he knows he a mess he knows he doesn’t want her he knows she doesn’t want to be with him she has told him. He would just pawn he off on someone else. He only seen her a few hrs. This month and that’s only cause I drive her to see him. She would have NOTHING if she was with him no cheer no nothing but live a miserable life w someone who does nothing but lie hurt and use people. He has no morals no values he just sick.
Tld, firstly you have answered all of your own queries and every right to feel the hatred you have!
I don’t feel hatred I do in the moment but I wish I did I think I hate that I don’t hate him but hate never does anyone any good. I hate how he is i hate what he does but I do not hate him.
My god, hates the violence that man does, he does not hate the man. Each of us falls short, I have been guilty many times of the most provoked hatred. I understood the urgency of your words. Such a battle of wills in these times. The pain from your worry and anguish has been carried across the miles. They are as irresponsible toward their children as they are to the women who bear them.
If you don’t take her to his house what will happen? He’s using her to get to you which is healthy for the child. Are you in the Midwest? I know some states there sometimes allow the kids to stay in the home and the parent that moves away from the home are initially not allowed to take the child with them. If this is the case, I would seek help from local domestic violence organization they may be able to provide you with resources.
This is why I don’t want the courts involved because I will most likely be moving out of state. But I also do not believe in keeping him from our daughter. She loves him he is her dad he doesn’t do anything wrong when she is with him he doesn’t talk much and she says he mostly just sleeps alot. They go to movies or something like that. Alot of times I hang out with them which my daughter likes but I realized I do not because I just get angry for him wrecking our family all over again. Im still not over that part. But I will never keep her from him the problem is is seeing her hurt when he cancels
I truly understand and I am not suggesting you keep her away from him at all. However, I would put some of the responsibility on him. Unless there are reasons he can’t meet you at a designated place or your home. It will at least help with the drive. In true narc form he allows you to drive a hour and cancel. There’s a few resources out on coparenting with a narc I am unsure if HG has a book. There’s also a YouTube video or blog that addresses the how to deal with narc in legal settings. Good Luck
Truth!! Yet in a nanoinstant, you will accuse us of not being there. Double standard, HG.
Its so fucking sad. The damage done to me is so severe I will never ever recuperate. And it was all just a game to him. You people are revolting in the extreme.
I feel for you.
I’m having anxiety and on Wednesday I had a panic attack when I bumped into him. All this even though i feel I have got off lightly compared to some on here.
You will get over it, it will take time but you definitely will. Seize your power back, don’t allow him that space in your mind. You will experience peace like never before continuing education and awareness will help remove the fog. They don’t win, they never do because they can and will never have what we have and that’s love, compassion, faith,and hope. They have fear, uncertainty, and disdain for self and others. Keep reading, following the posts( some of us go off track or lose our rockers) but most of us are hear because we have been where you are at or still going through. You will learn that is wasn’t about you, it’s all about him. You may even experience a moment of sorrow for him. That was a fleeting moment for me😊
Entertainment,
You are right – not allowing them space in our mind is the way to get over it. Thinking about them, asking ourselves incessant questions about the whys and wherefores only serves to exhaust and hurt US.
Train the mind not to think of them, and if we must think of them/can’t help thinking about them, think of the all the bad they did, and the bad they are – it will make us see how much better off we are without them than tangled up in their web of lies, deceit and manipulation.
Supernovamagnet,
Yes they are revolting, having no remorse for the pain and suffering they cause. It is disgusting to see them carrying on like they have done nothing wrong, and being carefree. It is water off a duck’s back to them.
It is not easy, I know, but I, and you Supernovamagnet, will get there. Bit by bit.
I know this and try so hard having a child with this man makes it so difficult and its not in my nature to stay mad so when he nice i can’t help but be nice back. And my belief since a child was to always stay friend especially if have a child together because my mom was mean to my dad for no reason after they divorced when I was 3. I realize how shitty he is that’s why after 15yrs I FINALLY LEFT but I hate that I still can’t help but to be drawn to him sometimes although I would NEVER GO BACK. I just don’t get it.
15 years is a long time, it’s going to take time. I am sure you had some good and horrible times that’s a long time to be with someone. It’s also enough time for a person to discern the behaviors will never change. You have every right to miss him or want to return. Pat yourself on the back you are maintaining no contact. It’s okay to rid people from your life that causes you misery. It’s a gift to yourself, a time to heal, you are stronger than you believe you have to be for your kid/kids. I pray for your continued strength and courage.