How to Make Him Hoover
In the majority of cases, once you have you have realised what we are, you need to get away and stay away from us. If you have been discarded, the emphasis is on staying away from us. If you have to have some kind of interaction with us (because of children or work) then the aim is one of minimal interaction and the reduction of the provision of fuel as far as possible. I have warned you about the types of hoover we deploy, when they happen and how they happen so that you are able to look to your defences and ensure they cannot be breached. I have identified the forms of hoovers so you know them when they happen and also how to either put yourself beyond the reach of them or how to best repel them. Nevertheless, there are occasions when you want a hoover to happen. To be blunt, the reason for wanting to run the risk of being exposed to our machinations once again and possibly be drawn back into our false reality is often not a sound one. Yet, in the same way when somebody is told not to open a box or go through a door, they cannot help but do it, there will be those who will want to pre-empt a hoover from our kind. If that is the case, then on your head be it, but here are ten ways to bring about a hoover.
- Turn Up
The simplest way to ensure we hoover you is to present yourself on a plate before us. We are unlikely to turn down such an opportunity to gather fuel from you when you make it so easy. Of course, you may find that we seek negative fuel from you because we are infatuated with your replacement and therefore we want to punish you for letting us down and we remain dedicated to your replacement. Assuming you are able to find us (which should not prove especially difficult since even when we discard you, we usually do not go to huge lengths to make us impossible to contact) by turning up and seeing us we will hoover you. There is a risk if you turn up at one of our “fortresses” (home or work for instance) we may not admit you, preferring to garner Thought Fuel from your upset at being denied entry, therefore for best results approach us in public places such as a restaurant or a bar.
- Provide your contact details
You can do this as part of an apparent round robin which has been sent to all of your contacts.
“Here is my new number. Thanks. A Victim.”
The receipt of this, be it e-mail address, Skype handle or telephone number is a green light to us. You are opening the gate and we will use this information to hoover you.
- Message Us for Help
We once rode into your life as a white knight to save you from misery, loneliness and a score of different serpents which sought to hurt you. We don’t offer true support but we do enjoy being in attendance when help is required in order for us to drink in your fuel from your upset and neediness and to appear as the all-conquering hero. If you send a message requesting our help, you are playing to our sense of omnipotence and we will find it hard to resist responding by way of a hoover. The message must be specific about the type of help that is required and be something that we could help you with, if we chose to. Something straight forward which can be done in a flourish (after all we do not like to expend energy and certainly not on actually helping somebody with something arduous). We appear not because we want to help you, but because we want the fuel that will flow from us showing how omnipotent we are, for example by lending you money, tuning your television for you or explaining a letter from the authorities. Play the damsel in distress and we will appear.
- Proclaim Your Misery
As the idiom states, “misery loves company” accordingly if you announce that you are unhappy, upset, lonely and miserable and even better if you link it to the fact that you miss us, cannot be without us and similar declarations, we will appear to hoover you. This is different from the third entry. That is requesting help with something specific, something practical. This relates to your emotional state. There are two reasons why this works. First and foremost, you are providing fuel by being upset about missing us. We want that. Secondly, we regard the world as a hateful place and thus our negative outlook to that means that we want to see other people upset as well. Thus we will flock to you in such a state. Be warned however that there is a significant risk that we will perpetuate your misery in order to draw this fuel further from you.
- Post a Picture
Post a picture where we are likely to see it of you and an apparent new love interest. We will not like this. We will feel criticised and with the ignition of fury we will want to lash out at you. You are not allowed to be happy without our permission and approval. We must be the source of what you feel, not somebody else. When we see this picture we see fuel being wasted and we want it for ourselves, thus we will come hoovering. We also delight in the omnipotence felt by running someone else’s relationship.
- Involve a Friend
Send a friend to let us know how much you miss us, how our days are empty without you, how we never stop mentioning you. That alerts us to the fact that there is a tanker of fuel waiting to be sucked dry and this will certainly pique our interest to come and hoover you at the mention of this green light.
- Spread a Rumour
Use your supporters to spread a rumour about us. Make it detrimental without straying into the realms of defamation otherwise you won’t be hoovered and instead you will receive a letter from a lawyer instead. Suggest that you got rid of us first even though we discarded you and you did so because our performance in bed was below bar, or that we never changed our underwear, or that we said our mother’s name a lot in our sleep. It is sufficiently petty that it will irk us and we will come looking for you in order to set you straight and to draw some fuel from you by way of recompense for your criticism.
- Anniversary Pop-Up
We imagine that you remember that it was so long since we first met you, first kissed you, first took you away for the weekend and so on. Often you do because that is the extent to which we infect you so that you reminisce a lot. If you remind us of a forthcoming anniversary and thus by implication that it remains special to you, there is a good chance that we will use that anniversary to hoover you because we will regard you as more susceptible on that special date and likely to provide more fuel through your heightened emotional state.
- The Bootie Call/Text
If you get in touch with a suggestive call or text, then this will attract a hoover from us. Nothing says “game on” than sexual content in a message. The Somatic of our kind see a chance to rekindle those passionate couplings. The Cerebral will relish the chance to exhibit his seduction techniques even if there is no actual consummation. The Elite will see both as entirely appetising. Even the Victim will respond since it is easy to do so and if framed in a way that appeals to his submissive sexual outlook. Dangle such a text in front of us and the hoover will follow.
- Unleash a Rant
You know by now that fuel, whether positive or negative is what we need. If you want to provoke a hoover, show off some of that emotion through a rant in a voicemail message to us, a vitriolic e-mail, a series of hate-filled messages or just a hysterical monologue on your Facebook page. We will be attracted by this outpouring of emotion and want more of it, so we will come hoover in hand to draw more of the same.
76 thoughts on “How to Make Him Hoover”
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My soon to be ex wife is my Narc. She devalued me and discarded me while going back and forth between her ex and I, the triangulation is how I discovered through research what she is. We have been separated for 3 months and saw one another last week just to see a movie. She was subtle in her hoover but kissed me and told me, “im so confused” . Yah, I know what you are doing thanks to HG. The next day she goes back to silent treatment as if that evening never happened.
So I wrote her and said, “I have no need to see you again, lets just file the papers and be done with it”. Her response was calm and she was agreeable. 2 days later she asks me to dinner and we ended up in bed together. She now wants to plan a cruise together. HAHA! I am actually enjoying this now that I actually know what the hell shes doing. Good thing I am strong emotionally because anyone else I would say to not do it. I know the discard will come again but maybe, If I am smart, I can discard her first. What would that cause her HG? If I discarded her this time before she can get to it? I am thinking about doing it a week before the cruise and then take someone else. I mean, She is going to do it to me as soon as we return from the cruise so why not play her at her own game? Thoughts?
You sound as manipulative as she is.
I did the anniversary pop up thing. It was two years since I dumped his arse. It felt really good to brag about it, even if he tells himself some deluded lie. Couching 101. Happy dumping anniversary baby! 🙂
I don’t feel very smart in any of what I’m reading. It’s so far all very cerebral and hasn’t been connected emotionally yet.
In everything I’ve read, my last relationship with a narcissist was somewhere between a lesser & mid-range.
From what I gather, the mid range & lesser narcissist are least likely to hoover? Or is it that they prefer to wait a longer time before managing one?
And what about lesser narcissists having pics & videos? Is it something they would bring out to ruin one’s future or is that mostly the greater species of narcissist?
Your insights are immaculate. Helpful beyond words. No matter your reasoning for writing the numerous books (self preservation most likely), it has been a saving grace for my introspection.
I do see that I play a part in the attraction of those I attract. Again, that would have been much harder to become aware of without your help.
Thank you.
The Lesser and mid-Ranger may find it harder to reach the hoover bar if it is higher, but all things being equal, they will hoover with as much desire and enthusiasm as a greater.
The Lesser may well use them in the immediate aftermath of being betrayed but they would be far less likely to rely on them down the line in the way a greater would.
Thank you for your compliments AR.
HG, is a married Greater Narc just as likely to triangulate with someone who lives in a different state or country or would they much rather have someone closer to home? Would they much rather have a long distance relationship to triangulate the spouse with than to have no one at all? When the Greater doesn’t have anyone to triangulate the spouse with, does the intensity of the treatment to the spouse increase; and if so, in what ways?
1. A long distance agent would be readily used to triangulate. The advantage that arises is that the triangulated individual is less able to do anything about it (for instance contact that person, go to see them). The disadvantage is that the fuel obtained from the agent will be less potent;
2. Yes.
3. There is always some way of triangulating – it need not be a competitor in a romantic sense, it could be a friend, family member or inanimate object or an activity – for instance, triangulating your IPPS with the fact one plays golf a lot much to the irritation and annoyance of the IPPS
Thank you, HG! 😊
Hah! Golf! Yes, I remember. I even took lessons so I could enjoy it with him. But noooo, I was not allowed to play.
Ugh, he had the audacity to tell me I could be his caddy! As if! He is lucky he’s not swimming with the fishes for such an insult!
Love ,
In reference to your statement regarding comments being honary ;I too found that interesting considering you told Ashley to pretty much f** k off. And you’ve recently shown aggressive behaviors towards those that didnt agree with your view point. In viewing some of these comments, not you specially, I can’t help but wonder if men just run due to the drama ,neediness, and desire for attention. Again, not directing this at you. But, the common dominator in most of our failed relationships are us. Now we have transfered that same weakness to this blog and feel we are superior, have a voice and projecting the same behaviours our narcs inflicted upon us.
Food for thought.
I agree with you Entertainment, I’ve also shown ornery behavior lately in response to being attacked. I’ve kept it light in the past and said wild comments flirting with Mr. Tudor. However, that really seems to set people off. The funny thing is I have done it purely for ‘entertainment’ purpose and yet it has been taken way too seriously. I got tired of the insults and attacks.
1. I do not know HG Tudor
2. I’ve never set up a personal consultation session with him (Though it is a very valuable opportunity for anyone needing answers).
3. I do not consider Mr. Tudor a friend, a lover, future mate
4. The only time I’ve ever emailed him is to ask him if my some of my comments were deleted.
Now all that said, I hope people can relax that my hopes and dreams do not lay at Mr. Tudor’s feet. But they are still entitled to their opinions.
In regards to Ashley, we both apologized for our words.
Love,
I thought we were past this? Maybe, this was one of the comments in moderation. I pray all is well with you
Look at the date Entertainment. Thank you for your prayers 😉
In regards to men running because of drama:
That has never been my experience. If anything, they loved it… Goaded it on … And came back for more.
Entertainment, my original response is in moderation, so I am responding again.
I agree with you that I have exhibited hostile behavior lately in response to being attacked. I’ve made some outlandish comments in the past, flirting ridiculously with Mr. Tudor. Or ‘vying for his attention’ and ‘throwing myself at his feet’. I thought this was all in good fun, yet it always managed to set some people off. I do not have any intentions towards Mr. Tudor. Yet expressing myself in a free and silly manner apparently hits some triggers. I got tired of the insults about my mental state, my mental aptitude, my desperation, jealousy, yada yada yada. I have no problem with people holding these opinions. It’s their prerogative. I got fed up and talked back.
Ashley and I apologized for our words. I appreciate and commend her for initiating it. Shows her strong character and decency.
I like moderation, especially on Sunday’s. Love, all that matters is you are happy HG is not offended neither or the unicorns.
Lol a unicorn must never be offended. Bad things happen. 💜
I have unicorn horn as a door wedge in my house.
You killed a unicorn and took his horn, Mr. Tudor??? All for a door wedge! 😥
Oh this is bad! Very bad. They are watching you Mr. Tudor. Sleep with one eye open sir.
Me? No. I am blameless, you know that.
Yes Mr. Tudor, you are wonderful ❤
Love,
Meaning the physical abuse was normal in my world so I felt no need to have him align with my beliefs, because I thought that all the abuse was because he loved me so much he didn’t want to lose me. With all the threats and physical abuse occurring only when I threatened to leave. He was content…when I was content. (Well he appeared to be). Therefore,no clash and my cognitions were aligned based on my learned behavior. (Witnessing physical abuse a kid)
With the narc my experience of dissonance was unexpected and horrific with no physical abuse but mental abuse , whereas; I was motivated to eliminate it, and achieve consonance.
I don’t know exactly how to explain it, I have a physical scar from being stab and it doesn’t trigger the thoughts the same as the mental abuse. I thought the narc was heaven sent from and I deserved someone to treat me like a queen (golden period) after all the physical abuse. (10 years after the physical abuse). My knight and shining armour here to fix the inner issues of a broken woman. 😊 not…
HG, if the breakup was amicable and there’s no disappearing or blocking; is it safe to assume that the person may not be disorded at all?
It depends on what other factors were evident in the whole dynamic so far Entertainment.
HG,
Thanks for your response, I know in certain situations the person may exhibit some of the traits as a narc. However, there are personality disorders that can cause a person to be disillusioned, abandonment issues, and other underlying issues which find it hard for them to accept that maybe the person just wasn’t into them. It doesn’t make him/her a narc. No real golden period, maybe lots of texting and talking because it’s new, we all like new things. Until they’re not😊
I asked because I have dated guys in the past and it started off fine, I initially felt there was a connection soon realized I didn’t feel the same way in month or two so l I would just break it off. Some were okay, some would stalk and I had one to beg me to give it a try a few more weeks only to break up with me the next day. Hilarious.
I suffer from a personality disorder as well. But, I never broke up to hurt them. I just didn’t feel the same.
When there’s a break up with a narc, a person truly realize woe, something different happened and they are never quite the same.
I was in a long term relationship with a psychopath extremely abusive, once walked me down the street with a gun behind my head and said if I scream he would shoot me. After, I escape that relationship I didn’t have the level of cognitive dissonance as with the non physical narc.
I am Journaling most of the things I just pushed deep down inside so I didn’t have to deal with them. I realize I have to face and relive a lot of hurt so I can move forward. It’s no easy task for sure. Thank you for all you do. Onward with who you are.
What an interesting statement Entertainment:
“I didn’t have the level of cognitive dissonance (with the abusive psychopath) as with the non physical narc. “
Hi HG. Thanks for your knowledge and insight which I lapped up as much as my soon to be ex – husband lapped fuel from me. I have a question about narcs and how they interact. As said EH is one and so is my mother. I guess being treated that way in childhood set me up for being used in adulthood. They were often together and got on very well. Anyway my question is: is there competition between me to see who could get the most fuel or did they play off one another for maximum effect.
Sorry for the typos. *when my mother and husband and I were in the same room, was there competition between my mother and husband to get the duel or did they work together like some tag team to both benefit?
It depends Emma on if they were both narcissists and what type. See the articles When Narcissists collide. If only one was a narcissist, that person would be after the fuel.
It depends Emma on the type of narcissist that they are. Most would compete. If one is a Greater and the other Mid-Range or Lesser, the Greater may well enlist the lower schooled narcissist to assist him or her.
Hmm, so tempting to play this game and get back at them knowing what we know… but it’s so nice and peaceful now, so i think i’ll pass… for now…😉
HG So let’s say that the narcissist discards his primary source and he then hoovers. Does that mean that the primary source will never go back to being his girlfriend again? Or will she now become a secondary source?
I assume you mean he discards the primary source and then later hoovers that primary source. The narcissist will do this to gain fuel and may also be looking to resume the Formal Relationship with the recently discarded person, but not necessarily. If not reinstated to primary source, yes, she will be a secondary source.
I was the IP and I discarded him be4 he had my replacement fully hooked, but he was close to discarding me, but I got to that point first. I became, in his mind, secondary. Well, I’ve never played that role with anyone. Tx for the insight.
Oops wrong blog 😂👏
Now that is funny. Well done.
ABB you are as transparent as a cheap pair of smelly underwear👍
HRU
This is a great time for you to become a missing person 👅
Lol! What is going on with the commentators recently? Is Pluto crossing Uranus? Misaligned energy making people ornery? 😀
Mine are a combo of these. It starts off with missing him and wanting to wish him well and try to end on a good note. One little friendly text (who am i kidding). Then its onto healing after some lovely two way conversation.(maybe we can just be friends and not have to completely cut him out of my life). Next comes a pinch of guilt ( to be fair i did and said some things that contributed…well sure i did and for good reason). Those good old familiar feelings start to come back and were now into the optimist stage( no contact felt so terrible maybe theres a way it can work out and avoid the despair). Then some flirty comments here and there. i cant resist turning them down because thatd be rejecting him( thatd be so mean to his ego) which ultimately leads to nymph stage. Golden period is resurrected and were back in the relationship but the cycle stays the same no matter any angle you try to tweak it. It never changes.
Moral of the story either stay in the relationship or make it so no contact is firm and hoovering in no way can be possible.
A yoyo is built for this, not your heart or mind.
What does IPPS mean? X x
Intimate Partner Primary Source.
I at one point used to use a lot of those tactics and it always worked. But now the only reason I would ever want a hoover is so I can get my own satisfaction out of rejecting him. He completely destroyed any empathy I have towards him. I know how he works, he is beyond predictable and that is to my advantage. What does that make me?
Somebody seizing the power.
I love this. Taking the power back. Take it back and crush him with it. The hunter becomes the hunted.
I think I seized the power when I never had anything to do with him again.
Incidentally, I had a funeral parlour send him a brochure yesterday. It was his birthday. 😂
Thanks for the tips, HG.
Oh Jar!!!! 😂😂😂😂
Thanks for that laugh! Did you get that idea from HG? Delicious!
When we were together he banged on about us being middle aged (he’s 3 years older and just turned 47). I was only 40 at the time! I love my age, I don’t feel middle aged at all. Looking back I see he was projecting his fear of aging onto me. I know his buttons and yes, HG’s revenge book is full of ideas I never thought of – and easy ones to carry out and get a laugh at his expense – no fuel involved. He’s also had heart valve surgery so Death is after him already. 🙂
Thank you, HG! Much appreciated!
Matt Bomer Though…. <3
No matter how much I miss my ex some days I am never wishing for a Hoover.
Thanks to you I won’t be surprised when it pops up.
Thank you, HG! I think you said (please correct me if i am wrong) the golden period begins with the seduction. So if one is trying to figure out how long the narc and his new IPPS have been in the golden period, would it be fair to assume the golden period started when they began dating or at least openly so?
Yes the golden period covers
1. The seduction ; and
2. When you are embedded
Thus all is well. The golden period commences at the start of seduction and as you point out will be at least from when the dating is evident.
Why would anyone want a trip back to crazyland again?
Oh that’s right – because you’re obviously fucking crazy!
Hmm…🤔
yes…thanks HG for this reminder…
I needed it…
Off I go…
Ive got some reading to do💡
Hello, HG. I trust all is well with you. Just some observations. I would expect if the narc is still in the golden period with the new IPPS and, as you stated, is dedicated to her, a booties call/ text would not be well received. So it would have to wait until devaluation begins. I am personally not interested in sending such a text but thought this caveat was appropriate and necessary. What do you think?
Agreed. If you seek a hoover when your narcissist is engaged with your replacement IPPS. you may be politely rebuffed or (and then) a malign hoover will follow. You have of course achieved the hoover (albeit maybe not the one you want)/
If you do these when the replacement IPPS is being devalued then you will receive a benign hoover.
Does this benign hoover mean that you want to return to the relationship or just get some fuel and leave again?
It may mean both or is just a desire for fuel.
I am receiving a lot of benign hoovers currently. Benign hoovers such as how are you or i need your advice on something. No love bombing. He sometimes responds to texts selectively. We broke up 4 months ago. He never blocked me or disappeared. His reason for breaking up was that he feels we are not working out. What should i read into this behaviour HG?
He wants fuel and may be angling to resurrect the formal relationship.
Also if it is just for fuel why not a malign hoover then?
Because a benign hoover may sit better with the façade. A benign hoover may lead to more benign fuel (plus residual benefits). A benign hoover may be useful in terms of triangulating somebody else.
So HG is the reason for him not blocking me after the discard for fuel?
Yes.
Ladies and gentlemen…
Let’s get ready to Rumble!!!
If all it takes is a rant to get hoovered, I got you guys covered! Just put $20 in my PayPal account and I will make the call and use my more than 35 years of experience screaming, yelling, hollering and cutting remarks to tell that MoFo off and get you that hoover! Act now! I’ll even throw in a free tire slash to the first patron.
I love hoovers
will the booty call really work if they discarded us?
Yes, dependent on timing. Fuel is fuel after all.
too bad I would have no idea when the right time would be. I would only even consider this if it were well received.
p.s. Number three was particularly enlightening. That is where I have traditionally gotten pummeled by your kind. I need to remember you will never truly expend any energy helping anyone unless there is some payoff for you.
Or otherwise titled, “Youz Cray”
Very timely – may have to print this one out!
Thanks. A victim. This is going in the archives with the sleep of The Just.