Shall I Deploy a Follow Up Hoover?
The follow-up hoover. A staple method of gaining fuel from you either post discard or post escape, whether of a positive and/or negative nature. How though does the follow-up hoover come about, how do I decide whether to do it or not and what are the circumstances that can cause it? Here is an instance which will assist your understanding of our methodology and mind set so you can identify the factors which put you at risk.
I discarded you. You failed me and you had to go. You had no idea of course that this was the case. You tried to see me, speak to me, plead with me and you were rebuffed and told to stay away. The teeth were bared at you and you saw that look in the eye, the one that still unnerves you and you backed away. You slid into misery and confusion, unable to comprehend why I flung you to one side, why I wouldn’t at least do you the decency of explaining. You do not realise that our kind are never beholden to the obligation to explain. We are above that. You however operate by differing standards and regard it as a common courtesy to explain why something has been done and it certainly applies when the situation is one of romantic entanglement. You believed that you are owed an explanation. We operate from the position that we owe you nothing because once upon a time we gave you everything.
I have the new primary source of fuel of course. She was from a shortlist of individuals who were being cultivated as I embarked on my cruel devaluation of you. When I slipped away to my bolthole, when I made repeated excuses to go to the bar when we went away on holiday, when your back was turned I was extending my electronic tendrils as I engaged with these prospects. The fuel flowed from them as they readily connected with someone as charming as I. How could they not? A couple of these prospects have been kept in reserve, contingencies as they became outer circle friends who will wait in the wings, suitable brainwashed and conditioned so that they will jump at the chance of being promoted to the primary source at some future point. I know as well that they will not hesitate to hand me the dagger which I will plunge in that primary source’s back at some future point. There is no sisterhood here in the battle to win my affections and favour. Thus two find themselves admitted to the chain of fuel providing appliances and like two growing plants, I occasionally tend to them, cultivating and maintaining their interest, keeping alive the hope of promotion. It is reassuring to know that if the one who eventually saw off the others on the shortlist has to be discarded then there are ready and waiting appliances who can be plugged in without much more effort. It is not always possible to find those appliances which will wait around but it is far from impossible. You may be surprised at the number which will readily accept a role as an outer or even inner circle friend, possibly an acquaintance too in the right circumstances. Content to have intermittent contact with me in person. Happy to have more frequent contact through electronic medium. These reservists will smile at the primary source, appear to even be friendly but they are only doing it to maintain my favour. If I give the signal they would rip the throat from the primary source in order to replace her. That is what we bring out in people.
Still, those are the reservists but for now an excellent primary source was chosen and thus you were surplus to requirements. You heard no more from me as a wall of silence greeted your attempts to contact me. Your position as primary source came to an end. You were made redundant and you were cast aside. I drew fuel from imagining your distress at this state of affairs and your repeated attempts to contact me provided similar fuel until I decided that I wanted to concentrate on the new primary source and therefore you needed to stay away. Thus, as I mentioned, the teeth were bared, you were warned and for once you listened and backed off.
Life has been sweet with the wonderful, new and shiny primary source who has lived up to expectations in her admiration, adoration and love. All is well and I cannot say that I have really given you any further thought since I made it clear that you were to “stay the hell away from me, understand?” I have been drinking deep from the new, potent fountain and enjoying all of this fresh, succulent fuel. So much so, I soon moved her in and why not? I may as well ensure that such a precious source of fuel is on tap.
Then one day I was moving some things around in the study and I found a book which belonged to you. I picked it up and you flared in my mind. I know that if it was the other way around, you would have been consumed by emotion as you triggered this ever presence. That does not happen with me. There is no charge of emotion but instead there is the spark of opportunity. The appearance of this book has caused you to enter into my sphere of influence. You did nothing did you? No telephone call, no text message, no driving past my house, all of the usual things which victims do in the aftermath and which will invariably result in a hoover. The appearance of this book has thrust you into my mind again. I have plenty of fuel from the wonderful primary source but a dash of hoover fuel would be welcome also. I feel no need to re-engage you as my primary source, your replacement is functioning well, but I am fuelled, powerful and I want to taste your hoover fuel. You have entered the sixth sphere of influence and caused a Hoover Trigger.
Moments such as these are delicious indeed. I have taken a bite of the succulent cherry that is the new primary source but here I am with a delightful opportunity to take a bite of another cherry and apply a hoover to you. What I especially like about it is the fact that because I do not want to or need to rekindle our intimate relationship again, the effort required will be minimal in order to get a taste of your hoover fuel. I pull out my ‘phone and look up your number. I kept it of course. I felt no need to block it. You rang and you rang but I never answered and eventually you gave up. I wonder for a moment whether you have blocked me and feel a twinge of irritation if that proves to be the case. Nevertheless, I have the energy and inclination to want to hoover you,, I perceive that there is a good prospect of gaining fuel from you, I have no reason to think that your fuel will be diminished, I have considered whether there may be obstacles but do not regard there as being any which would mean the attempt is likely to fail and I have not perception that you will reject me and thus criticise me and cause wounding. The Hoover Execution Criteria has been met and I have surpassed the bar, it is thus time to hoover you.
I jab your name and smile as I hear the ringing noise and within just two rings (two rings! Someone remains keen!) you answer. Your voice is tentative.
“Hello? HG?”
“Hi Tabitha, how are you?”
There is a pause. You are trying to work out what is going on but I know you will want to talk to me. You answered didn’t you? You spoke. You want some answers. You need to know. I have seen it so many times before and therefore I know that no matter how much you may think that you need to end the call before it gets going you will not do so. I know that the emotion is surging through you, hope, expectation and no doubt the glowing embers of the love that has not yet been extinguished for me.
“What do you want?” you ask but it is not said in a hostile tone.
“I was just thinking about you and I thought I would give you a call and see how you were doing.”
“I don’t understand. Why call me now when you made it clear you didn’t want anything to do with me?” Ah, a bit of a fightback from logic here. Fair enough.
“I know, I know, that was some time ago, I was in a bad place, a lot going on and something had to give. I know I didn’t handle it well, I am sorry.”
Like hell I am but I know those three words will have a magical effect. I stop speaking. I can picture you trying to hold back the tears, fighting with the competing emotions that are washing over you. I can feel the power rising inside of me at this image as I gather the fuel.
“You hurt me, you really hurt me,” you say voice cracking slightly.
“I know, I know and I am truly sorry, I know you must hate me, listen if it is any consolation to you, I hate myself for what I did to you, you didn’t deserve to be treated like that.” That should hit the spot. A bit of self-flagellation always goes down well.
“Well you won’t hate yourself as much as I hate you,” you answer with a little steel in your voice. It’s good. It is all fuel.
“Trust me Tabs,” oh yes the shortened name for added familiarity needs to be used here, “I know just what I did and I am not proud of myself. I just felt it was only right that I call you in order to explain…”
I hit the end call button after saying this.
Five seconds. She will call back in five seconds.
Sure enough her name appears on the ‘phone as she returns the call.
“Hi,” I say enthusiastically.
“You went off.”
“Yes poor signal I guess.”
There is another pause. I say nothing allowing the silence to be used to compel you to speak. I know that you want to talk. It was always likely and your behaviour so far is laden with indicators that you want to continue to talk.
“You said you wanted to explain,” you say and I hear the hope in your voice and the fuel drips from you once again.
I know that I can dangle the prospect of answers in front of you for weeks now. I don’t want you back. I do not need you back but I have tasted your delicious hoover fuel and I like it. I have managed to cause you to speak to me and then call me back after everything that I did to you, including my callous discard. That highlights the power I have and that is why when remembering you through seeing the book it was too good an opportunity to miss and I applied a benign hoover. Not to win you back, but to get you to respond and to provide me with fuel. And it has worked.
I lick my lips before I speak.
This cherry is mighty sweet as is the fuel from this successful follow-up hoover.
36 thoughts on “Shall I Deploy a Follow Up Hoover?”
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Can a narc ever be hovered himself (or herself as the case may be)?
Dang it, typo. Hate when I do that.
Yes by another narcissist.
This dialogue are very similar to one that I had with my Narc many time ago but when he told me that he hate himself I felt so sad for him and I answered that I didn’t hate him, I still loved him 😣
Anyway I,m in no contact mode again since one month. Now i feel myself full of angry and hate. Anyway I will survive…
Thank you for this post HG forewarned is forearmed x
yeah.. yeah.. yeah.. wait and see… you are still playing that stupid game..? and you considered yourself great and magnificent? I have moved above and beyond it..
From; Principessa dei Boschi.
Do narcs ever return to former supply even after that supply has figured them out because she is willing to deal with the situation and be subservient? I am finding that mine just wants to be taken care of, so if the NS doesn’t pan out, is there the chance that he would try to return to the formal relationship, even though I know what he is, because he also knows that I am willing to go along with his game? I was discarded due to my own escalation of the situation, but nothing was ever really shut down. More like an extended silent treatment with frequent hoovers in between. I feel like maybe I am being kept in the pen for later resurgence if this one doesn’t work out. Would that be a normal reaction? He’s definitely a lesser narc.
Yes this may happen if the fuel provided remains good AND there is a pressing need for a residual benefit. You have touched on the issue about yours wanting to be taken care of. Victim Narcissists and certain of other cadres advanced in age may recognise the benefit of the residual benefit and good if not spectacular fuel. This does not mean it will be a bed of roses, but the volatility will be reduced.
I am armed with the knowledge. He is not sorry at all. Three words that are insincere and meaingless when they come from the devil’s mouth
Are fake profiles on social media a way of hoovering as well? Or do they mean I should prepare myself for one? Blocked 39 already in the last 2 weeks. And had one phone call, nothing was said, I hung up myself.
What would hurt those of your kind most? Blocked everywhere or not blocked but just not responding ?
They are a means of doing so. If these profiles are making friend or follower requests of you then those are hoovers.
Not responding is a criticism and denies us fuel but keeps alive the possibility of making contact.
Blocked is a criticism, denies us fuel and also tells us this route is denied. This is stronger.
Can someone follow me on Facebook without being my friend and how do I stop this? I have security settings so can only be messaged but I don’t know much about the flowing side of things x
So do you also do this to check in, and see if they’re still receptive to a hoover…still under your spell so to speak? You can still pull her strings, ie; when you hung up, she called you straight back, showing she wants answers/therefore still cares. I was just going to ask the following…
Is showing up where they know you will be a hoover? Ie; knowing I walk to the station with my dogs to meet my son/he shows up there with his dog to meet his son (he generally doesn’t meet his son like I do, I do it to stretch my legs). He’s now been down there three times this week. Do they hope it will trigger you initiating contact?
Correct and yes it is. Yes showing up where you are is a hoover and even though there is not direct contact it is done as a staging manoeuvre in the hope, as you identify you will contact us. If you do, this indicates we ar pushing on an open door in terms of fuel.
HG
Do you think a mid range cerebral narcissist will try to hoover again at a later date if he tried a staging maneuvre and I remained no contact?
Depends on whether there is a Hoover Trigger and the Hoover Execution Criteria are met. One cannot state with sufficient particularity on the information provided.
You all are just so predictable. Your hackneyed words and actions are so similar to one another’s that it’s almost as if you’re all versions of the same phony person.
You are all no one.
I may have been badly hurt by a couple of you in my time, but at least I am someone. I will always be someone. The people who love me do so, not because I carefully studied them and gave them what they wanted for a time, but because I just relaxed, was “myself” and they responded positively.
I can’t imagine living an entire life only to look back at the end of it to discover that I never really lived it at all. And here’s where, despite all the soul-destroying pain you inflict upon others, I truly grieve for you as you feel that this is the only way you know how to be.
A precise description of the dynamics…
Above all, we need to understand that every single interaction with a narc is driven by the narc’s selfishness. The vast majority of them cannot see past their own wants and needs, because they lack the emotional intelligence to do so. And the few who do rise above, do not care.
Our reactions to hoovers probably depend on where we are in the recovery process. The newly discarded, who is in turmoil, still hoping for a ‘Happy End’, will be easy prey. When she goes through a series of hoovers, going ’round in circles, her growing frustration eventually manifests in anger, and she lashes out.
This is probably the most exciting time for a narc, that’s when the push/pull game is at its height… when her conflicting feelings of love and hate for him clash most violently… and he feels powerful that he can plunge her into rages never seen before in one minute, and evoke feelings of tenderness the next… he probably feels like God in moments like these! When she is too tired to fight any more, or awakens to the fact that fighting back is futile, the tables are turned… and the narc never sees it coming. 🙂
We need to understand that whenever we are responding, even in cases of benign hoovering, we are opening ourselves up to abuse. Abuse is all we are ever going to get from a narc: no sincere remorse or apology, no closure! Once this has sunk in, going ‘no contact’ is easy… remaining silent is less so…
When the phone rings, or a text message arrives, and you feel the urge to respond, just remember: he does not deserve your attention, he needs to be taught a lesson in humility! So, let it ring… read the text, but do not reply… some apps let the sender know the message has been read… how marvellous, it will intensify his wounding.
The narc’s own mind, in all its warped glory, will be his worst enemy, and you will not even have to lift a finger to wound! Ignoring him is the most effective punishment you can give. To him, it signals that he is insignificant, a nobody, not even worth being acknowledged: all of which is worse than death itself. The more time passes, the easier it gets to ignore him. Your focus shifts from punishing him to protecting yourself.
I have become wiser and tougher, but deep down I know that I will never reach a state of indifference towards him… some of what once was, even though it was mostly lies, remains… that’s why I cannot let my guard down… and I feel a deep sense of satisfaction and peace, knowing that my narc is learning the lesson now… and it will stay with him for the rest of his days… as it should be.
Very well said Matilda!!! I second that…..
Thank you, Rain, it is good to know that the message resonates with you 🙂
Very good Matilda, accurate and well done!
Thank you, PurpleRibbonHealing… the things we know, we never wanted to learn…
Nice getting the perspective from your side. And this is just the kind of hang-up nonsense I asked you about several weeks ago. What if Tabs had not returned your call after the bogus hang-up? Would that constitute a wound or would you have gotten enough fuel by then for it not to matter?
That would not have wounded me.
That’s all mean!
I can feel those emotions that you describe when she
picks up the phone.
What if we don’t answer?
I’m predicting that my ex would send a text with just “hi” to test me.
But I wanted to tell you HG that I’m finding you to be absolutely correct about everything. It’s ironic that the day I finally was able to walk into a gym was the day that she posted a picture of herself with a 30lb weight loss. That showed me how right you are about how your kind can immediately move on. She hasn’t cared at all about me. She has been soaking up all the fuel from everyone telling her how great she is and how she overcame a crazy ex. Makes me sick and mad that I have had to spend 9 months crying and trying to get over her.
That anger did motivate me though.
Your Hoover criteria makes perfect sense and is very accurate.
I think I was still hoping that she missed me in some way. NOPE!
Hope dies last again. I’m sick of hope.
They are repulsed by illness (weakness from their eyes) but they could do well working in a palliative care ward or terminal children’s ward. They could sneak up quiet and close in to hurry death by tormenting what is left! Would probably be put down to delirium or medication side effects as the patient struggled to contain the shock of the grotesque and looming fuel sapping beast hovering over them. I imagine it would serve many purposes for narcs- have been thinking about how low they are, realising that flowers for their seduction and golden period are more than likely thieved whilst they stake out a regular supplier (people leaving flowers at the cemetery could save them having to straighten their white knuckles clutching their $$$). They would have to agree being the lowlifes they are and would likely say, what good are they to the dead!
They are repulsed by illness (weakness from their eyes) but they could do well working in a palliative care ward or terminal children’s ward. They could sneak up quiet and close in to hurry death by tormenting what is left! Would probably be put down to delirium or medication side effects as the patient struggled to contsin the grotes
I imagine a bed ridden target could be most delicious if they had
enough energy to emote.
What kind of fuel could a narcissist derive from an appliance that is bed ridden?
Plenty.
‘splain
Would you please help me with something? If fuel is what a narcissist seeks out from any appliance, why would he (in this case) choose someone who is bed & hospital bound for life (except for mild attempts at walking down the hallway) & why is the next appliance always so much less attractive (physically) then the previous one (in my experience).
Thank you
A.R.
Hello AR, that person may provide extensive fuel by reason of being bed bound. If devalued and they cannot get away, they are more likely to give fuel by being angry or upset.
With regard to your second question see
Is it possible to know if they only want fuel or want to have us back again?
Yes, the narcissist will use words to the effect of suggesting a resumption of the Formal Relationship – not always, but if that is what we want, we often say as such because clearly this may be a compelling thing to say to a particular victim who will respond favourably once they hear such comments.
Oh Mr. Tudor, you are so bad.
But THANK YOU for your honesty!
“Repeated excuses to go to the bar” to contact someone else. Yup, I remember those times. My intuition told me what they were doing. I’m also sure I have been the recipient of such phone calls as well.
You state “I do not want to or need to rekindle our intimate relationship again”. I understand you state this because you have a new IP. Yet I question if your kind truly ever needs to rekindle the sexual aspect of any relationship. I believe your kind could do without sex if fuel was flowing freely regardless.