The One and Only
I really do think the world of you, you know. I have not met anybody like you. No don’t shake your head. I know you are modest but you should accept a compliment when it is given, heaven knows you deserve it. I have to admit I have had a few relationships, but you know, we have all been there haven’t we? I used to think I knew what love was. I used to think that the person I was with was what I wanted, the answer to my prayers and that special someone. All of that was not the case. In fact, it is quite apparent to me that they were really just practice runs to allow me to perfect my love in readiness for your arrival. I know it may seem strange but I feel like that I have always known you and moreover that somehow that I always knew we would be together. I used to tell myself in previous relationships that this was it, this was the one, but something would go wrong. I guess I was not a very good judge of characters back then. I kept picking the wrong ones. Goodness me I could tell you some tales. I have hooked up with some real fruit loops in my time. I seem to attract them. I think it is because when I want to be with someone I give my absolute all to that person. I see no point in holding back, do you? It has to be everything or it is worth nothing. I can see you nodding, I thought you would agree. You and I are on the same wave length. I can sense it. I have an aptitude for it. A sixth sense. I have to admit I have not always been blessed with it and it has taken some time to fine tune it, I guess that is why I had to go through the rollercoaster ride with some of my exs. Still, although they did not treat me well, no it is okay, you don’t need to know about all of that. I want to talk about you and me, that is far more important. Yes, they did not treat me well at all but that’s for another story I do not want to spoil tonight talking about their jealous rages and violent tempers. Thank goodness you are not like that. No it is fine you do not have to persuade me of that being the case. I know you are not like them. I can tell you are a far better person. Do you know how I know? It is in the way that you move. Yes, it is. You move with a grace I have not seen before. That tells me that you are self-assured but not in a flamboyant manner. You know who you are and you move around with a grace and a presence which brings reassurance. I will let you into a little secret. Before I spoke to you I used to watch you. Not in a stalker kind of way, more as in an interested observer kind of way. I saw how people reacted to you, with warmth and delight whenever you spoke to them and I thought to myself when I saw how their faces lit up and how their eyes widened in pleasure that you were probably the kind of person who spends more time looking after other people than you do spend looking after yourself. I am right aren’t I? It is not good trying to hide and look at the floor I can see I am right. I usually am about people. It is something of a gift but one I am now able to use to avoid the people who would hurt me and believe me there have been a few of them and instead find someone who will respect and love me in the same way that I will love and respect them.
It is all about finding that mutuality isn’t it? I bet you and I have much in common. Well, I know from our last date we share similar tastes in music and travel destinations and that just proves my point. I should imagine that if we discussed politics, although I don’t intend to tonight, there will be plenty of time to do that in the future, we would have similar views. You see that I have been able to work out, after all the mishaps and the people that have let me down, who is right for me and who I am right for. I am a straight-forward kind of fellow. I will put you on a pedestal and worship you, yes I will, because somebody like you, someone so special and caring deserves that. Oh I know you modern independent ladies are all about equality and believe me I am one hundred percent behind that but I do know that once upon a time you used to pretend to be a princess and that never leaves you. How do I know that? I have a sister you see and I saw how she played and made-up games based around being a fairy or a princess, good characters who wanted that happy ever after. I know it has never left her and so by the same token I know that someone like you, a good and decent and honest people still has that desire to be treated properly and every once in a while reminded of that fact. I can tell by your smile that you agree with me and I am glad of that because I know how well I will treat you. I have much to give to you and you deserve to be treated right. You see, I sense, like me you have been hurt in the past. I can see it in your eyes. You are hoping that nothing spoils what we have because it is showing such promise isn’t it? Yes, I thought you would agree. I can tell by the slightly guarded manner you have, but don’t be concerned, that is no bad thing given the way that some people behave, but I am not like them. You have no need to be concerned about me. I will only ever look after you and have your best interests at heart. That is why you and I have been brought together, two people who just want to love and be loved. It is not much to ask is it? That is why when I first met you I realised that you are the one.
You rise from your chair to go to the bathroom and I sit back in my chair and smile. I can say that speech backwards now and it works every time.
46 thoughts on “The One and Only”
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Beautifully written!!!!
Thank you.
Spot on to the last word it is as if he is sitting in front of me.
H.G., what is the typical age that a narcissist shows signs of the behavior in romantic relationships? Is it possible that this may not be apparent before say, age 25 or so? I ask because I had a 3 year relationship 30 yrs ago, and we were very close, very romantic, I never saw any signs. I broke up with him to obtain more dating experience bc we were young, 22…. he seemed devastated, he immediately got involved with someone else and married within a year. He contacted me 6 yrs ago, stating that he was unhappily married etc , long story short, he future faked me for several yrs, convinced me that he had gotten divorced etc when he had not, he even let me follow through with my own divorce ! (all of our communication was via phone and email as we live in different states ) it took me a while to catch on to the lies bc I thought I was talking to the same person that I knew 30 years ago! I am wondering when he changed and also now wondering if our relationship 30 yrs ago was a lie. Can you she’d some light on this for me please?
You claim that I was always and still am your only everlasting Angel… why? do you used this statement as well with the others.. or only to a privileged one? please answer me honestly… thank you.
Marusca, I can feel your passion. I wish you wrote your questions in Italian. I only know a little but would love to feel the power of your words.
I find it very, very interesting and enlightening that this is almost word for word the verbal approach of a narcissist during the golden period. Thank you for relaying this and other such information. After all, knowledge is power.
To others who read this- read all of this, every post. Trust me it is amazing, utterly amazing to finally understand.
HG may i ask how many women you were with in your lifetime? And do you always have a primary source in place?
When you say how many women I was with, in what context do you mean?
I usually have a primary source, yes, there have been short periods when I have not.
1) Context as in dating… or rather then how many primary sources did you have in your life. 2) How long do they last as ipps? 3) Also do some get promoted to ipps again? 4) do you also date women who are not your ipps?
1. How many IPPS? More than ten.
2. It varies.
3. Yes.
4. Yes.
More than 10? Like 20 or 30? It varies between? 1 month to 1 year?
You will read all about them in due course.
If you listen to most pop songs, they are a whole collagr of all these words. Harlequin romances, Shakespearen tragedies, romantic movies, love ballads, etc… the entire smorgasbord of human emotion and experience. And wnought stuff that if one doesn’t apply, one other thing will. Something will always fit.
My former narc drowned her dog deliberately the day after the final (countless) endings …only for a desperate rescue (Hoover attempt?) almost 2 years later I understand why. I could NEVER accept such a heartless, cruel and sick person. No contact …no problem! HG getting through this horrific ordeal would not have been possible without your writings and openness. You are forever in my gratitude!
You are welcome.
You have helped so many people. Those that follow you do not judge harshly …only appreciate your understanding and insight. You have cultivated your pain and share great insights. As a Greater you are far beyond the realm of an amateur. Where as most are unaware of what they are. We as empaths have great compassion even though our lives have been traumatized. You bring a compelling sense of closure whereas the involvement in our (onesided) relationships can never be fully understood. That is until you!
Jesus H! We need a What The Actual Fuck button for this.
There will eventually be someone who is aware & know that your speech, your mannerisms (& those like you) show off to be too good to be true…& Walking out the door instead of falling into your arms will be the answer!!
Unfortunately sometimes you don’t realise it’s too good to be true cause they are mirroring. You don’t think you are being to good ergo neither are them.
What gives us a hint is they dive to fast in the relationship. My narc asked me to marry him only after a couple of weeks… I thought he was joking.
Because it’s primarily a genetic condition, there’s no “teaching” him or any narc the error of their ways. I think a chip implant is our best bet.
IPPS for 11 yrs…. don’t even say it
That is so eerily familiar… not all in one sitting but dispersed thru the “golden period”… if anyone were to say these things to me now.. I wouldn’t believe them one bit.
How is it you all seem to say almost the exact things?
Hmm, HG..
This was interesting. You really sound like my saviour! How come? Your words are so close to what he used to tell me. He was the one who saw me when I was in despair, when I was married to my X -the Narc who abused me. My saviour got me to talk about my situation, he gave me hope, love and equipment. He gave me strength to move out from my abusive relationship. He taught me how to handle my Narc and to be able to proceed. When I was able to stand on my own feet, my saviour distanced himself and now the relationship is over.
Sometimes I think, maybe also my saviour is one of your kind…
I never wanted to be a princess
This made me cry. Not for the horrible abuse I suffered at that man’s hands. Not for permanent scars I will carry as a result (inside and out) of this man’s abuse. Not for all the victims before me or all the victims yet to come but instead: It made me cry for the man making that speech and living that empty cold existence and because I know he will never change and never feel the warm flush of real love in his heart. So sad.
I think he will feel a flush of fuel, perhaps even a flush of excitement, all the same. Perhaps even butterflies and a rush of something. Many narcs believe in an ideal love. They want to find it. They aren’t robots. But everything has to be about them. Even when it’s about you, it’s about them.
They cannot sustain that initial buzz of a new relationship, because once the initial flow of excitement and fuel runs out, a normal couple enter the bonding stage, and narcs can’t bond deeply.
They’re simply addicts to the worship of themselves. For those of us who actually truly do worship them, we can sustain genuine fuel, but for those of us who also refuse to enable them because it’s not about role play for us, and we’re not freaking geishas being paid for our time and effort, they get bored and wander off like petulant toddlers with a broken jack in the box. “I wound it up but she didn’t pop out and adore me this time! Surely its not because i revealed i hate animals and have sociopathic tendencies towards women and children. Why did her worship wane? What a crappy, broken toy.” Lol … yet, when we empaths truly do love a man for the genuine hero he really is, he will garner from us that love and adoration that the narcissist can only strive for, and lose, over and over and over again, endlessly recycling women through his fingers while never able to have anything genuine or lasting, just the play pretend of child’s make believe world. And it’s really sad. And endless number of women (or men) hurt, all for naught. A shiny facade built on darkness, lies, and a crumbling structure of desolate, broken hearts. 🙂
HG the Carnival Barker. 🎪
Step Right Up. In through the front door. Right this way out of the back. Hustle it up. We gotta keep this line moving. Hearts need breaking people!⛽⛽ Let’s move it! You’ll get a you’re special sticker on the way in and a wheelchair assisted ride to the dump out back on the way out! Let’s go! Step right up! For extra damage just throw all your money in the bin right there. Yes, that’s right nothing in return…keep moving. 🎭Yes you may be chosen to go through twice. If you can still walk then most likely you will. Now keep that smile and keep moving! No, you can only look back and right here. No future talk! 🃏It doesn’t exist for you. Just, hey *claps hands* keep your mouth shut and keep moving. Don’t make me throw you out a window. Ah lovely. Sheep’s to the slaughter, Sheep’s to the slaughter. That’s right. 🐑🐑
This brought me to tears. To read it, knowing at once that it is what i need so much to hear from a real person, the true angelic counterpart to my inner indigo child who cannot age, despite decades of trying, and knowing instantly that it’s one of many cold speeches recited from memory of a heart that cannot truly love anyone but himself (herself). God bless you and your good work to help us see over and over the mechanical construction of that which we may be tricked into viewing as true love. Perhaps a life of virtual widowhood as bestowed on i believe davids wives is not the tragic end as it seemed. 😢
And over and over and over again. Exhausting.
Why not just get a dog? It will always adore you, never let you down, never leave your side. It will think you’re God. Always.
I am indifferent to animals.
The Narc I knew acted afraid of dogs.
So otherwise, an alternative source of fuel to romantic love might be…?
See the book Fuel, it is all in there.
So cruel!
When you’re idealizing a new woman, is it difficult for you to mirror politics if her viewpoints are the exact opposite of yours, HG? How do you hide your annoyance?
~Hope
not at all. All is as the fuel wills it to be. It is even more fun when the real views are revealed later “But I thought you said Jeremy Corbyn was the man for the job”. Actually, that is ridiculous, nobody would ever say that would they?
Hello H G , how long does golden period last ?
Hello Joanne, it varies according to the nature of the fuel source.
Could you please give a life example? Golden Period last as long primary source of supply admires narcissistic partner ? Thanks HG for your response
Hi, are there any the signs that I can as a secondary supply see that the primary has entered to discard phase?
Yes, they will not be together. Or do you mean devaluation?
Yep. Devaluation was that I was meant to write 🙂
This can be difficult to establish because some people present a different picture to the outside world to that of which is occurring within a romantic relationship. You might see scathing comments by the narcissist on social media and sad/reflective/why comments on the victim’s social media. The easiest way is to talk to the victim or have somebody do so on your behalf to ascertain what can be drawn from them about the state of the relationship. Most people will confide in somebody if things are not going well, usually because they cannot understand what is happening.
Thanks. Yes it is difficult to look the situation from the outside. She still posts updates of the great gestures the narc does, but they are far less frequent. Narc himself was always silent about the primary – no bad comments but also totally unable to say anything positive eg. why he loved her (total silence – from a guy who usually has answer or lie to every situation) or why he wanted to stay with her.
Other sidechicks and former friends of Narc have contacted the victim but does seem that there is no effect whatsoever. Sometimes I think should I try to “save her” as well, but seems like it is total waste if she still sees her boyfriend as the most amazing man on the planet.