My Point of View
One of the most powerful (from my perspective) and troubling (from your perspective) is the fact that my kind and me appear to act without any regard to logic. We appear to delight in ensnaring people by pretending to be something that we are not even though it seems completely genuine. We cause people to fall completely in love with us and then apparently turn on them, lashing out at them and hurting them. Indeed, we seem to delight in causing pain and chaos to everyone around us and we show no concern at such conduct. We behave in such a hypocritical fashion, chastising you for doing something and then doing the very same thing ourselves. We say one thing and do so with utter conviction and then in the next breath say something completely contradictory yet seem not to realise what we just done. We act with impunity, taking at will and with no concern for what anybody else may suffer as a consequence of our actions. The list is long and worrisome. Trying to fathom out why we behave in this manner leaves you bewildered, exhausted, defeated and broken. This is all of course intentional. We behave in this manner in order to wear you down, provoke reactions from you and most of all so that you provide us with our precious fuel. Our apparent disregard for logic and reason causes massive consternation to you and your kind. This is because you are ruled by order and the need to understand. It is woven into your DNA and anything which deviates from this creates a significant problem for you. Our behaviour makes no sense to you for one simple reasons. You are looking at the way we behave through your world view. You are imposing your values and your outlook on what we do. Why should it be the case that your world view should be regarded as the only one? Why should the way you look at the world be considered as the correct way of doing so? When did you become the arbiter of all? This is the high-handed arrogance which proves the undoing of your kind. Oh you will wail to anyone who will listen at how monstrous you have been treated, how we are evil people and the spawn of Satan. You sit in so-called support forums on the internet decrying our behaviour, writing page after page about what has happened to you and how horrendous you have been treated. All about you isn’t it? Oh I can hear your howls of protest now, at how you are a good person and that you do not hurt anyone. Do you not? How then is it that you injure me with your failure to behave consistently. You call me for it yet you are just as guilty if in fact not more so. You promise me so much at the outset and then you change the way that you behave so you do not give me what you once did. I do not change. I shine and dazzle and soar, but you make it all change, why do you do it? This failure hurts me as you reduce my fuel and force me to punish you for it. You force me to seek it from other sources when I would much rather keep obtaining it from you. You call into question my abilities and criticise me notwithstanding just how that behaviour wounds me. You hold yourself our as caring and considerate yet you do me these injustices. You hide behind your mask of empathy, telling the world you are the good person, the caring person and the one that looks our others yet this is just a ruse in order to wound me and my kind after everything we have done.
Perhaps if you stopped looking at the world from your own perspective and looked at it from mine you would start to understand. You talk so often about showing compassion and your ability to put yourself in the place of other people. Why do you not do this with me? You tell me you love me. I read about how many of you declare you loved my kind and me in a way that went beyond anything you had shown before. Sometimes I wonder. If you loved us in the way you say that you do, then why can you not put yourself in our shoes and then understand what it is we have to deal with. If you did this, you would start to see that our behaviour is completely understandable. It makes absolute sense when viewed from our perspective and not yours. I see no reason why you should not try this and then you will have gained considerable insight into why we behave as we do and then, should you still deem what we do as unacceptable then you can at least understand it and take evasive action can’t you? You will not have to decry us to all who will listen whilst and I think it is only right that I make this point, you are not helping yourself by wallowing in this moaning and self-pity and surrounding yourself with others who behave in a similar fashion. Providing blow by blow accounts of what we do in order to elicit sympathy but then asking why does he do this and why does he do that, is not getting you the answer because you are asking the wrong people. Ask me instead and I will tell you; view the world through our eyes and everything will make sense. It all comes down to one small word; fuel. That is why we act as we do. That is why we do the things we do and say the things we say and once you comprehend that it is all about fuel you will be looking at the world through our eyes and finally it will all make sense. Go on try it. I dare you or would you rather sit and milk sympathy and never move forward? Don’t say I never gave you the chance.
36 thoughts on “My Point of View”
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The greatest gift I ever gave to myself was to read your blog and start seeing the world through your eyes. Thank you so much for teaching me the world from your point of view!
You are welcome BH.
I am so appreciative HG for opening up. This is truly helping me heal.
You are welcome Tiffany.
I love this one thank you HG
I take the dare..
Thank you for your response, HG.
You are welcome.
HG do you tell your partners, not so bluntly, yet tell them of your needs?
I ask due to I remember a conversation I had with him, I see where he could have been telling me of a need of his, yet using it also to cause an emotional reaction from me(it did), to.
I see why when he said I told you and you didn’t listen I never lied to you, and from his perspective he never did. It was the way things were worded, could have many meanings all of them true. It was my interpretation and my perspective that changed things to what I believed.
For the record I am not saying he never lied to me, in this case he didn’t.
“…view the world through our eyes and everything will make sense. It all comes down to one small word; fuel….”
In your book “Black Hole: The Narcissistic Hoover” when you explain the FUHs, you write that you launch malignant FUHs for two reasons and one of them is to ***punish*** the victim for still hanging around your kind.
So even if the victim does not provide any fuel, I can understand that you get at least Thought Fuel out of punishing someone **but** the reason why you do it in the first (!) place seems to me to be Punishment and not Fuel.
Something similar seems to happen when your kind feel criticized although it was not our intention to hurt you. Your fury is ignited and the “first” thing you want to do is to *Punish* us (e.g. “Now I’ll show him/her!”) for having hurt you. Fuel comes second.
So there are times when the (first) reason you decide to do harm to your targets is to extract negative “Fuel” and other times you want “Punishment” or “Revenge” (IT girl). Is this right, HG?
Yes but this is not applicable to all our kind.
This is your perception, own it. This pales in comparison to our truths 😊 Carry on.
Why can we not put ourselves in your shoes and then understand what it is you have to deal with? Because you never give us a chance to, with all your lying. If you were to have come to me and say, “Look, I have this insatiable desire to capture people’s attention and control them to meet my own needs & I don’t have feelings like other people,” I would have listened deeply and empathized. I would have felt honored that you had trusted me with this info. This would have brought me close to you in an authentic way. I’d still probably be around instead of escaping you. But your duplicitious behavior ensures the opposite. Your behavior ensures your eventual abandonment.
When you choose to be REAL with people, you ensure they stick around. When you choose to be FALSE, you ensure they will always leave. What don’t you people get about that?
Isnt that what we are trying to do by following your blogs and recordings HG? I think so…
Well Empaths beg and plead for honesty and truth and it doesn’t get more honest than that. Question now is what will you do with this truth? You dont want lies and illusion and you dont want truth. You may not like what he says but you cannot change it anymore than you can change the color of the sky. You can be angry and sad all you want and none of it will change who they are. They cant. They wont. You can. You can take the truth thats been given you and decide to give them the win by offering up another chunk of your life by fighting, loving, analyzing and reminiscing, or you can accept that it was lovely for a time, it wasnt real, and its never coming back and move forward educated to find the real one. How many times have you said stop with the lies and just tell me the truth.?Well here it is-you have it. Now what will YOU do?
Is it really the truth we want or them not to be who they really are? I’ve seen narcissists many times tell their ugly truth & recipients dismiss and deny the reality of the narcissist’s truth. I’m not sure if that’s naivety or us projecting our expectations of who we think they should be.
I left him because I loved myself more.
This was the first article I read of you so many months ago and it opened my eyes beyond belief and yes it all makes so much sense now. Excellent article…
You are absolutely right. In fact I fail in all those points. I have already examined myself. But one thing I did not fail: my love for you it is still intact. What about yours? I didn’t need to look for other venues for fuel, because you are enough for me. But what about you? The thought of having you lost to some insignificant flesh and blood….is too much for me to bear.. too devastating.. too hurtful. You deny that, of course; but my seventh sense insist on your betrayal .. and betrayal it is something that I could never reconcile with.. because it is too loathsome .
And you actually sound a bit bitter and resentful. Interesting.
Ok, and then what? Got it. The bottomless pit need for fuel. Got it, the learning curve was steep, now what? Bend to your insanity? You get our world, so what are you doing to accept our way of being? Nothing. Nothing but exploiting.
HG, you are only a fuel junkie and that excuses in your eyes everything. Only a mean junkie, not a God. Whatever drug this fuel is. It is only a construct of an ill brain.
Mona, Goddess of moral justice.Goddess of wisdom and witchcraft, daughter of Hecate and her successor.
Positive fuel is something anyone can understand.
Negative fuel is more difficult for us to comprehend. This idea of feeling powerful, by treading on someone else.
I like stamping on cockroaches. I feel powerful watching them die. That is probably the closest thing approximating negative fuel that I can think of.
But I can’t imagine substituting cockroaches with anything that can experience pain, because empathy stops me. Had this empathy been absent, I would have to make a conscious choice not to hurt other things, something which is at present, an automated response. Frightening though such a reality might be, it would also require immense power to live in it. Any narcissist who is able to live by the rules must have a powerful mind.
Cockroaches don’t feel pain? How do you know?
Don’t cockroaches have as much right to a life as you? Or are you more entitled, because you’re human?
Watch yourself there, you’re not quite as empathetic and respectful as you think you are.
Thanks for the criticism. I do believe empathy is on a spectrum. I cannot sense the pain of cockroaches, although perhaps those who are far more empathetic, can.
Having said that, I don’t see how my remark was disrespectful. If one lacks empathy (the ability to sense the feelings of others), but at the same time makes a conscious choice not to hurt others, one is far superior and more powerful than the empath who does not put his/her talent to use. Why would you consider this disrespectful?
I thought about it – and caught a glimpse. Everyone is just trying to get their needs met, and on some level – we become enmeshed, reinforced… and willing participants in the dance. If it were not so, we would walk away and keep walking after the first devaluation – and would not whine about it to ourselves (or others)… yikes
This sounds exactly like an infant if it could talk, but instead of learning how to feed yourself and southe yourself, that infant is inside you constantly crying to be fed.
Hi HG,
You provide us here with an excellent opportunity to understand your point of view. I am able to comprehend how you start your day and all the way through to when you fall asleep. There is a lot that goes on in 24 hours with a narcissist and seeing those from your POV has helped me move forward. I can see how your past and influences from MatriNarc has made you what you are today and I understand how your need for fuel is vital for you.
I am very good at and respect others POV’s.
I still stand by my statement when I said I loved my ex. I did, along with all her faults. I tried then to understand the abuse that she suffered and why she was the way she was.
I accepted everything but it didn’t matter because it was all a game for the one and only thing that she needed. FUEL!!!!
Looking at the world from someone’s else’s eyes can be a learning opportunity as well as scary. I have to communicate to others what it is like to see things from my son’s eyes. He has no fear like you but trusts everyone and you trust no one. He wants very little from anyone. He has limited emotions and can mimic ones he doesn’t have because he has learned them from observing like you.
I have learned to advocate because not everyone’s sees things the way you do. And just yesterday I sat in a a meeting for my son and thought of myself as you HG as I told everyone that I respected their opinions and input but I was the one who would be making the decisions and there was no use in telling me “NO” because I was going to win. They are all playing a game and I’m sick of games.
My next goal is to get into inspirational speaking and the field of advocacy.
My point of view is warped (or seems warped to you), but I’ll win because I can make like I see things from YOUR point of view, whereas you can’t make like you see anything from mine.
First off may i declare i kiss the ground you walk on and am your biggest fan HG!
I can see from your point of view and one is never enough. You need all flavors of fuel. One flavor gets stale very quickly and why you must switch it up. Boredom is the enemy.
Secondly…an off topic question but how can we tell which blogs are the most current? I noticed some are older ones which is ok. I love rereading them all. Do you write new ones perodically.
Loving your books too 👍💓
Thank you Tiffani. Yes I do write new ones periodically as well, it depends on the other demands on my time.
We just get sick of your trying to turn us into the good mother you never had and insisting we become invisible and totally accommodating to your fantasy along the way. That’s all.
Why does this anger me? Honesty should be respected but I am filled with resentment for the lack of empathy. But such is the core nature of your kind.
Brilliantly written MR Tudor
I was hurt badly by your kind but brilliantly written
we live by the civilized order.. “our kind” cannot see the world through dishonesty, deception, betrayal and ruination. as much as “your kind” hurt me.. I would never, in a million years, want to be like your kind. your kind are the vampires and the monsters among us.
remember, we didn’t sign up for what you gave us.
deception is the way of your kind.
mr. tudor, i wanted to say something to you, but didn’t in my comment, so here:
thank you for your honesty (a rarity among your kind)
you have helped me understand and possibly/hopefully move on.
of course i am still in love… the battle between my heart and head rages on some/most days i still find myself isolated and confused.
despite that, your writes do help. a lot.
obvious by my need to thank you, i am somewhat of a hopeless empath/romantic. often for our kind, we can’t NOT show gratitude.
sincerely.
Thank you Chuck, I appreciate you letting me know. Keep reading, that will give you understanding and eventually freedom.