Total Collapse of Your Heart
Music. One of the most powerful ways of conveying feelings and emotions. From the tension inducing strings used in the shower scene in Psycho, to the ominous double bass as the shark theme from Jaws (my ring tone incidentally) and to the uplifting melodies of Walking on Sunshine, music has a formidable power to instill sadness, joy and fear. From the earliest days of our existence as we delighted in the sung nursery rhymes of Three Blind Mice or the excitement of a toddler recognising the theme tune to his or her favourite television programme through to the regal Entrance of the Queen of Sheba at a wedding or the accompanying sounds to a funeral,music is all pervading and all powerful. Music creates the urge to dance and to sing. It inspires and motivates. Think how much further you can run on that treadmill when you listen to some up tempo dance music or your favourite pop tunes.Supermarkets alter the music played over the tannoy to influence the speed at which shoppers move about the store, advertisers look for that annoyingly catchy jingle that is always associated with a particular product and if you are placed on hold some soothing strings are played to you in order to maintain its patience (although I must concede that does not always have the desired effect). Music has the capacity to change moods in an instant, to heighten feelings and manipulate emotions and of course it is this last characteristic of music that is so useful to our kind.
We use music extensively in the way that we manipulate. We may exhibit our proficiency with a musical instrument to lure you to us, this being a particularly favourite step of the cerebral of our kind. Our somatic brethren use the breathless excitement of a frenetic and popular entertainer at the sold-out concert to draw their prey. We ensure that we create a catalogue of songs which will generate Ever Presence when we have discarded you or you try to escape us through the application of no contact. Every time you hear the opening strains of The Power of Love, your mind is taken back to the times we held one another as we listened to that song and I pledged to ‘protect you from the hooded claw, keep the vampires from your door’.You are engulfed in sadness at such a memory and music has taken you back to that time in an instant. We of course always look to create ‘our song’ which we use at first as a device to hook you, hold you and then repeatedly remind you of what we once had and torture you in the months and years following the cessation of our relationship. Naturally, when assessing you as a target,I had regard to the songs you posted late at night, perhaps when you were mulling over a previous relationship, on your Face Book news feed. I worked through your social media, making a note of the songs you refer to and the context as I begin to compile that playlist for use when I commence my seduction of you. I may use a Lieutenant to gain access to your CD collection or to scroll through your Itunes list. He or she will have particular regard to how often certain songs have been played, when looking on Itunes and feeding that information to me. I make use of your list of songs and then supplement that list with the stock lists which I have and repeatedly use. I have such ready-made playlists of my favourite songs dependent on your favourite genres, accordingly I have a pop one, a rock one, a dance one, a classical one, a soundtrack one and so on. All except rap. Rap is no use when trying to seduce.
If you revel in the disposable joy of pop music I will have a set of tracks for use with you when I seduce you. I know these are effective because I used them with my last pop-loving victim. One of my favourite methods of seduction is to not tell you how I feel about you directly but always convey it via the power of music. I will send you a text with a song title which will implicitly suggest that you look it up on YouTube or Itunes and in so doing you will sit and smile as the music washes over you and the seduction begins to envelop you. I may send you the link for the song, or I may purchase the CD and leave it on the passenger seat of your car for you to play. I may feign that I was so hurt by my last relationship that I struggle to tell you how I feel and can only do so through the medium of music. This makes you feel special and each time I provide you with the details of a song I provide you with a concentrated blast of delicious and addictive seduction.
By contrast, during my devaluation of you I will deny ever liking certain songs that I once professed to love, in order to confuse you. I will change the type of music that I prefer and claim I have always loved that music. I will denigrate your music choices, complaining loudly if you play certain music or leaving the room. When I know you are struggling and feeling weak I will then revert to the seduction tactics and suddenly fill the room with the sound of a particular song which is so very significant to you and just stand and stare at you waiting for the inevitable tears to start to flow along with the fuel that I desire. Music is a powerful tool in our hands, it allows us to seduce, it allows us to denigrate and it allows us to seduce once again.It lifts you up, it makes you feel cherished and special because we know exactly the right pieces of music and songs to play to you. We know, just like that catchy song, how to ensure that every time you hear certain songs you remember us and the pain and longing flows once again. Music is a major weapon that we are able to use. As Bonnie Tyler sang, “Once upon a time I was falling in love, now I’m only falling apart.”
20 thoughts on “Total Collapse of Your Heart”
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Ex narcissist was a lead guitar player professional and extremely talented. That’s how I met him. I always questioned the fact that he was so extremely proficient at his craft. I mean really really amazingly talented … yet he felt NO passion for his music. He had no love for the craft even though he was very very good at it. That’s how he caught me sitting front and center at a bar one night while he was playing. 28 years it took me to wake up and get out of there.
Music meant a lot to my life.
30 years of N abuse and last 10 months possibly the worst period made 90% of it unbearable.
But:
Glenn Gould: all the beauty and none of the sentimentality
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qB76jxBq_gQ
Sia “Cheap Thrills” fun
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nYh-n7EOtMA
Frank Zappa being frank
I love 🎶 music. This, he did not ruin for me. If he is watching, I want him to know that he did not ruin music for me. 🎶
Well, I guess I was lucky in this respect. He used to listen to Mozart in the evenings while he was cooking. So any artist from the last two centuries is fine with me.
He also sang some romantic songs in Italian that did the trick at the beginning of the relationship but I have totally forgotten them now. There is only a lullaby I remember well because I LOVED it. He sang it only twice or three times while I fell asleep… What narcs can do for fuel!
On the other hand, music can be a powerful weapon in the hands of the empath.
The trick is to explore artists that are very new, or for any other reason, haven’t made a reputation yet. Empaths have the ability to catch on to their intensity. But without a significant reputation, the non-empaths don’t stand a chance, when it comes to guaging the quality of the work.
Dear HG:. Music … Yes, I am very familiar with its power of seduction, especially since he is the singer and sings most genres. I am paranoid to say much for fear he will find out somehow. He has his couterie and devoted followers like I was. I wrote you a post and then asked you not to print it. I wish I had never met him, but he likes to meet all of his fans. I’m still looking at all of his fans with him in photos on facebook, but I’m so much better now emotionally than before I found your blog. His eyes … They seem to me to be changing more and more and also seem to be staring right at me in the photos. Would you say I am being silly?
It is a photo. He cannot see you through a photo, but you are evidently allowing the image to cause you some degree of anxiety and this is causing you to think in this manner. Ditch the photos.
Fortunately, there is not much everpresence in the form of music. In the aftermath, I erased about 90% of my music collection… now that I am aware, I hear severe co-dependency, and cynicism, in love songs. Unbearable.
This is almost exactly what my now ex Greater Narcissist did..
When I told him that I had made CDs of music that reminded me of him during our on-off 12 yr entanglement, he got so excited! Demanded copies etc…
So I gave them to him…
He got icy cold really quickly because they were not what he expected ☺
most were about him not being what he said.. about him being a charming liar… of being the monster in my bed..
Yes, I had an idea that he was/is a Narc.. but I didnt know there is a sliding scale.
I always knew when he had a new female in his sights because his musical tastes changed… and when he tried to hurt me by saying “oh yes Mary (or Jane or whatever her name was) at work or where-ever, suggested I might like it” I simply smiled and said ” awesome suggestion! I have liked that for years!”
Ahhhh pretended indifference or agreement knocked the wind from his sails ☺
HG… My compliments to such a beautifully cogent piece of truth. Fir me, every moment, I am listening to music. A motown tune throws me back to the scene at the swimming pool when I was 7. I am there, a bag of salty chips in hand, and Diana Ross..is singing YOU Just keep me Hanging on”. Pink Floyd on the commute..ahhhh..Money, get away……. Yes, every moment of our lives is filled with memories , and music marks moments…happy, sad, …hot sex…I hear 96 Tears, a song my 12 year old friend danced to in her self made talent show, and then when she dies two weeks later, it played on the radio and I crumbled. A year later I heard it on the anniversary of her death and felt haunted. And yes, each Narcissist had their songs , cementing our relationship. I muse be a st range empath, because I no longer sadden at the songs we shared. Now that I know I would have died in that liason, my supernova empath side that is a Narc takes odd pleasure in knowing I survived.
🎯🎯
I am still after 7 years unable to listen to any music without anxiety attacks…my physiologist has never been able to answer me.. thinking maybe it had something to do with being unable to concentrate for any length of time… this makes most sense…
Wow…. every word of that I lived. I thought he just really enjoyed music a lot, but the red flag was when he played a song I never heard him play before, and just looked at be with blank, cold eyes, I’ll never forget it, it was cruel, harsh and a heartless song, and I thought where the hell did this come from. Now looking back it was a small glimpse into his real world, or what he really thought of me….
Cant you write about something that is near and dear to your heart? Like your 1970 orange pinto you drive…or tell us about how you let your cat lick ur teeth after u just ate a tuna fish sandwhich! Reading this last post its great..really great..but geez..i feel depressed now!
An orange what? Cats? No thank you. I will just write about me and my world (which of course includes you readers too).
Thank you!
You must not be from the US of A. Everyone knows what an orange pinto is. Lol. I was trying to be silly with my comments. I tend to do that after i have read 1 of your “eye opening..hits home..open your eyes Heather ur actually married to 1 of these…so stop denying” articles. I am building up my courage to reach out to you one on one. Yes i will give you my soul as payment! 😉
Ready when you are.
Half way through the book HG. I googled the time difference between me and you. I am going to need several one on one sessions with you to get through this 100%. Im going to need 1 session to be pretty quick to start this process bcuz i have several questions after reading what i have so far. U r 6 to 7 hrs ahead of me. I work mon-fri…8-5..get home close to 6..feed the kids dinner..now its close to 7. Very late for u. How do we do this with it being so late on ur end? Suggestions?
I suggest you e-mail me narcissist1909@gmail.com to discuss